Episode 79

“Close the gate.”

After Igon’s low command, the sound of metal clanking shut filled the air. I tried to twist around, desperate to understand what was happening, to at least catch a glimpse of Rosalind leaving. But it was useless. Igon, holding me in his arms, pressed my head firmly against his chest, blocking my view. I halfheartedly pounded my fists against his arm, but eventually, I lowered my hands in defeat.

Once inside, he released the hand holding my head, and the moment my head was freed, I looked up at him, searching his face.

‘Did you know?’ Did his family know Rosalind?

I looked up, hoping for an answer, but none came. His gaze was fixed forward, his mouth set in a firm line. There was no explanation, but then again, what explanation did I need? This was the duke’s residence; nothing here happened without Igon’s knowledge.

I felt like luggage as he carried me up the stairs, my head spinning with countless thoughts. Igon knew about Rosalind. He was the one who had summoned her to the duke’s estate. He had also allowed Eunice to stay here, just as he had brought me here. At this point, it wasn’t that Igon was pretending not to know—I was the one feigning ignorance. I found it almost laughable that I had told Kenneth Igon was unaware of my connection to Evelyn.

Was I naive, foolish, or simply blinded by my own desires? I couldn’t even tell anymore.

‘Put me down.’

I mouthed, wriggling in Igon’s arms, trying to escape. But he was immovable, a solid weight that refused to yield. Eventually, he carried me into his chambers and set me gently on his bed, where I glared up at him.

Igon crossed his arms, looking down at me.

“Why were you in the garden?”

His question struck me as absurdly bold. Shouldn’t I be the one asking him questions?

“Were you planning to run away? Maybe you wanted to ask that mage to take you with her.”

Mage?

I furrowed my brows. So Igon knew about Rosalind’s powers too. Just how much did he know? My thoughts raced, and before I could look down to gather them, his hand caught my chin and forced my gaze upward. His eyes, blue and intense, bore into mine.

“Answer me.”

I shook my head slightly, my lips moving silently.

‘No.’

“Really?”

His lips twisted in a mocking smile, clearly unconvinced.

‘If you’re not going to believe me, why even ask?’

I thought, frustration simmering beneath my expression.

“I mean, you’ve run away once already. A second time wouldn’t be that difficult, would it?”

I didn’t miss his low muttering. Reaching out instinctively, I grabbed his wrist.

‘What?’

I mouthed.

Igon smirked.

‘Just how much do you know?’

Even without my voice, he seemed to understand my question from the shape of my lips.

“Are you only curious about that now?”

His tone was so casual, yet it hit me like a shock. My lips parted slightly, my heart pounding.

“Didn’t you want to leave your past life behind?”

He continued, his words making my mind whirl. He was right. My former life, Evelyn’s life, was one of sadness, one nearing a tragic end. I had desperately wanted to escape that fate. Everything I thought I had was an illusion, and the one I had loved—the one I thought loved me—had only used me.

Of course, I had wanted to abandon that life.

I was confused, my mind a jumble.

“I pretended not to know. For both our sakes,” he murmured.

The only reason I’d been able to accept Igon’s affection as Lilian was because he hadn’t seen me as Evelyn. Having crossed over into this new life, I’d tried to bury the wounds Evelyn had suffered. But of course, they hadn’t stayed buried. They resurfaced from time to time, and I had always lived with the expectation that Igon would one day discard me. Even if my affection for him had always been wrapped in hollow excuses, they had at least been excuses I could offer myself.

But now, even those justifications had been stripped away.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize you?”

Igon leaned over, caging me in his arms. Overwhelmed by his intensity, I leaned back, nearly lying down.

“No one else might know, but how could I not recognize you?”

It was impossible.

He nuzzled his head against mine, his soft platinum hair brushing against my neck. A shiver ran down my spine.

It wasn’t the ticklish sensation that made me shiver—it was fear. A moment ago, he had felt like a snarling beast, toying with its prey before going in for the kill. I quietly raised my hands, pressing gently against his shoulders to push him back. He allowed himself to be moved and shifted away, and I studied him in silence. His clear eyes looked distant, as if something within them was hidden beyond reach. While he seemed to desire and love me, I knew all too well that might not be the entire truth. There was so much he wasn’t telling me.

“You finally fell into my hands,” he murmured.

“So how could I ever let you go?”

Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me close against him.

“You have no idea how much patience it took to get the you of now.”

