TISND Chapter 151

Chapter 151

Helena was the one who ended up flustered by Jeremy’s sudden outburst. She blinked several times, trying to understand why he was so angry.

Shouldn’t he feel relieved if she told him he didn’t need to apologize?

Just as Jeremy had enjoyed dinner, Helena was also enjoying the atmosphere. It was a perfect moment, and she didn’t want to ruin it.

Besides, this was the first time anyone had ever apologized to her.

And she didn’t even think she deserved an apology in the first place.

So she cautiously asked,

“Why are you angry?”

“Why am I angry?” Jeremy repeated, his voice rising.

“I’m apologizing, but you won’t accept it! That’s why!”

“…I only said you don’t have to apologize because you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Oh yeah? Then why do you think I did nothing wrong?”

Jeremy looked even angrier than when he had heard the ridiculous rumors about Helena betraying his father and deceiving him.

And that anger was real.

“I hurt you! I injured you! How is that not wrong?!”

Even now, whenever Jeremy thought about that day, he felt like crying.

The day he had blindly believed the nonsense the servants were whispering and lashed out at Helena.

He had been so furious that he barely even remembered what cruel words had come out of his mouth.

But he did remember the way her face had turned pale.

The wounded look in her eyes.

The blood staining her sleeve.

It all felt as vivid as if it had happened just yesterday.

What he should have done back then was tell Helena that he believed in her.

He should have been like Joshua, who had urged him to think again instead of jumping to conclusions.

Helena had always cherished him.

She had protected him from the stares of strangers when he was still afraid of them.

She had given him warmth when he needed it.

If he could go back, he would never make the same mistake.

He would stand by Helena’s side, shielding her from the people who criticized her.

But time couldn’t be rewound.

The only thing he could do now was apologize.

“Why? Why won’t you accept my apology? You’re being weird….”

“…”

“You’re the one who taught me to apologize when I make a mistake!”

“I don’t think you made a mistake.”

But—

“You had every reason to misunderstand. It was my fault, too, for keeping that senior around. And the wounds I got back then have all healed.”

“But you always said—‘Once words are spoken, they can never be taken back!’”

Jeremy had come here tonight determined to seek her forgiveness.

To make things right.

But Helena’s refusal to accept his apology felt like a wall being put up between them.

Hurt, his brows furrowed, and his voice rose.

“You specifically told me never to hit people! To treasure and protect the people I care about! You’re the one who taught me that! So why are you—”

Joshua, seeing where this was going, tried to stop him.

But it was no use.

His emotions were too tangled, too overwhelming to hold back.

Yes, he was angry at Helena.

But more than anything, he was sad.

Jeremy made a vow to himself.

He would never hurt Helena again.

He would cherish her more than any treasure in the world.

Just as he loved his father and Joshua—he would love Helena just the same.

Because she was the mother he had always wished for.

He would make sure she lived a happy life.

If she ever felt unwell, he would carry her on his back.

Now that he had grown taller, it wouldn’t even be difficult.

And when he became an adult—strong like his father—he would protect her.

Even when her hair turned white with age, he would stay by her side.

He would treasure her. Again and again.

But why—

Why wouldn’t she accept his apology?

She had bled.

She had suffered through cruel words.

She had taken care of children she had never even met before, making sure they had a warm meal.

She had played with them even when she was exhausted.

She had taught him the value of cold soil—how even the earth could be precious.

She was so kind, so selfless.

So why couldn’t she show the same kindness to herself?

“Of course you should accept my apology!”

Jeremy shouted.

“Why do you treat yourself like you don’t matter? I want to treasure you, but you—you don’t even treasure yourself!”

“Jeremy, enough!” Joshua tried again.

But Jeremy wasn’t finished.

“I’m telling you, I’ll make sure you’re the most precious person in the world! I’ll protect you! That’s why you have to accept my apology! Even if you never forgive me, you still deserve to be apologized to!”

He had come to apologize.

But now, he was too angry to stop.

He had to say it.

Even if it meant she would push him away forever.

Even if it meant they would never speak again.

She needed to understand.

She needed to know how terribly she treated herself.

“If you don’t even cherish yourself, how am I supposed to cherish you?! You idiot! Stupid Helena!”

