Episode 43

“It seems today is not the right time. If you don’t mind, could you pass this on to Rosalind? Tell her that I really want to see her next time I come by.”

As I turned to leave, Green stood up and followed me.

“No, I’ll tell you now. Rosalind was my grandmother. She has passed away. She left this shop to me. She was a soothsayer, and sometimes people would pester me to read their fortunes as well, so I lied. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t say anything to her as she bowed and apologized.

I couldn’t believe that Rosalind was dead.

But even if I kept asking questions here, it didn’t seem like she would answer me.

“I have to meet my next scheduled customer now. Is it alright if I leave first? If you need anything, one of our staff will assist you.”

Barely…

I thought I had finally found a way.

But the person I had finally connected with was too busy hiding to give me any information.

I was suffocating.

If I stayed here any longer, I felt like I would burst into tears.

“…I’m sorry for taking up your time. But I will come again. Please tell Rosalind that ‘the one who cannot forget’ is waiting.”

I stood up and quickly left the shop.

It was better to cry in the carriage than to shed tears in front of so many people.

I buried my face in my hands and sobbed.

Without any instructions from me, the carriage slowly started moving.

I kept my face buried for a long time, only raising my head when the carriage came to a stop.

We had arrived at the Duke’s residence.

My face was wet with tears.

I didn’t get out.

No one questioned me for not getting out of the carriage.

I sat there quietly, feeling the sadness slowly seep in.

I felt like I could die at this moment, but in truth, I didn’t have even a speck of a death wish.

I wanted to live.

Even while fearing and dreading the future, I still wanted to live.

I was desperate for this life.

I was desperate for breath in this life.

Until yesterday, I was full of hope.

The hope that I might be able to avoid the predetermined course made me feel overwhelmed.

I felt like some miracle would occur, and I wouldn’t die.

I thought God was beckoning to me.

My fate was cruel, yet I dared to dream such a dream.

Knock, knock.

I turned my head at the sound of someone tapping on the window.

Igon was standing by the carriage window.

“Eve.”

It seemed that either a servant or the coachman had informed Igon that I wasn’t getting out of the carriage.

Before I could say anything, the door opened, and I embraced him.

He also embraced me.

I breathed in his arms and shed tears again.

“Igon.”

I whispered, sobbing.

There were days like that.

When the sky was exceptionally clear, the breeze was fresh, and the sunlight felt like it was gently caressing my head.

On such days, there were no special plans.

So, I would sit quietly and think.

Why do I want to live?

Why do I, who am neither particularly talented nor have anything I want to do, suffer so much by clinging to life?

If I have memories of my past life, it means life repeats itself, so I won’t disappear forever.

Somewhere, someday, my life will start again.

If that’s the case, doesn’t that mean I won’t vanish entirely?

Then wouldn’t it be better to choose to give up my life myself rather than facing the fearful death?

But no matter how much I pondered, there was only one answer.

I wanted to live.

I wanted to live here.

I was curious about the tomorrow of this life.

What if today passes?

What if tomorrow comes?

What will I look like then?

I was curious about tomorrow’s sky, tomorrow’s sun, and tomorrow’s wind.

Though I was insignificant, I loved this world and didn’t want to die.

Igon carried me up the stairs, holding me.

He stroked my back and showered me with all sorts of gentle words.

The arms that held me were solid and warm.

I buried my face in his neck.

“Eve.”

Igon sighed, almost like a groan.

He pulled his arms tighter around me, completely enveloping me in his embrace.

The constriction around my body made my heart feel at ease instead.

He slowly stroked the back of my head and neck, then my shoulders and arms.

Only after his soothing touch did my body feel warm again, like blood was circulating.

“…I want to live.”

I whispered once more in his ear.

I tightened my grip on Igon’s shirt.

I clasped my hands as if to ensure I wouldn’t let go, as if Igon himself was captured in my grasp.

I didn’t want to let go.

I didn’t want to let go of him, who was connected to this life.

That was the biggest and strongest reason why I didn’t want to die.

After denying and avoiding it dozens, hundreds, no, thousands of times, I finally admitted it completely now.

Yes.

