In the end, I had no choice but to accept the unbelievable reality.
I couldn’t shake off my doubts, so I slapped my own cheek and even banged my forehead against the wall.
Honestly, I considered jumping out the window, but I gave up on that idea due to the opposition from the Holy Sees.
Anyway, I tried all sorts of things, but the situation remained unchanged.
I am Astel Luteous, and Ryusan is dead.
‘Why did he die? How did he die?’
No matter how much I racked my brain, I couldn’t find the answer.
I felt unjust and depressed, but more than anything, I felt dirty. It was as if I was being toyed with by a malicious prank from the Administrator.
The Administrator is the supreme authority overseeing the invasion. It’s similar to a movie director. Hunters are the cast, channels are the filming locations, and Holy Sees are the audience.
Therefore, my possession in this place is definitely not a mere coincidence.
It’s the intention of the Administrator.
‘But what the hell does he want from me, exactly?’
Just like in my past life, does he want me to save this world too?
‘But what if I refuse?’
I held my head in my hands and let out a deep sigh.
‘I have no idea. Everything will turn out as it was intended to.’
I also wanted to play without a care once in a while. It’s a relief.
Living a life where I couldn‘t even take a day off was enough in my past life, wasn’t it?
I won‘t engage in busy tasks without even having time to eat. That’s it.
‘Let’s pretend I‘m on vacation, shall we?’
A laid-back life of being unemployed. I’ll try that too.
‘From now on, I’m not Ryu, I‘m Astel. Don’t confuse the names, and I‘ll ban swearing, personal attacks, excessive nagging, and strange items. Please think of it as a Confucian broadcast.’
The chat window was filled with sarcastic comments.
What Confucian preaching in a world without Confucianism.
‘Stop swearing, you bastard!’ – comments like that continuously appeared.
I admit that too. My mouth was a little harsh in my past life.
‘I should stop swearing too. It’s a Confucian broadcast.’
[Mission: Refrain from swearing until midnight. (10,000 points)]
[Accept] / [Decline]
Hunters gain basic strength when they awaken.
In addition, there are items sold in the store called ‘Plus Alpha,’ and these items can only be exchanged with ‘points.’
There are only two ways to accumulate points.
They can be obtained through missions or sponsorship from Holy Sees, or obtained from other hunters.
The latter is almost non-existent, to say the least. In practical terms, there is no answer other than relying on the Holy Sees.
That’s why hunters obsessively pursue points and strive to impress the Holy Sees.
Because the Holy Sees need to sponsor points so that they can exchange them for good items at the store.
‘I was also one of those hunters obsessed with points…’
But now, there’s no reason to be fixated on points.
I’ll live carelessly.
‘But that doesn’t mean I should refuse what‘s given to me.’
I casually accepted the mission and surveyed the room.
The room was a mess, as if it had been bombed, with the vanity table shattered.
It was a very poor environment to pursue a laid-back life of being unemployed.
I carefully selected intact items and gathered them on one side. A comb, a few pens, and a thick book. That was all that remained.
‘I didn’t realize I had such strength. Is it Astel‘s power?’
To think that such power was hidden in this fragile body… Truly, one must not judge people based on appearances alone.
I exclaimed in admiration and scratched the back of my head.
‘It’s not your fault, Astel… Sorry. I‘ll buy you the same thing when I earn money later.’
Then, I picked up the book that was opened wide and tilted my head.
The book was tattered. The cover had been patched multiple times, making it difficult to recognize the original design.
She claims to be the Princess…
‘If she’s a Princess, wouldn‘t she have a fairly high status?’
And financially, there shouldn’t be any problems. What could be the reason for the torn book being patched up so many times?
As I became aware of it, it was strange. Not only the book, but the bedroom as a whole was shabby.
‘How is it narrower than my room…?’
The grand mansion I saw during the tutorial was of a scale befitting the name of a duke.
It perfectly matched the description of being enormous and luxurious.
However, this cramped and shabby annex was clearly not a place where an imperial lady could live.
‘Huh? Why did I come in here?’
After finishing the tutorial, I entered the annex so naturally. It was an unconscious action.
‘What’s this? If she‘s a Princess, shouldn’t I have gone to the main mansion?’
As soon as I had the doubt.
“…Ugh!”
A dizzying pain struck my temples.
Then, the memories of Astel, who used to casually throw me the answers after I pondered for a while, flowed into my consciousness.
It melted into my memory like tightly packed salt gradually dissolving in water.
I waited for the pain to fade away and murmured.
“What? I was chased away by my father?”
The reason was that his wife died while giving birth to Astel.
“Is it because he‘s a bastard? What’s wrong with the child…”
I flipped the book I was holding. It wasn’t a book, but a diary.
