Chapter 44
“Do you want to go back?”
The two wandered aimlessly after leaving the storage room, unsure of where to head next. In the distance, faint music suggested the party was still ongoing.
Beth couldn’t bring herself to return to the hospital’s banquet hall. The thought of standing under the bright chandeliers, where her every expression would be laid bare, terrified her. She preferred the concealment offered by the darkness.
Although snowflakes were drifting down, she didn’t feel cold despite the absence of a coat. Snowflakes softly settled and then disappeared on the velvet toes of the shoes Dixie had given her. As she kept her eyes fixed on her feet, Debert’s jacket gently settled over her shoulders.
“I’m too warm,” he said.
He seemed sincere in refusing the jacket. With a couple of buttons undone on his shirt, it indeed appeared he was feeling the heat. Beth quietly accepted his jacket, allowing it to rest on her shoulders.
Beth hadn’t responded to his proposal. Yet, he didn’t press her for an answer and merely matched her slow pace. His normally brisk stride was reduced to less than a quarter of its usual speed, yet he made no complaints.
Naturally, their steps took them back towards the lodgings.
At the fork in the path between the barracks and the nurses’ quarters, this time, Beth didn’t push him towards the barracks.
A strange impulse suddenly came over Beth, who had been staring only at her toes as she walked. As she stepped out more briskly onto the now-snow-covered path, his steps quickened to match hers. When she slowed down, walking lightly like a small bird, his pace equally slowed.
Ah, he’s matching my pace.
On this cold day, in the depths of winter, where even a breath would produce a puff of white mist, she couldn’t understand why her eyes kept welling up with heat.
Fearing she might cry, Beth took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. The white mist from her breath rose like a haze before dissipating.
“There’s a butler named Oliver. He’s kind. He’ll probably like you,” Debert remarked calmly.
“He likes people like you.”
[People like me?] Beth’s eyes narrowed slightly, her long, snow-dampened lashes blinking.
“It’s a compliment. You can believe that.”
Debert’s lips curled slightly as he watched Beth turn her head away in disbelief.
Oliver, the butler, had managed the household since Debert’s birth. He was fiercely loyal to the family and, most importantly, kept his lips sealed. He was one of the few who had witnessed Debert’s childhood.
Oliver had recently taken great care in reviving the long-neglected greenhouse garden. Though he never showed it in front of his master, Debert knew it was for the future Lady Cliff. However, he hadn’t mentioned it, considering it a futile effort. Nevertheless, he allowed Oliver to pursue it as a hobby in his old age.
The thought of the seemingly unnecessary greenhouse came to Debert because of Beth’s hair ornament. The silver hairpin, like a flower blooming in the snow, suited her pale skin perfectly.
“Do you like greenhouse gardens?”
By the time they reached the door to the lodgings, Debert asked the question.
Beth pondered the answer to this unfamiliar question.
Greenhouse gardens.
Not long after arriving in Wayne, she had visited the Countess Ines’ greenhouse garden. Ines had practically dragged Beth there, insisting she couldn’t refuse. They had tea in that garden.
It had been winter then as well, but the garden was filled with blooming flowers, as if the place had forgotten the season entirely. It felt as though they had entered a world without winter.
It was beautiful, but…
Beth shook her head.
To her, the garden had felt sorrowful.
In that place, where winter seemed to have been forgotten, she felt like the winter that had been left behind. Just because it was a season when flowers withered, branches became bare, and everything huddled together, it didn’t mean it was meaningless.
Winter held its value, if only for the anticipation of the coming spring.
“Then, how about the library? You were top of your class in nursing school, after all.”
Beth let out a small laugh.
Suddenly, the whole situation felt surreal. A man she would never have encountered on the battlefield was now proposing to her and waiting for her response.
Even though her heart would soon feel heavy, she wanted to laugh off this moment. Even if it was selfish, she wanted to indulge herself just this once.
[Why do you assume I’ll accept?]
Debert’s eyebrows twitched slightly as he looked at the words on his palm. With an expression full of dissatisfaction, he ran his fingers somewhat sulkily over his lips.
The woman’s wide eyes twinkled with mischief. But he was in no mood to play along today. His heart was a little too urgent for that.
