#57

But the Zerakiel standing in front of me now was nothing more than a teenage boy on the verge of adulthood.

Since his madness hadn’t manifested yet, there was no reason for him to act recklessly.

And perhaps, because I knew those emotions all too well, I could sense his change even better.

Maybe I felt a sense of kinship with Zerakiel, whose situation wasn’t so different from mine.

To outsiders, he probably seemed like the privileged only heir of the Jabis family, living without a care.

But in reality, he didn’t seem to have anyone with whom he could truly share his heart. No matter how close Ivan was, he was still just a subordinate.

His parents, who should have been his support, were too entangled in their own issues to pay proper attention to Zerakiel’s feelings.

How could a boy who hadn’t even fully matured yet be completely fine?

At that moment, Zerakiel spoke.

“I don’t regret what happened.”

“Well, that’s a relief.”

“…”

“I don’t regret accepting your proposal either.”

At my playful remark, accompanied by a grin, Zerakiel flinched. But I continued speaking, unfazed.

“I don’t know why you keep testing me, but there’s no need.”

“…”

“Even if you tell me to leave, I’ll stick around.”

“…”

“So stop making that face.”

Normally, I’d never make such a promise.

But at this moment, it felt like something I absolutely needed to say.

Words that had once brought me comfort in the past.

 

‘Come along with Grandma. I’ll stay by your side now. Grandma’s still strong! I’ll live longer than you, so don’t worry about a thing, just focus on your studies.’

I still vividly remember Grandma’s hand reaching out to me while I sat hunched over at the funeral.

Seeing that wrinkled hand, even though I knew it was a promise that couldn’t be kept, I was incredibly comforted.

And for as long as I lived with Grandma, I was safe and happy.

Even after she passed, she must have been worried about me, as she left a large life insurance payout.

Since I was an adult when she passed, there was no risk of my relatives taking it away. But that sudden windfall at such a young age turned out to be a disaster.

I never imagined I’d be betrayed by a friend I thought was close. When the kindness I’d offered became a trap that ensnared me, I still feel a shiver thinking back to that time.

I probably don’t deserve to meet Grandma even in death.

Maybe that’s why I was reincarnated as this weasel. I must have committed many sins in my previous life.

At that moment, Zerakiel muttered softly. His head was bowed, so I couldn’t read his expression.

“You’re really strange.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you, of all people!”

Who’s calling who strange!

I glared at him and grabbed his hand, spinning him around as I planned to quickly get out of this eerie place.

But after only a few steps, Zerakiel stopped and asked,

“You’re really not going to take a look?”

“Nope.”

“You had such a curious expression.”

“Should I go look now, then?”

When I teasingly started to turn back, he grabbed me tightly. His words and actions were completely at odds with each other.

With a playful smile, I decided to taunt him a little.

“If you want to go in so badly, you go in by yourself! I’m not ready to die yet. I plan to live a long, loud life before I die!”

But Zerakiel’s next response caught me off guard.

“I can’t go in yet.”

“Huh?”

What was that supposed to mean?

Just a moment ago, he was testing me on whether or not I’d go in, and now he’s saying he can’t?

Sensing my confusion, Zerakiel added an explanation.

“My flower hasn’t bloomed yet.”

“…”

“Once it blooms, I’ll be able to enter freely.”

I didn’t fully understand what he meant, but based on bits and pieces I’d heard before, I could make some guesses.

‘We’ve never seen it with our own eyes, so we’re not sure. We only know that the place holds the source of Jabis’s power.’

I remembered what Herman had said. That the Secret Garden contained the source of Jabis’s power.

However, in the original story, there were only flowers inside. Entirely black flowers resembling the black rose on the Jabis family crest.

A normal black rose wouldn’t have a stem that’s also black. Even a dead flower wouldn’t be so completely pitch-black.

Moreover, the flowers on the crest and the one engraved on the door were not mere withered flowers. They must have naturally been that color.

And then…

 

‘Jabis hates flowers. He especially despises them.’

 

Remembering what Zakari had said, I became almost certain. The flowers inside were no ordinary black roses.

Perhaps those flowers were connected to the Jabis family’s madness. After all, if there was any source of power in there, it could only be those flowers.

I asked, bewildered.

“So, in the end, you’ve never gone inside either?”

When I gave him a look as if asking how he could then test me about going in, Zerakiel shrugged.

“I’ve been inside once. I had to plant the flowers myself.”

“I didn’t expect Jabis to have a hobby of gardening.”

“It’s not as elegant as you think.”

“Then what is it?”

“If you know too much, you’ll get hurt.”

Zerakiel gave a faint smile, skillfully dodging the topic. But even that simple gesture implied it wasn’t just ordinary gardening.

Judging by how unpleasant he seemed, it must be something he was forced to do, whether he wanted to or not.

“The partners of those imprinted with Jabis can come and go freely. They’re like a kind of watcher.”

“A watcher?”

“They have the right to know how far the madness has progressed.”

Zerakiel smiled bitterly. It was a smile tinged with self-deprecation about his own fate.

The “right to know” he spoke of was really about preparing to escape in case the madness became too severe. It was advice to never fully trust and to always keep up your guard.

I let out a low sigh. Now that I understood a bit more of the situation, this household felt completely hopeless.

“So, what you’re saying is, you were asking if I wanted to be your watcher.”

“Well, something like that.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

I yelled out in frustration and impulsively bumped my head into his chest. Zerakiel staggered back, startled by the unexpected headbutt.

“Jabis must be full of idiots!”

“Why are you mad?”

Zerakiel asked with a confused expression. My frustration flared up even more, and I grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

“I thought you were hiding some big weakness, but this is just a bunch of fools doing foolish things.”

“…”

“Why don’t you just admit it’s hard? Say that this fate is unbearable, and you don’t understand why this is happening to you.”

“And what would that change?”

Zerakiel asked with a cold, detached face.

“Nothing would change, would it?”

“Of course, it would! Your mindset would change!”

“…”

“Acting like everything’s fine, pretending to be okay, trying to seem calm—do you think that makes life easier? Do you really think it’s good to live in a self-made hell?”

I shook him again, harder this time.

“Do you think anyone will notice if you keep pretending? No! Never! They’ll think you’re really fine. And then, no one will understand your pain. Later, they’ll even dismiss it, calling you dramatic.”

That’s right. Just like my relatives and that wretched friend in my previous life.

 

‘You don’t need all that money, do you? My child needs to study abroad, and we’re short on funds.’

 

My relatives who harassed me daily, trying to get their hands on the insurance money.

‘Oh no, I fell victim to a phone scam. That was my entire life savings… I’d rather die!’

‘My boyfriend broke up with me. What am I supposed to do now? Should I just end it all…?’

‘You’re lucky, aren’t you? Thanks to your grandma’s insurance money, you don’t have to worry about anything. I’m so jealous.’

 

And the so-called friend who emotionally blackmailed me, threatening to take her own life just to get money from me.

They all took advantage of my feelings, finding ways to extort money from me. And when my money ran out, they turned their backs on me.

Still, I tried to keep going. I thought that if I convinced myself I was okay, everything would eventually be fine.

But it wasn’t. The more I lied to myself that I was okay, the more I realized I wasn’t. I wasn’t fine at all, and things didn’t magically get better.