I love you.

I love your eyes, your smile, your straight nose, your well-defined jawline, and even the scar under your chin from being pricked by something sharp.

I love the movement of your Adam’s apple, the way you turn your head to the right when you laugh out loud, and even the sighs that escape your lips.

In this world, you have a predetermined role and will live according to that fate, but why, for what reason, have you become my breath?

“Me too.”

Did I shout that I love him in a moment of daze?

“Me too.”

A gentle whisper echoed in my ear.

It was a life that felt like I was going crazy.

***

I came to my senses in the middle of the night.

No, I opened my eyes to find myself in my bed, and it was midnight outside.

I groggily sat up.

“Are you awake?”

A lamp was lit on a table in one corner of my room.

Igon was sitting there, reading documents.

“Are you feeling better?”

I tried to answer, but my throat felt strange.

Instead of my voice, a sound like an animal’s cry came out.

I covered my mouth and cleared my throat.

My throat was in bad shape.

“You cried yourself to exhaustion and passed out. The physician just checked on you. And your voice…”

Igon put down the documents he was organizing and walked over to me.

I looked at him longingly as he approached.

“They said it won’t come back for a while.”

He gently brushed aside my disheveled hair.

“Come here.”

I embraced him as he opened his arms.

His broad chest was comforting.

I forcibly pushed away the deep, dark anxiety.

At least in his arms, I felt at peace.

When I took a deep breath, it trembled.

“…Shall I get rid of the shop?”

There was a hint of malice in his quiet question.

I shook my head.

“Then shall I kill the owner?”

I shook my head again.

“Gentle Eve. Don’t be too generous. You’re a Rodore, it’s okay to be a little cruel.”

I shook my head once more.

It’s fine.

I am not a Rodore.

I’m a completely different being wrapped in that guise.

So it’s right for me, this entirely different being, to solve this problem in my own way.

Thinking that, I tightened my arms around Igon.

He seemed pleased with me snuggling into his embrace, as he chuckled softly and patted my back.

The moon tonight was as bright as it was yesterday.

* * *

“I’m here again.”

Since I couldn’t give up on life, I had no choice but to keep approaching.

I went to ‘Soul of Flowers’ every day.

I never came back empty-handed, but Green’s well-drawn face began to crack more and more.

“…Haven’t you already bought every scent we have in our shop?”

“Oh, did I?”

I knew.

But I smiled as if I didn’t know.

I couldn’t think of any other way but to act brazenly.

“When can I meet Rosalind?”

I looked up at Green with a bright smile as if I knew nothing.

Green slowly shook her head as if she couldn’t understand me.

“I’ve told you several times. My grandmother has passed away.”

“And I’ve told you several times. Everyone who knows Rosalind said she was ‘single’ and ‘had no children.’”

Just in case, I investigated thoroughly.

I couldn’t ask the wizard who was her apprentice, but I found and questioned almost everyone who knew Rosalind through the innkeeper.

They all said they had never heard Rosalind mention a family, nor had they seen any of her family.

Other than a friend (who seemed to be her apprentice) she corresponded with, there was no one she kept in contact with.

For someone to suddenly appear after ten years with no contact and leave an inheritance?

Everyone who knew Rosalind said in unison that it was impossible.

I put more weight on the words of the people around her than on the woman in front of me claiming to be Rosalind’s granddaughter.

“Whether you believe it or not, it’s the truth. I even showed you her grave.”

Green shrugged her shoulders.

I had visited the communal grave where Green claimed Rosalind was buried.

The first day I saw the grave, I really believed Rosalind was dead.

I was almost depressed for several days.

I had been so insistent with Green about showing me Rosalind that I felt guilty about how she must have thought I was crazy.

But after some thought, I realized graves could easily be fabricated.

Moreover, after hearing the nearby rumors, I was sure that Green was lying to me.

“You’re really persistent… Today is the last day I entertain your joke. If you come looking for my grandmother again, I will call the guards.”

“I came here as a customer, so what reason will you give the guards?”

Green lowered her gaze and shook her head as if it were absurd.

To an outsider, it would seem like I was the crazy one and Green was the sane one.