Episode 61

 

“He said you were using me.”

Is it true?

I swallowed the following question again.

“To provoke Her Majesty the Empress, you used me…”

Is that true?

I desperately hoped he would say it wasn’t.

I felt like I could even kneel before him if he asked me to.

“Eve, you’re too agitated right now.”

Igon gently patted my shoulder.

“Let’s talk inside.”

Saying that, he pushed open the bookshelf.

I hated the idea of the conversation ending here, so I opened my mouth to argue.

At that moment, lightning flashed once more.

A thunderous roar shook the heavens and the earth.

It sounded like a great beast was howling.

I let out a short scream and wrapped my arms around my shoulders.

Igon covered my ears with his hands.

When I felt the warmth of his hands, I looked up at him, and he smiled softly before removing his hands.

I turned my head to look at the window.

The white curtains were fluttering.

The soaked ends of the curtains painted a watery picture on the floor.

The place where the curtain had passed glistened in the light of the lamp.

A vague fear crept into me, the fear that lightning might strike here, that I might die.

“Eve.”

Igon called me once more.

He had fully pushed aside the bookshelf by then.

His eyes, unable to hide their anticipation, looked down at me.

Why now, of all times?

I clenched my fists.

While he seemed to see the door handle, I could not.

All I saw was the wall.

This wasn’t new to me.

Sometimes, I couldn’t see the door behind the wall.

There were days when I could see it and days when I couldn’t.

Today, of all days, just happened to be one of the days I couldn’t see it.

With trembling fingertips, I felt along the wall.

I couldn’t feel anything.

There was nothing to grasp beneath my hands.

This time, I used both hands to feel the wall.

Only the sound of rain and the rustling of the wallpaper echoed in the vast study.

After some time, I turned my head and saw Igon’s fingertips trembling.

His face, illuminated by the lantern, looked almost the same as usual, but it was much paler than normal.

He closed his eyes deeply and opened them again.

He looked at the wall with calm and quiet eyes.

“It seems…”

He didn’t smile. It seemed he couldn’t.

“We need to calm down a bit more.”

Me?

“Or is it you?”

Igon, who said that, looked much more anxious than I did.

His fingertips trembled as if in a spasm.

Igon trembling.

Him, trembling.

It felt like someone had struck me on the back of the head from behind.

“Why?”

Igon asked me.

“Why is this happening?”

Even though he had dealt with this room for so long, I couldn’t possibly give him an answer.

Igon clasped my hand and felt along the wall.

But still, I couldn’t grasp the doorknob on the wall.

He repeatedly switched between my right and left hands, searching the wall with them.

Though Igon neither spoke nor screamed, I realized that he was breaking down.

Standing with his back to the window, he shone faintly.

His face was coldly composed.

Igon said nothing.

His calm, silent eyes focused on me.

“Did you betray me, Eve?”

In a low, deep voice, like the falling rain, Igon asked.

Betrayed you?

Me, betray you?

Isn’t it you who betrayed me?

I shook my head.

My breath caught, and my chest trembled.

“Yes.”

Igon slowly nodded. His eyes gleamed with a strange light.

“Let’s take some time to think.”

“…What is there to think about?”

My question needed to be resolved now.

I wanted to hear the answer now and find reassurance and faith in Igon again.

I hoped he would say that Kenneth’s words were a lie.

“Igon, did you really use me?”

But, contrary to my hopes, Igon did not deny it.

Of course, he didn’t affirm it either.

My desperate question scattered into the air as if it were meaningless.

Igon looked down at me with cold eyes. As I met his gaze, I sank deeper and deeper into a dark swamp.

Igon pulled me into his arms.

I twisted my body, trying to break free from his embrace.

I felt his arms wrap around my legs and waist, lifting me off the ground.

I struggled to get down.

I pushed him away with both arms and raised my fists, hitting his shoulders.

Even as I did this, I couldn’t believe I was actually hitting Igon.

However, my resistance did nothing to harm him.

Click.

I heard the door open behind me.

I struggled once more to free myself from his arms, but it was useless.

He sat me down on the bed in the room.

I glared at him with sharp eyes and ran toward the door to leave the room.

But there was no door where the door should have been.

A realization struck me.

I see.

Without Igon, I couldn’t leave this room since I couldn’t see the door.

“You’ve already made up your mind and are asking me, so what could I say that would remove your doubts?”

Igon said as he watched me feel along the wall, searching for the door.

I ran to him and grabbed his arm.

“Igon, it’s not true. It’s not…”

My mouth was dry. I swallowed and spoke again.

“Tell me it’s not true. Then I’ll believe you.”

Igon lifted one corner of his mouth into a crooked smile.

“Really?”

The urge to slap him and the desire to kneel before him surged simultaneously.

“I can’t trust you. Can you really trust me?”

Betrayal.

That emotion was vividly apparent in his pale blue eyes.

As I met his gaze, it felt like I had swallowed a burning coal, and the world spun before my eyes.

My legs wobbled.

Igon grabbed my arm to keep me from falling.

Unable to suppress my rising emotions, I shook off his arm.

Even though I was willing to face my destiny and gladly give up my life for you.

How could you?

Just because I couldn’t see a single door, you feel betrayed by me, Igon?

I was overwhelmed by the urge to cry out loud.

Igon turned his head and let out a low sigh.

“Take some time to cool off. It’ll be better if we continue our conversation once we’ve both calmed down.”

