Chapter 30
(Debert Pov)
『Last night was strange.
It was strange how you so readily agreed to my request.
The moonlight was unusually white, perhaps because it touched your face.
The lukewarm warmth I felt from the hand covering my eyes.
When I thought about it, there was nothing strange about it, but I felt that everything was different from usual. Was it a sign of impending misfortune?
Beth, I am someone well-acquainted with misfortune.
So, don’t get used to me.
Please, don’t become another familiar misfortune in my life.』
* * *
When he opened his eyes, the chair was empty.
Slowly blinking, he looked around, though he knew Beth would not be there.
He couldn’t recall when her hand, which had covered his eyes, disappeared. He hadn’t expected to fall asleep.
But her scent and the warmth of her hand made him feel, just for a moment, that it was okay to rest. It was a pitiful thought, but it felt right, so he closed his eyes.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had fallen asleep without taking his medication.
As he slowly sat up, something that had been in his hand dropped to the floor. The sound of metal clinking against the ground echoed eerily, like the unsettling rattles of a fortune teller predicting doom.
It was an almost empty ointment tin and a necklace with a key attached.
In that instant, the scattered pieces of his memories clicked together, like a puzzle being completed.
Beth’s unusually sombre expression last night, Gale, who looked as though he was dreading something even though he should have been excited about seeing his fiancée, Arthur, uncharacteristically quiet, and Colonel Bottam, who unusually hadn’t sought out the commander.
“Damn it.”
He hastily reached for his clothes. The sharp pain from his still-healing shoulder throbbed, but he couldn’t afford to care about that now.
Debert’s hand frozen.
What if she had simply gone home rather than to the battlefield?
It was the same question he had asked himself that day when he waited for her under the window after their visit to the market.
If that woman decided to hide, could he find her?
The door creaked open. He turned his head, half-hoping it was Beth, but it was Dixie who stood there.
Dixie, too, was taken aback, seeing someone she hadn’t expected. She had suspected it was a secret mission after seeing Ines and Beth packing in silence. No one had asked her to tidy up the now-empty fourth floor, but she had come to do it anyway, out of loyalty to her friend.
But to see someone here who absolutely shouldn’t be—who was supposed to be at the battlefield instead?
Unable to contain herself, Dixie asked,
“Your Grace. What… are you doing here?”
* * *
The military vehicle rattled along the unpaved dirt road, shaking violently. The soldiers and medical staff crammed into the back of the transport vehicle and jolted along with it.
The biting dawn wind and dust blew in from all sides, but no one complained.
Whether from the cold, the rough ride, or the sheer terror, everyone’s faces were pale, and they could only tremble in silence.
Ines kept looking around the vehicle, searching for Gale, but as an air force colonel, he wasn’t with them.
Beth put her arm around Ines’ shoulder, hoping that her small gesture would bring some comfort.
They hadn’t even reached the rendezvous point yet, but the sound of retching could already be heard from all sides.
“It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.”
Ines’ muttered prayer-like words were barely audible over the sounds of nausea. Beth, too, felt as if she might be sick at any moment, despite her calm demeanour the previous night.
She had kept her hand on Debert’s eyes for a long time. She didn’t know why. Perhaps she wanted him to sleep deeply, or maybe she didn’t want him to see how tense she was.
In this battlefield, where she had come prepared for anything, she feared that one look from his occasionally gentle eyes would make her beg him to save her.
To ask him to take her off the field hospital list. To tell him that she still wanted to live. To ask him to send her home. If anyone could do it, it would be him.
In truth, she had covered his eyes not to shield him but to silence herself from speaking such weak words.
If she covered his eyes, he wouldn’t hear anything she said.
She could still feel the fluttering of his eyelashes under her hand. No one else had seen those ash-coloured lashes.
Just before dawn, when she saw Debert still asleep, she realised he wasn’t going into battle this time. She had assumed he would come with her, so she hadn’t said a proper goodbye. The unfinished notes were still in her pocket.
No matter what she wrote, nothing felt right. It seemed wrong to be affectionate, overly emotional, or even formal.
An undefined relationship could easily mean nothing at all.
But she still wanted to know.
Would he be surprised when he woke up and found her gone? Or would he feel relieved, now able to go back to the medical storeroom at ease?
Winter had arrived, the cold so severe that her breath came out in white puffs.
Would he think of her, even a little, after she was gone?
“Attention, everyone.”
A soldier raised his hand.
“The soldiers with you will provide cover, but you must first protect yourselves. Everyone received their firearms, correct?”
A brief explanation followed. Beth awkwardly imitated the soldier’s demonstration.
“Keep your elbow slightly bent. You won’t handle the recoil otherwise.”
She recalled Debert’s voice from memory and adjusted her elbow accordingly.
“Now, fire.”
A faint smile flickered across her face. Back then, she thought he was mad, but now she found herself cherishing every word he had said.
