Chapter 152
Helena’s eyes wavered as if caught off guard by his unexpected words. For the first time, he was able to meet her gaze directly instead of watching her constantly try to avoid him. She was studying his face, perhaps trying to gauge his intentions. Caligo did not look away. However, no matter how much he tried, he failed to discern her thoughts. Eventually, Helena furrowed her brows.
Even so, the tension in her furrowed brows gradually eased. With a self-mocking smile, she turned her gaze away from him once more.
“My story? There’s nothing worth telling.”
She responded coldly. She still didn’t think she had any reason to receive an apology from Caligo or the children. But was it because of the pain he had caused her in the past? Or did she simply want to preserve her pride, even if it was belated? Unlike how she spoke to the children, her voice came out in an icy tone.
“Compared to you, my life has been pitiful. I’ve never had any thrilling adventures or fantastic experiences.”
“……”
“Besides, you already know how I’ve lived.”
Helena continued.
“Yes, I’m an illegitimate child. My family collapsed not long ago, and soon, I’ll die as well. A truly uneventful life, isn’t it? What you see is what you get.”
Even in the face of Helena’s cold demeanor, Caligo remained unbothered. Instead, he calmly observed her reaction. This, in turn, unsettled Helena.
When she had told him to leave, she had barely managed to keep her expression composed. She had struggled to hide her trembling hands and forced a smile that wouldn’t come naturally. Her exaggerated expressions had made it all too easy for Caligo to see through her emotions.
And now, in this moment, he desperately hoped that his own face would not betray anything unusual to her. He didn’t want to give her any reason to misunderstand him, even by accident. Rather than focusing on his own emotions, he wanted to understand hers. So he kept his attention fixed on the woman before him, refusing to look away. Only then did he realize that he had never truly looked at her this closely before. Until now, he had always been too busy avoiding her.
“Even if it’s not that, just tell me something.”
“……Something?”
“How was your time in Horion? Do you like it here?”
Helena’s face still carried traces of unease and confusion.
“It was… nice.”
After some hesitation, she finally answered slowly.
“It was fun. The children looked happy, and the people here seemed very kind.”
She spoke as if it were nothing, in a calm and composed voice, yet beneath her words lay a sorrow built up over many years—loneliness, grief, anxiety, and resignation.
“And I got to see the ocean I had always longed for. It was beautiful.”
“Do you want to stay here?”
“……I—”
Helena’s lips parted slightly.
“I already told you, I like it here.”
“……”
“I do. It’s beautiful, and ordinary.”
She seemed flustered by his question about staying. Though she didn’t fidget or stammer, Caligo could tell. Even though her response was as straightforward as usual, he knew that this, too, was a lie.
“That’s good to hear.”
“……What?”
“I like it here too.”
“Do you like the ocean?”
“No.”
“Then why…?”
Helena trailed off, pressing her lips together. She must have realized it was a pointless question.
“But you have to return, don’t you? You’re a busy man, after all.”
“……”
“If it’s because of me, really, it’s fine. I’m not valuable enough for you to spend your precious time on. I can take care of myself.”
The one who had driven her—Helena Eskel—to the edge of a cliff was none other than himself. Watching her wound herself so mercilessly, Caligo felt an unbearable pain, to the point where even breathing was difficult. Swallowing hard, he despaired in silence.
“…I’m not leaving.”
“…Why?”
Helena asked. Her voice trembled ever so slightly, and once again, Caligo felt the walls within him crumbling. To his eyes, she seemed as if she were desperately holding back tears.
How could I have only ever tried to push her away? Why had I never even thought to face her directly? And now, this is the result.
Even now, if he closed his eyes, he could clearly recall the vibrant, lively version of her. Yet it was he who had broken her.
It was only now that he realized he could never erase her from his life. But Helena had already been trying to erase him from hers. Was she planning to push him away completely?
“I really…”
Just as his walls had crumbled, so too did hers. Slowly, emotions began to seep through Helena’s façade.
“I really wanted to resolve this peacefully.”
Was it anger? Resentment? As her emotions surged, Caligo felt his own feelings rise in response. He was consumed by guilt for the woman he had so utterly destroyed. He should never have pushed her away in what could have been the final moments of her life. He should have reached out and held the hand she had tentatively extended toward him.
“Because of the children, I wanted to make things right.”
Her voice started to tremble.
“I tried so desperately… But why? Why won’t you listen to me?”
Helena’s voice rose with frustration.
“Is it because you still feel guilty toward me?”
“……”
“I told you, didn’t I? You don’t need to apologize. There’s no reason for you to.”
“……”
“Why are you trying to apologize to someone like me? I don’t deserve it. I’m the daughter of Eskel. My father killed your brother, didn’t he? So why do you feel sorry for me?”
Once her emotions broke free, Helena could no longer hold back the words she had suppressed for so long.
“The whole world despises me. Eskel committed unforgivable sins. I was raised atop the crimes my father committed—I am nothing but a rotten root. And yet, and yet…”
“Why are you so cruel to yourself?”
“Because it’s the truth. You thought the same of me, didn’t you?”
Helena said.
“That’s why you married me. That’s why you hated me.”
“……”
“The fact that I was a forget-me-not changes nothing, Your Excellency. No matter how much I try to cleanse myself, the blood running through my veins will always be Eskel’s. You must have thought the same.”
“……”
“That’s why you never trusted me.”
