Chapter 26
Empress Palace.
Empress Ageni turned her head as she admired the view from the window, which was as picturesque as ever.
“Has the crown prince gone to Halbern again today?”
“Yes, Empress.”
Touching her blue porcelain teacup, beautifully embossed with delicate waves, Empress Ageni was lost in thought.
The rich scent of spring flowers wafted in on the breeze and filled the room.
Empress Ageni suddenly had a premonition. Crown Prince Pession was about to be struck down by a terrible fever.
“…Nothing.”
There shouldn’t be.
Worried blue eyes stared into thin air.
***
She wasn’t born to be a bully.
Even if her race was a bunch of practice worms, she had at least a few ‘almost friends’.
“You think you’re so great!”
It always ended badly.
She still doesn’t know what she did wrong. But it always ended badly with them.
“I’m not better than you, do I look ridiculous?”
“Is that all you are, a genius?”
They always called me a genius. It was incomprehensible to her.
Doesn’t everyone do this?
Isn’t this basic?
“I’m a genius? People nowadays call me a genius because I’ve been practicing like crazy and I’m winning?”
But that’s purely her opinion.
Apparently not in other people’s eyes.
In the end, she was alone.
‘Is that what friendship is like?’
So shallow, so insignificant, so ridiculous, so insignificant.
But when you have to practice, where do you have time to go out and play, where do you have time to hang out with them?
She had a ‘thing’ that she had to get done.
She was skipping meals and practicing, and everyone was clucking their tongues at her.
“Read. He’s a genius, why does he have to work so hard?”
“It’s not fair. If he has to work so hard, how can we geniuses keep up?”
She was repeatedly denied that she wasn’t a genius, but that she was a hard worker.
It was unfair. She’d been practicing tirelessly since she was very young.
‘Sure.’
She had to be a ‘genius’, she had to be different from them, so they wouldn’t feel deprived that they didn’t get it.
She couldn’t relate, but she understood their need to use her as an excuse to settle.
It didn’t mean she wanted to fit in.
“You’re all a pain in the arse.”
After that, she put up a wall.
So this time, it was just weird guys she didn’t want to hang out with at all.
“I think we’re in the same class. We’re both geniuses.”
“We’re supposed to play with each other. Right?”
Weirdos who were just a little bit better at something than the rest of us, and who acted like they had the world at their feet.
Or.
“I heard your mother is famous…”
Or they’re trying to take advantage of you.
Strangers’ favors are strange.
Favors from people she knew were impure.
That was the world she lived in.
Friendship, love, trust, faith.
She’s seen and experienced too much to argue about these things and believe them blindly.
Perhaps that’s where she got used to malice rather than favors, and where she got used to being suspicious rather than grateful for kindness.
Finally, she had forgotten, not learnt, what normal human relationships were like.
‘I don’t care.’
It’s all going to hurt her anyway. It doesn’t matter.
She only need one person.
There was only one person in her life from the beginning.
The reason I am the way I am.
My purpose in life…
“Mum.”
-But in the end, she abandoned you, too, didn’t she?
Another voice, one that sounded like mine, whispered.
-Who would ever like you like this?
-You don’t even like yourself?
The voice whispered like a nightmare.
-You’ll end up alone.
-So be it.
-Don’t expect anything.
She open her eyes between mocking voices. Like waking up from a long dream.
“If this is how it’s going to be, I wish I hadn’t regained my memories.”
She looked back at her life in all its messed-up glory. Shelooked back at her past, a messed-up life she didn’t want to go back to.
She didn’t want to agree, but he was right.
“If you’re going to be a failure, you might as well not start.”
At least then she’d avoid the emotional drain.
You can laugh at me for not starting because I’m afraid of losing, but I don’t care. I don’t care if you laugh at me for not starting because ‘starting’ is something that takes up my time and energy.
Her life was eventful and suffocating enough without that.
So.
Today, she chose to build walls, distance herself, and be alone in them.
“Because I’m comfortable alone.”
***
“That’s weird.”