She remembered his words, but what of her will he remember? Will he forget everything because there’s no voice left to remind him?
Beth shook her head. Such thoughts were a luxury she couldn’t afford.
In the distance, soldiers swarming like ants began to emerge from the dust clouds.
***
“Get down!”
Beth was bandaging a soldier who was bleeding from his side when she quickly covered her ears and pressed her face to the ground. The earth shook as though an earthquake had struck.
No matter how tightly she covered her ears, the deafening explosions continued to erupt all around, making her eardrums throb.
“That’s beyond saving!” someone shouted harshly as they yanked Beth to her feet.
In front of her stood a soldier, holding his severed arm. The man was so shocked he seemed numb to the pain, and he extended his severed arm towards her in a daze.
“My… my arm. Please reattach it.”
His voice barely broke through the thunderous sounds of the bombing. Beth frantically rummaged through her medical bag. She knew there was a syringe somewhere to ease the pain, but no matter how hard she searched, she couldn’t find it.
“Bomber incoming! Take cover!”
Beth quickly wedged herself into a trench.
A Kovach fighter jet sprayed gunfire as it passed over the Nexus lines.
With a thunderous boom, the smoke enveloped her so densely that she couldn’t see an inch in front of her. The soldier who had just asked her to reattach his arm had vanished.
Her body shook uncontrollably. The pounding of the artillery was so intense it made her feel sick.
“Beth! You can’t stay here! Get up, quickly!”
Someone grabbed Beth’s hand as she retched. It was Ines, blood streaming from a head wound, urging her to move.
They ran hand in hand as bullets whizzed by.
“Nurse! Head towards the flag over there!” a Nexus soldier shouted.
Without thinking, they dashed towards the indicated spot.
Bodies littered the ground, but in their terror, they hardly noticed what they were trampling over.
“Please, help! Save me!”
Beth injected morphine into a man leaning against a tank, gasping for breath, and hastily poured antiseptic on his wound.
Looking around, she spotted several people from the hospital team.
She needs to pull herself together. She steadied her breathing.
Desperate cries for medics filled the air. The sounds of people clinging to life with all their might clung to her ears.
Beth slapped herself hard. She didn’t even feel the pain.
In the trenches, wounded soldiers were piled up like infected livestock. Many didn’t survive the few minutes it took for their turn to come.
A young soldier had been assigned to drag the bodies of those who had died in the brief moments between being a casualty and a corpse.
“Damn it! You bastards, give it a rest!”
A soldier cursed at the sky in fury, only to be cut down mid-rant. Beth felt the weight of the fallen body on her as she scrambled out from underneath.
“He’s gone!” a sergeant shouted, pulling Ines away from a soldier with a neck wound.
“Leave the dead and save the ones who can be saved!”
It was a brutal order, treating the living like the dead, but that was the reality of the battlefield.
Beth trembled with helplessness. The bandages and gauze in her bag were already running out.
No, she still has work to do.
Beth’s memories became fragmented.
She lost track of time.
She remembered running and getting into armoured vehicles a few times.
When she came to, she was facing a grim reality with death looming close.
“Damn it! Retreat! Retreat!”
She spotted unfamiliar uniforms. She had been told the field hospital personnel were stationed at the rear, so how had she ended up at the front?
Her legs, now trembling, struggled to run. She stumbled with every few steps like a newborn foal, with no one to help her up.
Now that death seemed imminent, she felt nothing.
It would be better if she died painlessly, quickly.
As she passed the point of extreme emotion, she felt nothing. Even the grenades exploding before her eyes seemed distant.
A thick cloud of smoke filled the space in front of her. A smoke grenade.
“Are you mad?!”
A voice filled with anger cut through the muffled noise in her ears.
A strong hand dragged Beth somewhere. The rhythmic vibrations beneath her made her realise she was now in a military vehicle.
The harsh sound of bullets hitting the vehicle’s body was painfully clear despite the lingering smoke. She thought she heard someone shout Debert’s name.
“Do you realise where you are?”
This time, the voice was unmistakable.
It was his voice.
Beth could hardly believe Debert was beside her. She wondered if she had already died and was now dreaming.
“Get your gun!”
Debert’s voice was hoarse from shouting.
“Get your gun!”
Beth finally snapped out of it and fumbled through her bag. Her mind cleared. This wasn’t a dream.
“Just like you were taught. You can do this. Check the magazine, slide it back, and fire.”
As they sped through the chaos of the battlefield, with soldiers from both sides entangled like wild dogs, Debert gave her quick instructions. The sharp turns of the steering wheel told her they were in a dire situation.
“Ugh!”
A heavy impact from behind sent both of them jolting forward.
“Play dead.”
Debert’s voice was low.
Beth obeyed, keeping her head down, cautiously gripping the syringe in her bag.
“They look dead, don’t they?”
“There’s a nurse alive in here.”
The door swung open as a Kovach soldier reached for the driver’s seat.
