Chapter 2: Luck? Synesthesia? Hallucination? Auditory Hallucination? (2)
“Can you still see it?”
My father suddenly asked this while we were at a nearby ‘gukbap’1(noodle soup) restaurant near the hospital.
“No.”
“Why? You said you could see it. Were you faking it again?”
“…When I want it to disappear, it doesn’t show.”
It was strange and fascinating, but that was the truth.
Just now, as we walked through the hospital lobby, I felt nauseous from the tangled mess of colors created by the crowd. So I thought, ‘I don’t want to see this’, and all the colors disappear at once.
“What? Where in the world is there a convenient disability like that?”
“It’s not a disability, it’s an aftereffect.”
I shoveled some gukbap into my mouth. They’re delicious.
“For someone who can’t make money, you sure can eat a lot.”
“…”
I kept my mouth shut, having nothing to say.
For reference, the membership fee for the copyright association is 180,000 won, but in the past year, I’ve only earned five times that amount from copyrights. It’s really pathetic.
“…Dad.”
Feigning nonchalance, I chewed on some kimchi and started talking. Maybe it was because I had been in a major accident just yesterday, but a sense of futility washed over me.
A feeling that if I continued living like this, I would die without accomplishing anything—a feeling as overwhelming as a raging wave.
“What?”
“Should I quit now?”
My father was silent for a moment. Then he pretended to be calm like me and chewed on some kimchi.
“…If you quit. What are you going to do?
“I have a lot of options. I’m better at composing than singers, so I could move to the idol industry…”
“Ridiculous.”
Kimchi juice splattered on my face from my father’s chewing. But hey, I used to hear all the time that I was handsome back in the day…
“Lose some weight before you talk.”
“Yes.”
187 cm. But 105 kg. That was my physical condition just three weeks ago. Of course, my weight is still increasing.
“Just kidding. I can do that too?”
“What do you mean?”
“Painting.”
My father’s hand stopped.
Art.
The one talent I poured my heart and soul into during my childhood and school years. Even when I drew haphazardly, my teachers were impressed and my classmates were jealous.
The reason everyone was in awe of my rough sketches was my ‘delicate brush strokes’ and ‘exquisite color combinations’ techniques I mastered on my own without anyone’s guidance.
Because of this, until I entered high school, I thought I’d become an artist. In fact, famous academy teachers and university professors told me so often that I should go overseas because Seoul National University or Korea University was too insignificant for me.
“Even if I don’t know about music, I’m good at drawing.”
With that talent, I wouldn’t have to worry about making a living. Though it had been a while since I held a brush, my hands still remembered. If I found my professor…
But my father was firm.
“Give it up.”
He didn’t add any reasons. He was the only person who knew me better than I knew myself.
“…”
So I didn’t raise any objections. To be honest, after bringing it up, I fully understood. After going through a series of hardships, I had become much weaker.
Filling my stomach with the warm gukbap, I reminded myself why I chose this path. I steeled my resolve once more.
For you.
And for me.
I have to walk this path.
In silence, I kept eating the gukbap. My eyes became moist, so I lowered my head in the bowl.
For some reason, I felt my father was just the same as me.
After being discharged from the hospital at 6 PM, in the middle of Ilsan LaFesta.
“Damn it.”
I rummaged through my pocket and found 250 won. Vending machine coffee starts at 300 won. Why did I confidently mistake a 50 won coin for a 100 won one?
“Ugh.”
As I regretfully put the coins back into my pocket, sighing in regret, the sound of a guitar melody came from somewhere.
Instinctively, I turned my head. A man was starting a busking performance on a nearby bench.
“Today’s start is early.”
Street music, commonly known as ‘busking’.
As everyone knows, Hongdae is the most famous spot for street music, but La Festa is also a great place for busking.
There are relatively few buskers, so their voices don’t overlap, and there are just enough people to be an audience, making it more comfortable to enjoy than Hongdae.
– In a world without you ~
“… … Hmm. Should I turn it on?”
The man’s busking performance was crude, and his pitch was unstable, but as I listened, a thought suddenly came to mind. The aftereffect I got from the accident.
But will it turn back on just by thinking about turning it on? No, did I mistake the fact that it was already healed as me turning it on?
With these thoughts in mind, I muttered to myself.
‘Turn it on’.
But there were many things I overlooked. Today is Friday, 6:00 pm. And this was La Festa, the busiest place in Seosan. It’s a place with so many voices that it’s noisy.
“Ugh.”
Suddenly, the color from the voices of tens, hundreds of people surged up and filed my sight.
The overwhelming display of intertwined colors made me feel like I was being crushed, so I hurriedly closed my eyes. But under my eyelids, the colors became even more vivid.
“TURN OFF!”
I ended up shouting out loud, floundering and only then did the world return to its original colors.
I let out a sigh of relief and opened my eyes again.
I can see the stares of the people around me piercing me.
“… … Oh no.”
But I was too dizzy to be embarrassed. I clutched my temples and couldn’t help lay down on a nearby bench, dry-heaving a few times.
This is really something I shouldn’t turn on carelessly.
But if it continues like this, it’s really just going to be a long-term aftereffect. Can’t I focus this ability on just one person? For example, that male busker over there…
Before I could finish my thoughts, a single voice reached me.
