TISND Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Helena had never spent much time socializing with others.
In fact, she had never even had the opportunity to do so.

Until recently, she couldn’t go out to the bustling streets of the city.
Even the servants working at Eskel Manor wouldn’t speak to her unless absolutely necessary.

“Madam, where did you learn to cook? You’re so much better than most chefs I know!”

So, when one of the servants at Frantor Manor spoke to her casually, Helena found it awkward and unfamiliar.

“I only learned because I had to figure out what to do with the crops I harvested.”

“Oh my, so you taught yourself? What talent you have!”

As usual, Helena had planned to leave some snacks for the servants and slip away unnoticed.
But somehow, she ended up being stopped by one of the servants who wanted to chat.

She was curious about the carrot sandwich recipe Helena had shared last time.

“Well, it’s not like I don’t know how. Is that all you wanted to ask? If so, I’ll be on my way—”

“Oh my goodness, how is your skin so flawless, Madam? It’s so soft and pale!”

“We were all shocked the first time we saw you, Madam! You’re so beautiful!”

Helena, who was used to insults her entire life, felt completely at a loss in the face of compliments and kindness.

Shrinking her shoulders, she had no choice but to endure the barrage of overwhelming questions.

“Do you use any special skincare products?”

“Not really. Now, may I leave?”

“You don’t even do anything to take care of yourself and you’re this stunning?”

Helena’s pupils darted nervously, her confidence shrinking further.

It was then that the servant realized something she had momentarily forgotten: despite being Eskel’s daughter, Helena was still just a young woman barely over twenty.

“Have you eaten?”

“Would you like to try some pie? We made it ourselves.”

In the end, Helena had to spend quite a while with the servant.

Having only farming and cooking as her skills, she didn’t know what else to talk about, making her break into a nervous sweat.

It was only after that she could finally return to the backyard she loved so much.

“Jeremy?”

There, Jeremy was waiting for her.

“How long have you been here?”

He must have been standing outside for quite some time, as his face was pale from the cold.

Helena quickly grabbed a blanket and draped it over him.

“Were you waiting for me?”

There wasn’t a set time they were supposed to meet.
Helena had always been diligent, often tending to the fields late into the night. Jeremy would come find her there.

But with all the responsibilities she now had, she couldn’t spend as much time in the fields as before.

“You’re going to catch a cold. You should’ve waited inside.”

“Who said I was waiting for you, you idiot!” Jeremy puffed out his cheeks and yelled.

“This is my area anyway, so why would I wait for you?”

On the ground, there were clear signs of him having kicked up dirt with his shoes while waiting for her.

Still, it wasn’t something Helena could help.

“Are you mad at me?”

She only had one year left.
Her wish was to spend that time without regret.
She wanted to do everything she could, so that when the time came to close her eyes, she would have no lingering attachments.

“Who said I’m mad!” Jeremy shouted again.

“You know, Jeremy, if I’m not outside, stay indoors at least. I’d feel terrible if you caught a cold.”

“I told you, I wasn’t… I wasn’t waiting for you.”

Unable to admit it, Jeremy stormed off in frustration.

—

Helena, who had never spent much time with others, also had no experience of truly sharing moments with someone.

Still, one thing she could tell was that Jeremy was deeply upset.

Yet, Helena didn’t entertain the thought of becoming a mother to the child.

There was a time when she wanted children, a happy family—when that was her dream.
But for someone like her, it was an impossible wish.

How could the daughter of an enemy, with less than a year left to live, possibly become anyone’s mother?

“Still, it would be nice to at least cheer him up…”

At times like this, she felt the lack of a confidant even more acutely.

If only she had a friend to share her worries with—or at the very least, a family member to confide in.

No, she thought, she had to keep her expectations realistic.
She was tired of holding on to impossible hopes.

Helena let out a bitter laugh as she stroked the bird that had flown from far away.

“Where is that bird from?”

At that moment, Caligo’s cold voice echoed from the end of the corridor.

“From Eskel.”

“The Count sent you a letter?”

