“……..”
Martin, looking at Merdes brightly smiling face, sighed softly without saying anything; there was simply nothing to say.
A family?
While hearing the term ‘uncle’ from Shekina was pleasant, and going out together like this was nice, thinking of it as a family—such a notion had never crossed his mind.
This wasn’t because it felt less caring toward Shekina, and more because the concept of family itself was vague among the demons, especially considering Martin and the other demons.
Could Merdes entertain such thoughts because he wasn’t a complete demon?
If so, what about Shekina?
Martin looked down at Shekina, who remained silent. Her bowed head made it challenging to discern her expression.
Martin was somewhat peculiar even among the demons; he harbored no aversion to other life forms outside their kind.
It wasn’t due to some profound philosophy but rather because Martin, not readily accepted even among demons, embraced anyone who welcomed him, regardless of their race.
It wasn’t just Martin; Arthur, the First Legion demons, all shared a similarity. Despite being elite forces, each one seemed to have some deficiency, easily pleased by anyone showing them favor.
Despite being part of the elite force, they all seemed to share a common characteristic of craving acceptance and warmth.
However, their perspective of ‘seeing everyone kindly despite being demons’ was merely to that extent, and empathizing with the concept of ‘family’ Merdes just mentioned wasn’t easy.
To discuss family, wouldn’t it be more fitting for Arthur to speak? After all, Arthur was one of those peculiar demons who had formed a family cluster among the demons.
“Why are both of you silent? I’m getting awkward here…”
Merdes, glancing around cautiously, looked at Martin and Shekina. He seemed somewhat bashful, like a drenched animal. Martin comforted Merdes with a gentle stroke.
“I don’t really know what family means.”
Martin expressed himself with a somewhat soft demeanor.
“But I understand what the baby is saying.”
“Oh, really?”
“If the baby wishes, I can act like family.”
Merdes eyes sparkled.
In truth, it was a casually thrown statement without much thought. Shekina was receiving favor from other demons, unlike himself. Therefore, he just wanted to narrow the gap by having a different form of address.
However, there was a problem.
“But what does it mean to act like a family?”
Merdes also didn’t know what family was exactly.
Shekina might know, right?
Merdes turned his eyes to Shekina.
“Shekina, what exactly is a family? What should we do?”
Shekina, finally raising her bowed head, looked at Merdes.
“Are you asking such a pitiful question when you don’t even know what it is?”
“No, I just envy Shekina…”
“You envy me?”
Shekina let out a bitter laugh.
Envious of me? Without knowing how I’m living right now, without knowing how I’ve lived, you envy me?
“I don’t know what family is either. I’ve never experienced it. How can I know?”
Shekina clicked her tongue.
“And anyway, we’re not the same species as Martin, right? It’s just a family game. If you want to play family, find someone else.”
It was a somewhat harsh tone. So, not only Merdes but also Martin was surprised.
“Shekina…?”
“Ah, whatever.”
Shekina tousled her hair and lightly tapped Martin’s arm.
“I said put me down. Don’t want to go.”
“… Baby?”
“Put me down!”
Martin reluctantly put Shekina down on the ground, succumbing to her firm insistence.
“Both of you, go out.”
“Uh, but…”
“Go out, scold the humans, and ask them what family is. Then, come back.”
Shekina responded without making eye contact with Merdes.
So, Merdes was somewhat bewildered. It was the first time Shekina spoke so sharply, and her stern expression was also a first. Even when he rolled down the hill after the accident, she didn’t react like this. What’s the problem? Merdes cautiously observed Shekina’s mood.
“You… um, are you mad?”
“Yeah.”
“Why, why?”
Merdes clasped his hands together, looking mildly distressed. Shekina gazed at him and sighed.
“It’s not your fault. I’m just annoyed, that’s all.”
“If you’re upset because of what I said, then it’s my fault…”
“I said it’s not.”
Shekina, once again denying, tapped on Martin’s thigh.
“Merdes, take good care of yourself. I’ll be back soon.”
Why Shekina was acting this way was unclear.
However, Martin, who had lived longer than Merdes, had the ability to sense the atmosphere. He realized that holding on to Shekina any longer wouldn’t result in positive responses.
“Alright, baby, stay in the room. I’ll be back in no time.”
“Even if it’s not so quick, it’s fine.”
Shekina looked at Merdes again, lifting him up.
“Hey, I’m not mad at you, so relax and have fun. Got it?”
“Uh… yeah…”
“A little louder with the answer.”
“Yes! I got it!”
