Episode 94

After dinner, Igon left for the imperial palace in response to an urgent summons, and I went on a short walk with Rosalind.

Upon returning to my room, I sat in thought for a while.

If someone were to ask if my memories of my past life were clear, I could only answer no. The only vivid thing I remembered about my previous life was the novel—the original story. Everything else was fragmented, like pixelated image files, incomplete and blurry.

While I understood concepts from my past life, they didn’t feel familiar. If I had to choose, I’d swear that this world now felt far more familiar to me.

‘At this point, am I not a part of this world?’

The thought stirred an emotion in me, raw and unexpected.

An anomaly.

That word lingered in my mind, refusing to leave. Bitterness crept in as well. How many times did they need to try and kill me? Once should have been enough.

I had done everything I could to live peacefully, only to learn that none of it had mattered. If I could, I’d grab the causality of this world by the throat and demand answers.

‘If I die here, in this body, what happens to me?’

Would I return to my original world, the one my past self had lived in?

As I mulled over such thoughts, I unintentionally dozed off on the sofa where I had been reclining.

* * *

I dreamed.

I was walking down a dark street. I couldn’t see a step ahead of me, but I knew I was walking because I felt my legs moving.

The ground beneath my feet was soft, and far ahead, I saw a white light. Assuming it was an exit, I walked toward it.

Gradually, the path grew brighter.

When I arrived, I saw a girl I didn’t recognize playing with sand. She sat alone, even as other children ran and played together.

I slowly approached her and sat beside her. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, sitting there all alone.

“Why are you playing by yourself?” I asked.

I heard my voice and, in that moment, realized I was dreaming.

“Oh.”

Looking closer, I noticed the girl was wearing sandals, short shorts, and a white T-shirt from a well-known sports brand.

The area was a park with a playground, the kind you’d find anywhere. People strolled along paths shaded by trees.

There were no dresses or tailored suits here. Instead, a bicycle passed by, its bell ringing brightly and cheerfully.

Of course.

This was where my past self had lived.

A world with no monsters or magic—a moderately peaceful place.

I turned my head slowly, taking in my surroundings.

“Unnie.”

“Huh?”

I responded reflexively to the small voice that came from nearby. Looking down, I saw the girl stacking sand to build a castle.

“Look at this,” she said, showing off her sandcastle with a wide grin. Faint freckles dotted her cheeks.

As our eyes met, I realized something.

“You’re me.”

The girl didn’t respond, smiling silently before turning her attention back to her sandcastle.

She began patting the sand again, oblivious to my words.

From that point on, I followed her. Even when I tried to go somewhere else, it was futile.

Until the dream ended, I couldn’t move freely of my own will.

I watched her enter a home and be embraced by her parents.

‘Yuna.’

That was my name in my past life.

In the dream, I watched as the girl—me—welcomed a younger brother into the family. I saw myself, who had few friends as a child, starting school, making friends, and studying. I saw moments spent with my family, fights where I yanked my little brother’s hair, and even the small rebellion of skipping after-school classes to go to karaoke with friends.

It felt as though the dream existed solely to show me the life I once lived.

At first, I felt indifferent. But as the dream progressed, I found myself strangely drawn to the girl—drawn to me.

When she cried, I cried with her. When she laughed, I couldn’t help but laugh, too.

Then, she fell.

An accident occurred. A tragic, sudden accident that claimed her life just as she had entered the prime of youth, a university freshman.

After witnessing everything, a voice echoed in the void.

[Don’t you want to live here?]

Live here?

“Yuna!”
I heard my family, my friends, calling my name. They reached out their arms, beckoning me to come to them.

“Can I really live here again?”

[Yes. If you want, I can turn back time and return you to the moment before the accident.]

The voice was gentle and soothing. My clenched fists trembled.

[Don’t you want to go back?]

I…

I parted my lips to answer.

That’s when I heard it—a voice from beyond the edge of consciousness.

“…Lily.”

I turned my head toward the darkness I had crossed.

“Lily!”

The voice grew clearer, and I instinctively turned toward it, running as fast as I could.

The question faded into the distance, replaced by the voice calling my name.

I slowly opened my eyes.

Rising from my seat, I saw Igon standing in front of me.

“Lily,” he said softly.

As our gazes met, his blue-gray eyes shimmering with concern, tears spilled uncontrollably down my face. I couldn’t stop them.

I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him close. Igon, clearly startled, let himself be drawn in, wrapping his arms around me.