Caligo knew Count Eskel wasn’t the type to send casual pleasantries.
Thus, Helena replied honestly.

“Of course not.”

“Then what is it?”

“If it’s something my father is curious about, it must be about the Duke.”

Her blunt words made Caligo’s brow twitch.

“So, you’ve been reporting my every move to the Count?”

“Actually, I haven’t replied to him yet. I’m not sure how to respond.”

She answered plainly.

“Besides, even if I wanted to, it’s not like I know everything about you.”

“You’re aware how suspicious that sounds, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I know.”

Her answer was tinged with sadness.

“But I can’t help it. As long as I’m the daughter of Eskel, being misunderstood… it’s something I’m used to.”

Why was she always so unflinching?

He couldn’t understand her no matter how often he saw her.

But he knew he couldn’t let himself waver any further.
Now that he knew she was in contact with Count Eskel, he had to push her away even more.

“It’s good that you’re already aware of that.”

Caligo replied coldly, as though to suppress his own emotions.

It would be foolish to give his heart to her, someone tied to his enemy and a crucial part of his plan to bring him down.

At that moment, he caught a glimpse of hurt in her eyes.
But it vanished almost instantly.

“Our marriage was always a one-year contract. Expecting trust from me is asking for too much.”

“Yes, I know. What my father has done… that is…”

Helena was already debating how to respond to her father’s letter.

Should she suggest that Caligo use her to take revenge against him? But she knew he wouldn’t believe her.

Even if she wrote back to her father, there was no guarantee he would trust her either.

Eventually, her father would likely make a move to attack Frantor.

Ultimately, it meant that no one trusted her—neither her father nor the people she loved.

So, she had no choice but to move quietly on her own.
It wouldn’t be easy, but…

“Go ahead and hate me.”

The fact of being alone became painfully familiar—so much so that it had grown dull.
Her voice emerged dry and distant.

The response to her resignation came from none other than Caligo.

Even though he had deliberately chosen to provoke her, he appeared hurt—unbearably so.

Why did this situation feel so familiar?
How many times had she heard these words before?
Yet, each time, her reaction remained cold and detached.

“Are you asking me to hate you?”

“Yes, because I would have hated myself.”

“How can you say something like that so casually?”

“Because I’m used to it.”

Helena responded with the same emotionless expression.

“And it’s just the way things are.”

She slowly raised her gaze to meet Caligo’s.

“So, don’t look at me with that troubled expression. You don’t have to do that, Your Grace.”

Finishing her words, Helena turned to leave.
Just as she was about to disappear, Caligo instinctively grabbed her wrist.

“You.”

“Is there something you need?”

“Why do you keep—”

His voice trailed off, as if the words wouldn’t come.
He stared at her, uneasy and restless, as though she could vanish at any moment.

“Need? There’s nothing I need.”

Helena paused briefly before gently pulling her wrist free.

“You’re worried now? You just told me to hate you.”

“….”

“That’s so considerate.”

Helena whispered with a faint smile.
The shadow cast beneath her long lashes added to her delicate appearance.

“I’ll be going now.”

In a soft whisper, she bade farewell and then quietly disappeared.

Her silhouette looked fragile, as if it might vanish into thin air at any moment.

Caligo clenched his fists tightly, watching her recede into the distance.

—

Helena tried to spend as much time as possible with Jeremy, knowing he was waiting for her.

However, there were issues she couldn’t fix with mere effort.

The accumulation of hurt and frustration eventually erupted in his outburst.

“You keep hanging out with useless people!”

Jeremy was furious.
It wasn’t so long ago that Helena spent all her time with him.

But now, with other meaningless distractions occupying her, his frustration boiled over.

“Why do you keep associating with people who serve no purpose? Aren’t you supposed to stay at your post?”

“Why do you call people useless? Don’t do that.”

“Who’s trying to teach you? I told you not to act like a mother.”

“Then, what am I to you?”

Helena asked thoughtlessly, and Jeremy’s anger exploded.

“You’re mine!”