And with that, Jeremy couldn’t take it anymore.

He stormed out of the dining room.

After all the commotion, Helena lay in bed, unable to sleep. Her body and mind felt heavy and suffocating, as if she were trapped inside a stone. Even after hours had passed, she couldn’t escape the overwhelming flood of thoughts and emotions, and eventually, a mild headache began to set in.

Sensing that she wouldn’t be able to sleep even after dawn, Helena reached for the cane she had left by her bedside. She thought a short walk might help.

So, dressed in her nightgown, she stepped outside. But with her frail body, even leaving the house wasn’t easy.

Her body, which had once felt so light, now felt like she was borrowing someone else’s. Once upon a time, she could climb mountains without trouble, but now, even walking up and down the stairs left her breathless, as if she had scaled a steep mountain range.

In the end, Helena couldn’t even make it past her front yard and instead headed toward a small storage shed in the corner. It was where tools for maintaining and cleaning the yard were kept.

She sat down inside and pulled her knees close to her chest. Resting her face against them, she sank into thought.

‘Did I do something wrong?’

She had lived her entire life being pointed at and whispered about.

So she had always considered criticism toward her to be natural.

Jeremy was no different. Just as Caligo had lost his brother, Jeremy had lost his father.

So what if people blamed her? To her, it only seemed fair.

But instead of blaming her, Jeremy had gotten angry.

He had demanded to know why she didn’t care for herself.

…The truth was, she didn’t know how.

Helena had always been alone.

The people who had raised her had never truly considered her family.

She had been the one to bring her own household to ruin.

And as for her remaining siblings—she didn’t even know if they were still alive.

Not that they had ever been close enough to check in on each other anyway.

And besides…

Even the mother who had given birth to her had never loved her.

The thought made her let out a dry, hollow laugh.

She had lived her whole life alone.

So how was she supposed to know how to love herself?

Just then, she heard something outside the shed.

Her shoulders instinctively tensed.

Then, the door creaked open, letting in a cool night breeze.

And with it, Caligo stepped inside.

“So, you are Lady Helena Eskel.”

Looking up at him, she suddenly remembered the first time they met.

Back then, she had been crouched down just like this.

And, if she recalled correctly, she hadn’t been in a particularly good mood that day either.

She had always been someone who liked to reflect in solitude, often sinking into her own sorrow.

Caligo, on the other hand, had always been perfect.

A stark contrast to her insignificant self.

“I heard something and came to check.”

Caligo spoke as he draped a blanket over her.

Helena blinked.

Whenever he got close, the wounds she had yet to erase pricked at her once more.

She forced a faint, lonely smile.

“Why are you here?” she asked.

“I told you, there’s no need to apologize. Not Jeremy, not Your Excellency… none of you need to apologize to me.”

Even wrapped in the blanket, she still felt cold.

The wind drifted into the shed, but the summer night air wasn’t particularly chilly.

Was it just her nerves?

“I’m fine,” she continued. “So please, don’t worry about me and go back. There are many people who need you. In the capital, in Frantor…”

“I won’t force you.”

With those words, Caligo sat down beside her.

A noble man of such high status, sitting in such a shabby place—it didn’t feel right.

She felt like she had dragged him down here with her.

Someone so busy and important shouldn’t be here.

“The mission His Highness the Crown Prince entrusted to me is mostly completed. And it seems things in the Kingdom of Kelimban have settled as well.”

At his sudden statement, Helena’s lips parted slightly.

Without her even asking, he started speaking, effortlessly revealing classified information.

Military operations were something even high-ranking nobles weren’t privy to.

Yet here he was, discussing them as casually as if recounting his day.

“W-Wait a minute. This is a bit overwhelming to hear,” she said, hastily cutting him off.

“Why are you suddenly telling me all this? Do you… want something from me?”

At first, she thought he was simply teasing her.

But the moment their eyes met—eyes she had been avoiding all this time—she realized it wasn’t a joke.

Because in his gaze, she saw sorrow.

She had been too flustered to notice at first, but now, she found herself quietly staring at him.

“You,” Caligo said.

“…What?”

“I want to hear you.”

“So I started by talking about myself first.”

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