– 14 –
Callix had been suffering from an unexplained headache ever since he had rescued Kailyn Brockburg, the daughter of the Duke Brockburg, from the river two weeks ago.
It wasn’t exactly a pain.
It was more like a feeling of something constantly colliding in his mind, flashes of images.
It’s like someone’s image, and the feelings he has for them, are hitting his head, but whenever he tries to grasp what it was, it slips away…….
In short, he was frustrated and confused.
This headache was the first since the unexplained headaches he experienced about six years ago.
Six years ago, when he was 20 years old, a sudden headache had struck him terribly.
It felt like an intense pounding in his head that was unbearable, and after the initial shock, the headache persisted for days.
Once the headache had subsided, he resumed his daily life as if nothing had happened, but shortly thereafter, he realized that he had lost something.
Somewhere between the ages of ten and sixteen, parts of his memories seemed to have disappeared, as if there were holes in them.
Not objective memories, such as knowledge and information, but only memories related to his feelings, but he couldn’t tell what they were because they were gone.
In fact, Calixis didn’t find the gaps in his memory to be a significant issue.
These gaps hadn’t affected his intellectual, physical, or social abilities in any way.
It was merely the feeling that there were black holes in some of his childhood and adolescent memories.
But Calix never told anyone about the gaps in his memory.
He had no allies in the imperial palace.
The Empress’s faction, which included the Duke of Brockburg and other nobles, was growing stronger by the day.
Any indication that he had issues with his memory could be exploited as a fatal weakness by the Empress’s faction.
If it were known that Calix had a mental issue, it was uncertain whether the Emperor, who had an alternative heir in Leon, would continue to recognize him as the Crown Prince.
Therefore, since those severe headaches and memory loss six years ago, Calixis had been fighting even more fiercely with himself.
He hadn’t shown any weaknesses to anyone and had strived relentlessly to perfect his image as the next Emperor.
He had put in his best efforts into social activities, which he didn’t naturally excel at, to avoid giving the nobles any reason to attack him. To control his inner anger and instability, he had continuously worked on improving his self-discipline.
And even though he was already the most skilled swordsman in the empire by the time he was twenty, he has worked tirelessly to further improve himself.
Amid constant checks by the Empress and the noble factions, he trained the Crown Prince’s understrength knightly order, searched the land for talent, and fought alongside them on the battlefields, turning them into the most elite knights of the Empire.
A force formidable enough to stand against any coalition of rebels….
As a result, the Emperor recognized Calix’s and the Crown Prince’s performance in the borderlands, and this recognition of his military prowess became a crucial support for maintaining his position.
But then…
The memory of the Duke of Brockburgh’s daughter, pulled from the water two weeks ago, was trying to resurface in his mind, a memory that had been completely absent ever since.
A drowning woman, a drowning girl.
An unconscious girl, an unconscious girl.
A beautiful woman, a cute and pretty girl….
A child… that child…
And with each faint, indistinct memory and emotion surfaced, the feeling he experienced wasn’t one of relief or joy at recovering what was lost. Strangely, it was anxiety.
What were these forgotten memories, and what were these resurfacing memories trying to reveal….?
But he couldn’t ask anyone about his memories.
Not even the captain and vice-captain of his knightly order, who were like his right hand, could know the memories of their own youth….
Perhaps the only ones who might know about his lost memories were the Duke of Brockburg or Count Lukeford.
He had visited their estates frequently during that time…..
But there was no way he could ask the Duke, who was now his greatest enemy, about his memories.
Even today, he could barely concentrate on his work, with memories and strange feelings cluttering his mind.
This distraction was so intense that he even interrupted an important report from the captain of his knights.
‘I shouldn’t have saved her. I could have ordered Rajiv to do it…. Why did I do it myself?’ And to make matters worse, I rescued a woman who claimed to like me. If that weird woman misunderstands, it could be a big problem.’
When he first saw the woman who had fallen into the river during the intermission of the opera performance, he was more baffled than concerned.
Who falls into a river during a break?
His initial thought was that she was just a strange woman.
But the moment he locked eyes with her, struggling desperately, there was something infinitely sorrowful in her gaze that ignited a fierce emotion within him.
And with that explosive feeling, Calix had jumped into the water.
He could have just ordered Rajif, who was beside him, but for some reason, her eyes made him jump into the river himself.
The Duke of Brockburg’s daughter, who persistently stared at him, shamelessly flirted, said nonsensical things, her questionable behavior, and the fact that he, the crown prince himself, would jump in for her…..
In hindsight, it was certainly an inappropriate action.
It didn’t seem like something his rational mind had commanded.
It had even created a swirl of chaos in his head since that day, and he felt uneasy as memories that shouldn’t have been there tried to rush in.
And now, that woman had come to see him.
‘Why? To thank me for saving her? Or… surely she’s not here to confess her love again?’
The memory of her declaring, ‘I like you, Your Highness!’ echoed in his ears once more.
But she was the daughter of the powerful Duke of Brockburg after all.
In other words, she was not someone he could simply ignore or send away without causing a scene.
Despite finding her peculiar and bothersome, he had tolerated her thus far. But now she had barged into his office!
