TISND Chapter 49

Chapter 49

“Why are you asking?”

But Calligo didn’t answer right away.

“Why…?”

Helena hadn’t expected him to ask for a reason, leaving her momentarily flustered. Still, she resolved to respond calmly.

“Joshua seems to want to keep it a secret, but I think I need to know. The injuries bother me a little as well.”

She tried her best to speak carefully, hoping Calligo wouldn’t think she was overstepping.

“At the very least, knowing where he goes and what he does would put my mind at ease. From what I’ve seen, this isn’t the first time he’s gotten hurt. It’s heartbreaking to see Joshua come back injured over and over again.”

Helena cautiously added, “You’re aware that Joshua doesn’t attend the academy, right?”

“You knew?”

“I figured it out not long after we met.”

“How?”

His gaze grew sharp.

“Well, as you may know, I graduated from the academy. It seemed strange that he didn’t know some of the recently updated rules, so I asked him directly.”

“I see.”

“You know where Joshua goes and what he’s doing, don’t you?”

At her question, Calligo gave a slight nod.

“I knew from the start that he wasn’t attending the academy. But the place he’s going to is trustworthy enough, so I decided to leave it alone.”

“Is it really trustworthy?”

“Yes. I know one of the people working there quite well.”

Calligo sipped the brandy he had poured earlier.

How should he handle this woman who kept prying into Eskel’s affairs?

He had been the one to tell her to respect boundaries, yet he couldn’t draw a clear line himself.

He wanted her, but he couldn’t have her. He wanted to keep her close, but not entirely.

How much could he allow, and how much should he accept? The more he wrestled with these thoughts, the more cold words spilled from his lips. Conflicted emotions, unrefined and jumbled, tumbled out.

“But I didn’t expect the boy to get hurt. I’ll handle this myself, so you don’t need to concern yourself anymore.”

“…Alright.”

“Make sure to tell that doctor to keep this matter confidential.”

In the end, Helena learned nothing.

Fine. She told herself that Calligo would handle it well. Now that he knew about Joshua’s injuries, the boy wouldn’t get hurt again.

Even so, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed by the wall that now stood firmly in her way.

She had prepared herself for this from the start, carefully choosing her words to avoid crossing any lines.

She knew he wasn’t wrong, but hearing him say he’d take care of it and telling her not to worry hurt nonetheless.

“Don’t worry?”

Helena, who had begun to rise from her seat, stopped abruptly. Calligo’s gaze immediately fixed on her.

“How can I not worry when a child is hurt? You tell me not to worry?”

“I’ll handle it. This isn’t something for you to meddle in.”

Calligo’s voice was firm.

“I’m saying I can handle this without you.”

Every word he spoke felt like a dagger piercing her heart. His tone was sharper and colder than usual.

“Don’t you remember? I told you not to interfere directly in matters concerning the children.”

In the end, the permission he had granted for her to stay near the children had only been as a sort of caretaker.

She knew that. She had always known. But surely, worrying wasn’t too much to ask? Surely, he could at least tell her what was going on?

For the first time, Helena found herself beginning to resent Calligo.

“The children are my responsibility, and just informing me about this matter fulfills your duty.”

She wanted to storm out of the room, but she couldn’t. She hadn’t come all this way lightly.

She had carefully thought through what to say and how to act for Joshua’s sake. She couldn’t leave things like this.

“Of course, I remember what you said, Your Grace. I remember it very clearly. I’m not saying I’ll solve the issue myself. But still, still…”

“…”

“You could tell me a little, couldn’t you?”

Anyone could see how much the children cared for and loved their father.

“We could discuss it together and share opinions. Maybe we’d find a better way to help the children.”

The children secretly longed for their father’s love, but they never showed it. They didn’t want to bother him, knowing how busy he was, and feared burdening him.

Helena had recognized their feelings early on—because she had been the same as a child.

She had craved love but had only ever heard, ‘You’re not my real child.’

But these children had a good father.

Even if she had endured an unhappy childhood, she wished for Jeremy and Joshua to be as happy as possible.

“I don’t want to interfere in the children’s matters either. But I saw Joshua’s wounds. I can’t help but worry. My head knows better, but my heart won’t let it go.”

For some reason, her words felt like they were hitting close to home for Calligo.

He stared at her as she tried to speak through trembling lips, her clenched fists shaking slightly.

“I know I’m overstepping. But even so, I want to say this. I have to. I don’t want to regret it.”

