Chapter 40
Beth bit her lower lip.
He was always like this. With that expression, in that voice, he would cross the line she had drawn.
“Just once.”
Was it the kindness of the winter night that made his soft murmur so clearly audible? Or was it her own heart that wanted to hear him?
Her fingers gripping the window ledge turned white.
Debert chose to wait patiently for her response. Watching her dark lashes lower in thought, her slender shoulders rise and fall, and her lips being bitten from time to time—witnessing all the processes leading to her agreement was not tedious in the least.
At last, Beth gestured for him to wait.
A sudden ache flared in Debert’s chest. His grip tightened around the ointment tin he had picked up from the ground.
His gaze kept straying to the door. The cold seeped through the wall he leaned against, but he didn’t feel the chill. A strange heat spread through him instead.
The soft rustle of dry grass underfoot made him turn, and there she was—Beth Janes, like a sweet dream.
She wasn’t up in some unreachable place but right there within his reach.
Beth looked down at the man seated on the ground with a stern expression. She gestured for him to come closer, but he remained where he was.
“I’m not going inside.”
Beth’s brows furrowed slightly.
“I said, I don’t want to go in.”
Unable to bear his stubbornness any longer, she stepped closer.
She thought he might be drunk, but there was no smell of alcohol. His usually cool eyes were as clear as ever.
The man, who had been toying with the ointment tin, leaned back against the wall. Taken aback by his unexpected behaviour, Beth hesitated before reaching for his sleeve.
What was he doing out here in the cold, improperly dressed?
She tugged at his sleeve impatiently, but it wasn’t enough to move him. The eerie sound of the wind whipping around them intensified. It was Beth who was becoming more anxious.
[Let’s go.]
“I don’t want to go to the isolation room.”
[Why not?]
Debert carefully chose his words, sifting through the many lies that came to mind, looking for the one most likely to work. He wanted to make her follow his lead, even if reluctantly.
“I’m scared.”
A trace of desolation seeped into his low, steady voice. The black eyes that met his gaze faltered visibly.
He had spent his life observing others’ weaknesses. Sometimes to survive, other times to destroy.
As a child, he had constantly watched his father, Cassius. As he grew older, he observed his enemies, and later, even his allies and the royals. There was nothing around him that he could safely give his attention to.
Beth Janes was vulnerable to wounds.
This stubborn, inflexible woman who always frowned at everything he said—she crumbled in the face of weakness. Whether it was out of pity or sympathy, it didn’t matter.
If he could latch onto even a shred of that emotion, it would be enough.
He just had to hold on and never let go.
[Then where do you want to go?]
As expected.
Beth’s mind flooded with memories of everything that had happened in the isolation room. She had sworn not to be soft-hearted again, but here she was, back at square one.
“Anywhere but the hospital.”
After a brief moment of thought, Beth tugged at his sleeve again. This time, he stood up willingly, and she draped her shawl over his shoulders. She had always felt indebted to him for giving her his jacket during their nights together on the battlefield.
“What are you doing?”
The shawl, far too small to cover his broad shoulders, hung awkwardly. After several failed attempts to adjust it while on tiptoe, Beth gave up with a small sigh.
Debert, rooted to the spot, stared at her small frame as she led the way.
“This is driving me crazy,” he muttered under his breath, the words dissolving into the wind.
Beth, already a few steps ahead, waved her hand to hurry him along. In the dark, her movements shone like a mirage.
Irritated, Debert marched up to her and spread the shawl wide, wrapping it tightly around her. He felt her questioning gaze but chose to ignore it.
Without a word, they naturally found their way to the medical supply room.
As Beth fumbled to free her arms from the shawl, Debert reached over and undid the necklace that had been peeking out from beneath her collar. The necklace, once again in its rightful place, slid easily into his hand.
Beth gathered fresh bandages and antiseptic from the shelves, rubbing her cold hands together and blowing on them.
“What are you doing?”
[Trying to warm them up.]
Debert, perched on a nearby table, lowered his gaze to the faded hem of Beth’s nurse’s uniform.
“…I’m fine.”
After warming her hands for a while, Beth finally reached for the bandages. Debert had already removed his shirt and turned his back to her. Beth barely stifled a gasp.
His shoulders and back, still marred by bullet wounds and hastily stitched gashes, were a mess.
His back, littered with countless stab wounds, was covered in chaotic stitches.
Though the antiseptic must have stung, Debert didn’t flinch. Only when she touched the deeply torn flesh near his shoulder blade did the muscles in his back twitch slightly.
A deep sense of helplessness settled over Beth. There was nothing she could do. Her stifled sigh echoed in the quiet room.
