TISND Chapter 36

Chapter 36

After visiting the eastern training grounds, nothing had changed.

Perhaps it was because everything had been at a standstill from the beginning, but there wasn’t any noticeable difference. Whenever she met him, it was always her thoughts, not her words, that caused a commotion.

Her gaze toward Caligo was still cautious, and even greeting him felt awkward. Since nothing had ever truly started, there was nothing to change.

“The more I think about it, the angrier I get,” Aiden fumed, recalling the incident.

He stabbed at someone’s heart with words, all while keeping that indifferent expression! Thinking about her downcast face made his anger boil even more.

“What? Saying to stay within bounds and fulfill your duties? When have you ever overstepped or shirked your responsibilities?”

“…When have you ever overstepped or shirked your responsibilities?”

It was rare to see the ever-smiling senior this angry. Truly unusual.

Helena smiled bitterly.

“What’s so out of line about the Duchess visiting the eastern training grounds? It’s not like you went for fun—you went to deliver medicine the knights needed. You didn’t even go with bad intentions, so what’s with all the sarcasm?”

“But I did go with bad intentions.”

“What?”

“I went to see his face.”

“You’re still siding with him? You still like that guy?”

“Yes, I do.”

Sigh.

Aiden shook his head in defeat, as if he could never win against her.

“Still…”

Helena muttered as she gazed out the window.

“I suppose I shouldn’t visit so impulsively like before.”

“Why? Are you trying to give up on your feelings?”

“Hmm… I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

Helena answered weakly, resting her forehead against the windowpane.

“I don’t even know what expression to make right now.”

“Just like you said, it hurts so much to love him.”

“…”

“I thought loving him was something I could do all on my own, but it wasn’t. I forgot for a moment… that I’m my father’s daughter.”

Her father wasn’t someone who would ever change. His overwhelming greed would outlast the collapse of the world itself.

“Realizing that… It hurt so much. My heart, I mean.”

“That’s why I told you to stop,” Aiden said.

“It’s all meaningless anyway. Loving someone like him, even at the cost of being ridiculed by others…”

He trailed off, hesitating.

After all, he had abandoned his own love out of fear of people’s judgment.

“You know, senior,” Helena asked quietly, as if sensing his hesitation.

“Even if I wanted to give up on my feelings… do you think it’s that easy to let go?”

Aiden already knew the answer to that question.

Letting go of one’s feelings was akin to tearing someone out of one’s life.
It wasn’t easy to cut out the time and emotions shared with someone.
Every step taken down a familiar street brought back memories, and they would even appear in dreams.

In the end, it was none other than Aiden himself who couldn’t let go and came to Frantor to see her again.

“You’ll let go. You have to let go.”

But Aiden swallowed his feelings and told a lie.
Not for his own emotions.
It was entirely for her survival.

He wanted her to change her mind and focus on healing.
He wanted her life’s purpose to be her own life, not Caligo.
He wanted her to fight to survive, even if it meant just a desperate struggle.

“So stop doing these pointless things, shut down your business, and focus on treatment.”

“…”

“Why do you insist on doing good for Frantor? You’re only hurting yourself.”

“I’m sorry, senior, but I don’t think I can shut it down.”

Helena chuckled softly.

“Honestly, you like my work too, don’t you?”

“As a doctor, I think it’s admirable! But as your senior, I don’t.”

Aiden’s face turned serious again.

“So as your senior and as a doctor, I’m asking you. If you’re not going to end up with that man, then let it all go and come with me. Please? You said being by his side only hurts you and leaves you wounded.”

Helena gazed at him quietly.

“To be honest… there isn’t a guaranteed cure. But let’s at least try. Just think about your own body for once.”

Asking a terminally ill patient for such a favor was delicate.

It meant trying to dissuade her from spending her remaining time in a way she found meaningful.
It wasn’t as if focusing on treatment would guarantee her survival.

But he wanted to stop her from staying near Caligo, that damned man, no matter what.

“I don’t want to be bedridden…”

“What?”

“When the real treatment starts, you get sluggish and stuck in bed all the time.”

Having studied pharmacology and overheard medical knowledge from Aiden, she knew.
The process of battling and overcoming a disease was grueling.
It wasn’t as simple as taking medicine and getting better.

During the body’s fight against the illness, she might end up bedridden.

“I did a lot of that when I was young. I wasn’t even sick, yet I was confined to bed.”

“…”

“I don’t want to go through that again.”

She couldn’t bear to look into his eyes, clouded with sadness. Helena averted her gaze and pretended to focus on something else.
She busied herself with needlework on a piece of cloth that had already been sewn.

“Senior, can you stop asking me to get treatment?”

“Helena.”