His familiar scent filled my senses. Over his shoulder, I saw his room—the wallpaper, the window, the desk—all familiar. And Igon, holding and comforting me.

“Was it a nightmare?” Igon gently stroked my hair.

Resting my head on his shoulder, I slowly opened and closed my eyes.

“Are you okay? Should I call the physician?”

His soft question was laced with concern, but I shook my head. I feared that if I closed my eyes again, I’d return to that dream, to that question.

I stayed awake through the night. Igon stayed by my side, worrying about my odd behavior.

The next morning, I followed his guidance in a daze, preparing for the day and eating breakfast mechanically.

“Did something happen?” he asked.

I couldn’t answer. How could I explain that I had remembered my past life? That I’d seen my original family and friends? That someone in my dream had asked me if I wanted to return?

Igon leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my hair.

“If something’s troubling you, let me share the burden with you,” he said.

His voice, so full of warmth and affection, caught me off guard. Tears welled up again.

Leave Igon to return to my old life? If I left, what would happen to him?

“Lily,” Igon murmured as he pulled me into his arms.

Wrapped in his broad embrace, I closed my eyes tightly, clinging to the comforting warmth he offered.

* * *

“You really don’t have to go,” Igon said irritably, his voice unusually sharp.

We were in the middle of a tug-of-war as I tried to get him into the carriage to head to the imperial palace.

“I’m serious. I was there just yesterday. I’ll be fine today.”

‘If everything was fine, the palace wouldn’t have sent messengers,’ I thought, biting back a sigh. They’d sent four messengers this morning alone. Igon had tried to hide their arrival from me, but I’d caught on.

‘Go,’ I said firmly.

He had responsibilities he couldn’t ignore.

“I’ll go tomorrow,” he replied, his stubbornness unshaken.

Maybe it was because of my recent state, but he seemed unusually resolute. Normally, I might have let it slide and said, ‘Fine, do as you like,’ but today was different. I also wanted some time to think.

I pushed him gently toward the carriage.

‘We’ll talk when you get back.’

When persuasion failed, I resorted to a promise. That finally got him moving. With a heavy sigh, he stood and put on his coat.

“Lily,” he called from the carriage, motioning for me to come closer.

When I took a few steps toward him, he wrapped an arm around my waist.

“Promises exist to be kept,” he said, leaning down to kiss my cheek.

I nodded, watching as the carriage pulled away.

Phew.

A deep sigh escaped me without realizing it. After tidying up the spot where we had stood, I decided to take a short walk in the garden.

‘Maybe I should visit Rosalind,’ I thought.

Though the questions weighing on me were mine to answer, talking to her might ease the heaviness a bit.

‘Ah.’

Then I remembered—she was at the imperial palace today as well.

After wandering the garden for a few more laps, I decided to check on Eunice. While meeting her still felt awkward, I couldn’t ignore the fact that she was unwell.

Cutting through the garden and entering the mansion, I ran into one of the maids I used to work with. She lit up at the sight of me.

“Where are you headed?”

She now openly addressed me with formal speech. It felt strange but endearing, as I knew it was her way of showing respect. I smiled.

‘Eunice.’

I mouthed her name clearly, and the maid nodded, offering to guide me.

Before long, I stood in front of a guest room on the second floor.

Knock, knock.

A faint “Yes?” came from inside.

“The young lady is here,” the maid announced, opening the door before waiting for a response.

Young lady?

Hearing the familiar title, once used for Evelyn, brought an odd feeling.

I gave the maid a small smile of thanks before stepping inside.

The first thing I noticed was the sound of Eunice’s labored breathing.

‘So, she really is unwell.’

As I saw her struggle to sit up in bed, I rushed over and gently pressed her shoulders down.

‘Stay down,’ I mouthed, adding gentle pressure with my hands.

Eunice protested, citing propriety and saying it wasn’t right, but she eventually gave in, resting her head against the pillow. Her skin was hot to the touch, and her lips were parched and cracked.

A basin and towel sat beside the bed. I soaked the towel in water, wrung it out, and placed it on her forehead before sitting down in a nearby chair.

Eunice’s wide eyes met mine, and she murmured a shy, awkward, “Thank you.”

‘It’s nothing,’ I thought, shrugging lightly.

Turning her head to look out the window, Eunice spoke softly.

“You… you must have heard everything. So why…”

She trailed off, her gaze avoiding mine. She seemed embarrassed, perhaps ashamed of her actions in her past life.

I reached out and held her hand, hoping to offer some comfort.

 

 

 

 

 

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