“Don’t do this anymore.”
The hand holding the forceps hovered in mid-air, and Debert’s breath caught.
He handed her the ointment tin, but Beth hesitated to take it. She was afraid of offering him any more false hope. What right did she have to give him even a shred of hope?
Instead of taking the ointment, she gently held his hand, ready to confess the truth she had been holding back.
[Actually]
“I know.”
As if he didn’t want to hear more, he tightened his grip on Beth’s hand.
“I know… that it won’t go away.”
Debert turned to look at her.
Beth found herself staring blankly back into his eyes, eyes that she already knew were hiding a lie. There was a time when she had found those eyes terrifying and bleak.
But when had it started?
When had she begun to notice the gentle kindness hidden within them?
“Please, just do it. I… I just…”
For once, his voice trailed off, uncharacteristically uncertain.
“That’s enough.”
Murmuring softly, Debert buried his face in Beth’s shoulder.
Beth stood still, enduring the feel of his soft hair brushing against her neck and the heat of his breath.
The small, insignificant ointment tin on the table was clean. Though he had thrown it onto the dirt floor, it was spotless, without a speck of dust. She could picture him in her mind, picking it up and wiping it clean, even though she hadn’t seen him do it.
Her heart felt strange. It kept happening, again and again.
Beth now knew she could trace the scars on Debert’s back and the time he had suffered alone, even with her eyes closed.
It was this man who had made her feel this way.
***
When Beth arrived at the dormitory, excited voices and exclamations could be heard all the way down the stairs.
Laughter spilled out from behind the half-open door.
“Beth! Come here, quickly!”
So engrossed in their excitement, no one noticed Beth’s slightly weary expression as she walked in.
Dixie grabbed her hand, pulling her over.
“Look at this.”
With her other hand, Dixie pulled Ines closer.
There was a ring on Ines’ fourth finger that Beth had never seen before.
“Yes! What we thought might happen has finally happened today!”
Sophia exclaimed with delight.
“Today, the Count proposed! And what’s more, he’s been carrying this ring around since long before, ever since he bought it in Wayne. Isn’t that just so romantic?”
“Beth might roll her eyes if she hears that.”
Ines, despite being embarrassed, couldn’t hide the flush of excitement on her face.
“Ines is going to be the first of us to get married.”
“We don’t know who’ll be next.”
Dixie playfully winked at Beth.
“The wedding’s going to be in Wayne, of course?”
“Yes, probably.”
“Oh, Beth. Where did you say your hometown was? It’s not Wayne, is it?”
Caught off guard by the sudden question, Beth smiled awkwardly. She had never told anyone about her hometown or her family.
“Beth, will you stay at my house and help with the wedding preparations when we go back? I don’t think I can make all the decisions on my own. It would be great to have a friend there to help.”
Ines quickly changed the subject.
She didn’t know the details, but she respected the things her friends didn’t want to talk about. She wanted to protect that part of Beth’s life.
“Oh? Let’s stay at my dad’s villa instead! The three of us together! We can help Ines with her wedding plans. How about it? What do you think? What do you think?”
Dixie kept pestering Beth with “What do you think?” until she finally nodded, prompting Dixie to collapse onto the bed with a satisfied sigh. Beth plopped down beside her.
“This is peace. Peace at last. The war’s over, and there’s a wedding to plan.”
The girls continued their excited chatter about weddings late into the night.
But Beth alone couldn’t sleep, tossing and turning restlessly.
‘I won’t do this anymore.’
Debert’s voice echoed in her mind. She tossed and turned, eventually sitting up in bed.
In a life spent fleeing from violence and where fear had become the norm, no one had ever come to find her. No matter how much she prayed or cried, nothing had changed.
But that man, who had always been brutal, cold, and surrounded by ruthless rumours, had found her, saved her, and kept his promise.
Beth climbed up onto the windowsill by her bed. The unremarkable landscape outside was asleep in the still darkness. Just as she was about to open the window to let in some fresh air, she hesitated.
Surely not…
But contrary to her hopes, her heart began to pound uncontrollably. The old window creaked open, speaking for her instead.
“Hey.”
The man standing below seemed surprised to see the window suddenly open, letting out a small gasp.
“Why aren’t you asleep?”
He laughed, his expression much more at ease than it had been earlier in the storeroom. He had no idea how much just that look was enough to unsettle her.
“Couldn’t sleep because you were thinking of me?”
Suddenly, Beth realised.
Yes. The way she felt about this man…
“I can’t sleep because of you.”
…was a truth she had never acknowledged before, but now it had taken on a clear, undeniable shape.
(T/L: Ughh my heart…)
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TRANSLATOR:
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