No, not a voice, but a color. Yes, a color. A dull gray color that wasn’t too dark or too light, lacking both depth and vibrancy.
Added to that was the sound of the guitar amplified by a cheap amp, a crude cobalt blue.
I close my eyes and quietly listen to the song. The busker’s gray and the guitar’s cobalt blue slowly painted an incomplete sketch.
– I’m crying silently ~
But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. The picture couldn’t be completed with only those two colors. I instinctively knew that more colors and lines were needed for this song.
Then how could I fill in those empty spaces…?
At that moment, as if possessed by something, the color I had been hoping for suddenly appeared there.
A vibrant green adorned with light, the melody of a piano. But the busker’s instruments were still just the guitar and his voice.
That’s when I realized.
Oh, that green is a color I created.
I continued to add colors with my eyes closed. Although the busker’s vocal skills were lacking, it didn’t matter.
Because other rich colors would hide his flaws and highlight his strengths…
– Without you in my life –
However, as soon as a wrong note was hit, the picture I had painstakingly formed was completely destroyed.
“…He sings terribly.”
No matter what, hitting the wrong note is unacceptable.
“Hmm.”
Embarrassed, the busker awkwardly ended the song, and I deactivated this strange ability.
And I lean against the bench and think. Suddenly, I have a premonition. A premonition that this aftereffect is not just a simple aftereffect.
This is… a life-changing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Or maybe a lottery win for someone who has lived a life of misfortune.
As soon as I reached that thought, my heart started to race. A small excitement quickly grew and flooded my entire body.
I got up quickly. There’s no time to waste outside. I need to get home. Let’s go home and create music once more.
Let’s try again…
I ran like the wind to my studio apartment.
As soon as I got home, I sat down on my work chair.
After years of misfortune, perhaps this might be the only stroke of luck. Determined not to miss it, I put on my headset and activated my ‘Color Sight’—I decided to call this ability Color Sight from now on.
I started listening to the current chart-topping music to test my ability.
First up was the single album ‘Sense’ by girl group ‘Lilac’, which was released three months ago but is still at number 70 on the charts.
What kind of inspiration would I get from listening to this song? What kind of amazing scenes would my brain, which has been altered by external shock, show me?
“Hmm.”
With a neutral expression, I played the song. The music unfolded immediately.
From the beginning, the intense beat and electronic sounds dazzled my sight. They intertwined like complicated lines and then with the voices of three people, soon formed a hot shape.
The energetic rhythm was tiring to the eyes, constantly changing its form. It’s dynamic and cheerful, but the scenes changed too quickly.
In other words, it was just fun without any theme.
Eventually, I turned off the song after the first verse was over.
“My head feels like it’s going to explode.”
There are too many instruments used, making the colors literally flooding in.
“It’s catchy and good… but…”
On a stage firmly supported by a solid bass and drum, colorful lights poured down, and the voices danced above them.
The song itself was enough to uplift the listener’s spirits, and the image created by the music, though a bit chaotic, was not bad. It’s like pop art.
However, the problem was the voices.
The tones of the three singers did not harmonize. One was red, another pink, which somehow oddly matched, but the innocent white was stuck at a loss amidst them and didn’t know what to do.
This subtle yet clear dissonance could be summed up in one word.
‘Lilac’.
Lilac is a group that is particularly familiar to the public. Originally, Lilac was not a group created to perform this kind of dance music.
Two years ago, when audition programs were popular, the group was formed by bringing together talented women with good singing skills who ranked 3rd, 6th, and 7th, respectively. If I remember correctly, they were Lee Yeon-ji, Yoo Ah-ra, and Kim Yoo-jung in order of rank.
Among them, the one with the white color is Yoo Ah-ra. She has a baby-like cute voice and a matching doll-like appearance that makes her immensely popular with men of all ages. She’s often called ‘Yoo-vely.’
However, Yoo Ah-ra’s voice doesn’t suit this kind of dance song at all. There are many parts where it is difficult to understand what she is saying because she is trying to force fast-tempo lyrics into the song with her short tongue.
In other words, this song, ‘Sense’, doesn’t consider Yoo Ah-ra’s distinct characteristics at all.
It is just rushing to follow the current trends.
Riding trends actively can lead to successful navigation, but compromising with trends unwillingly leads to drifting aimlessly.
Lilac’s song fits perfectly into the latter category. It’s a song that only existing fans listen to, without attracting new ones. That’s why it only reached a peak position of 5th on the charts.
“Whoa.”
Suddenly, my eyes opened wide.
Have I ever had this level of insight?
No, I haven’t. Normally, I would have just let it pass without a second thought, saying, ‘It feels like something is missing, but I can’t figure out what it is’.
But now, something is different. Is it only because I can see music with my eyes? But to say that it is only because of that…
– How do you feel about me? ~
As the first chorus of the song ended, I turned off the music as the second verse started.
“I don’t want to listen anymore.”
My eyes and temples are throbbing so much that it makes it hard to think. It’s about 100 times more exhausting than just listening with my ears.
I’m worried. There must be many songs on the charts that’s even more colorful than this.
… But I guess I have to listen.
To create my own song, I need to understand the colors and forms of successful music. And idol music makes more money than other genres. And right now I need the money to buy equipment and pay off my debts…
In the end, after taking a 10-minute break, I played the song again.