He leaned in, resting his head on my shoulder and whispering softly. Naturally, I had no way of knowing what he had endured to find me again. How could I possibly understand the unspoken?

Whenever Igon spoke this way, I couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed. It wasn’t the first time I’d been confused by his mysterious demeanor. But suddenly, a thought drifted through my mind—why didn’t he ever tell me? Was it that he chose not to tell me, or that he couldn’t? Reflecting carefully, I realized I couldn’t speak of things related to my own fate, either.

It was just a theory, but if, by any chance, Igon was also bound by some similar fate…

“Don’t leave.”

His low voice interrupted my spiraling thoughts, sending a shiver through my shoulders. His arms tightened around me, pulling me close, and he let out a deep sigh.

I had so many questions, but none that I could ask. His body trembled faintly, and that sight alone startled me more than all the day’s events combined. Not knowing what else to do, I opened and closed my hands a few times before resting them gently on his back, smoothing my palms over him. Gradually, his trembling subsided, and his breaths grew softer.

Letting out a silent sigh, I leaned my head against his shoulder as he leaned into me. We stayed like that, wordlessly resting on each other. Just as he had once comforted me, I now found myself gently comforting him.

Raising my gaze, I looked out through the wide window. Beyond it, the sun was beginning to set, casting a fiery red glow as it slipped below the horizon. Soon, darkness would descend, and night would cover the world.

Back when I had lived as Evelyn, I believed Igon came to my room every night for my sake, to soothe me from my nightmares. But now I wondered—perhaps I wasn’t the only one plagued by terrible dreams back then.

I remembered those nights when he had stayed up, carrying me around the room to calm me.

‘Could I trust you again? Could I understand you, even if you don’t say everything?’

I gently stroked his back as I pondered these questions. Beneath my hand, I could feel his chest rise and fall, the steady movement of his muscles.

“I don’t want to go through this again. I’m tired of it.”

He murmured, his tone almost pleading—a sound I had never heard from him before. Or was it truly the first time? I placed my hands on his shoulders, lifting his face to look at me. His blue eyes sparkled, like jewels catching the light, gazing up at me with a vulnerability that was both heartbreaking and endearing. Even when we’d been physically close, I had never felt this way.

Silently, I leaned in and kissed him, hoping to convey my feelings through the touch, even if I couldn’t speak.

***

“Lilliana.”

Lying beside me, Igon murmured my name, his fingers gently playing with my hair.

“Lily, Lily, Lilliana.”

He repeated, almost like he was singing it.

“I like your name.”

I did too. Although the naming process had been rough and painful, I had always liked the name Rosalind had given me.

“Did you choose it yourself?”

I shook my head, knowing he wouldn’t be able to see in the darkness. Instead of trying to mouth the words, I took his hand and wrote on his palm.

‘That mage.’

He let out a small, disapproving laugh. After a moment of hesitation, I added another message in his palm.

‘Do you know her?’

It took him a while, and I had almost given up on receiving an answer when he finally spoke.

“Yes, I do.”

‘How do you know her?’

“I’ve known her long before you did. I’ve known her for a very long time.”

The way he said “a very long time” gave me a feeling that his concept of time differed from the usual.

“Lily, I know far more than you do.” he continued softly.

“That is my punishment to bear.”

Just how much did Igon know, and from where? Thinking back, I realized my own punishment had started with death and continued now in the form of a lost voice.

“I have no intention of sharing our punishment. It’s enough for one of us to bear the pain.”

Though his stubborn words were frustrating, I understood. If he began speaking about his memories, fate itself would intervene. I recalled him telling me he didn’t want to go through this again. So, for his sake, I decided not to push him any further.

If Igon couldn’t answer my questions, there was always Rosalind. Clever as she was, perhaps she could find a way to satisfy my curiosity without us both suffering from fate’s interference. I asked Igon if she had already left.

“No.” His tone was flat. “I didn’t let her leave, because I thought you’d want to talk to her.”

With that, he pressed a kiss to my palm, his gaze in the dark seemingly sincere. ‘I’ll prepare things for you, so don’t leave me.’ His words seemed to carry that unspoken promise.

***

The next day, I made my way to the drawing room to see Rosalind. She greeted me as if we’d only parted recently.

“It’s been a while.”

She said, smiling casually as she gave a light nod in greeting.

I nodded back awkwardly.

“Yes. I didn’t think we’d see each other again,” I replied.

With a faint smile that contrasted her indifferent tone, she said, “Isn’t that right?”

 

 

TL/N: Me rn after reading this chap