The one raising her voice was Helena, but it was Calligo who felt his emotions stirring.

The calm reason he had been holding onto began to unravel.

Watching her struggle to suppress her tears as she tried to convey her sincerity made his chest tighten painfully.

Her glistening lips caught his eye, and the desire to claim them overwhelmed him.

He knew this wasn’t the time for such thoughts, but his emotions were breaking free of his control.

“I just want the children to be happy.”

When Helena finished speaking, her breaths were uneven.

All she had wanted was to convey her honest feelings, but she hadn’t expected them to come out so forcefully.

“…What?”

As she lifted her head to steady her breathing, she realized Calligo was just a hand’s breadth away, their eyes meeting.

When had he gotten so close?

Before she could fully process her confusion, his intense gaze pulled her in.

The moment their eyes met, her mind went blank, and she forgot everything she had just said.

Was he angry? No, it didn’t seem like it. Yet his gaze felt as if it might consume her entirely.

It was then that she noticed his breaths were as ragged and uneven as her own.

Why?

“Your Grace, Duke.”

Before Helena could even process her confusion, Calligo reached out, brushing her lips lightly with his thumb.

Her lips were slightly chapped yet damp, and his touch lingered, trailing deeper to the soft, delicate skin beyond.

Revealing such a vulnerable spot left her wide-eyed, utterly frozen. She couldn’t react, couldn’t do anything but stare.

For a moment, she was too shocked to register his unexpected action. But standing so close, she couldn’t miss the movement of his throat as he swallowed.

He let out a rough sigh, almost like a sigh of frustration, then abruptly pulled his hand away and turned his head.

“Leave now.”

At his words, Helena fled the study as if running away.

Leaning against the firmly shut door, she slid down to the floor, her legs giving out beneath her.

Even without a mirror, she could tell her face was burning red.

What… was that?

His eyes. His breath. The touch of his fingers on her lips.

For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her.

Desperate not to let the sound of her breathing carry into the study, Helena clamped her mouth shut with her hand, holding her breath.

“Madam?”

It was then that Jane, who had been waiting outside the study, approached her.

“What’s wrong?”

Her legs trembled so much that she could barely stand. Summoning all her strength, she forced herself up and replied with a shaky voice, “It’s nothing.”

—

What was that?

The Calligo Helena knew was like eternal snow.

Impenetrable, cloaked in frost, his thoughts and feelings impossible to discern.

Always rational, always composed.

But today, he was different.

It was always difficult to read him, but today, it had felt nearly impossible.

She wished, even just a little, that she could understand what he was thinking.

Knock, knock.

“Jane?”

Jane often visited her room at night, bringing a snack or tea. So, assuming it was her, Helena swung the door open without hesitation.

“Helena.”

Standing at her door in the dead of night wasn’t Jane.

“Y-Your Grace, Duke.”

Calligo.

Never before had he come to her chambers at such an hour.

“W-what brings you here?”

Her mind had been consumed with thoughts of him all afternoon, even up until moments ago.

It felt as though she had been caught thinking inappropriate thoughts, and her voice faltered as she stammered.

“Would you like to come in?”

“…No, that’s not necessary. I have something to say.”

Calligo hesitated for a moment before shaking his head.

“Go ahead and speak.”

Had he, too, been lost in thought all afternoon? He wasn’t the type to suddenly visit like this.

“Let’s go together.”

“Pardon? Where? Now?”

“Not now.”

He shook his head again.

“To the place where Joshua receives his education. Let’s go together.”

“Did you come here just to tell me that?”

Was he feeling guilty about what he had said earlier? Helena, forgetting everything that had happened in the afternoon, smiled brightly.

She was simply overjoyed that he had come to see her.

“You could’ve just left me a note…”

“With the departure tomorrow, this is something I needed to tell you in person.”

“Yes! That’s true.”

Calligo turned away, but before leaving, he said, “That’s all I had to say. Sleep well.”

“Alright!”

“And cover yourself up a little.”

“…What?”

Her clothes? What about them?

Looking down without thinking, Helena froze in shock.

Her nightgown was completely sheer.

Normally, she wore thick, modest sleepwear, but tonight, Jane had given her a much thinner, body-hugging gown.

When she belatedly raised her head, Calligo was already gone.

“What do I do…”

Quietly shutting her bedroom door, Helena ran to her bed and dove under the covers.

She was mortified. But she was also thrilled.

Clutching her pillow tightly, she muffled the scream threatening to escape her lips.

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