Chapter 95
Helena gazed intently at the carriage departing from the mansion. It dawned on her that the letters, which had arrived every month without fail, would no longer come.
This was truly the end.
She had heard that he was planning to leave his hometown—perhaps even the Empire itself. If that were the case, there would be no chance of meeting him again. Silently, she wished him luck.
Just as she turned away, she caught sight of Caligo descending the grand staircase in the foyer. He showed no sign of surprise at finding her outside her bedroom.
She had already suspected as much when she saw Mrs. Baron. It had to be Caligo who ordered the bedroom door to be unlocked and summoned her. He was always aware of everything that happened in his household, as if watching it unfold in the palm of his hand.
Now at the foot of the stairs, he looked at Helena and frowned.
It was only when she glanced into the mirror in the entrance hall that she realized why—her expression. Was this how she looked? The reflection staring back at her was a ghost of her former self, a pale imitation of what she once was.
And yet, this was the man she had longed to stay beside.
When she had learned that she had only a year left to live, the first face that had come to mind was his. She had loved him enough to believe that merely remaining by his side for her remaining time would be enough.
And yet—why was she now looking at Caligo with such empty, indifferent eyes?
It wasn’t just her body that had withered like autumn leaves.
“Are you going to have me executed?”
Once, even speaking to him had made her so nervous that she could barely breathe. She had carefully measured every word, afraid of offending him. But now, even the sound of her own voice felt hollow. Dry and brittle, it no longer mattered to her whether it was clear or strong. Nothing did.
“Because you opened the bedroom door and met with him?”
“You know just as well as I do that I wouldn’t have been able to leave that room without your permission.”
Caligo, for some reason, looked oddly satisfied.
“…I suppose so.”
Helena let out a sad smile. Even if she had thrown herself out the window or picked the lock, she wouldn’t have escaped Frantor’s watchful eyes and ears for long. If, by some miracle, she had made it outside the mansion, she would never have gotten past the capital’s borders.
Saying no more, she turned to walk past him and climb the stairs. Even with Aiden gone, she would still be confined to her chambers. She felt no desire to resist.
But before she could pass him completely, Caligo spoke again.
“You must be pleased.”
“Pleased?”
“You didn’t want that doctor killed, nor did you want him sent to Gorsaos Island. Wouldn’t this outcome be preferable to you? Making him leave on his own terms?”
He wasn’t wrong. In a way, it was an act of mercy.
It was far better than death or exile. The rumors would die down, and Aiden’s future would be more secure. Hadn’t she, too, wished for him to leave of his own will?
Besides, Caligo had always had a choice.
Even if she had hesitated or dragged things out, he could have made his decision at any time—whether to kill Aiden or cast him out. Yet, for reasons unknown, he had chosen neither.
Helena decided to acknowledge that, at the very least.
“…Thank you. For helping me.”
It was a good thing. It should have been a relief.
And yet, Helena couldn’t bring herself to feel truly grateful. Not because she missed Aiden.
It felt as though something invisible was squeezing the air from her lungs. An empty hollowness settled over her. Perhaps it was because she no longer felt her heart race for this man.
“You don’t look very thankful.”
“It’s just…”
She hesitated for a long moment before exhaling softly.
“…I’m tired.”
A slight tremor flickered in Caligo’s eyes. He stared at her as she stood there, frail and worn, his face gradually hardening.
The words had slipped out on impulse. Even she hadn’t expected to say them.
But as she repeated them in her mind, she realized they weren’t untrue.
Yes. She was exhausted.
Even speaking with him now felt like a struggle.
For a long moment, Caligo said nothing.
Despite the fact that her words had clearly displeased him, he did not lash out in anger.
Instead, he simply repeated them, as if trying to make sense of them.
“Tired?”
It seemed that Caligo had chosen to mock her instead. Helena was too stunned by the sarcasm in his words to respond.
“Why are you so tired? Is it hard for you to send away the man you’ve been holding onto, Eskel?”
She wished he hadn’t called her by that name. She turned her back to him.
“I’ve been wondering one thing,” he continued. “Why didn’t you marry that man?”
“Who?”
“You know exactly who I’m talking about, Eskel.”
Helena clenched her eyes shut. It felt like her body was falling apart. No—perhaps it would be better this way. If only her body and emotions could burn away, dissolving into the air, never to be felt again.
“I’m not like that with him.”
“Not like that? Are you really trying to deny it?”
Each word felt like an arrow, digging deep into her back.
“…No, really.”
“Then tell me, who is the poor man you’ve been pining for?”
“……”
She couldn’t bring herself to speak his name. But what came out instead was a faint sob, weak and helpless.
Maybe, in the past, she could have said it. Out of embarrassment or excitement. She might have impulsively told him she loved him, that she would be happy just watching from afar and staying by his side, without needing his love in return.
But now, she couldn’t do it. Whether it was because her feelings had cooled or because of the sorrow she felt for him, she couldn’t say anything. She could hear his cold laughter behind her.
“See? You can’t even say it. You’ve been lying to me all along, deceiving me at every turn.”
That was the last warning, Eskel. Never lie to me again. Caligo continued to spit out cruel words, as if a boiling rage had built up inside him.
“If you lie to me again…”
At that moment, I’ll slit your throat with my own hands, Caligo had said.
Even as he spoke those words, he clamped his mouth shut, as if pricking his tongue on a needle.
Did he regret what he had said, realizing it was a mistake?
Maybe it had been an empty threat.
But still,
It was like a stone thrown carelessly, and the frog who was struck by it was doomed.
Her chest tightened.
Perhaps because the words had been tied to death, they felt even colder than usual.
“I will.”
Helena, her back still turned, managed a faint, weary smile. After all, she would be dead soon enough.
“I’ll gladly do it.”
Caligo’s face hardened, as though he couldn’t understand her answer.
He looked at her, confused, unable to grasp what she meant.
How did we end up like this? Helena couldn’t help but lower her head.
It wasn’t just the way her feelings had faded.
It was the way Caligo had changed, too. Every time she saw the person he was becoming, it hurt. This wasn’t the Caligo she knew. The man she had known had always kept his emotions in check, was rational, and would rather ignore her than speak cruel words.
But for some reason, when he was with her, he was different. It was as though she was looking at someone else entirely. His bloodshot eyes, the mocking bitterness, the open hostility, the cold derision. Every time he looked at her, she felt as if it were all her fault.
Helena had always believed that she was different from the other Eskels. But perhaps that wasn’t true. No matter how much she struggled, she knew it was useless. She had learned this truth throughout her life—why was she still pretending otherwise?
Was it because of me that he changed? Was I the one making him suffer?
It was painful to watch him change before her eyes.
“…I’ll take my leave now, Your Grace.”
She barely managed to speak, not meeting his gaze. Every part of her body felt drained, and standing was becoming a challenge. Yet, she didn’t want to collapse just yet.
“I’ll return to my room now. Feel free to lock the door once I’m inside.”
Helena gave a formal bow, then hurriedly ascended the stairs, as if fleeing.
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