Chapter 1: Luck? Synesthesia? Hallucination? Auditory Hallucination? (1)
I poured my heart and soul into my work, sacrificing even my sleep to pursue my dream.
However, the world and its people were not kind to me.
I think I definitely had a good start. I was lucky enough to get a job at a major entertainment agency, TM, as soon as I was discharged from the military.
But, the company only wanted an ‘engineer’ to handle all the tedious tasks, so during the two years I was there, I never got any closer to what I wanted to do–to produce.
Unable to bear it, I left the company.
The phrase ‘patience is a virtue’ lost its appeal to me at that time.
Afterwards, I used all the money I had saved, and with the help of my father and a bank loan, I built my own studio.
Although I was in debt, I was happy because I could do what I wanted. I naively thought that success was within my reach, that I only needed to stretch out my hand and grab it.
I sent my first song, which I had poured all my effort, dedication, and sweat into, to a mid-sized agency where my friend worked as a manager.
Yoon Seong-woo, who was just a manager at the time, said that it wasn’t bad for a first song and that with a little polishing, it could be used in an album.
The CEO of the agency seemed to think so too, and he promised me that it would be included in an upcoming album of a mid-tier singer, not as the title track but as a B-side.
And it was used.
The result was…
The male singer who sang my song ‘Spring Water’ was caught in a drug scandal as soon as he released his album. Naturally, my ‘Spring Water’ was buried along with the singer’s career. It was devastating.
However, as the saying goes, life is full of ups and downs. The CEO who liked my song entrusted me with another track to work on for the next boy group’s album. Although the deadline was tight, I worked tirelessly without any regrets.
Thus, ‘You and I in That Scene’ was born. It wasn’t perfect, but it was my best effort.
After submitting the song, I anxiously waited for the release date, feeling like my life was hanging by a thread.
Then, just two days after the long-awaited album was released…
The leader of the boy group killed someone while driving drunk.
Then, it was revealed that the youngest member was a notorious bully in the past.
The group’s name was ‘Devils’, and those bastards truly lived up to their name, and my song was buried again.
But the misfortune didn’t end there.
I rose up again from despair and wrote another song. Due to various incidents, I developed a distrust of men, so I chose a female singer for my song this time.
Maybe it was because I was an ‘established songwriter’ that I had a song on the album before, when I played the demo tape, the response was pretty good.
For the first time, I was in a position to choose the singer, rather than praying to be chosen. The candidates were not obscure or unknown rookies.
I felt like I was walking on clouds.
After thorough discussions and intense deliberations, I narrowed it down to two singers candidates
Lee Yu-ju and Ha Ye-ri.
Lee Yu-ju was a true singer in her late 20s who ‘used to be’ an idol, while Ha Ye-ri was an emerging star in a promising idol group.
Both were excellent choices, but I wanted someone who could sing my song well.
So I chose Lee Yu-ju.
Meeting her in person, Lee Yu-ju was as kind and gentle as she appeared on TV. She liked my song a lot, and even the directing sessions, which usually had a high potential for conflict, went quite smoothly and were enjoyable.
Anyway, that’s how I ended up recording, arranging, and mastering it, and exactly a week later…
Lee Yu-ju’s adultery scandal broke out.
All the albums in progress were scrapped, and my song was once again unable to be released to the world.
But I thought it would be okay since it hadn’t been officially announced yet. But that was just a naive and foolish misconception that underestimated the harshness and ruthlessness of the entertainment industry.
I went back to the people I had turned down before.
They all turned me down.
I saw, first-hand, what a smug look truly looked like.
The most vivid memory was of Ha Ye-ri, one of my final candidates.
‘Why did you choose that crazy woman? Did you even bring a song that’s already cursed to me? It’ll just bring bad luck.’
I never expected that such sharp words could come out from her delicate and pretty face.
However, looking back now, her foresight about ‘bringing bad luck’ was accurate.
After that, I kept getting rejected, and even when I was lucky enough to get a confirmation, some kind of incident would break out, leading to repeated failures.
With each failure, my confidence dropped. At least if my songs had been outright rejected, it wouldn’t have been so disheartening. But the thought that my efforts were in vain haunted me.
Eventually, I reached a point where I forgot how to compose, how to approach music altogether. Before I knew it, I had become an icon of failure and misfortune, just like my friend had said.
But who could I blame? It was all my fault for being so incompetent and unlucky……
……A faint light seeped through my closed eyelids. Following that, a deep voice drifted into my hazy consciousness.
“The test results show no significant injuries, and his irises are responding. He should wake up soon.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
This time, a familiar, dignified yet gentle voice.
It was my father.
I hadn’t shown my face for the past six months out of shame, and this is the first thing he sees? My immense filial impiety filled me with a deep sadness and slowly opened my eyes.
The doctor had a brief conversation with my father and then left. My father sat down beside the bed. There were tears in his eyes… not welling up, but already present.
“You are very calm. You’re even yawning.”
I was determined to keep my eyes shut and stay lying down, but I felt wronged, so I opened them wide and then quickly closed them again.
The bright lights in the hospital room almost blinded me. So I squinted my eyes and turned my stiff neck to glare at my father.
“Oh, son. You’re awake.”
