Episode 62

 

I grabbed the leather with both hands and began to tear it apart.

Of course, the leather of the dark beast was too tough for a person to tear apart with just a shoe.

It felt like trying to carve a piece of rock.

I don’t know how much time passed.

I focused solely on tearing the leather.

My hands, arms, and legs moved mechanically as if they had been made for this very purpose.

The sadness and sense of betrayal helped me concentrate.

I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks.

My face was wet.

I didn’t need to touch it to know.

It was soaked, as if I had been standing in the middle of a downpour with my head held high.

The tears ran down my face, soaking the lace around my neck.

Occasionally, I paused to take deep breaths.

Sometimes, I would scream with all my might.

No one would hear it from outside anyway.

When I had finally torn away as much leather as I wanted, my hands were in tatters.

There was blood on the leather as well.

I had exerted so much strength that I was drained.

I collapsed to the floor, exhausted.

My hands hurt as if they had been slashed with a knife.

But the pain didn’t bother me.

I roughly wiped the blood from my hands on the hem of my dress.

The room was a mess, with torn wallpaper scattered all over.

I looked at myself.

With my tattered hands, holding the completely ruined shoe, I was weeping like a faucet left running.

I felt more clear-headed than ever, but was this really normal?

Suddenly, I started laughing.

Well, who cares if it’s not normal?

As I stood up, holding the leather and turning around, I saw the door.

I couldn’t tell if it had become visible because I tore away the leather or if it had just appeared on its own.

I felt a mix of resentment—wondering why it was visible only now—and concern that I might have broken some ancient magic passed down in the Duke’s household.

A complex wave of emotions, impossible to define with just one word, washed over me.

In any case, seeing the door was good for me.

I held the leather and turned the doorknob.

Would Igon be on the other side of the door?

Even now, such foolish thoughts crossed my mind as I stepped out of the room.

The study appeared hazy in the faint light of dawn.

I walked toward the terrace, where the window was open.

The rain seemed to have stopped.

I could see the dark blue sky, still shrouded in darkness.

Under the gray clouds, a bright and intense light was beginning to rise.

The whole world was soaked.

The trees planted in the waterlogged garden sparkled.

It was quiet, but the chirping of birds broke the silence.

The cool air, damp with moisture, swirled around my body.

I touched the thin, soaked curtain, which hung limply.

It would soon be cold, and the curtains would need to be changed.

Sometimes, Igon and I would choose the curtains for his office and rooms together.

Though it wasn’t always the case, Igon generally chose what I liked.

This time, I wouldn’t be there to choose the curtains.

I had decided to leave this place.

I planned to leave before dawn.

As I quietly walked through the hallway and descended the stone stairs, the servants were still asleep.

Someone was leaning against the wall of the stairs that connected to the study.

Startled, I was about to turn back and take a different route, but then I recognized the familiar figure.

“Liam?”

I called out to him softly, and surprisingly, he turned around.

Liam’s hazel eyes were bloodshot. His face was swollen as if he had been hit, and there was a dried bloodstain near his nose.

Even so, he didn’t seem to have any other injuries, and his arms and legs appeared to be intact.

“Are you alright?”

His eyes were filled with concern as he looked at me.

He looked so pitiful that I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

“You should be worried about yourself.”

You look like you’re barely holding on.

“Your hands…”

Liam pointed at my hands, unable to finish his sentence.

Though the bleeding had stopped, both my dress and hands were a mess, stained with dried blood.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“…Is there anything I can do to help?”

After a moment’s hesitation, he asked.

His gaze was fixed on the leather I was holding.

Having dealt with the black market under Igon’s orders, it seemed he recognized the leather.

He probably didn’t know what I was planning, yet the first thing he offered was his help.

“No.”

I shook my head.

Perhaps because he wasn’t accepted, the knight’s brown eyes welled up with tears in the early dawn light.

I couldn’t fully understand his tears.

At the very least, I knew that he sincerely wanted to help me and didn’t want to cause me any harm.

He had tried to help me before, just as he was trying now, albeit clumsily.

I remembered how he used to look at me like that a long time ago.

If I hadn’t spoken to him back then, maybe our relationship would have turned out much better than it was now.

I looked up at Liam, raised my hand, and patted his shoulder.

“It’s alright now.”

It’s enough.

The things that happened because of you weren’t planned or intended by you.

I can’t fully forgive you, but I’ll believe that you didn’t do it on purpose.

“It’s okay now.”

I said and smiled at him.

Liam looked down at me with a dazed expression.

After saying what I needed to, I passed by him and descended the stairs.

I crossed the hall and opened the door.

As the door opened, the wind blew, making my hair flutter.

The dawn breeze after the rain was cold and refreshing.

I walked outside.

It surprised me that no one stopped me as I left like this.