Calix took a deep breath.
‘Just this once more. For the last time.’
Calming himself, he turned to his chief attendant.
“Let her in.”
*****
“Greetings to the Crown Prince.”
Calix didn’t even bother to rise from his desk to greet me.
It should have been touching that I came in good health to express my gratitude, yet here he was, greeting me while seated.
“Why have you come to see me, Lady Kailyn Brockburg?”
Following his unexpected behavior, he didn’t even offer me a seat, but went straight to the question.
“I wanted to thank you for saving me.”
“I couldn’t just leave a dying person alone.”
“…… Yes.”
So bashful.
He had personally jumped in to save me, even though Rajiv was right there, and now he’s acting like this.
Has he added shyness to his obsessive behavior now?
Sweetie, why are you becoming so complicated and difficult to deal with?
I sighed inwardly.
Anyway, I decided to properly express my gratitude for saving my life twice.
I’d come to see him for the secondary purpose of looking at his handsome face and trying to advance our relationship, but on this particular day, gratitude was the primary reason for my visit.
In the moments of despair, when I thought my life would end so meaninglessly, Calixis’s face had repeatedly surfaced in my mind.
I believed he would save me, and he did.
Even if things took a turn for the worse and he ended up killing me, I wanted to repay him for saving me.
As I stared at Calix’s face, lost in my thoughts, he said bluntly.
“That’s enough gratitude. It’s best you leave now, Lady.”
I guess his speech becomes more rigid when he’s shy.
Fine, even if you hadn’t told me to leave, I wouldn’t stay long.
I’ll say what I need to say and go.
“I also wanted to apologize. Your Highness, you’ve saved my life twice. One day, if you ever need me, I hope to repay you by saving you at least once. Though it’s unlikely you would ever owe your life to someone like me, I’d still like to help you somehow…”
“Twice?”
For a moment, Calix’s expression changed strangely.
Did I say something wrong?
It was twice, wasn’t it?
“You saved me from drowning in the same place twice. Your Highness, and I actually remembered.”
In the novel, Kailyn had forgotten that it was Calix who had saved her as a child, only remembering that he had thrown the ball into the river, and Grand Duke Leon, who visited her every day while she was ill.
But I am not that Kailyn.
I am the author, and I know everything.
“You’re saying I saved you twice in the same place……. Okay, that’s enough, that’s enough! You should leave now!”
Suddenly, Calix’s expression grew fierce, and his voice wavered with unease.
What’s wrong with him?
Is he just now realizing I’m grateful for him saving me as a child?
No, no, even so, his reaction is too extreme.
His expression is too troubled.
Ah! I see.
Calix felt guilty for pushing Kailyn into the water.
It seems that guilt has resurfaced now!
Anyway, since his expression was very displeased, I thought I should leave for now.
The absolute principle was to never make him upset.
“Alright, I’ll take my leave then.”
I bowed politely and turned to leave, but stopped dead in my tracks.
That’s right!
I had brought a gift.
As a token of gratitude for saving my life, and to show him my sincere appreciation.
And inexplicably, I also hoped that even if he got furious because of my father, who was still in conflict with Calix, this gift might make him a little less harsh toward me.
The gift I brought was a wrist brace.
It was a protector that covered from the left wrist to the thumb, and was made of thick leather with fabric over it and embroidered on it.
He was left-handed.
But he always used his right hand, hiding the fact that he was left-handed because of the Empire’s widespread superstition that left-handedness was inauspicious.
Even his sword was usually held in his right hand, but in crucial moments he would hold it in his left. People thought that the Crown Prince, who was right-handed, had such mastery in swordsmanship that he could freely use his left hand as well as his right.
Actually, it was the result of immense effort and training to bring his right hand up to the level of his left hand.
But even so, whenever he felt negative emotions like irritation, displeasure, or anger, he had a habit of clenching his left hand into a fist.
As these negative emotions grew, his left fist would start to tremble, and at its peak, he would have to press his left wrist with his right hand to control it.
However, when the moment came where he lost that control, the explosion of emotions was unstoppable.
When the moment came for the right hand to slip from the left wrist, whatever was in front of him would be shattered.
Be it an object or even a life.
Just before he killed Kailyn, his right hand had let go of his left wrist.
And his unrestrained left hand had killed Kailyn.
That’s why.
I decided to give him a left wrist guard as a gift.
Though he pretended to be right-handed, in the most intense battles and at the peak of his anger, he used his left hand.
With the slim hope that if a situation ever arose where he might kill me, seeing the wrist guard I gave him might make him spare me.
Of course, I had a maid do the embroidery.
As I stopped and turned my body back to look at him, Calix stared intently at me.
“?”
His expression was filled with questions.
“Your Highness, I brought a gift of gratitude.”
I took the wrist guard out of the bag I was holding and approached him.
As I set it down in front of his desk, Calix asked.
“These are…. wrist guards….”
Many knights wore wrist guards under their armor, so he recognized it immediately.
“Yes. Since Your Highness wields a sword often.”
I said with a bright smile.
But unlike my expression, Calix’s face hardened, and he muttered to himself.
“Then why is it for the left hand?”