“You-”
Shh, Beth pressing her finger to her lips. Behind Debert, in the distance, a noisy group was opening the hospital’s back door.
It was Dixie and her friends.
Quickly, Beth pushed Debert to the corner of the lodging’s outer wall. She nudged him closer to the window, then peeked around the corner to monitor her friends’ movements.
The ladies’ cheeks were flushed, still warm from the aftereffects of alcohol and the party. A few soldiers, likely their partners, followed them closely.
“Why are we hiding—”
Debert looked down at the small hand that covered his mouth mid-sentence. Beth gave him a silent look, urging him to be quiet.
From nearby, they could hear the sounds of slightly regretful goodbyes. Debert, playing along with Beth, crouched quietly.
The creak of a faulty door hinge, the groan of wooden stairs, and the laughter of inebriated men gradually faded away.
A yellow light flickered on above them, casting a glow through the window. It looked as though a small moon was shining down on them.
When their eyes met, Beth felt a wave of embarrassment. Perhaps she should have considered his dignity more, given that he was both a military commander and a duke.
Just as Beth was about to lower her hand, his lips followed, pressing a soft, moist kiss against her palm. Her face turned pale as his lips parted with a slight, damp sound.
Debert shrugged, wearing a nonchalant expression.
“I have no dignity to lose. You know my reputation.”
Suddenly, the window latch above them creaked. Startled, Beth quickly pulled him into the dark shadows.
“Isn’t it a bit hot?”
“Maybe you should eat some snow.”
“If it’s Dixie, she could manage it.”
Their laughter and chatter floated into the air.
Beth tiptoed back towards the lodging door and hastily took off her jacket to hand to him. They were on the brink of being discovered.
Thick snowflakes were now falling heavily. Debert watched the snow for a moment before rubbing his face. He seemed to tremble slightly.
“Don’t dwell on it for too long.”
It was his final confession.
“It’s painful.”
With those words, he turned away.
His footprints left a trail in the white snow as he walked alone. Beth watched him until he was nothing more than a tiny dot, eventually disappearing from sight.
His broad back, walking back the way they had come, looked lonely.
* * *
As soon as Beth entered the room, she was met with a barrage of scolding for her late arrival. Everyone was busy sharing the aftermath of their successful party. The main topics were the events with their partners or the flirtations they had received, typical subjects for young ladies of their age.
Dixie was the centre of attention, having unexpectedly stolen the show and captured the curiosity of the girls.
Mrs. Molly often scolded her to “please maintain your lady-like decorum,” but it seemed several soldiers had noticed Dixie’s vivacity.
“Beth, you should have seen it. It was quite the spectacle.”
The incident where two men fought over Dixie had already become the biggest gossip of the party. Dixie, feigning modesty, remarked, “I guess I am rather charming.”
“But Dixie, who would you like to meet?”
“Hmm…”
A rare look of contemplation crossed Dixie’s face. But she quickly brightened and firmly declared, “I don’t want to meet anyone!”
“Why?”
“Well, I’d rather start a business than get married. My father would faint if he heard, but what can you do? But don’t worry, I’ll take care of your love lives and weddings for you.”
With a playful wink at Beth, Dixie slid over to sit beside her. Beth shook her head and moved away, taking a seat next to Ines.
Leaning against Ines’ shoulder, Beth noticed the ring on her finger.
“I’m getting married to Gale this spring. Will you congratulate me?” Ines whispered softly into Beth’s ear.
Beth quietly nodded. Of course, she’d congratulate her dear friend on her marriage.
“Thank you, Beth. I’d really love for you to be there at the wedding.”
As her eyes filled with tears again, Beth closed them gently, unable to stop nodding.
‘If you ever need a place to hide, come to me.’
‘I’ll hide you where no one can find you.’
It felt as though he knew something, even though he couldn’t possibly know. He was always so perceptive; perhaps she secretly wished he would understand without her having to say anything.
Because when she was with him, selfish desires always seemed to arise.
The desire to hide behind him and pretend she knew nothing.
The desire to mimic Beth Jane, who had nothing to hide.
The snow continued to fall, piling up over Beth’s heart.
I received a marriage proposal, but it was a sad day. Strangely enough.
