TISND Chapter 30

Chapter 30

As if sensing her hesitation, Aiden continued speaking.

“You were unconscious for five minutes this time. But the more this happens, the longer you’ll be unconscious.”

“…”

“If it gets worse, you won’t even feel pain when an arrow pierces your arm. And if it progresses further, even walking will become difficult. Are you still planning to keep this a secret?”

She knew. She never thought she could hide it forever.
Still, she wanted to enjoy her current life for as long as possible.

Preparing warm meals for the children, laughing without worry—this present moment was precious to her.

The children, who were far more fragile and in need of care than she was, shouldn’t have to bear the burden of her illness.
She didn’t want them to look at her with concern.

“I understand. But not now,” Helena said firmly.

“This isn’t something to be stubborn about.”

“I’m being this way because I know it’s incurable.”

Aiden frowned as Helena continued.

“If I’m going to die anyway, I want to enjoy as much happiness as I can, even if just once. That’s why I married someone I love.”

“Helena…”

“You know, don’t you? How I was treated like less than an animal in my family.”

“…”

“I’ve never been this happy in my life. So, please…”

Helena had never made a request before.
It wasn’t because, like the Eskels, she had everything and didn’t need to ask for anything.
She simply had no desires, no wishes to ask for.

But now, for the first time, she was making a request.

“Hey…” Aiden let out a dry laugh, both helpless and bitter.

“If you’re asking this earnestly, how can I refuse?”

“I know. That’s why I’m asking you not to refuse.”

“You really are something else…” Aiden shook his head in exasperation.

“We’ve arrived,” the coachman announced.

The carriage, which had been moving steadily, came to a stop. They had finally arrived at the clinic.
Aiden glanced at Helena, who was sitting across from him. Her face was still pale.

“At least let me help you out of the carriage,” he said, extending his hand toward her.

“I can walk,” she replied.

“Humor me,” Aiden said with a faint smile.

“I’m worried. What if you collapse while walking?”

Unable to refuse even this, Helena hesitated before finally taking his hand.

—

They happened to be passing through Frantor’s bustling market district at that moment.

As he observed the townspeople, Caligo fell deep into thought.
He realized it had been months since his last inspection of the town.

Recent instability at the border had kept him from surveying his domain.
While protecting the empire was his duty, it was equally his responsibility as a lord to look after the lives of the people living in his territory.

He resolved to conduct an inspection as soon as the battle concluded tomorrow.

However, the relentless string of battles day and night had left him utterly exhausted.

“Are you alright, Your Grace?”

The butler, noticing Caligo had stopped his horse and stood still, cautiously asked.

“It’s nothing.”

“You must be tired. You haven’t been getting enough sleep.”

“It’s nothing to worry about…”

Just as he was about to turn his head, a warm shade of brown hair flickered in his vision.

The sight of that familiar hair made a scent seem to waft toward him, as if by instinct.

Even in the damp, moldy tents reeking of gunpowder, he would sometimes recall that scent.

It had become a strange habit over the past few years.
Whenever he saw someone with hair resembling hers, his gaze would be drawn to them, almost against his will.

Today was no different. He assumed it was just another person with similar hair.

“…Helena?”

The woman who had just stepped off the carriage came into view.
It was Helena.

He never imagined he would see her here.
Even amid the bustling marketplace, she stood out clearly in his focus.

The winter wind carried a faint trace of her scent, making him unconsciously lean forward, as if drawn by it.

In that moment, as if by a miracle, their eyes met.

“Your Grace?”

Even from a distance, he could read her lips.
He could never mistake those lips—he had gazed at them countless times before.

Her emerald-green eyes widened in surprise, while Caligo stood frozen in place.

Then, Helena’s lips curved into a faint smile.
Like the moon hidden behind clouds, her smiles were always soft and subdued.

But whenever she directed one at him, he couldn’t suppress the joy it brought.

It was the same now.

He wondered, not for the first time, how radiant she would look if she ever smiled brightly.
The thought slipped into his mind unbidden.

Just seeing her standing there filled him with an indescribable joy that coursed through his entire being.

There were so many things he wanted to ask her.
Why was she here? Had she eaten? She looked paler than usual—was she feeling unwell? Why was she wearing such thin clothing when the air was still so cold?

Countless questions and emotions swirled in his head, though he knew only a fraction would leave his lips.

Caligo was not as silent as she might think.
True, he was stoic and reserved, but somehow, that never applied when he was in front of Helena.

