Episode 95

“……”
“……”

I held Eunice’s hand, but I had no idea what to do next. She looked up at me, her face flushed from fever and her eyes brimming with tears.

My mind spun as I fumbled for the right words, then froze mid-thought.
‘Ah, right.’
I couldn’t speak.

That vivid, chaotic dream must have scrambled my sense of reality for a moment. It was almost laughable how easily one dream had shaken me.

I opened my mouth slightly, then stopped. Instead, I gently tapped the back of Eunice’s hand. Speaking wasn’t an option, and I didn’t feel comfortable making an overly dramatic gesture like pulling her into a hug, so this seemed like the best I could do.

Eunice met my gaze, her teary eyes locking onto mine. I shrugged slightly.

‘She didn’t kill this version of me, and hasn’t she paid her own price?’

Of course, our bad blood wasn’t so easily resolved, but neither did I feel the urge to grab her by the collar and start a fight.

Perhaps understanding my unspoken thoughts, Eunice turned her head away, letting out a small, hollow laugh.

“Ha…”

She chuckled softly, the sound almost bitter.

I quietly observed her before reaching out to re-soak the towel. After cooling it in the water, I wrung it out and placed it back on her forehead.

The soft, wet sound broke the silence briefly before it settled again.

Eunice laughed weakly again, but this time, her laughter turned into sobs that shook her small frame. Tears streamed down her face as though she couldn’t hold them back anymore.

I stared at her for a moment, then silently rose from my seat.

Before I closed the door behind me, the last thing I saw was Eunice, her face buried in her hands as she wept.

‘If I could speak, what would I have said to her?’

I pondered as I walked down the corridor. Perhaps I would have recited some platitude, the kind of generic comfort people offer without much thought.

Despite the awkwardness that lingered between us, Eunice and I were both tied to our pasts in similar ways. I had my dream, and she had her book.

I could understand how something so traumatic could haunt her, following her into this life.

The Eunice I had once known had seemed like a composed noblewoman, but now I understood that she, too, had been dragged along by the weight of unspoken memories.

Whether it was me, Igon, or Eunice, we had all been shaped by the lives we once lived.

If I had been able to speak, I would have told her this:

‘Don’t let the past life make you lose your grip on the life you have now.’

And, honestly, that advice applied to me as well.

Lost in thought, I climbed the stairs without noticing my footing.

Oh.

I tripped, my foot catching on the edge of a step. My upper body lurched forward, and for a moment, it seemed inevitable that I’d meet the floor face-first.

Before that could happen, a hand firmly caught my shoulder and steadied me.

“Are you alright?”

The voice was familiar, tinged with concern.

Gripping the railing, I looked up to find Liam standing before me.

“I beg your pardon,” he said, his tone polite but apologetic.

Liam took a step back as soon as I steadied myself.

I looked at him closely for a moment before giving him a small nod.

When I first met him, he’d been a young boy, fresh-faced and brimming with youthful energy. Now, that boyishness was gone, replaced by the composure of a mature man. He had clearly endured his share of hardships over the years.

Just as he had unintentionally hurt me, I knew I had wounded him too.

“Now that you’ve returned…”

Liam began, his tone careful as he furrowed his brow. The usually stoic knight seemed to be weighing his words with great care.

Finally, he spoke, “I’m glad.”

Then, he smiled—a clear, honest smile that momentarily revealed the boy he used to be. It was the same smile he’d worn when he’d tried to treat me kindly, back before everything between us became so tangled.

Seeing that smile again brought an unexpected warmth to my chest.

I patted his shoulder lightly.

‘I’m glad you’re alive too,’ I thought.

After all, I had once suspected that Igon might have killed him. Even if not, I had briefly feared he might be gravely injured and recovering somewhere in solitude.

Yet here he was, standing before me, whole and unscathed. By “unscathed,” I meant that he still had both arms, both legs, and a head firmly attached.

Of course, being an elite knight of the proud Rodore household and spending years escorting a disgraced noblewoman in a foreign land while searching for a magical book was little different from exile or demotion.

Whatever his true feelings, Liam outwardly seemed unbothered by it all.

“Are you feeling unwell?” he asked, his brow furrowed slightly as he noticed my prolonged silence.

I was genuinely glad to see both Liam and Eunice alive and well. There was still some lingering bitterness, but I was at least able to greet him without letting it show.

“Should I call for the physician?”

I shook my head firmly, signaling that it wasn’t necessary.

Then, I walked past him and continued on my way.

Eventually, I found myself in Igon’s room, lying down on his bed as though it were my own. Whether it was from waking up too early or the lingering fatigue of our journey, I felt sleep pressing heavily on me.

I had planned to resist it, wary of strange dreams, but I quickly forgot that resolve.

Closing my eyes, I allowed the darkness to engulf me.

* * *

Today, there wasn’t even a pretense of walking into the dream.

Someone lightly tapped my arm, and I opened my tired eyes to see a face—familiar but distant.

A friend from my past life sat across from me.

I slowly looked around. It was a pizza place.

“Did you stay up all night again?” they asked, their tone tinged with disbelief.

A soft laugh escaped me, tinged with irony. I ran a hand over my mouth and mumbled, “This dream again.”

I hadn’t spoken quietly, but my friend didn’t seem to hear. Instead of responding to my words, they continued the conversation.

“How do you think you’ll do in Korean Language?”

On the table sat a workbook. It must have been my third year of high school—those dreadful times I had barely skimmed past in my memory.

“Wait, does this mean I’ll have to take the college entrance exam again if I go back?”