Merdes forced a smile, nodded, and Shekina bid them farewell before leaving.
It was still possible since they hadn’t left the castle gate.
Shekina knew that Merdes and Martin were behind her, yet she didn’t turn around even once as she walked ahead.
The recent actions were indeed foolish; she knew it. She also acknowledged that it was just a pointless outburst. But she couldn’t help it.
‘Family you said?’
Shekina let out a bitter laugh.
‘Would I know it well?’
My clenched fist was shaking.
‘How could I possibly know such a thing?’
When Martin and Merdes were almost out of sight, Shekina collapsed, her fists trembling.
“I’m really frustrated.”
It wasn’t unlocking the seal of memories. Shekina was buried under a flood of memories, closing her eyes tightly.
***
Before being immersed in the game.
Back in the 21st century, living in South Korea.
I grew up in a fairly decent family. People might have thought of me as the ‘perfect exemplary student’ when they looked at me. My school uniform was always neat, my grades were always top-notch, and my parents had excellent professions.
However, within my neat school uniform, there were bruised and battered skin every day without exception, and within my top-ranking grades, there was the psychological abuse that said I was worthless if I couldn’t do even better. My supposedly excellent parents were only true for my older brother.
My older brother, a three sons, received praise from all relatives. My mom, who gave birth to such a son, received compliments from everyone, and the same went for my dad. Then I was born.
My mom, who received praise for giving birth to a triple crown winner, was quickly discarded after giving birth to me. My birth was not welcomed, and my dad, furious that I wasn’t a son, wanted to get rid of me. But I was born anyway, and that’s when the hell with my mom began.
When my dad found out about my gender in the womb, he told my mom to get rid of me, but my mom insisted that I was still her child, and my dad, wanting to erase me, even hit my pregnant mom. But I was born, and that’s when the hell with my mom started.
My mother, who was loved by everyone for giving birth to three son, was abandoned as soon as she gave birth to me.
While I was in the womb, Mom wanted to protect me with manipulated maternal instincts, but after I was born, the importance of the surrounding gazes, harassment, and evaluations surpassed the bestowed maternal instincts.
Mom regretted giving birth to me. If I hadn’t existed, she could have continued to live comfortably as the mother of her three sons.
Even though the relatives, immersed in the nonsensical preference for males, were abnormal individuals, Mom expressed anger toward me, the relative ‘weakling,’ because they were the ‘strong’ ones.
I had been beaten since my first memory – by Mom, Dad, and even my brother.
My brother, who practiced boxing, used me as a punching bag. Once, my facial bones crumbled from the blows, but Mom and Dad praised my brother’s skills and berated me for being unnecessarily weak.
If my grades were low, I was beaten for that; if my grades were good, I was beaten for studying as a girl. If I ate, I was called a parasite; if I didn’t eat, I was accused of protesting. Going out led to accusations of mischief; staying at home brought annoyance. Yes, I was always exposed to violence.
So, for me, family was just a group that hated me, and when I was hit by a car while running away from the abuse, I cried tears of joy. Finally, I could escape this hellish life.
But I couldn’t escape hell.
Families akin to my previous lives.
Families that hated, rejected, and beat me without reason.
In all seven lives, including the previous ones, ‘family’ meant nothing more or less than a ‘group that loathed me.’
So,
– Shekina, what exactly is a family? What are we supposed to do as a family?
I couldn’t respond to such words.
– I just envy Shekina…
The word ‘envy’ filled me with disgust.
Without knowing how I lived.
Without knowing how much I suffered.
Envious?
I know.
Merdes is young, and from his perspective, I might seem appealing.
But I’ve never once escaped this hell.
So, I…
Don’t know what family is.
Don’t know what a family should do.
I might never know until the end of this life.
‘Should I just die now…’
Struggling is tiresome. Whether it’s a game or not, maybe it will all end if I just die. I slowly raised the eyes I had kept shut. As soon as I did, the blurry and dark sky seemed just like my life. It felt like tears would come.
That’s when it happened.
“Thought you were a corpse.”
A unfamiliar voice echoed. I hastily sat up and looked at the owner of the voice.
“What are you doing here?”
“… Boss?”
The Demon Lord, Lucart.
He was staring down at me. I felt a chill run down my spine and bowed deeply.
“I’m sorry. I was just lying down…”
As I hesitated, something was tossed towards my face.
It was a handkerchief.
Only then did I realize that I was crying.
“Follow me.”
I quickly got up, watching the Demon Lord’s retreating back and the strangely conspicuous handkerchief.
“Together, let’s go together!”
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