Episode 24
I could have gone back.
Igon could have sent me back to my original home with compensation.
But Igon didn’t do that.
He made me into the mistress of the mansion.
So that even if the former Duke and Igon were to die, my necessity would remain.
So that I wouldn’t die.
He created and established my necessity.
If his reason was simply to keep me by his side, he was the Duke, there were other ways.
He could have expelled me or kept me by his side as a lover.
But Igon didn’t do that either.
I couldn’t understand him.
The most difficult part was not being able to grasp his true intentions.
Even when I seemed to understand, whether he was pulling away or pretending not to know, Igon just tilted his head and smiled faintly.
My convoluted thoughts couldn’t seem to settle in one place.
Instead of continuing to ponder, I leaned my head against Igon’s shoulder.
I didn’t want my head to ache anymore.
It was all very strange in many ways.
If such a room existed, it would surely have been mentioned in the original work.
And if I had such a peculiar room, I surely wouldn’t have forgotten it.
Why then was there not a single mention of the room’s existence in the original work?
Leaving behind much confusion and the room, Igon departed.
The room Igon left behind was sometimes invisible,
I pondered over Igon’s words about eligibility.
The princess’s birthday was approaching in a month.
As it was an event for herself, she pushed aside the management and took the position of chief planner.
She helped the members of the reading club with the nickname “The Princess’s Greenhouse” prepare for the party.
Among them, some were invited to the palace and stayed to help with the party preparations, and I was included in the group.
Eunice was not included, and I was surprised at what I held, wondering why the princess thought of me so closely.
At the same time, I wondered if her showing me this kindness was related to her older brother.
I don’t know.
Let’s put off trying to understand people’s intentions for now,
because it might really drive me crazy.
The only comfort was that as long as I was in the palace, even if Igon wasn’t there, neither the Duke nor the queen would touch me.
It’s fortunate if that’s the case.
The ladies helping with the princess’s party discussed decorations day after day.
Today’s theme was knots and lace.
Andrea daughter of Marquis Riesling, brought a sample of a knot decoration made with a thick cord that was popular abroad.
“…Look. It’s exotic, isn’t it? Aren’t you tired of the same lace decorations of the royal palace every time? Look how delicate and beautiful the knot is.”
Really, the knot she brought was beautiful.
Of course, with memories of my past life, it felt somewhat familiar.
“What’s the use of current patterns? Nowadays, the older generation is devoted to lace patterns.”
Andrea said so.
But Christina, daughter of Marquis Margo, seemed to have a different opinion.
She cheered with an enthusiastic tone, showing off the complex pattern of white lace decoration.
“Of course, knot decorations are beautiful too, but I don’t agree that lace patterns belong to the older generation. Isn’t classic and universal beauty important? And above all, even though it’s a royal event, I’m a bit reluctant to use exotic decorations as the main focus.”
“I think it’s not a bad idea to challenge, especially since Her Highness is at the forefront of imperial trends. Besides, using exotic decorations at this party where foreign envoys are attending doesn’t seem like a bad idea, does it?”
The debate between the two continued for a while.
The debate between the person with the most unique attire and the person with the most firm philosophy in the gathering continued endlessly.
As it started to get tedious, Camilla, Countess Tremayne, who had been quietly observing, raised her hand.
“I also oppose making knots the main decoration. I prefer the hall at the Rose Palace, which prefers lace as the basic decoration. Unless we change the central chandelier, knots wouldn’t suit it. Let’s use knots for decorating the tables.”
It was a neat conclusion.
Afterwards, the conversation continued in a tone that I could understand but couldn’t quite keep up with.
I hadn’t failed to learn the manners of nobility, but I lacked the passion and knowledge to engage at that level.
I drank tea while listening to the conversation.
It was too calm to call it the spring of a nineteen-year-old who had resigned himself to death.
The room prepared for the princess in the palace where she stayed was cozy and nice.
The palace maids were kind, but that didn’t calm my mind.
