TISND Chapter 104

Chapter 104

He had no idea what had compelled him to return to the estate.

The only thing he was certain of was that he needed to confirm, as soon as possible, that she was alive.

He didn’t want to return only to find her dead.

For someone who had been tirelessly working toward the downfall of the Eskels, it was ironic—hypocritical, even—that he wished for her survival.

He had never wanted her to die in such a meaningless way.

The moment he arrived, he jumped off his horse, ignoring the servants who rushed to greet him at the entrance. He didn’t stop—he didn’t even spare them a glance—as he bolted up the stairs with all his might.

But when he finally reached the second-floor corridor where her bedroom was, his steps slowed.

Soft sobbing leaked through the slightly open bedroom door.

It was the kind of sorrowful weeping that tugged at one’s chest.

A woman’s muffled cries spread through the silent corridor, lingering in the still air.

Caligo, momentarily forgetting even to catch his breath, stood still and listened.

Then, with measured steps, he walked toward the room.

Through the open doorway, he saw Helena.

She was curled up like a child, weeping.

From the moment he first met her until now, she had never stopped shaking his soul.

Yet, in this moment, she seemed so incredibly small.

For someone who had upended his reason time and again, she looked frail, delicate—far too fragile.

And that fragile woman was here, in his estate, sobbing her heart out.

“I want to leave.”

That was the first thing she had said upon seeing him.

The tension in his body loosened at once, and an empty, bitter laugh escaped his lips.

Why had he run so desperately, praying for her survival?

She had been thinking only of leaving this place. She wouldn’t even spare him a glance.

“You want to leave?”

Caligo’s voice came out hollow.

“Do you even understand what you’re saying?”

“…I do.”

“So, in the end, you really are an Eskel.”

“…”

“Completely selfish.”

‘So this is all she amounts to.’

“Leaving is so easy for you, isn’t it?”

She was nothing like him.

No matter how much he wanted to escape from her, he was completely trapped.

Yet for her, walking away seemed effortless.

“I didn’t say it lightly.”

“Well, the problem is, it sure doesn’t sound that way to me.”

Now, he resented her.

“To me, it just sounds like you’re staging some protest over losing your beloved doctor.”

“…That’s not it.”

“Then tell me, Eskel. If you leave, where exactly do you plan to go?”

“…”

“Nowhere, I suppose.”

A cold smirk twisted his lips.

“Well, unless it’s to him.”

He saw the flicker of disappointment and anger in her face.

But that no longer mattered to him.

“I won’t be seeing my senior again.”

“Then why are you so desperate to leave?”

His voice was deceptively soft, but laced with mockery. He didn’t even bother hiding it.

“The social season has begun, and soon, there will be a grand ball.”

“I know.”

“Society’s eyes will be on us.”

“I didn’t think Your Grace cared about public opinion.”

“I didn’t. But I think I’ll start.”

With every word he spoke, her face darkened with sorrow.

For a brief moment, he wondered how he must have looked through her eyes.

‘Pathetic?’

‘Perhaps.’

“You want to leave?” His voice dropped lower. “Did it not occur to you that if you disappear, I will be the one left dealing with the aftermath?”

“…”

“Unless you suddenly die, I will always be the one cleaning up after you.”

At this point, he no longer knew what words were leaving his mouth.

How had things come to this?

All he had wanted was for this woman to stay by his side.

But even that wasn’t easy.

Even if they were bound by a contract, she always felt as though she would slip away from him.

Everything was a mess.

“…Do you,” Helena’s voice trembled as she looked at him, “wish I were dead?”

“…”

“Would it be better if I disappeared forever?”

The words were bitter, like swallowing ash.

“…Yes.”

Maybe it would be easier if she disappeared.

If he had never gotten involved with her, none of this would have happened.

“Maybe that would be for the best.”

He suddenly remembered saying something similar to her before.

And she had agreed—had told him that she would accept death at his hands.

Why?

Why did she speak of death so easily?

Most people avoided the thought of their own death. Most people feared it.

“…Maybe it would have been better if we had never met.”

But this time, Helena reacted differently.

He saw her eyes well up with tears.

Yet, she refused to let him see them fall.

Turning away, she let them soak into the pillow instead.

“…That’s why I have to leave.”

She spoke after releasing her tears, her voice no longer trembling.

“Everyone already knows about us. Nothing will change, whether I stay or go.”

She said she would return to the Eskel estate.

“This isn’t about divorce. It has nothing to do with our agreement.”

Even if she stayed by his side, they would never be able to see eye to eye.

They were never meant to be.

Even if she hadn’t been an Eskel, perhaps their relationship would have been impossible.

No matter what, he would have ended up suffocating her.

“…Fine.”

As he looked at her pale, sickly face, another image flickered over it—like a ghostly overlay of a different time.

Years ago, he had seen her like this before.

A bright smile.

Flushed cheeks, blushing like new rosebuds when she asked questions.

After the rain, droplets glistening like jewels in her hair.

Her green eyes, lost in thought as they watched raindrops gather on leaves.

But that girl—the one he remembered—no longer existed.

He no longer wanted to watch her suffer at his side.

And so, Caligo spoke impulsively.

“…Leave.”

He felt Helena’s gaze settle on him.

Her eyes were eerily calm—so still they almost felt cold.

“You leaving won’t change anything.”

She was the one who had asked to go, and yet, she looked even more wounded.

Was this not the response she had wanted?

But at this point, he no longer cared what she thought.

“Do as you wish.”

The words that fell from his lips were dry, devoid of emotion—so much so that he couldn’t believe he had ever agonized over her in the first place.

“I don’t want to see your face anymore.”

“…”

“Do as you please.”

Maybe it would have been better if things had been this way from the start.

Whenever he was hurt, he ignored it. Whenever an enemy appeared, he got rid of them.

If Helena disappeared from his sight, he would eventually forget—just as if she had never existed.

Like a stranger from the beginning.

“…Thank you.”

After a long silence, she finally responded.

Her hands trembled faintly.

Then, with great effort, she lifted herself from the bed and stood before him.

Her body was covered in bruises from the fall down the stairs.

Her thin arms and legs bore marks of pain.

But he was sick and tired of worrying about her wounds.

Turning away, he refused to look at her.

The faint rustling of fabric sounded as she bowed.

Though her fragile body trembled as if chilled, she endured it.

“I will leave as soon as possible. I’ll make sure not to inconvenience Your Grace…”

As if her earlier breakdown had been a lie, she spoke calmly.

Her voice wavered slightly, revealing traces of nerves, but otherwise, she seemed composed.

Lowering her gaze, she forced herself to finish her words.

Each time she felt like crying, she bit her lip to hold it back.

‘If this is the last time we see each other, I want to end things as gracefully as possible.’

She knew there would be little reason to meet again after this.

It was the last bit of pride—her final wish.

“I’ll handle the rumors myself. People will assume I was cast aside, anyway.”

“Thank you for everything.”

She spoke the words, but he didn’t know how to respond.

So he chose silence.

The room was deathly still—even their breathing seemed muted.

He turned his head slightly, but with her gaze lowered, he couldn’t see her face.

He had no idea what expression she wore, what thoughts ran through her mind.

And so, without a word, Caligo left the room.

He didn’t even acknowledge her parting words.

He simply left, cold and unfeeling.

Only then did Helena finally exhale the breath she had been holding.

She collapsed back onto the bed.

‘It’s really over.’

Burying her face into the pillow, she fought back the sobs that threatened to escape.

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