Chapter 81
Jane thought she was the closest and most trusted person to Helena.
It wasn’t entirely wrong.
She was with her from the moment she woke up until she went to sleep. Whenever Helena met someone or went out, Jane was always by her side, and she knew even her smallest habits.
Since the day they first met, Jane’s identity as a spy was exposed, but from that day until now, she had dedicated herself loyally to Helena.
She exchanged letters with her friends from Eskel and kept an eye out for any special events happening in the mansion. She also kept track of the movements of the young master and young ladies.
Fortunately, it seemed that Eskel had dismissed any suspicion about the lady of the house. Perhaps it was due to her incompetence or her strained relationship with the duke.
In the past, she would often be ordered to report in detail on every word Helena said, but now those letters had stopped altogether.
While Jane felt a sense of relief, naturally, she couldn’t help but worry about the lady of the house.
The silence from Eskel meant that Helena’s situation couldn’t be good.
“Jane, could you send a letter for me?”
The kind and intelligent lady of the house.
Jane wasn’t unaware of the rumors circulating in the mansion these days.
Some of the servants would approach her and ask if the rumors were true, about the relationship between the doctor who visited the mansion every day and the lady of the house.
Of course, Jane denied it. She was the closest to Helena, more than anyone. She knew the truth of the matter.
Helena was shy, to the point of only sneaking glances at the duke when he was around. She may have appeared cold and distant, saying exactly what was on her mind, but in reality, she wasn’t good at showing her emotions. She lacked expression and was terribly awkward at making friends. But she was a woman of integrity.
Moreover, while the doctor was on friendly terms with the lady, there were clear boundaries. It was Helena who remained firm and resolute, while it was Aiden who looked at her with lingering eyes.
That’s why Jane didn’t believe the rumors from the start. There was no way they could be true. But the servants in the mansion were already gossiping as if the rumors were fact.
They wouldn’t listen, no matter what Jane said. It was frustrating.
If only they paid more attention, if only they looked at Helena with an unbiased, straightforward gaze, they would see things differently.
Jane found the situation truly regrettable.
“Send a package with the letter as well.”
“Oh, are you sending it to the mansion again?”
She recalled that not long ago, Helena had asked Jane to send a letter with a faint flower scent to Frantor.
Helena had asked her to send it several times, so Jane assumed this was the case again.
“No, not this time.”
Helena shook her head.
“I want you to send it to Bahen.”
“Oh my, it’s heavy! What’s in this package?”
“I packed some medicine. He’s a mercenary, and I worry about him not carrying some emergency medicine with him.”
Jane remembered that a few days ago, Helena had returned to her room with a pale face.
Her expression was so despairing, as if the world were crumbling around her.
Jane wondered what was troubling her so much. It would have been easier if she had cried, but Helena had shown no sign of tears and maintained her dignified appearance.
Had whatever happened been resolved?
Helena had resumed her usual routine, so it seemed like everything might have been okay. But Jane couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more.
She could occasionally see a trace of sadness on Helena’s face, and it bothered her.
It was clear that the wound from that incident hadn’t healed. If only Helena could confide in her, Jane would feel better. After all, wounds are easier to bear when shared. If Helena could show her feelings to someone else, Jane would at least feel reassured.
But unfortunately, it seemed that Helena had no one. She had been alone since childhood.
“Lady Helena…”
“Are you okay?” Jane had wanted to ask.
“Yes, why?”
But when the lady blinked innocently and asked, Jane’s heart felt heavy. She couldn’t bring herself to ask.
Helena was doing everything she could to act as if nothing was wrong. Jane couldn’t bear to bring up a painful subject.
“Nothing, I’ll send it right away!”
“Thanks, Jane.”
Helena cheerfully thanked her.
***
The cold wouldn’t seem to leave.
After sending Jane off, Helena lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling.
‘I’m tired of hiding and covering things up.’
‘Maybe it would have been much better if I had done it differently, from the start.’
The day she overheard Caligo’s voice outside the reception room, Helena still couldn’t remember how she got back to her bedroom.
When she regained her senses, she found herself in her room, lying under the blanket.
