Chapter 111
When Helena was still a child.
She would often watch the servants in the mansion from the annex where she lived.
The servants occasionally brought their children with them.
“Sweetheart, try this.”
Helena saw one of the servants giving food to a child about her age.
“Cough!”
“Oh dear, you’re coughing.”
“Wait here a moment. I’ll go make you some warm tea.”
“The weather has gotten quite cold lately.”
“Even if you’re sick, you mustn’t skip your meals, alright?”
Whenever the child coughed, the adults rushed to make warm tea, fearing they might catch a cold.
Not only the child’s mother but also others did the same.
Even though the child didn’t look particularly hungry, they kept giving them food.
By the time the child left for home, their small hands were heavy with pouches filled with treats.
That was when Helena realized something—
Love could be expressed by giving food.
It was then that young Helena understood just how starved she truly was.
It wasn’t that the servants had ever denied her meals.
It was just that no one had ever been eager to put food into her hands.
Not a single person had ever worried about her and handed her a piece of candy or a cookie.
Her family didn’t seem to care whether she lived or died.
That was why Helena became so obsessed with children’s hunger.
She always remembered the feeling of being hungry, no matter how much she ate.
“Really? Can I eat this?”
“Yes.”
Once she was old enough to cook for herself, she began carrying small treats like cookies with her.
Whenever she came across a child, she would offer them something to eat.
Unlike her, she wanted these children to grow up never knowing the pain of hunger.
For a while, she thought that by sharing food, she had managed to ease the pain of her childhood.
But even as an adult, she realized she was still starving.
Perhaps that was why—
“Try drinking this, Helena.”
She couldn’t refuse the tea offered by the Countess.
“…Mother?”
“I heard you’ve been unwell these past few days.”
Rumors that she had been meeting with Kaligo had started to spread even within the Eskel estate.
One day, while Helena was feeling ill and lying in bed, the Countess brought her tea.
“A new bride shouldn’t be sick. Go on, drink some.”
“…Yes.”
She knew she should have been suspicious.
But she couldn’t bring herself to refuse the Countess’s tea.
It wasn’t because she was afraid of her.
It was simply that—just once—she wanted to feel cared for by someone.
She was happy that someone was sitting by her bedside while she was sick.
She liked the feeling of not being alone.
“I think this is the first time you’ve made tea for me, Mother.”
“Is that so?”
“It makes me really happy… Thank you.”
One day. Two days. Then three.
The Countess continued to offer Helena tea.
Helena couldn’t help but hope—maybe their relationship would improve.
It was a foolish thought.
There had been times when she had resented the Countess.
And contrary to her hopes, on the third day, the Countess’s visits abruptly stopped.
A deep bitterness settled in her stomach.
It wasn’t until much later that she realized something was wrong with her body.
Even as she went to Aiden for a check-up, Helena still wanted to believe in the Countess.
Their relationship had never been warm.
But the Countess had acknowledged her on the family register and had provided at least the bare minimum of care until she became an adult.
No, it couldn’t be. It had to be something else.
“Asehimoia.”
But when she learned that the tea the Countess had given her contained poison, that belief shattered.
“Who could have done this to you?”
When Aiden asked, she couldn’t bring herself to answer.
She couldn’t say that it had been her own family.
That the person she was supposed to call mother had poisoned her.
If she admitted it out loud, she feared she would feel truly abandoned, like an island cut off from the world.
It would be like admitting that the Countess had never considered her family from the start.
—
“Helena.”
The Countess’s flustered expression came into view.
“It’s been a while.”
She didn’t look the least bit pleased by their reunion.
Perhaps the Countess had hoped she would die in Prantor.
Now that she had returned, how unsettling it must be for her.
Helena thought to herself.
“Mother, it’s been a long time since I last visited you.”
Within Eskel, the Countess held considerable influence.
She had supported the count’s household during its most difficult times.
And once Eskel had gained wealth, she indulged in extravagant luxuries as if making up for all the hardships she had endured.
“What brings you here?”
The Countess was not an easy opponent.
She was cautious, guarded.
So much so that she didn’t even trust her own husband.
“Why have you left the annex? You should be there.”
Of course, the child she had poisoned was now freely walking through the mansion—no wonder she was suspicious.
“Have you spoken with the Count?”
“Yes.”
“And what did you discuss?”
Helena wondered if the Countess was worried—afraid she might confess the truth.
“It was nothing of importance, Mother.”
Despite the Countess’s wariness, Helena smiled.
“Is that so?”
The Countess looked visibly unsettled.
“It seemed like he called me just to say hello after a long time.”
The reason for giving her a poison that took an entire year to kill—
It was probably to confuse anyone who might investigate.
So Helena pretended to fall for the Countess’s scheme, acting as if she had no idea that the tea had been poisoned.
Now was not the time to bare her claws, not to the Count of Eskel, nor to the Countess.
She had to keep them hidden until the hunt truly began.
“I see.”
Thankfully, the Countess’s suspicion eased.
She must have thought Helena wasn’t someone to be wary of.
Not in the past. Not now.
But then, why had she poisoned her?
Pushing the question aside, Helena simply smiled.
If you wanted me dead, you should have killed me outright.
Why? Why did you choose to let me die slowly over the course of a year?
“But this is the Count’s residence. Do not enter freely.”
“I understand, Mother.”
“Are you feeling unwell anywhere?”
The Countess asked, but before Helena could answer, she continued.
“You look perfectly fine to me.”
“…”
“Isn’t that right? You were always healthy, then and now.”
Calling her healthy when anyone could see she was visibly unwell—
The Countess knew it was a blatant lie, yet she said it so casually.
“Yes, Mother.”
So, just because she looked fine, she shouldn’t even mention her condition?
Helena let out a bitter smile internally.
“I’m really quite healthy.”
“…”
“Being back at the estate fills me with an incredible amount of strength.”
Perhaps this is why people say there’s no place like home.
Helena’s sarcasm made the Countess fall silent.
But Helena hadn’t lied.
She had finally realized the truth—
That these people could never be her family.
No matter how much she cried or tried, they would never become the real family she longed for.
Neither her father nor her mother…
And still, they only sought her out when they needed her.
Like an accessory, a bonnet, or some other trivial luxury—
They never once saw her as family.
She was nothing more than a tool, useful only when needed.
Ironically, the warmth of family she had always desired—
She had felt it not with them, but with those she should have called her enemies.
The warmth of shared moments, of true companionship—something these people would never understand.
So Helena no longer considered them her family.
She decided she would never hope for it again.
Even the faintest hope she had clung to, despite being poisoned by her mother, was now completely abandoned.
She would no longer place any meaning in the word ‘mother’.
“Then, I shall visit you again, Mother.”
So, ‘Mother’, I’ll make sure to bring your house crumbling down.
With a bright smile, Helena looked at the Countess one last time.
She offered a polite bow before walking past her.
The Countess watched Helena’s retreating figure with suspicion.
Hey Guys you can read advanced chapters on Patreon
If you liked my work and want to support me then you can visit my page for tips. As I can’t create Kofi because of the unavailability of Paypal in my country, I’ve made this tier which is being updated every week so that you won’t be charged again till you want to donate again by yourself or you can exit the tier after donating 🙂.
Happy Reading 🩷