On the unfolded page, there was a diary entry written today, as if Astel had written it just before leaving the annex.
Imperial Calendar, 911th year, X month, 23rd day.
I see a monster outside the window.
Is this a fantasy? Or is it real?
Either way, it doesn’t matter.
The sky is so clear.
Now, let’s go meet Mom.
‘What’s this nonsense?’
It was an incomprehensible sentence that seemed to have no beginning or end.
I frowned and flipped the diary forward.
Imperial Calendar, 897th year, X month, 3rd day.
The nanny said so.
She said I’m an unlucky child and have to live alone in the annex.
That’s why the maids avoid me, and even the servants make scary expressions when they see me.
It’s scary to be alone…
Why am I an unlucky child?
Imperial Calendar, 899th year, X month, 24th day.
Today, I heard a strange sound.
Mom died because of me.
Did I kill Mom?
No, that’s not true.
No!!!!
Imperial Calendar, 901st year, X month, 11th day.
Why was I born?
Why was I born as an unlucky child and killed Mom?
I miss Dad.
Tears keep flowing, so I can’t write in the diary.
The paper was wrinkled and the ink was smudged all over.
It must be because of the tears.
I slowly turned the wrinkled paper.
Imperial Calendar, 905th year, X month, 5th day.
My hands keep trembling, and I spilled the soup.
Vivian yelled that I’m such a bother and annoying.
The nanny got tired of me and stuck out her tongue.
My burned hand from the soup hurt, but no one asked about it.
Imperial Calendar, 905th year, X month, 6th day.
When I woke up in the morning, my hand had ointment applied to it.
When I asked the nanny, she said she treated it for me.
I was really surprised. She helped a child like me!
Thank you, nanny. Thank you so much. I’ll listen well.
Imperial Calendar, 905th year, X month, 7th day.
In the morning, I noticed there were fingerprints on Genia’s cheek.
Genia, who was assigned as a maid to the annex recently, keeps getting fingerprints on her cheek.
I remember that Genia had a bruised left eye a while ago.
Just the day before, Genia made the most delicious cookies in the world for me, and I remember it clearly.
The nanny said it was because of me. Because I’m an unlucky child.
She told me to stay away from Genia because being close to me brings misfortune.
But I want to be friends with Genia…
I guess I should listen to the nanny.
Imperial Calendar, 905th year, X month, 25th day.
I learned an unbelievable fact.
The person who applied ointment to my burned hand wasn’t the nanny, but Genia.
The fingerprints on Genia’s cheek the next day were because she got punished by the nanny.
She was kind to me…
Nanny, why did you do that? Why? Why on earth!
I trusted the nanny so much…
It’s hard to breathe.
Imperial Calendar, 908th year, X month, 30th day.
I can’t go outside.
Ever since some time ago, it’s been difficult for me to breathe when there are many people around.
The nanny tells me not to act out.
I feel like I’m suffocating and about to die, and she calls it acting out…
Imperial Calendar, 908th year, X month, 2nd day.
It‘s been three months since I haven’t been outside.
Rumors spread in the mansion that I’ve gone mad.
I’m not crazy… I just want to live…
People are scary.
Imperial Calendar, 909th year, X month, 2nd day.
The nanny said so.
The world knows that I‘ve gone mad. That’s why they call me the Mad Princess of the mansion.
Am I really insane?
Until not long ago, I believed that I wasn‘t, but now I’m not so sure.
But one thing is certain.
Just by existing, I have become a stain on the family.
Why do I even live?
Imperial Calendar, 910th year, X month, 16th day.
I’m tired.
I just want to stop now.
Having read this far, I went back and reread today’s diary entry.
The sentences that I couldn’t understand before now make sense.
‘Astel was determined to die.’
The place where I woke up was undoubtedly the courtyard in front of the annex.
Astel, who suffered from social anxiety disorder and couldn’t even go outside, was out there to die.
And without taking a few steps, she succumbed to cardiac arrest caused by a panic attack.
Astel, who was abandoned by her father with the accusation of killing her mother at birth.
Struggling with guilt, betrayed by the nanny she trusted, and even acquiring a mental illness.
Yet, she never blamed others, not even once.
She only thought it was her own fault and silently endured all the unfair treatment.
With all her strength.
-Thump-
As I glanced under my eyes, a faint dampness emerged.
It was Astel’s tears that she shed, but at the same time, it was my tears as well.
Her memories, along with loneliness, sadness, guilt, and pain… All those emotions rushed into me, tearing my heart apart.
I wiped away the tears and unfolded the last page of the diary.
And on top of it, I wrote a small message with a pen.
‘Astel, I will avenge you.’
Living a leisurely life as a recluse doesn’t seem boring at all.
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My poor girl 😭