‘No way.’

“It’ll probably pick up where I left off—after I got accepted to university. That’s how far it went last time.”

Right before I died in this world.

I rambled on, trying to make sense of the situation. Despite speaking aloud, the friend only responded when I gave answers that fit what I might have actually said back then.

For example, if I said, “I’m skipping evening study on Wednesday,” they would ask, “Because of your tutoring?” and the conversation would flow. If I said anything else, the dialogue stalled.

That’s when I realized: this wasn’t a real interaction. It was my mind replaying memories.

“Then why a pizza place?”

The question dissolved the moment a freshly baked pizza arrived at the table.

The smell was irresistible, the pizza perfectly cooked, and the toppings evenly spread.

‘Ah, familiar flavors are dangerous.’

My mouth watered instantly.

“Looks delicious,” I said, almost reflexively, thinking the words had come from my own thoughts.

Without hesitation, I grabbed a slice. Cheese stretched endlessly as the loaded crust pulled apart.

I hadn’t thought about food much before this dream, but seeing it now awakened a ravenous hunger.

‘I didn’t think I was someone with much of an appetite, but…’

Right now, I felt like I could devour the entire pizza on my own.

As I was about to take a big bite, a voice interrupted.

“…Lily.”

The world shook violently, as if someone had grabbed me and shaken me awake.

Between barely open eyelids, I caught a glimpse of pale platinum hair.

‘No. No, not yet.’

I clenched my eyes shut, trying to hold onto the dream. But it was too late. The pizza, and the dream, were gone.

“Lily? Are you sick? You’ve been laughing strangely,” Igon said, his voice full of concern.

‘Ah.’

I nearly swore in frustration.

The dream was gone, and I was awake.

Slowly opening my eyes, I was greeted by Igon’s worried, handsome face. Somehow, seeing him eased my irritation. Just a little.

Still…

The craving for that pizza lingered stubbornly.

I sat up and looked at him.

‘I’m hungry.’

Igon burst into hearty laughter, his concern dissipating. Whether it was because my request seemed so simple after he’d been worried about me, or because he found my immediate focus on food amusing, I couldn’t tell.

‘Make something like Korean-style pizza,’ I wrote, explaining it to him.

A round, flat bread base, a tomato-based sauce that’s smooth and tangy, thinly sliced ham, onions, vegetables, and—most importantly—cheese that stretches when melted.

As I described it, I wondered if this world even had cheese that would melt like that.

Igon read through my description thoughtfully, then nodded.

“I don’t know if it’ll satisfy you, but I’ll make sure they prepare something like it.”

‘As soon as possible,’ I urged, still mourning the pizza I’d lost in my dream.

Igon chuckled, nodding as he handed the note with the recipe to a servant to deliver to the kitchen.

“Do you want to head down and watch them make it?” he asked.

Of course.

I eagerly nodded and quickly stood up. Igon helped me into a cloak, smiling at my excitement, before asking, “So, where have you had this kind of food before?”

The upward curve of his eyes was soft, but there was a faintly unsettling edge to his tone. Was it just my imagination?

“I’ve never heard of a dish like this. Maybe if I taste it, I could find something similar,” he mused with a low laugh. “It’s curious, though, how you can describe something so specific without having tried it before.”

I shifted my eyes nervously, rolling them as though I could avoid his gaze. The truth—that it was a memory from my past life—loomed large in my mind. But if I admitted that, I feared I’d end up spilling everything: the dream, the question about going back, all of it.

So, I decided to feign ignorance, smiling and shrugging my shoulders.

If I had known how unconvincing it looked to him, I wouldn’t have done it.

“Ah. It’s from your past life, isn’t it?”

I should’ve expected it, but hearing him say it made my breath hitch.

“Why hide that from me?” he continued. “You know I’m already aware that you remember your past life.”

He was right. I’d kept it from him out of guilt, and his sharp observation had cornered me.

A cold sweat seemed to trickle down my back.

“Why did you do it? Now that I think about it, you’ve been acting strange since yesterday,” he pressed.

The escalating tension made my heart pound.

For a fleeting moment, I wondered what would happen if Igon found out that I had considered returning to my old world—leaving him behind.

I lowered my gaze to the floor, overwhelmed. I had no idea how a dream about an uneaten pizza had spiraled into this.

“Eve, Evelyn, Lily.”

Igon murmured, taking hold of my wrist and softly listing each of my names.

The way he spoke them, like a gentle melody, caught me off guard. But even more surprising was the faint tremble in his hand.

I looked up to meet his gaze.

Tears welled in his pale blue eyes, his long lashes damp with emotion.

“You’re… not going to leave me, are you?”

The corners of his mouth lifted into a fragile, trembling smile.

Unable to hold back, I threw my arms around him. Guilt surged within me, nearly choking me.

“You’re all I have. You’re my entire world,” Igon whispered.

His broad shoulders sagged as if they couldn’t bear the weight of his feelings. He clung to me, pressing his soft, silky hair against my shoulder like a desperate child seeking comfort.

“You’re already my world. Why can’t I be yours?” he said, his voice laced with quiet anguish.

For the first time, I wished I could speak. I wanted to tell him aloud, to reassure him: You already are my world.

But the reason I wavered wasn’t because I longed for what I’d lost or felt sadness for what I’d left behind.

It was because I felt I wasn’t enough. I was fragile, easily shaken, and afraid that my imperfections would hurt him.

It wasn’t Igon’s fault—it was my own incompleteness that scared me.

I wanted to tell him, holding onto him tightly, so he would understand.

 

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