Episode 76

On the surface, Igon didn’t appear any different, whether it was before or after he grew closer to me. He was adequately courteous to the servants and maintained a level of kindness that wasn’t overbearing. He was reserved and elegant. Only when he was alone with me did he act as if a screw had come loose.

One day, I realized my wardrobe was filled with gifts from him. Dresses, jewelry, and even the vase on the small window ledge adorned with colorful flowers he had sent. Each time he acted as though utterly captivated by me, his words of having fallen in love at first sight echoed in my ears.

Recently, I found myself often gazing into the mirror, wondering if my current appearance was truly enough to enchant someone like him at first glance. Objectively, though not quite like Evelyn, I thought my looks were passable. Of course, it was my self-assessment, and perhaps I was being rather generous. Yet, my rounded features were quite defined and endearing, while my fair skin and silver hair suited me well. But could they really be enough to ensnare someone like Igon at first sight? The answer wavered.

This curiosity led me to a bigger question: *Did Igon know about my connection with Evelyn?* I began observing him more closely, pondering this thought seriously. It might just be something he said, I reasoned. But then, what would a man like him lack that would drive him to say such things to me?

I couldn’t discern his true intentions. And it was the same with our relationship. Just as impulsive as it was at the start, I couldn’t be certain of its longevity. If he suddenly turned away and acted as though nothing had happened starting today, I’d have no words to argue.

Preparing for such an end, I’d packed a small bag on one side of the closet. When I first came to the duke’s residence, I had resolved that if he grew tired of me or I tired of him, I would leave the capital entirely. I had saved a fair amount of money. If I could let go of Igon, I was confident I could sever all ties and lingering feelings linked to Evelyn.

That would be the moment for a new beginning. So, upon coming to the duke’s residence, I had thought that meeting Igon and relinquishing all my lingering attachments to him would allow me to start anew. Surely, if I stayed by his side, my heart would find closure someday. I believed that was possible.

I thought my heart was under my control. Even as I pondered leaving him at any moment, my relationship with Igon continued steadily. Bit by bit, I was becoming accustomed to waking up in his bed.

According to the whispers of the servants at the duke’s residence, this was the first time they had seen Igon act this way. In other words, I was the first woman to catch his interest since Evelyn. I wasn’t sure whether to see it as consistency in his tastes or simply his sharp intuition at play. Yet, one thing was clear—his affection for me differed from what he’d shown Evelyn.

I found comfort in his familiar scent and warmth. Igon acted as if we needed to be bound together always. For the first time, I sensed a hint of wildness in myself. I found greater satisfaction not in the moments I unraveled in his arms, but in those instances when he clenched his brow, holding back. The flush on his cheeks, the hushed breaths spilling from his lips, tugged at my heart.

Last night had been no different from other nights. As I woke, I heard the steady rhythm of his breathing close to my ear. His chin rested on my shoulder as he held me in his sleep—a rare, precious moment of seeing him so peaceful. I wanted to turn and face him, but his arm wrapped around my waist, and our legs intertwined, keeping me locked in place.

He held me as if my warmth and scent had mingled with his, making it impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. Our closeness had begun early in the evening, but it was time to rise now. Thinking of the tasks I’d delayed for this pleasure made my head ache. I became acutely aware of a strange sensation below, as I tried to untangle my legs from his, the sudden feeling of embarrassment searing my face.

I squirmed to free myself from him, shocked at my own indulgence. A chill ran down my back, though I couldn’t tell if it was from the memory or my current predicament. The more I wriggled, the tighter his arm encircled me. Just then, his lips brushed my neck, and a gasp slipped out before I could stop it.

“Trying to run away?”

He murmured, his hand pressing gently against my shoulder as he slowly sat up. I watched the outline of his muscles move, and as his warmth left, the cool dawn air swept over me. A shiver ran through me, though I couldn’t say whether it was from the cold or from a deeper anticipation.

Igon, now poised above me, brushed back a strand of his hair and let out a soft laugh. In the dim blue light of dawn, he looked breathtakingly beautiful. His lazy smile held the air of a contented predator. He traced his hand slowly down from my neck to just below my stomach, and I swallowed involuntarily, my gaze landing on that crooked smile of his.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

He teased, his head lowering playfully as he pressed his lips to my skin.

