Chapter 31
The imperial palace was turned upside down.
Halbern Manor, on the contrary, was plunged into a deep silence.
“Young Lady.”
Whatever had happened, Arellin, who had been dragged out by the Crown Prince, had returned alone, locked herself in her room, and refused to open the door.
The Nurturing Corps held an emergency meeting in front of Arellin’s door in the confusion.
“Does anyone know what happened?”
“We saw His Highness the Crown Prince with Sperom’s twin.”
“Sperom’s twins? Why are they there?”
“I don’t know, all three of them looked like they didn’t understand.”
“Then none of them know what happened.”
“Were they fighting?”
“I don’t think so…”
Arellin and Pession’s reactions are puzzling.
“Speaking of which, I heard that His Highness the Crown Prince was crying.”
“Ah. I saw him cry with my own eyes.”
“Well, I don’t know if he cried or not…”
There was a moment of silence as the Nurturing Group chatted lightly about the topic that the Crown Prince’s courtiers were fighting about, and then they all let out a deep sigh in unison.
“Why is this happening again…”
Perhaps it was because there had been another accident a few weeks ago, the nurturing group’s worries only deepened.
“Ugh.”
“I guess there’s nothing we can do about it, right?”
“Yeah. It’s out of our hands.”
“I’m afraid…”
The nurturing corps agrees with sad eyes.
“Let’s call him.”
The nurturing group chimes in.
“Sir Mehen, help!”
***
A tightly closed door.
Into the silence, no one enters.
In the darkness of the room, she stare at the thin streak of sunlight that slipped through the curtains.
A thin line of light that stopped right in front of me.
A light she could reach out and grasp.
“…”
That’s exactly what she felt like she was in, so she didn’t even bother to draw the curtains, just hugged her knees and stared at it.
The light.
Brilliant, beautiful light.
“You are light to me.”
An old, faded memory flashes on like a broken video.
“You are my only hope.”
A glint in his eye. The madness in them, the blind faith.
“Oh, my baby.”
“Please make it happen.”
“My dream.”
The entity of my nightmares, the one that had dominated and haunted me for so long.
“You’ll do it, you look just like me.”
From the moment everything she had built and fought so hard to hold on to crumbled, until she was abandoned and left alone in the darkness for so long.
She always wondered the same thing.
‘How did this happen?’
Was it my fault?
Did I do something wrong?
What did I do wrong?
Beating herself up, wishing she had a second chance, jealous of those who seemed to have it instead of her, tormented.
And finally, when it all went completely out of her hands.
She finally realized.
that it wasn’t her fault.
Like every child does.
She loved her, she wanted to make her happy, she wanted to fulfill her wishes.
All she wanted was to be
She didn’t want to be the best violinist in the world, to be admired by people, to win competitions,
She just wanted her mum’s love.
A single word of praise from her mum, ‘well done’.
Her blind love was not reciprocated. She was abandoned by her mum because she had ‘let her down’ and become ‘useless’.
Mum found another substitute.
Another ‘light’ who would fulfill her dreams perfectly.
“You have to understand, you know your mum loves music so much, don’t you?”
Dad just wanted her to understand. She’s going to live with her mum and do what she wants to do from now on.
How does that make sense?
She’s spent her whole life doing what her mum told her to do, and now she is supposed to do what she wants to do?
A life that’s not mine.
A life that isn’t mine.
Achievements that are not mine.
Life was full of things that weren’t mine from beginning to end.
So what did I live for?
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’
He said he was sorry, but in the end, he couldn’t do anything for her. She scattered the family’s money around as if it were a good thing, but there was no such thing as a bad omen.
No, no matter what she ate or what she did, neither of them cared about her.
Still, I’m here.
I’m still here.
I’m here!
I’m alive!
No matter how much she screams, no matter how much she crashes, no matter how much she howler, the only thing that greets her is an empty house, immersed in darkness.
“I’m here.”
I’m still alive.
“Why…”
No one looks at her.
Sinking silently like that.
Never to rise again.
Some heart.
‘I’ll be there for you.’
It’s so contradictory.
That she met you only after she learnt to give up, only after she closed her heart.
‘From now on, I’ll be with Arellin, no matter what. I mean, you don’t need a family!’
That we’ve only just met, and that I’m about to die.
‘You are a light to me.’