As uncomfortable as it was at the Duchy’s, it was the same here.
Sleep did not come, and the night only grew deeper.
It was better not to sleep than to fall into a fitful sleep and wake up to someone in the palace instead of the Duke.
But sitting on the bed in the room all the time felt stifling, so I got up and went out into the hallway.
The hallway in the middle of the night was silent.
Being careful not to make a sound, I slowly walked through the corridor and went out into the garden.
The grass crumbled softly under my slippers.
Not long after walking, I saw the large tree I had seen before.
I’ll close my eyes and rest underneath it today.
Sitting under the tree, I leaned my back and head against the thick trunk and covered myself with the blanket I brought.
Even at the Duchy’s, there was a tree of this size.
Back then, too, I didn’t think of climbing the tree but just sat underneath it.
It was usually Igon who climbed up onto the tree branches.
When Igon was a child, when Igon returned as a Duke not long after.
I went underneath it.
People didn’t bother me when I was near Igon.
Sometimes, memories I had buried long ago resurfaced as I sat with my eyes closed.
From the first time I met Igon, after I fainted.
* * *
Overwhelmed by fatigue and Igon’s momentum, I fainted, but soon regained consciousness.
It wasn’t a situation where I had lost consciousness for a long time.
A sweetness flowed into my lips.
I regained consciousness as my lips tingled with sweetness.
And before me stood the fearful child, Igon.
With cloudy, blue eyes, he looked down at me.
“You’re awake?”
He had said so.
Trembling, I got up as he helped me up.
Igon took me to the dining room.
It had been quite some time since I arrived at the Duchy’s, but I had never sat at the table with the Duke’s family.
I sat on the plush, large chair, waiting for the food to come out.
My stomach growled at the delicious smell.
I was so hungry.
I had never lost my senses before.
There were no memories of past lives or present like that.
But when the food came out, it wasn’t me.
I was so hungry.
I had been starving to the point where I couldn’t explain.
Until I could eat.
I ate as soon as it came.
I drank sweet drinks until my head spun and my vision blurred, and I grabbed meat and bread with my hands and stuffed them into my mouth as they came.
I even chewed on my fingers when they came in between.
I ate and drank as if I had forgotten the fainting, the collapse, the embarrassment, and the fear.
I was so happy and cheerful.
The only thought that dominated my mind was that I could eat so much food without any restraint.
After my stomach was somewhat full, I felt someone’s gaze beside me.
I smiled brightly at the child looking at me.
It was my expression of gratitude in its own way.
Not long after, the side effects of overeating appeared.
My vision went white, my head spun, and I felt nauseous.
Not knowing what to do, I got off the chair and crouched down on the floor.
Gagging.
I vomited what I had eaten and cried in pain and regret.
I was so upset and exhausted.
I didn’t want to experience that again.
Igon came down from his chair, watched me vomit in silence, had a servant move me, and called a doctor.
That was the first kindness he showed me.
I realized that if I stayed by Igon’s side, I could eat.
From that day on, a strange bond began.
I followed Igon, and Igon gave me food.
Sometimes I heard the child sitting on a large branch in the garden reading aloud.
Unable to read the words of this world, I sat under the tree and listened to the child’s reading, watching for signs if Igon was present.
The sunlight was bright, the wind gentle, and the boy’s voice cheerful.
Legs swinging down from the branch.
Although not perfect, larger and more mature than his peers.
At some point, I began to rely on the child.
I remembered feeling like that.
I wonder how much like a beast I must have looked.
Later, embarrassment overwhelmed me.
But such embarrassment could only be felt when full.
When hungry, nothing else mattered.
“Aren’t you sleepy?”
As I was lost in thought, a voice came from above my head.
“Ugh!”
I trembled as if in a match, not even a scream coming out.
Shocked, I grabbed my trembling chest and turned to find the source of the voice.
As I turned my head, I remembered the familiar voice.
Yes, that man.