I’ve been having a hard time with one person lately.
“Normally, I’d leave on my own at this point.”
Even if you’re smiling from the outside, humans notice when you’re pushing them away.
It’s instinct. It’s an innate human tendency to distinguish friend from foe.
“I’ve been pushed around.”
She was cold, she ignored him, she didn’t talk back, and yet the crown prince treated her with the same kindness.
She even locked herself in her room, locked the door, didn’t greet him, didn’t talk to him!
And yet he came every day.
“I’m home-!”
Pession’s voice boomed through the slightly open window.
“Welcome, Your Highness!”
“Hello, everyone!”
The welcoming voice of the nursery.
You’d think Pession was Confucius of Halbern.
“And Arellin?”
“The Young Lady is still at…”
“That’s okay, I’ll say hello!”
“Alas, Your Highness, you are too sweet.”
The sounds of cheerful talk and laughter echoed through the closed door.
When she shut the door and locked herself in, the crown prince, who had been deprived of playtime, joined the nursery, and it was amazing.
‘How does he get to know people in such a short period of time?’
Incidents? He didn’t need them.
A reason to get to know them? No need.
Pession was loved by the people in the mansion like it was a given.
“Wow…”
It was an amazing affinity.
When you’re around a legendary being who was loved by everyone and grew up spilling love everywhere, you can’t help but think, even if you don’t want to.
‘You have to be that good to be loved.’
If anyone embodied the concept of lovability, it was the crown prince.
Operation Chigger was a failure.
She heard footsteps and opened the door to find the crown prince standing in the doorway, looking dumbfounded.
“Arellin, let’s go out!”
He beamed at her with a smile that made her feel like she was about to be exercised.
Seeing him so close, she realized how different creatures we were.
‘After all…’
She can see the end of this relationship all too clearly.
“So you’re done with being alone in your room?”
Yeah, I lost.
She thought they wouldn’t even check her attendance if I didn’t show her face.
“I haven’t seen you in a long time!”
The smile and goodwill were still as innocent as ever.
What the hell am I supposed to do with him?
“Are you eating right? Did you sleep well? Oh, and again…”
No matter how she treated him or what she said, Pession showed no signs of moving away from her.
This intense interest shows no sign of abating.
‘I’m in trouble.’
‘If I get attached, I’m the one who’ll lose.’
It would be so much better if he was mean and bad, so she could keep her distance, or if he was just an arsehole and annoying, so she could keep her hostility.
Pession was too good of a guy.
That was the problem.
That was her complaint.
“Arellin, have you seen the sky? It’s so beautiful today!”
Her heart sank.
‘Not yet.’
A solid, solid wall still surrounded her.
She wouldn’t have been so wary if it were the Nursery and Mehen, they were her protectors.
And since they were her guardians, she could entrust them with a little affection and dependence.
But not a Pession.
‘I don’t want to hurt them.’
But the more time we spent together, the more it was inevitable that she would hurt them.
Because unlike you, she’s a stranger to giving her heart, to trusting someone, to being together.
To protect her, she have to be.
“Arellin? Arellin, are you okay? Why have you been so blank and silent since earlier? Are you sick?”
Pession was neither angry nor offended, though he was not used to this kind of disregard and coldness from her. Nor did he show any sign of pulling away from her.
“Arellin, why do you stare at me like that without saying a word, shame on you.”
“…”
As she reviewed the situation from various angles, she came to one conclusion.
‘As long as I’m stuck with this guy, there will never be peace for me.’
This was true now, and it was true later when she went back to the collection meeting.
She can’t tell you how many people rushed to get a glimpse of him, a word with him.
To them, she was just a distraction.
‘Not this way.’
She couldn’t get out of this situation by being passive, waiting to see when they would get fed up and leave.
Life is meant to be lived actively.
“Why? Do you have something to say to me?”
She needed a slightly extreme prescription.
She made up her mind.
To walk out.
“Hey.”
“…?!”
Starting today, it’s time with the crown prince.
