Episode 75

A servant sent to care for an injured master, and yet I was the one who came back having been cared for. My freshly washed body carried a faint, pleasant fragrance. My legs trembled so much that walking properly was out of the question, so Igon granted me an unexpected day of rest. I lay down with a warm herbal pouch pressed against my stomach, letting the heat seep in. The dull ache sharpened my thoughts with a clarity I hadn’t felt in a while.

Did Igon know that I was connected to Evelyn? If not, why had he taken an interest in me? Had he been involved with a servant like this before? These thoughts gnawed at me, leaving an uneasy feeling in my chest. Yet despite the discomfort, a part of me welcomed even Igon’s indulgence.

Memories of last night lingered in my mind—his warmth enveloping me, the intoxicating scent of his skin, the laughter and breaths that brushed against my ears. It was a night filled with sensations, leaving me feeling whole in a way I hadn’t known before.

When I lived as Evelyn, his feelings had always seemed so ambiguous. He was a mystery I could never quite unravel. Did he keep me by his side out of affection, or was there some other reason? If he liked me, why wouldn’t he touch me? Why did he treat me like a lover yet withhold the words and gestures that lovers share?

Igon always remained just out of reach, his intentions veiled. And perhaps, in a way, that was why I felt a strange relief when I heard he might have been using me. At least it offered an explanation—however unkind. There was always a reason, I thought. Then as now, Igon was an enigma, but at least now I understood the reasons behind his actions, and what they led to.

I was still as fearful and full of questions as ever. My thoughts spun on and on, never reaching a resolution, until I squeezed my eyes shut. Enough. I pressed myself down into the bed, feeling my heavy eyelids drift closed. Sleep claimed me quickly, pulling me into the dark embrace of unconsciousness.

* * *

I drifted into sleep, only to awaken with a sudden sense that I should rise. Forcing my dry eyes open, I felt the presence of someone beside me. The room was dimly illuminated by a faint, reddish glow from a lantern placed in a corner. When I lived at the palace, I would often wake at the slightest sound of others sneaking out of bed. My heightened senses were always quick to detect another’s presence, so the fact that I hadn’t noticed anyone beside me until now was unusual. But tonight was different—someone was there, right beside me.

I turned my head slightly to see who it was. Igon, wearing a monocle, was leaning against my bed, casually flipping through some documents. It seemed he had been there for quite some time, unnoticed until now. If the bed hadn’t been as small as it was, I might not have realized he was there at all. He was so silent, not even making a sound as he turned the pages. True to his skill as a distinguished knight, he was adept at concealing his presence.

Sensing my gaze, Igon turned his head toward me.

“You’re awake?”

He asked, in that familiar tone, a faint hint of a smile in his eyes that seemed to suggest he was amused. It was so familiar that, without thinking, I almost tried to reply with a voice that could no longer produce sound. If I could have spoken, I would have simply answered.

“Yes.”

But when I remembered that no sound would come out, the realization struck me like a cold splash—that I had lost my voice, that I was no longer Evelyn. I had lived as Liliana for several years now, yet for a moment, it felt as though I had forgotten all that time, as if no gap existed between then and now.

As reason returned, I found myself laughing silently at my own behavior. Shaking my head softly, I let out a soundless chuckle, but then felt Igon’s hand catch my shoulder. Before I could understand why, his large hand cradled the back of my neck, pulling me into a kiss that came suddenly, almost forcefully.

He acted as if this intimacy between us was natural, as if it was something we had always done. His hand slipped beneath my back, and my view shifted as he repositioned me. Our lips parted, and I found myself straddling his thigh, looking down at him. His eyes, darkened with a heat I wasn’t accustomed to seeing, watched me intently. My hair fell over his shoulder, mingling with the shadows cast by the lantern’s glow.

One of his large hands gently brushed down my tense back, easing the stiffness in my muscles.

“Don’t be nervous.”

He murmured, his voice low and soothing.

I didn’t resist as his lips sought mine again, and the kiss deepened, lingering far longer than before.

Was this really okay? The question echoed in my mind, but I found myself pushing it away, allowing the moment to unfold between us.

Meaningful questions scattered, leaving me to chase after the mindless pleasure that coursed through me. Igon’s arms wrapped around my shoulders as he whispered sweet words into my ear, his breath tickling my skin and making me shrink away playfully. Seeing myself reflected in his eyes made me laugh silently, amused by how I must have appeared to him.

* * *

Although both Igon and the head maid had insisted that I rest for the day, I stubbornly donned my uniform. Before heading to Igon’s study, I sought out the head maid. She regarded me with her usual expressionless demeanor. Despite surely knowing what had transpired between Igon and me, she showed no hint of her thoughts.

She briefed me concisely on what had occurred during my absence and outlined my tasks for the day. I nodded, and she placed a letter on the desk.

“It’s from His Highness the Crown Prince’s secretary,” she said.

Though the letter bore the secretary’s name, I knew it had to be from Kenneth himself. I took the letter and stepped back a few paces.

“It seems His Highness is concerned about your well-being. Prepare a reply, and I’ll see that it’s delivered tomorrow when the messenger comes,” she added. Her tone remained as neutral as ever, even in her show of courtesy.

That was the end of the conversation. I slipped the letter into my front pocket, bowed, and left the room. As I walked down the hallway, I pulled the letter out, glancing around to ensure I was alone before opening it to read the contents. To a casual observer, it would appear as no more than a typical letter of concern.