What surprised me the most was how unfamiliar it felt to open this door. I realized that I had never opened this door by myself before.

I opened the door and walked down the stone steps that led to the garden.

I recalled the time long ago when I first came here.

I had climbed these steps, trembling and huddled, intimidated by the grandeur of the mansion.

As I walked through the garden, I heard footsteps quickly approaching from behind.

Before I could even turn around, the person had already overtaken me.

“Allow me to escort you.”

It wasn’t my place to say, considering how I had used him like a carriage, but the words “Why don’t you change professions?” almost slipped out.

I shook my head.

It wasn’t because I wanted to accept his kindness.

“Liam.”

I called him in a firm tone.

Yesterday, I came back, but after I leave today, I won’t be coming back.

If he helps me leave the Duke’s estate this time as well, it would put his safety at risk.

“If I leave this time, I won’t be coming back.”

That should have been enough for him to understand, but he looked at me with the same unwavering gaze, showing no sign of surprise.

“I want to help.”

Now that the hatred I felt toward him had faded, I could see the pure affection in his eyes.

Had he always looked at me with such eyes?

It was pitiful and frustrating.

I let out a sigh.

“Please, let me help.”

I bit my lip in hesitation.

I couldn’t easily give him a positive answer.

I didn’t want anyone to die because of me, because they tried to help me.

“Please… let me atone.”

Liam lowered his head.

I was surprised to hear him speak of atonement.

I knew he wanted to ask for my forgiveness, but I hadn’t realized he was carrying such a heavy burden.

‘Plop.’

I turned my head at the sound of something falling.

Fortunately, it wasn’t a person; it was the sound of water droplets falling from wet leaves.

But I couldn’t relax and just stand here forever.

It was almost time for the servants to wake up.

There was no time for an argument here.

“…It’s your choice.”

I looked down at him as he stood blocking my path with conflicted eyes.

I felt very uncomfortable.

Liam nodded with a bright expression.

“It’s almost time for the others to wake up. You should hurry.”

He led me as we ran.

At the stables, he quietly brought out his horse.

Liam helped me onto the horse and opened the side gate.

As a high-ranking member of the knight order, he had the key to the side gate.

As soon as we left the estate, he spurred the horse into a gallop.

As I sat on the horse, feeling the wind in my face, I looked back.

It was an impulsive decision, but I had a feeling that I wouldn’t regret it even when I looked back in the distant future.

It didn’t matter if Igon hadn’t intended to use me.

All the uncertainties and ambiguities were choking me.

I no longer wanted to be entangled in them.

I was tired of worrying about a future that hadn’t happened yet and of hesitating over whether this was the right thing to do.

I wanted clarity.

I wanted to live a life that I could shape and nurture.

The past was enough for things that couldn’t be controlled by my will.

“Where are you going?”

Liam’s voice pierced through the sound of the wind.

If I had made up my mind, there was only one place to go.

Rosalind.

***

It was still early, so the streets were relatively quiet.

Even so, as the light began to shine, a few diligent people were already opening their shops.

Seeing people going about their day made me feel uneasy.

A man and a woman riding a horse at dawn would not be a common sight.

It was the right decision to ask Liam to drop me off in an alley rather than in front of a shop.

Being noticed by others wouldn’t be a good thing.

“Take this with you.”

Liam draped his robe over me.

The long robe reached down to my knees.

“Liam.”

I called out to him before I turned to leave the alley.

I bowed my head and expressed my gratitude as I should.

When I looked up after a long silence, I saw that he was crying.

He bowed his head.

“Don’t die.”

Please.

“Take care.”

With that farewell, I left the alley, and Liam quickly mounted his horse.

Since he was someone Igon valued, they wouldn’t easily kill him just because he was involved in my affairs.

At least as long as he was tracking me, he would be kept alive.

I wondered if there was anything I could do for Liam.

I pondered this as I walked.

Before I knew it, I had arrived in front of the shop.

I went to the back door instead of the front.

Having visited the shop often, I knew that Rosalind lived in a room on the upper floor of the shop.

I looked around to see if anyone was nearby and knocked firmly on the door.

After a while, I heard the sound of someone rushing down the wooden stairs from inside.

The sound of a lock being unfastened was followed by the door being carelessly flung open.

Rosalind, with a furious expression, burst out from inside.

“What kind of lunatic… oh?”

Even with her eyes half-closed from sleep, she seemed to recognize me.

I skipped the greetings and held out the leather of the dark beast to her.

Rosalind looked at my ruined hands and the leather alternately, then smiled slyly.

She opened the door wider and gestured with her head.

“I was expecting you.”

Once I stepped inside, Rosalind quickly closed and locked the door.

As I heard the door close behind me, I asked her.

“Did you know I was coming?”

“Of course.”

She answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.