“The Duchess!”

The butler also noticed her and called out cheerfully.

“We should go greet her.”

If he hadn’t spotted the man standing beside her, Caligo would already be on his way to Helena before the butler finished speaking.

Aiden had long since stepped down from the carriage and was holding Helena’s hand.

What twisted Caligo’s stomach most was the fact that she wasn’t pulling away from him.

It was natural for a gentleman to escort a lady, but this was Helena.
He wasn’t Jeremy or Joshua—children whose hands she might have held without a second thought.

She was Helena, who was so shy she often acted awkward even around the staff.
Yet here she was, holding his hand.

Why?

She never did so within the manor.
His sharp suspicions, threatening to burst free, were forcibly restrained.

“Your Grace!”

Helena called out to him from a distance, but just as she did, a crowd suddenly surged forward, obscuring his view.

By the time he turned his horse’s head, she was gone.

Helena was gone, but the emotions she had left behind lingered like an afterimage.

The joy and excitement he felt upon unexpectedly seeing her.
The anger that flared when he noticed Aiden.

Emotions he had thought were incompatible churned together, leaving him unsettled.

He tried to control them, but they bounced around like a rubber ball.
Moments ago, he had been so elated, but now his insides felt heavy and uneasy.

As a commander and a lord, Caligo had always prioritized reason over emotion.
Before being a commander or a lord, he was the brother of his beloved older brother.
He thought he had discarded his emotions long ago.

And Helena was Eskel’s daughter.
This wasn’t right.

“It seems the lady of the manor has disappeared into the sudden crowd. Shall I search for her again?”

“There’s no need.”

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake off his emotions.
The only thing Caligo could do now was ignore them.

She was a woman he would have to let go of in a year anyway.

“Let’s go.”

“…Are you sure we shouldn’t go to the lady?”

“Let her tend to her business. It’s not something for us to interfere in.”

Caligo coldly turned his horse in the opposite direction.

—

The work at the medical clinic was far more exhausting than Helena had anticipated.

Whenever Aiden prescribed something, Helena would fetch the corresponding medicine.
Of course, the people at the clinic were stunned by the duchess’s extensive knowledge of pharmacology.

“You’ve done well,” Aiden said to her as she rested, looking visibly tired.
But Helena, lost in thought, didn’t even notice him approaching.

“Helena.”

“Oh, yes?”

“What were you thinking so deeply about?”

“His Grace, the Duke.”

She answered plainly.

“I met his eyes earlier… but he seemed busy.”

She mumbled with a hint of regret, “I was so happy to see him. I wanted to at least say hello.”

“Do you really think he walked away because he was busy?”

“Of course.”

“He clearly ignored you.”

Aiden let out a low sigh as he sat beside her.

“You should start ignoring him too.”

“How could I ignore someone I like?”

“I can’t do that,” Helena murmured softly.

“Listen, Helena. I’ve heard from the staff.”

Aiden began cautiously.

“In Frantor, they’re starting to take serious action against Eskel. Recently, there was a dispute over mining shares. They’ve even stationed soldiers at the mines to openly display hostility.”

“…”

“You know this as well as I do. From the beginning, that man intended to use you. Sure, he had no choice but to marry you under the Emperor’s orders, but his real goal is to take advantage of you, wait until Eskel lets his guard down, and then exact revenge.”

“I know. But what can I do?”

Helena gazed up at the sky as she spoke.

“My father is clearly in the wrong. How can I say anything when the duke is obviously the victim here?”

“Don’t fall for him. You’re the one who’ll end up hurt.”

Unable to hold back, Aiden raised his voice.

“Why do you like that man so much? He’s ruthless, cares only about swords and war, and is nothing but cruel!”

“Because… he’s quite similar to me,” Helena replied softly.

“In what way?” Aiden scoffed.

“He’s misunderstood by people. Despite how he looks, he’s actually kind and caring. And, don’t you think he’s a little… cute?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“It’s only because he’s a lord that he seems so cold, but he looks after people quite well. He even thinks about Jeremy and Joshua a lot.”

“But that kindness isn’t directed at you, is it?”

“What does it matter? As long as I feel that way about him, that’s enough for me.”

Helena closed her eyes and savored the winter breeze. Her brown hair danced in the wind.

“I prefer to love alone. To like someone on my own, to remember them by myself… That’s what I’m used to.”