He seemed about to leave.

He seemed like he was about to abandon me here, consumed by betrayal and doubt.

I grabbed the hem of his sleeve.

“Eve.”

He called me by my nickname as usual, but his voice was cold and sharp.

It was the first time he had spoken to me this way.

He pulled his sleeve out of my grasp and strode across the room.

I lifted my dress and hurried after him in short, quick steps.

With a click, the door opened, but only he could leave.

Blocked by an invisible wall, I couldn’t follow him out.

“Did you use me?”

I asked before the door closed.

Igon, who was holding the invisible doorknob, let out a hollow laugh and brushed his forehead.

“Yes, Eve.”

When he lowered his hand, his brow was deeply furrowed.

His eyes were calm.

I heard a dull thud as my heart dropped.

“I did use you.”

Between his red lips, I could see his white teeth and the even redder tongue inside.

I had always found comfort and solace in the words that came from that mouth.

But not today.

The words that came out of his mouth today tore me apart.

Anger, despair, contempt, and yet, a greater love swirled within me.

“But it’s not what you think.”

I looked up at him.

There was no lie in his words as he said that.

“You didn’t die, did you?”

I felt like I was going to explode and clutched my head.

“Think calmly.”

The door closed.

When the door he had opened and left through closed, the square passage that connected to the outside vanished without a trace.

I pounded on the wall.

I called out to Igon.

I wanted to ask why he was doing this to me.

The hope that he would say, even if it was a lie, “No,” was shattered.

I resented him for disappearing, leaving behind such vague words.

Should I trust Igon, or was Kenneth telling the truth?

Even after our conversation, nothing was certain.

That uncertainty suffocated me.

I paced the room, biting my nails.

I couldn’t even comfortably hate or doubt him.

It seemed Igon had returned to the Imperial Palace to attend the meeting.

He would probably return by tomorrow evening.

There were simple fruits and food on the table in the room.

I could wait.

It wasn’t a difficult thing to do.

But how long must I continue to be anxious and just wait for him?

As I lay face down on the bed, I suddenly remembered the document Kenneth had mentioned.

I lifted my head and saw the bookshelf in front of the bed.

As if possessed, I walked over and pulled out a book from the shelf.

The first book I pulled out was an ordinary one.

The next one was the same.

“Is this just an ordinary bookshelf?”

Come to think of it, when I could see the door in this room, I had also read books here, but I didn’t recall reading anything unusual.

But just after thinking that, I pulled out the journal of the late Duke.

Although I wasn’t certain, I realized that this bookshelf had important records mixed in with the books.

Fortunately, I had plenty of time until tomorrow.

“I apologize, Your Grace.”

Feeling guilty, I softly murmured an apology and opened the late Duke’s journal.

It seemed to be a journal from a few years after I had entered the Duke’s mansion.

It began with the Duke’s illness.

The journal started with his realization of his own illness.

It wasn’t a chronic illness that took his life.

He was slowly dying from the poison of a dark beast.

It was the betrayal of a subordinate who had been bribed by Duran.

The journal stated that by the time he realized it, it was too late.

There were many other stories written as well.

I read about how Igon had written several letters to the Duke, asking him to formally recognize me.

As Igon came to mind, my heart churned.

At the very end of the journal, the Duke, whom I had always thought of as composed, had written about his deep longing for life.

I found another journal with a similar cover.

As I expected, it was another journal.

But this time, it was the Duchess’s journal.

It contained stories from the time when her mind was still clear, when she was happy after giving birth to Evelyn.

Since I had heard from Kenneth that Igon and Evelyn were the Emperor’s illegitimate children, I carefully searched the journal for any mention of this, but there was nothing.

There was only a mention of receiving a pale pink dress and a pearl brooch from Bardos Mountain as gifts from the Emperor.

Could this be evidence that there was something unusual between the two?

As I thought that, a sudden chill ran down my spine.

I recalled the outfit and brooch I had worn a few years ago when I attended Her Majesty the Empress’s gathering.

The outfit that day was pale pink, and the pearls on the brooch were from Bardos Mountain. Everything had been provided by Igon.

I remembered Her Majesty touching my brooch and asking about it.

“Ah!”

My hand lost strength, and I dropped the journal I was holding.

The journal fell and struck my foot.

I bent down in pain.

I lay on the floor, panting.

Why on earth.

Why did you show me affection, why did you save me?

If you had left me alone, I would have died long ago. I would have cursed the world and died that way.

You made me rely on you, made me lean on you, and built my world around you.

Even though you didn’t really love me that much.

I sat down on the floor and burst into tears.

My heart froze, and the sense of betrayal was so intense it made my chest ache.

The shock was so overwhelming that it made my mind unusually clear.

Even as I cried, I was thinking.

Be selfish.

That thought came to me.

Faced with the betrayal of someone I loved and trusted, I raised my head to find a way to survive.

I stood up.

I passed by the bookshelf and faced the wall.

I took off my shoe and struck the wall with the sharp heel, dragging it downwards.

With a tearing sound, the wallpaper ripped.

I did the same to the next layer of wallpaper.

After tearing off three layers, I finally revealed the rough, dark blue leather beneath the wallpaper.

I remembered the materials listed in Rosalind’s book.

The well-dried leather of a dark beast.

There was no leather more perfectly dried than the one before my eyes.

I felt more like myself than ever before.

TL/N: I feel like I need a new brain for this….