Chapter 30
“Uh…”
She should tell him to stop being such a jerk, but She can’t stop talking. Not mockery and sarcasm, but warmth and kindness.
She was immune to the former, but not the latter.
Besides…
‘Warm.’
“From now on, I’ll stay with Arellin, no matter what. I mean, you don’t need a family!”
Does this crown prince realise how dangerous he’s sounding right now?
Still, a smirk escaped his lips. Enough to stir her long-frozen, dull heart for a moment.
“Huh? Arellin laughed!”
Have you ever had the experience of having your whole world light up with someone’s smile?
To her surprise, she was experiencing that in real life.
In real time, too.
The kind of smile that makes you want to reach out and touch it, as if it could light up any darkness inside you.
-Do you believe me?
The inner voice that controls every action echoed.
-Do you want to lean on someone else?
-You’re alone in life.
-You’re in charge of your own life. Who are you going to irresponsibly cling to?
Clammy, slimy, black hands clung to her in the shadows, gripping her ankles, seizing her legs, crawling up to grasp her thin neck.
-Salvation is self.
-No one understands you, you’ve been through enough, you know that.
Yes, I know.
This is purely my problem.
The problem of the self-conscious “I” who is no longer a fully formed fictional character with memories of a previous life, nor a human being in this world.
No matter how sweet, gentle, or nice you are to me.
There was no option to open up and lean in from the beginning.
What did I expect from a child in the first place?
“Arellin?”
After a long silence, Pession called her name.
Many thoughts raced through her head, then faded away. If only she didn’t remember her past life, if only she wasn’t in this body.
No, there’s no point in assuming that, because then they wouldn’t be in this situation.
‘I wanted this to end as unscathed as possible.’
She smiled bitterly.
She was sick and tired of hurting, sick and tired of being hurt, and she wanted it to be just another passing, commonplace relationship.
The world won’t leave me alone.
“Pession.”
“Huh?”
Pession’s voice softened, as if sensing my change in mood.
“You need to stop coming here.”
“Uh, huh?”
Pession’s eyes widened in surprise at her sudden words.
“Why?!”
“Because I don’t want to see Your Highness.”
“Uh, all of a sudden…”
“It’s a bother.”
She said, interrupting Pession.
Even though she knew the words, spoken so casually, would hurt.
“You don’t know that you’ve been welcomed and loved everywhere you’ve ever been, that you’ve never had to worry about being rejected, that you’ve never been ostracized, that you’ve never been left out.”
Despite living in the same world, we were actually living in such different worlds.
“Everything in this world would have always been sweet and kind.”
How kind and gentle the world is to those who have everything.
She knew because she was one of them, until she crashed.
Perhaps his ray of sunshine has never crumpled in a world that’s always been so kind to him.
She doesn’t blame him for that.
Ironically.
As much as she hates him, she wishes he didn’t know this world.
“So, I’m asking you politely.”
She doesn’t mean to get on a hurtful subject.
“Please stop coming.”
She hopes it doesn’t hurt too much.
***
Pession was too flustered to say anything. As he stood still, Arellin turned round first.
So sharply.
Pession was left alone like that.
“Uh, so, uh…”
Should he run and grab him now, or should he let Arellin do what she wants.
Pession stood frozen in place, unable to do either of these things for the first time in his life.
“…?”
There were beings who witnessed this scene unwillingly.
The twins, Ciel and Noel, who had followed the crown prince into the mansion with their entourage and had been timing their entrance so that they could surprise him in the bushes, were stunned into silence.
The twins just stood there, looking each other in the eye.
“What do you think, Ciel?”
“I don’t know, Noel.”
He was screwed before he could start anything.
Ciel rolled his eyes and wondered if he should just slip away quietly, or if he should try to surprise Pession.
Suddenly, Ciel gasped.
“What? Your Highness, he’s crying?!”
***
The kitchen was bustling with activity, preparing a series of the crown prince’s favourite dishes, and the servants were dropping off anything and everything to make him happy.
Normally, this rush of gifts would have cheered him up.
“…”
Today’s crown prince was different.
No matter how much they tried to please him, no matter how hard they tried to change his schedule to accommodate him, no matter how much they tried to bring him his favourite toy, he remained silent.
“What is going on!”
The servants collectively panicked at the unprecedented situation.
They didn’t know what to do now that their usual game plan wasn’t working.
“This is not a situation we can handle on our own.”
“Okay, let’s get someone to help us.”
Soon enough, the servants send out an SOS to bring in Lord Shirua.
The younger sister of Crown Prince Pession, Princess Shirua was taken aback by the suddenness of the SOS, but she obediently came to the crown prince’s palace. Bringing her own cat.
“So, what’s wrong?”
She asked, seemingly more to satisfy her own curiosity than to comfort his brother.
Naturally, Pession was having none of it.
“It sucks!”
Shirua stomped out of the room, dismissing the polite consolation.
“Give me my Shirou!”
“No.”
Shirou, the white cat in Pession’s arms, yawned.
“Shirou, bite!”
Miyaw~.
“You’re bothering me? Bite!”
Pession stroked Shirou’s fluffy belly and motioned for Shiroua to go away.
“Huh. Give it to me!”
Shirua tried to grab Shirou, but Pession dodged with her light body.
When Shirua saw that her brother was easily dodging her, even while holding the cat, she gave him an ultimatum.
“If you don’t return Shirou by tomorrow, I’ll tell mother and make you regret it!”
“Okay. Bye.”
Once alone again, Pession stroked Shirou’s soft, fluffy fur. It made him feel a little better.
‘I’ve never seen an Arellin like that before.’
She didn’t like it when he announced that he was going to visit her every day, but she just sighed and accepted it as if she couldn’t win.
Arellin’s face is so empty, dull, and dry…
Ouch.
Ouch!
“Oh, sorry. Shirou, were you sick?”
Miyaww!
“Oomph. Sorry.”
Pession, who had clenched his fist and then pinched Shirou, winced and then regained his senses.
He felt strangely better after being scolded by Shirou.
Shirou was licking his hand, not sure if he knew what he’d done or not.
“Your Highness.”
Graham, the chamberlain, who had been silent during the commotion, had noticed the change in Pession’s mood.
“Are you all right now?”
“No. Same.”
It was a much better response than before, when he’d said the same but kept his mouth shut.
“Your Highness, what happened to you, and what happened to Sperom’s twin?”
“Twins? I don’t know.”
“Are you going to answer my other questions, or not?”
Pession lowered his gaze.
“Arellin, stop talking so long.”
“Hmm? Isn’t that what you always say?”
“No.”
It was a completely different tone from what he’d said before.
“Today, Arellin is…”
He looked like he was hurt as she told him sternly not to come.
“You don’t know that you would have been welcomed and loved everywhere you went. You’ve never had to worry about being rejected, you’ve never been ostracized, you’ve never been left out.”
So Arellin has worries about being rejected, fears of being ostracized, and has memories of being left out?
‘That’s weird.’
Why does thinking about that make me feel bad? Why does it make me feel sad?
Miyaw~!
Hugging Shirou’s warm body tightly as he tried to leave, Pession thought over and over again about his inexplicable feelings.
“Do as much as you like.”
But, oh, no.
How does one do ‘as much as you like?’ He’s still dying to see her like this.
“I miss Arellin.”