“Just where do you think you’re escaping to?”

His hand wrapped around my ankle, holding me in place.

A cruel desire flickered in his eyes. Occasionally, no—often, Igon would grip my ankle. Each time, he’d meet my gaze, staring at me silently, as if he were asking for permission. But it wasn’t an impulsive or instinct-driven look; it was chilling. In those moments, he seemed perfectly rational. He’d squeeze my ankle just so, then release it, repeating the motion as if testing something. If I nodded, it felt like he might break my ankle then and there. So, even when lost in the dizzying pleasure he brought, I shook my head firmly with all the strength I had left.

When I did, he let go of his hold, cupping my face with a gentleness that contrasted his earlier grip. He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, soothing me as one would a child. Smiling, he pulled me into an embrace.

“Stay here.”

Hmm? His words, spoken in a playful yet pleading tone as he traced the edge of my ear, seemed ambiguous. Was he asking me to stay in bed, or to stay by his side? That air of arrogant need, so unlike someone begging, made him all the more alluring. And with each shared moment, I found myself wanting more.

I had come here intending to leave entirely. But seeing this different side of Igon stirred a new kind of greed within me.

***

After his arm had healed, Igon left once more to inspect his lands. To be honest, I had almost forgotten he was injured. He behaved with such composure that it was hard to believe he had ever been hurt, appearing even stronger than most. Remembering how I had been bedridden after a single wound from a beast, his endurance and recovery seemed nothing short of monstrous.

While he was with me, he never showed any sign of pain. As time passed, I realized how difficult it was to handle him, and I thought.

‘Ah, so he must have held back because he was in pain before.’

Whatever he had told the head maid, I found myself excluded from all tasks, with instructions to wait until his return. The first two days, I obeyed without a fuss, my exhaustion allowing me to rest deeply and recuperate. On the third day, I insisted on helping in the study, though even there, there was little to do, making it practically the same as resting.

With Igon gone, I was free day and night. It was the perfect time to gather information about Eunice. The social skills I had learned at the palace through Mary proved invaluable in adjusting to life at the duke’s residence. I couldn’t reply in full conversation, but I listened intently, which, surprisingly, endeared me to others.

I came to understand how maintaining a relaxed attitude could be such an advantage in interacting with people. Some were cautious around me, knowing I had been recommended by the Crown Prince and aware of my relationship with Igon. However, others were eager to curry favor, some even flattering me in the hopes of gaining my favor. I used these connections to gather information on Eunice.

Eunice Duran—her whereabouts remained a mystery. The more I dug, the more she appeared as an enigma. It was confirmed she had joined the duke’s household after the collapse of her family’s estate. She had worked as a maid here for several months. These weren’t mere rumors; several people claimed to have either worked alongside her or seen her working here.

During her time here, she had done stints in the kitchen, laundry, cleaning, and even assisting the knights in the training yard. Just before she disappeared, she had worked closely with Igon. I asked what kind of expression she wore during those times. Most described her as melancholic, yet adaptable. Some added that she seemed inherently bright and kind-hearted.

Knowing her as I did, I agreed with that sentiment. In the past, Eunice had always approached me, even as I tried to push her away, treating me with warmth and kindness.

They said Eunice had vanished in an instant. One evening, a fellow servant, who had been close to her, last saw her talking before she went to her room. The next morning, she was absent from the monthly morning assembly. Concerned, the head maid, along with a few other servants, went to check on her in her quarters.

When they opened the door, she was gone. Her belongings were untouched. A half-melted candle was still fused to its holder on the windowsill, as if she had left in the middle of putting it out. The bedding bore the imprint of someone who had recently lain there. The head maid initially thought she might have stepped out briefly.

And Eunice…

“…vanished without a trace.”

Servants running away was not uncommon. Some found the work more burdensome than expected or grew tired of it, and would slip away under cover of night. So, when Eunice didn’t return, the head maid concluded that she had fled. It was reasoned that, being a noblewoman, the tasks might have been especially taxing for her.

However, some of the servants found Eunice’s disappearance suspicious. She had left without taking anything. I wondered if Igon had, at any point, mistreated her, but they all confirmed he hadn’t. In fact, it seemed he treated her better than most, even better than the other servants. Like me, she had been given her own room—my room now had once been hers.