“I know you’re saying it because you care and worry about me. But from now on, I want to focus on spending my remaining time meaningfully.”

She forced a smile.

“So let’s spend lots of fun times together, senior. Eat delicious food, visit interesting places.”

“Hey.”

“Hmm? Let’s do that. I don’t want to talk about illnesses or destroying families when I’m with you.”

“Destroying families?”

Aiden caught her slip of the tongue sharply. Helena hesitated but answered honestly.

“I meant it literally.”

“You’re a patient. And you’re thinking of taking down those dangerous people? Have you lost your mind?”

“Is it so wrong to at least think about it? I haven’t made any concrete plans yet.”

“Don’t I know your personality? You’ll dive in headfirst the moment an opportunity arises, and you’re telling me you haven’t made any plans?”

Knowing Helena all too well, Aiden scolded her.

“You’re just going to get yourself into trouble and put yourself in danger for nothing.”

Horribly enough, his words were true. It was a fact that she had gained little to nothing so far.
Helena lowered her head, speechless.
Meanwhile, Aiden, seemingly furious, raised his voice.

“So you’ve been making those plans in secret, yet you tell me to have fun and refuse treatment?”

“I didn’t want to drag you into my mess.”

Just then, a caregiver working in the medical center passed by them. She was carrying a pile of freshly laundered sheets, seemingly about to replace the ones on the beds.

Oh, right, this was the medical center. She shouldn’t have been distracted; it was time to focus on her work.

“I’ll help you.”
Helena, who had been standing by the window, suddenly rose.

“Oh my, thank you so much, Duchess. I can handle this myself, though.”

“It’s fine.”

“Huh? Oh no, there’s blood!”

The caregiver, startled, noticed the bloodstains on the sheet Helena was holding.

“Ma’am! Your fingers are a mess!”

“What?”

“Goodness! You must have pricked yourself with the needle. How could you not notice you were hurt?”

Not only had she pricked herself, but the needle had pierced deep. And there wasn’t just one wound—there were several.
Blood was seeping from the punctures, staining the white sheet.

“…Oh.”

She hadn’t even realized she was hurt, nor did she feel any pain when she pricked herself.

“My apologies. I’ve dirtied the sheet you worked so hard to wash.”

“Is that what matters right now? Wait here, I’ll get some medicine.”

The caregiver hurried off to fetch supplies.

Once again, the two were left alone. Helena began to fidget with her injured fingers, which were in disarray.

“You say you don’t need treatment… but I really don’t understand, Helena.”

“…”

“Fine, you said you wanted to enjoy your life. Then stop.”
Aiden spoke, his expression darkening.

“Stop wasting time on pointless revenge or loving someone who’ll only hurt you.”

—

She had told Aiden that she wanted to live meaningfully moving forward.

When Caligo had proposed a contractual marriage, and when she came to Frantor and met the children, she had thought she could spend her time well.
That this was better than undergoing hopeless treatment.
That being by the side of someone she loved was much better.

But when she considered letting go of her feelings for Caligo, everything suddenly felt hollow.
And now, she was being told to even give up on avenging her father.

Was everything she had done truly meaningless?
Could she never bring down Eskel with her own strength?

—

“It’s time to head back.”

By the time they finished their work at the medical center, the sun had already set. Today had been particularly hectic as more people than usual had flocked to the center.
They’d had to rush to a nearby pharmacy by carriage for emergency patients and spent the day boiling medicine.

She had often helped treat patients in the past, following Aiden. But now, unlike then, her poisoned body left her physically drained.

“Let’s head straight to the carriage.”

“Oh, could we stop by the nearby market first?”

“Why?”

“I want to buy some snacks for the kids.”

“Do you really like them that much?”

“Yes, they’re adorable.”

“You’re hopeless.”

They parked the carriage nearby and strolled through the market.

I need to buy them some tasty snacks. I’ve been so busy I haven’t spent much time with Jeremy and Joshua. Tomorrow, I’ll make sure to share some treats and spend time with them.

But then, she suddenly felt as if someone was following them.

“Helena.”

It seemed Aiden had also sensed it, as he called out to her softly.

“Someone’s following us, aren’t they?”

“Yeah.”

The stalkers didn’t reveal themselves easily.
Even though they had brought escorts, it was difficult to pick out their pursuers in the bustling crowd.

“We have to run,” Aiden said.

“Let’s not make this any bigger than it needs to be. Running is our best option.”

“You’re right. Let’s run.”

In times like these, Helena had always chosen to run away.

She would wait and wait until those tailing her disappeared. Those periods of waiting had been as terrifying as death, but she had endured.

Being Eskel’s daughter, she had no choice but to resign herself to such a fate.