Using a pin, I pricked the tip of my finger, drawing a small drop of blood. Kenneth had made me an offer when he sent me here, one that I had neither accepted nor outright rejected. The advantage of being unable to speak was that I didn’t have to give answers in situations where it was difficult to choose.

Though I didn’t want to betray Igon, I had my reasons for not rejecting Kenneth’s proposal. It wouldn’t directly harm Igon, and the rewards were significant. Kenneth wished to improve the conditions of his mother’s confinement, to ease her suffering. Since Evelyn’s death, Kenneth had never once visited the Empress Dowager, but as a son, he couldn’t simply ignore her tragic situation.

He had suggested moving her outside the capital, where she might live out her days more comfortably, even if it came at the cost of some disgrace. However, those loyal to Igon had opposed the idea. As long as Igon remained alive, it seemed that the Empress Dowager would never find peace.

I, too, harbored feelings toward the former empress that went far beyond mere resentment—after all, it was because of her that I had once lost my life. Yet, I could also understand Kenneth’s wish to help her, as difficult as that acknowledgment might be.

Since arriving at the duchy, I’d come to learn in detail about the current state of the Empress Dowager. The proximity of the duchy meant that the servants here were well-informed about her situation. She lived in the crumbling estate of Count Duran, alone and without any attendants, as though she were some kind of relic on display. In the beginning, people would gather outside to hurl insults at her and even break into the grounds. Some who had lost family members to the monsters unleashed by the count’s household even attempted to harm her during the night.

For someone who had lived her entire life as a daughter of a powerful family, then as Empress, her current existence was a fate worse than death. It was said she had even attempted to end her own life several times. Knowing her nature, it wasn’t hard to believe. To me, everything she endured now felt like the consequences of her own actions. But for her son, it was different. And if Kenneth became Emperor one day, his mother’s fate could cast a shadow on his reputation.

A dethroned mother living in such conditions within the capital would remain a persistent weak point for him. Today’s letter from Kenneth contained little of note, just remarks in response to my previous report. At the end, he asked.

“Are you sure Igon doesn’t know about your connection to Evelyn?”

Considering Igon’s silence even after the night we spent together, I felt confident that he didn’t know. Yet, I reminded myself not to be overly certain of anything. It was like my former arrogance, thinking I could fully control my feelings toward Igon.

After folding the letter and tucking it back into my pocket, I knocked on the door of Igon’s study. His voice called me inside, and I entered, bowing slightly. When I straightened, my gaze met his, and he greeted me with a smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling warmly.

“Come in.”

He said. He was far kinder and more affectionate than he had been before. The atmosphere between us felt different, but beyond that, not much had changed. As I stood there, I found my eyes occasionally drifting toward him. Sensing my gaze, Igon glanced back at me, meeting my eyes briefly in the empty space between us. Yet, he did not call me over.

For a moment, I thought that perhaps nothing would happen today. His gentle yet composed demeanor suggested as much. But when I realized that I felt disappointed by the prospect, it struck me that I had been waiting for something to happen all along.

What was I thinking?

I silently scolded myself for my reckless longing. I had thought that satisfying my desire to be near him would be enough to calm me, but instead, I felt my feelings growing deeper and more entangled.

Just then, he called me over, holding a document for me to take. As I approached, his grip shifted, and suddenly, his fingers wrapped around my wrist. Before I could react, he pulled me into a kiss, his lips pressing firmly against mine.

My earlier assumption that today would be uneventful had been a mistake. As I felt my back meet the edge of the desk, I thought to mysel.

‘How different is this from the instincts of a wild animal?’

But as our eyes locked, another thought crossed my mind—

‘And why should I be sad to feel like that?’

“I’ve been waiting.”

He murmured, his words tracing the bare skin of my back, causing me to freeze in surprise. For a moment, time seemed to stop, and the clarity I had lost suddenly rushed back.

‘For what?’ Or rather, ‘for whom?’

I raised my arm to push him back, staring into his gray eyes, which looked almost silver in the lamplight.

“What?”

I managed to convey through my expression, but he only laughed, as if my reaction amused him. He pulled me back into his arms, pressing a kiss to my collarbone.

“Since the first time I saw you in the palace,” he said softly.

It seemed he remembered our first meeting when I had taken on Liliana’s form. But if that were true…

“I fell for you at first sight. As clichéd as that sounds.”

Igon added, letting out a low, amused chuckle.

‘Fell for me at first sight?’

TL/N: Nanni? What the actual fuck….

If I could have spoken, I would have questioned him further. The idea of Igon falling in love at first sight seemed utterly unlike him.

‘Really?’

My eyes silently asked as I looked up at him. But there wasn’t a hint of doubt in Igon’s gaze; his eyes held a sincerity that left no room for skepticism. Yet his blunt honesty made me wary. He was the same Igon I had known before, yet he seemed different. Was it time that had changed him, or was he simply pretending to be changed?

But why me? Why would he claim to have fallen for me as if it were some destined encounter? His words carried a sense of inevitability, like something out of a story, and it felt out of place. I wasn’t the protagonist of a novel. I tried to remember if there had been any mention of a character like Liliana in the original story I’d read in my past life, but no such memory came to mind.

As my thoughts swirled, the image of Eunice suddenly surfaced. Now that I thought about it, why wasn’t she here at the duchy? What had become of her?

A sharp bite against my tender skin interrupted my thoughts.

“Ah.”

I gasped softly, exhaling warm breath against Igon’s ear. My train of thought unraveled as if pulled apart by his hands. Igon’s actions made it clear that he wanted my attention solely on him. Every touch, every movement spoke louder than any words, demanding my focus, sweeping me into the moment.