Horribly enough, everything she said was true. Even though he had known of her kindness, Caligo had chosen to turn away from it. He had convinced himself that merely arranging for her to have a passable life was enough. No matter how many times Helena spoke the truth, he had refused to believe her.
“…See?”
“……”
“From the start, we were doomed.”
Helena let out a bitter, mocking laugh, as if she had read the hesitation on his face.
“Helena, please.”
But Caligo refused to back down. With a heart-wrenching desperation, he pleaded with her.
“You don’t have to forgive me. You can hate me for the rest of your life. But please, let me stay by your side so I can save you.”
“No, Your Excellency.”
She replied firmly.
“Your Excellency cannot save me.”
“…….”
“There is no antidote for Asehimmo. You know that.”
From the moment Caligo learned that Helena was poisoned with Asehimmo, he had desperately searched for a cure. When he couldn’t find an antidote within the Empire, he expanded his search to other countries, even to distant continents. He had even enlisted the help of Crown Prince Raul.
But the antidote simply did not exist.
“I cannot stay by your side. And… I cannot stay with the children either.”
Helena seemed to have already accepted her impending death. But Caligo couldn’t accept it. He refused to stand by helplessly and let her die without doing anything.
“Even if I can’t find the antidote, I will do whatever it takes.”
“Your Excellency, why…”
She spoke firmly.
“Why do you insist on keeping me close?”
“…….”
“Eskel has fallen, but its infamy remains. If you keep me by your side, Frantor will inevitably be dragged through the mud as well.”
“…….”
“There’s an easy path right in front of you. Why do you keep choosing the long way around? Why do you insist on taking the difficult road?”
“Because it doesn’t matter to me.”
“But it matters to me. I don’t want to be a burden to you. I won’t be of any help if I stay by your side. All I’ll do is put you in danger and invite ridicule upon you.”
“…….”
“I appreciate your sympathy, but I don’t need it. You don’t have to feel sorry for me. I’m used to it.”
Helena spoke in a calm, detached tone, as if she had already come to terms with everything.
“No matter what, I will always be a poisonous mushroom to you, Your Excellency. Useless and harmful, a wretched parasite.”
“…….”
“From the very beginning, from the moment I was born, I have always been a poisonous mushroom.”
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I know her self worth is lower than the floor but somehow, I feel angry about her not leaving that family because of the hurt they caused but because of her “tainted bloodline”, it’s just awful… and to make matters worse, they are still attacking and disrespecting her, even when they know she is DYING! Just let her have peace in her final days you horrid people!
Every character here pissed me of except Joshua
Fl doesn’t value herself, Jeremy is selfish{ but he’s still a child} and ml is just a sh;t
The best is Joshua, he avoids complications and misunderstandings
The most notable character is Joshua… but I still hope this story ends with Helena’s death. She’s already too broken; it’s not something that can be changed in a few chapters, and if that weren’t enough, there’s no cure for her poison. They’ve been hammering this home for over a hundred chapters; I hope no character capable of performing a miracle cure appears.
(I want to read a story where the FL actually dies and isn’t saved by the power of the plot.)
I kinda agree with you. So much has happened and if that is the male lead, I seriously just want her to rest peacefully as she has suffered enough.
ive read one where the FL is dying the plot manages to extend her life about a year, long enough to have a kid but the illness and kid (she would have died soon even without the kid) was too much and she passes at the end. which sucks because for once that one was a regret for her family not the ML. the ML is great the whole time. I’m not saying the name as it would spoil the end for random readers but if you’ve read it you know which it is.
isn’t that karinas last days? yeah that novel is good because it doesn’t magically creat a solution more a extension so she can live more with her kid and husband I know it sad but some people can’t be cured her was a example because it’s a curse created thought medling with god powers with the painting so of course god wouldn’t let her live either way
Yes it has resemblance with that novel.
This is the first time I’m writing a review.
Most people who read this novel wish for the main female character to die because we know she has suffered.
But I want her to reach whatever she truly wants—whether it’s death or life.
It’s awful to die with all those emotions, playing the role of a victim without even knowing you are one.
I can somewhat understand Caligo, but his actions are not justifiable.
Why should two people who are both full of wounds stay together just because they’re the main characters?
I don’t know whether to see this as just a story or a reflection of the real world.
Whatever it is, I hope that Helena—even if her fate is death—dies knowing it wasn’t her fault.
She is not her father’s daughter. She is not from the cursed family.
Helena needs to know she is valuable—whether she dies or lives.
Thank you for your feedback ✨
Thank you for the chapter, Alina.
I’m glad she pointed out that a great deal of the reason she feels the way she does is because of things he thought, and said, himself. It’s awful that her already low self worth is lower in part due to it and him, and I’m glad she verbalized it. I’m really hoping she can get over that mentality before the end, though. She deserves so much better than thinking of herself as poisonous, especially if she’s going to die soon.
Pleasure is all mine dear ✨
I really hope so too.
I’m kinda on the fence here. On one hand I want her to live a healthy and happy life and miraculously cured, while on the other, I just want her to rest peacefully as she has suffered enough in her lifetime and I don’t really have a fondness for the ML. He treated her really horribly and what he’s done is more than enough for any woman to move on. They have too much bad history that I don’t know how the author will end this story.
“Was she trying to push me away completely?” …huh?????? Every time i think he can’t get stupider he pulls some sh*t like this istg