Chapter 94
The darkness melts.
Pession stood against a backdrop of shattering light. It was an unreal sight, and she felt like she was dreaming.
“Pession…?”
Was it really Pession?
She wondered if it was another illusion that had taken on a different form to consume her, but the warmth of his clasped hands and his sunshine-like smile were all real.
“Here, how did you…”
“Is this a dream?”
“It’s not a dream.”
A clammy hand gripped hers.
“I got help.”
Thin lashes fluttered and blinked.Thin lashes fluttered and blinked. His moist, watery eyes turned toward her.
“I missed you so much, I was walking around thinking about you, and then I saw you.”
Pession’s smile reminded her of her dad’s words as he handed her the white silver compass.
If you walk while thinking of the person you want to see, no matter what you see, the path is the right one.
“I saw you get caught up in it, and I couldn’t stand by and let it happen, so…”
None of Pession’s rambling explanation of how he got here fell on deaf ears. Immortal or not, what the hell does it matter?
Pession is in front of her now.
“Didn’t anyone stop you?”
“…”
Blinking rapidly, Pession rolled his eyes and smiled.”You didn’t tell me.”
“…”
Pession’s smile hardened. It was as if he realized he’d done something stupid by sneaking a glance at her. She’s smart, how could she not know?
The sneaky look in his eyes told her. She realized he’d done something stupid, but how could he not?
“Are you going to punish me?”
Of course she’s going to punish him.
She should tell him never to do something this stupid again.
His hand was so warm, and the moment Pession appeared was so timely, that she thought she was going to cry, so she just laughed.
“You’re bad.”
Why does it show up at such a moment.
She was definitely not going to do anything.
She was just a breathing, doing nothing, and she was going to die on her own terms.
“That’s why you’re bad.”
“Oh, Arellin, why are you crying all of a sudden?”
“It’s all because of you.”
He kept grabbing her and shaking her.
He looks at her like he’s going to do everything for her.
How could she not love him?
He threw his whole body for her.
“Ah, Arel. Are you crying?!”
“I’m not crying.”
Poof. She could feel something trickling from the tips of her lashes, but she insisted it wasn’t tears.
Pession fidgeted around her, unsure of what to do, then stilled and clasped her hand in both of his.
“Don’t cry….”
His hand was so warm, so sweet, and she burst into tears again.
“I did wrong, I’m bad. It’s all my fault, so please don’t cry.”
Every time she cried, she felt a sense of despair, like the world had ended, because she liked Pession hurting like her heart was breaking.
Why is it so sad when it’s so good?
“I just didn’t want to leave you alone.”
She laughed in a low voice, saying she’d come every day and failed.
“I want you to smile all the time.”
The light poured in.
“I want you to be happy.”
He’s a reflection of that light.
“I want to make you happy.”
A moment that takes your breath away.
“And.”
“I want to be next to you.”
Pession tugged at her with a smile that was almost too simple to be greedy, a smile that was almost too clear and maritime.
“So let’s go back together.”
Her throat cleared.
They say that man cannot save man, but ironically, man is the only thing that can save.
‘Am I the only one who can truly save myself?’
No.
She knows that no matter how hard she tries to save herself, she could never do it without that hand holding her.
For man cannot live alone.
She knows.
It may not be salvation for him, but it’s the best thing that ever happened to her.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
So lonely. She doesn’t want to be lonely anymore.
“I’ll stay with you.”
“Until when?”
“As long as you want.”
“What if it’s forever?”
“Then it’s me.”
Without a trace of annoyance, Pession smiled and held out his hand.
“It’s almost like I want to punch you.”
He smiled broadly, saying it could be forever, not just a lifetime.
Says the kid who hasn’t lived a decade.
She laughed at the absurdity of it all, and Pession held out his hand in front of her nose.
“Let’s go back now.”
She stared at his hand.
She felt like if she just took his hand and walked out, she would be free of all her troubles and worries.
But…
“Can you wait a minute?”
“What are you going to do?”
“Goodbye?”
It’s now or never.
“Huh?”
She turned around, leaving the Pession waiting for her.
The illusion, still clinging to her, still eager to drag her deeper and deeper, the darkness summoned before her once more.
To frustrate her.
“This is…”
Pession’s voice trailed off, startled by the instantaneous transformation of his surroundings.
She smiled at Pession’s eyes, sparkling in the stage lights.
“I think I can do it now.”
And she grabbed her friend, Guarneri, whom she will never see again.
“I was too late.”
It was a welcome relief, but the violin she held after so many years was not at all awkward, not with her smaller frame, not with her changed hand length and body.
The whole process of supporting the instrument with her shoulders and holding it in place with her chin was as natural as water.
It was as if we were one body.
“It’s been a while.”
She felt like she’d been waiting for this for a very long time.
Her violin has been waiting for her to wander off for a long time.
“What are you trying to do?”
“Prove it.”
It was all like that day in her memory, an illusion designed to break her down.
The air, the temperature, the people, the atmosphere.
Even the look in her mom’s eyes as she watched her from afar.
“No, that’s not proof.”
She just wanted to play.
She hadn’t been able to play since that day.
“Listen.”
An attempt, since there is only one Pession.
Lifted the bow you were holding.
The moment the bow and string met.
A melody rang out, soft and sweet as cotton candy.
“!”
The kind of music that could make anyone fall in love instantly.
Edward Elgar’s greeting of love.
Her favorite sheet music, first played to her by her mom.
Pession, the only listener at this moment, listens with wide-open eyes to the melody of her violin.
An elegant melody that brings back happy memories.
A world where it’s just her and her violin. A beautiful melody, stepping through the unfolding scales one by one.
Even though she’s been playing the violin for a long time, she never felt such a sense of unity and immersion.
Playing just for herself.
Alas. It feels like this.
“…Enjoyable.”
Music has always been a means of validation for her.
Higher achievement. Higher honor. A means to create what her mom wanted her to be.
A goal that wasn’t hers.
Achievements that weren’t hers.
A life that wasn’t hers.
An obsession created by her mom’s insane love that wasn’t meant for her.
That she was choking to death every moment trying to live up to a manufactured ideal.
This is what she really sounded like.
Yeah.
She is alive here.
All her past memories dissolved into the darkness, along with the soft melody. No pain, no sorrow, no anguish, no regret, no ache, no nothing.
“Huh?”
That’s when things changed.
The solid nightmare that surrounded us shook. Light leaked through the cracks in the landscape.
As if to break up this artificial landscape.
New spring, my daughter.
-You have to see your mom. Are you going to disappoint her? Again?
-You should listen to your mom, right?
Like a final assault, the nightmare mimicked her mom’s voice.
As if she knew what could hurt her the most.
She saw her mom. Just as she remember her last appearance.
“Mom.”
The one person she loved so much and still love.
“You’re a really bad mom.”
What a good daughter she has.
“But I forgive you, because I love you.”
There were times she resented her, times she wished her misery.
There were times she wanted her to lose her and regret it to her bones.
But even as much as she hates her mom, she still loves her, and she hope it doesn’t hurt too much.
“Be happy.”
Because she’s okay now.
“I’ll be happy too.”
In the end, all that remains are the countless memories of love.
The delicate, soft melody rings sweetly. The first melody of love you ever played for her.
Clink.
The greeting of love is over.
