Killing them was an easy task for me.
I was strong, and they were weak.
However, I was a sacrificial character bound to this game world.
They were real people living their own lives.
Their spilled blood was vivid, their screams clear, but I was neither dead when I died nor alive when I lived—just a stepping stone for the protagonist’s growth.
“■■ Ah! Save me■!”
“That ■■!”
“Why ■■ this■■!”
I want to quit.
I want to quit everything.
But I can’t end it.
What should I do?
How can I escape from this tiresome life?
I know.
There is no way to escape from this life.
Living quietly as if portrayed by the system, just living and dying is all that’s required.
Those who died by my hands were, in the eyes of the system, a feeble adversary who couldn’t resist the overpowering force I represented.
Amidst my own repulsiveness and disgust, a sense of emptiness engulfed me.
Stop, stop, stop.
Please, someone help. Please.
“■■■■■■!”
What reached out to me amidst the pool of blood of the oppressed was not a hand of salvation but a chilling blade.
I was dragged to the palace and faced trial, ultimately receiving a death sentence.
At that moment, I wondered if perhaps this execution might be the opportunity to end this tiresome cycle. Having failed at suicide every time, maybe dying through someone other than a hero could bring it to an end. So, I eagerly awaited my execution.
However, the awaited execution did not take place.
It was someone else hanging from the noose, and instead of a rope around my neck, there were shackles.
The person holding the key to the shackles was someone I had never seen before—neither in the game nor in my past life.
– The vessel of the soul is truly vast. It rivals that of a god.
I was his sacrifice.
A sacrifice used to resurrect the dark magic that disappeared a thousand years ago—too dangerous and cruel.
He confined me to a basement where sunlight never reached, injecting black liquid into me every day. Each time, I felt my skin burning, writhing in agony. It hurt, it hurt so much. Why do I always have to suffer like this? Why do I have to die like this, live such a meaningless life, and why, must I be so pitiful?
I could have killed the one who offered me as a sacrifice. I had enough strength for that.
But I didn’t. In fact, I couldn’t even entertain the thought. I was too tired, too worn out, and I just wanted to quit everything.
– Yes! Everything is ready now! We can finally summon them!
It was a day when so much time had passed that I couldn’t even recall the warmth of the sun, the clarity of the sky, the freshness of the wind, or the coolness of moonlight.
Thrown into the abyss of insanity created by the blood of countless people…
– Please, take my hand!
I encountered a hero.
He defeated the one who had imprisoned me and rescued me from the basement.
Yes.
He was my savior.
An angel who pulled me out of days more terrible than hell.
But at the same time,
– Wh-why? Why…!
He was also a demon who could kill me.
The day he rescued me was a day when I rediscovered the beauty of the world I had forgotten, and simultaneously, it was my 15th birthday.
– No! Please, please open your eyes! It can’t end like this!
Watching Dehan crying beyond the blurry vision, I couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh.
Why do you love me?
Is it because of the laws of this world that you love me?
Then, I…
– Why do I love you?
And so, the fifth life came to an end.
***
As I began my sixth life,
I activated dark magic.
That researcher, whose name I didn’t even know, had been muttering next to me so much that I couldn’t help but learn.
‘Memory-sealing magic.’
So, I bound all my memories.
Forget the dreadful past.
Being a game character, the fixed fate of dying as the hero’s lover, and the knowledge accumulated from past lives.
I sealed everything except for this, hoping, please, let it not be painful this time.
“So, am I a legend for forgetting it all again?”
Phew.
Holding my dizzy head, I raised my eyes and let out a long sigh.
All the memories of the past 90 years rushed in at once, and my breath caught. Uncontrollably, tears welled up in my eyes. It was the inevitable surge of sadness and pain.
“Don’t cry. It’s okay. Things will get better now.”
Tapping myself on the back, I chuckled! and sniffed.
“No one loves me. I’m the only one who can love myself. I’m saving myself, so don’t cry. It’s okay. It’ll be fine.”
How long had it been like that?
The throbbing headache subsided, and the labored breath became regular.
With this newfound calm, I could make judgments as cool-headed as usual.
‘Dark magic.’
Memories of the magic experimented on my fifth iteration.
‘I found it.’
Also, what to do from now on.
***
“……”
Nisha, sitting on the balcony railing, reached her hand towards the sky.
Shooaaa—
The rushing wind tousles Nisha’s long hair.
– Did you hear? Did you hear?
– I just heard it, right? I heard it too!
– Poor thing, poor thing!
The whispers of the wind spirits enter Nisha’s body through her pointed ears. Nisha slowly closes her eyes.
When Nisha learned that Advisor Lyat had brought a strange demon to find Shekina.
Nisha immediately sent the wind spirit to stick with Shekina.
While high-ranking demons like Lyat could sense the presence of spirits, Nisha believed Shekina wouldn’t notice.
Thus, Sebastian, the peculiar demon, was able to eavesdrop on the first conversation between Lyat and Sekina.
– Did you use dark magic?
Dark magic.
Magic even forbidden among demons.
Nisha, who has read all the books in the library, only knows a very limited aspect of it. How does a mere 3-year-old homunculus like Luce know about it?
I wanted to find out more, but I was blocked by soundproof magic. Yet, Nisha didn’t give up and followed Shekina even to the library.
So, I found out.
– No one loves me. I’m the only one who can love myself.
The loneliness of the pitiful homunculus.
– I’m saving myself, so don’t cry. It’s okay.
The vulnerability of the seabirds on the open sea.
– It’ll be fine.
What?
If I were by your side, you would have asked.
What exactly will be fine?
This situation?
Our existence?
The fact that we were created with words that will be used and discarded anyway?
Nisha withdrew her hand that had reached into the air and chuckled softly.
What is that homunculus feeling? What is she seeing?
I don’t know.
It was natural not to understand since I hadn’t learned or experienced it.
So, Nisha became curious.
“Stay with her.”
Nisha sent the wind spirit once again.
“Because I want to be fine too.”
Shooaaa—
The wind blew again.
The smile on Nisha’s lips was carried away by the wind.
***
After sniffing for a while, I came out of the library and made a determined decision.
I will truly find my life this time.
I won’t be tormented anymore.
So, it should go as planned now… I thought.
“Lady Shekina! Are you out?”
First of all, being grabbed by the red-haired demon who was in the library wasn’t part of the plan.
“Oh, right. This! Advisor wanted you to have this.”
He hadn’t even considered the piece of paper he handed me.
“Here, the dates and number of visitors for the temple visit. Advisor wanted you to check, just in case!”
The contents written inside were even more unimaginable.
“…… Ah.”
The moment I saw the paper, my mouth hung open.
“Damnit.”
It couldn’t be helped.
<Dehan Agatho>
The hero’s name was written.
“Why is he here?”
Thankyou for coming to this sites and read my translation, enjoy! Sorry if theres still have any mistake on the translation. See you on the next update!
Click bellow to support me on ko-fi.