“…”
“What’s wrong, son? Do you want me to call the doctor?”
“…”
I couldn’t say anything. It was because of the strange phenomenon I was seeing right now.
Paint was flowing out of my father’s mouth. A deep, resonant black, rippling like waves.
“Hey. Can’t you hear me?”
The paint approached more directly to me as his voice grew louder.
Colors that didn’t belong here were mixing with my father’s voice. Bright paints in various hues complemented the black.
These colors rose regardless of my will, and in my ears, melodies played by piano and guitar resonated in response to the paint.
“What’s wrong with you, son?”
His gruff voice brought me back to my senses. The paints that had been swirling in front of me all disappeared, and only then did I see the situation clearly.
I stared blankly at my father. Another man was approaching from behind my father’s shoulder.
He was the doctor.
“You’re very fortunate,” the doctor began to speak.
Listening to him, I realized it was really a miracle. Despite the severe collision and being hit in the back of the head by flying debris, I had only suffered minor bruises and a little bit of bleeding.
I let out a sigh of relief at this incredible luck.
“But there are side effects, right? I heard something about hallucinations.”
After a brief diagnosis involving X-rays and a CT scan, the doctor moved on to the next topic.
“Yes. I can see colors. But it’s not just colors; it’s a bit different.”
“How exactly is it different?”
“Well, that’s… how do I say it? I guess I could say it’s like paint.”
The doctor narrowed his eyes, perhaps because the explanation was a bit vague.
“Can you explain it in more detail?”
“Well, it’s like paint pouring out of people’s mouths. The color and brightness vary by person, and the saturation changes with the pitch of their voice.”
The sample of people who have tested this ability, presumably an aftereffect of the accident, is small. Only my father, the doctor, and the four nurses the doctor had let in out of curiosity. But their voices all expressed different characteristics.
For example, this doctor’s voice was a high-saturation gray, calm and reassuring, lingering quality that gives me a sense of peace and reliability.
Whereas my father’s voice was a deep, dry black, and had a heavy, dignified feel.
“And most importantly…”
Whenever I see the paint, I get a sudden spark of inspiration within me. Even now, I can vividly imagine what kind of music I should draw (compose) using this doctor’s voice, which instruments would complement it best.
“…No, that’s it.”
There was no need to mention that.
The doctor scratched his temple with his pen.
“Hmm. I see. I can vaguely understand what you mean. Other than that, do you have any other symptoms? Headaches, perhaps?”
“Not yet.”
“Well, then it might be considered a side effect.”
“A side effect?”
“Yes. Have you heard the story of the man who, after being mugged, started seeing everything in the world as geometric shapes?”
I nodded. It was a pretty famous story. A true story that caused quite a stir, about a man who was hit in the head by a mugger and ended up seeing all the elements of the world as mathematical shapes. It had garnered considerable attention.
“Yes, I’ve heard of it in passing.”
“When a specific part of the brain is stimulated, such things can happen, albeit very rarely. It seems you’ve developed ‘synesthesia’.”
“Synesthesia?”
Synesthesia or color hearing (色聽).
Hearing the term, I could roughly guess its meaning. It’s probably the phenomenon of being able to see the color of sound.
“Yes. It’s a type of sensory crossover syndrome. However, your condition is quite different from typical synesthesia. No, it’s completely separate. You can see the colors only from human voices, not from inanimate objects or natural sounds. But since the core of the phenomenon is similar, classifying it as color hearing wouldn’t be entirely wrong.”
…Actually, the doctor was mistaken. It wasn’t limited to human voices; it affected other sounds as well. I confirmed this just after listening to music through earphones earlier. But explaining that would unnecessarily lengthen the conversation, so I simply nodded.
“Yes, I understand. But then, do I need treatment?”
The doctor smiled and shook his head.
“No. As I mentioned before, there’s no significant issue. And there’s no specific treatment for this kind of condition. If the colors— or rather, the paints—bother you, you might experience occasional dizziness, but most of these symptoms will likely disappear within a week. Just keep coming in for regular check-ups.”
So, it was a rare condition but not a problematic one. My father and I sighed in relief simultaneously.
“Oh, that’s a relief. But…”
I hesitated for a moment before speaking.
“Well, do I need… to undergo any research or something? You know, stuff like live experiments…”
“Experiment?”
“Yes. Like, offering me a huge amount of money in exchange for letting them study me.”
“Haha. No, no, absolutely not. If you agree, we would only report your symptoms as a case study to the academic community, but even that wouldn’t be possible if you didn’t consent.”
“Ah, I see.”
It was a bit disappointing. In a novel I read before, a person with special abilities received substantial financial compensation in exchange for allowing themselves to be studied. If something like that happened like in the novel, I could pay off my debts and buy all the equipment I wanted…
My father’s voice interrupted my daydream.
“Thank you, doctor. Then, can he be discharged immediately?”
“I recommend staying for another day or so, but it wouldn’t be a problem if he was discharged if necessary.”
“Then we’ll discharge him. It’s more problematic if someone who doesn’t earn money stays here any longer.”
There was no need to say that out loud, was there?
Feeling embarrassed by the doctor’s awkward smile, I let my father lead me out of the room.
Hmm haha