She had been so heartbroken when she heard those words, as if she would burst into tears at any moment.
But when she returned to her bedroom, no tears came.
Her mind was empty, and everything felt foggy, as if her thoughts were clouded, leaving her just staring blankly at the bed.
When she was younger, she would cry so easily, but now, it seemed as if her tears had dried up. Had she just gotten used to it?
“…I’m so tired.”
She couldn’t summon any strength in her body.
Her fever had dropped, and her cough and swollen throat had disappeared, but for some reason, her whole body felt languid.
Could it be because of the cold?
She just wanted to lie in bed all day, but she couldn’t.
She remembered her promise with Bahen and couldn’t just lie there.
The end was approaching, and time was running out—she didn’t want to waste the whole day in bed.
So, Helena tried to keep herself busy, doing the tasks she usually took care of.
Though she hadn’t been acknowledged as the lady of the house, she couldn’t slack off on her responsibilities. So she kept herself occupied with the tasks at hand. There were dealings she needed to manage, and issues she needed to take care of.
She still gathered information on corruption, made the proper arrangements, shared the details with Bahen, and closely watched the movements among the nobles.
Of course, she didn’t forget to ask Jane to send an anonymous letter to Caligo.
But, despite all her efforts, Helena felt there were limitations to gathering information within the mansion.
Eskel was doing everything it could to minimize leaks of information. Even the smallest rumors, carried by gossiping mouths, never reached the outside world. No one could easily obtain information from Eskel.
To uncover the tightly held secrets…
There was only one way.
Leaving this place.
***
And one day…
“Sister!”
Rosalith came in while Helena was taking her medicine.
“I need to talk to you.”
“At least you could have knocked.”
“What’s the point of knocking when we’re family? I said I need to talk to you!”
She had entered her bedroom with a fiery temper.
“What’s this about?”
Helena sighed as she asked.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“When the duke came to see you, why didn’t you say anything? Why did you hide it from the family and meet him alone? You didn’t even think about introducing me to him, did you?”
“At that time, you were under house arrest.”
“What does that have to do with anything? At the very least, you should have told me! Do you know what the duke said to me?”
Rosalith shouted.
“He told me that it would have been much better if he had met me from the start, not you!”
“I know, I’ve already heard it.” Helena managed to swallow the words that almost slipped out of her mouth.
“Why are you so selfish? Did you want to keep everything to yourself?”
“…”
“Do you know that Father and the Duke aren’t on good terms right now? If you had just gotten along with the Duke, this whole conflict wouldn’t have happened. There wouldn’t have been any fighting.”
“How could there have been no fighting? This was a political deal as well.”
“But I like him, and he likes me. What’s the problem with that?”
“…”
“If we had gotten married, none of this would have happened. If we loved each other, how could there have been any fighting?”
Helena knew that what Rosalith was saying was nonsensical.
Her marriage had been born out of Caligo’s thirst for revenge and the Emperor’s vigilance.
Even at the time of the marriage, financial calculations had been involved.
But hearing her words made Helena wonder if this could have all turned out differently, and the thought felt almost foolish.
“I could have talked to His Grace the Duke, cleared up our misunderstandings, and suggested we forget the past and start over. Do you realize how much chaos your selfish decision has caused? You’re the one who tore us apart and brought things to this point!”
Was this all happening because Caligo didn’t love her?
Well, no matter what, Caligo had clearly shown that he liked Rosalith more than her.
He’d probably prefer her to the nuisance of rumors and trouble she was causing in the mansion.
Helena recalled his stiff expression as he looked at her.
He always had that look on his face when he looked at her.
Had she really made the wrong choice from the start? Had her feelings for him been a mistake?
“You’ve made everything so complicated! How are you going to take responsibility for this? Why did you stir things up and let everything get this bad?”
“Rosalith.”
Helena couldn’t listen anymore.
She was tired of hearing these foolish words and tired of being swept up in them.
“From now on, don’t just come barging into the mansion like this.”
“Sister!”
“I’m going to tell Father about this.”
“You’re still selfish to the end!”
Rosalith, frustrated, kicked the bedroom door and stormed out.
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