A person who has been in darkness for a long time reflexively clutches at the light when it comes into their grasp, never wanting to let go.
It desperately grasps, binds, and clings to the light.
As if to make up for the time it was lost, or to never lose it again.
She saw people kill themselves by holding on to the light for so long. She watched people cling to it, unaware that the stronger the light, the more it shades them.
‘I don’t want to live like that.’
She doesn’t want to live like that, struggling, ugly, hurting others.
This is why she sent Pession away.
She doesn’t want to break him.
‘This must be the end,’ She thought.
She wondered if he was good inside.
The sweetness, the gentleness.
The attention and affection?
‘You must have really fallen out of love with me now.’
She doesn’t know why she feels so empty and hollow after breaking off a conversation she wanted to have.
I was so wary, but did he already have feelings for me?
Are you sad that it’s over?
‘You’re being ridiculous.’
It’s back to normal.
In the first place, they couldn’t even meet easily without Pession approaching them.
‘This is just a phase.’
It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay, it’ll be okay.
Knock.
A knock echoes through the silence.
“Young Lady.”
She hears Mehen’s voice.
“I’m coming in.”
She hears the sound of a master key unlocking the door. She stares at the door as it swings open.
“I heard from the nursery. You’re not eating. What happened…”
Mehen walks into the room and stops when he sees her. He swallowed dryly and cleared his throat.
“Why are you crying?”
“Am I… crying?”
She touched his cheek. Something damp touched her fingertips.
***
Mehen summoned the Nursery.
The nursery looked from one to the other as Mehen sat solemnly, not saying a word.
‘We’d like to ask her how she’s doing, but we shouldn’t speak, should we?’
‘I’d like to ask her why she hasn’t come out, but I suppose I shouldn’t?’
She held her breath and watched Mehen intently.
“Hah.”
Mehen sighed deeply.
‘My head hurts.’
The emergency call from the Nursery and the urgent letter from the Crown Prince’s Palace had warned him that something had happened, but he hadn’t expected Arellin to cry.
“Parenting is hard.”
“Ouch…”
“Ah…”
Mehen’s first words were echoed by everyone. No matter how much you learn, parenting is hard.
“You need input. Because it sounds like you’re having a… hard time.”
She didn’t elaborate, but that was enough for the Nurturers.
Putting aside their curiosity and personal questions, they immediately began to think about what they could do to make Arellin happy.
“Should we get a theater company? Last time I saw her, she seemed to enjoy the theater.”
“Speaking of which, she always loved those video recorders of the world’s landmarks, can we get more of that series?”
“I’ll get more of the new fiction books.”
One after the other, ideas for things to do indoors were suggested.
“Why don’t we just let Sir Mehen play with she all day?”
Yuni suggested out of the blue.
The room fell silent in an instant.
“No, I’m not saying that because I can’t be bothered to think about it, but because I’ve been thinking about when she’s been most happy, and I think it’s when she’s around Sir Mehen.”
“…”
Mehen stared at Yuni, still.
His mood suddenly chilled.
“Haha, this guy’s not helping.”
“I’m sorry, we’ll give Yuni a firm education.”
“I’ll think of something more constructive!”
The other Parenting Corps members scramble to intervene before Mehen’s ire can be aroused, but he shakes his head.
“No, no. I’m fine.”
Then, abruptly, he stood up.
“That’s it for today’s meeting.”
It’s hard to tell if Mehen is angry or not. First, the nurturing group is confused by Mehen’s disappearance.
“What, what?”
***
After exiting the meeting room, Mehen went to Arellin’s room.
He had wiped away her tears, fed her some food, put her to bed, and left for a while, but for some reason, he had a strong premonition that he needed to see her at this moment.
“Read me a story.”
In retrospect, the child’s wish was a simple one. Mehen hadn’t thought of it.
‘I see.’
He didn’t remember much of their time together, if reading a story to her was a wish.
“How foolish.”
Looking back, there were no fond memories to speak of.
“No.”
It was too soon to regret it.
He had a lot of work to do. But nothing could be more important to Mehen now than Arellin.
“Young Lady.”
Arellin, wide awake as if she’d fallen asleep at any moment, stared at Mehen blankly.
Stroking her cheek, ruffling her hair, Mehen suggested.
“Tomorrow, come play with me.”
😭😭 Mehen 😭😭