Episode 21
“It’s better than looking like someone dying.”
He laughed as he said that.
I was convinced he was a very strange person.
“What about the answer to the question I asked you last time to think about? Did you come up with an answer?”
I was caught off guard.
Surely he wasn’t really expecting that answer.
Glancing with a slightly astonished look beyond the pages, I caught sight of the side profile of the Crown Prince casually browsing through other books with an indifferent face.
‘He’s really enjoying himself.’
“Of course there would be an answer. But there was no need for that.”
I shrugged it off.
The Crown Prince narrowed his eyes and chuckled.
“Not even an animal, cutting off tails and running away?”
“Oh my.”
This time, I didn’t have the courage to verbally criticize the Crown Prince’s rudeness.
Hold back, because there have been past mistakes.
“Then let’s try a different topic. Are you on good terms with the Duke?”
The next question posed another dilemma for a different reason.
But that didn’t mean I couldn’t answer.
I nodded.
“Really surprising. I saw you at the banquet, but I couldn’t quite believe it…”
I don’t know what answer he was expecting, but the unexpected one came back.
I was about to open my mouth to respond.
“If you don’t like books, what about jewels?”
What’s the connection between books and jewels, and what’s the commonality between the previous question and this one?
I tried to infer, but following his train of thought was overwhelming.
“I don’t dislike those either.”
“That’s a lukewarm answer.”
“I apologize for not providing the answer you were expecting.”
“Well then, what about flowers?”
Why does he keep asking these things?
While I thought it was strange, I answered his question sincerely.
“I like flowers.”
“Remember that.”
Remember for what purpose?
‘Smart.’
Someone tapped the bookshelf from behind.
I turned my head and saw the man I had seen last time.
“It must have been hard work.”
Such thoughts passed by.
“It’s time to go. It was a pleasant conversation.”
It wasn’t for me.
I silently bowed in response to the greeting.
“Looking forward to more interesting answers next time?”
Next time… There’s another one?
I felt silently despairing.
With a book in my arms, I walked out of the entrance towards the carriage, and cold droplets of water fell onto my cheeks.
It’s raining.
I looked up at the sky, dark and cloudy.
“Please come inside.”
A servant brought from the Duke’s mansion spoke with a worried tone.
I nodded and flipped the hood of my cloak, then got into the carriage.
As the door closed and the coachman chattered, the carriage started moving with a slight jolt.
Pitter-patter.
I heard the sound of raindrops hitting the window.
I could smell the dampness that came in through the door and window.
The chilly spring night felt even colder soaked in water.
I felt a chill creeping up my nose.
I had a feeling I might be unwell for a while.
* * *
Sure enough, my premonition turned into reality.
The day after visiting the palace, I realized that my condition was different from usual.
My temperature rose, my face flushed, and I felt queasy, unable to stomach breakfast.
Was it accumulated fatigue, tension, or perhaps the few drops of rain I encountered when leaving the palace?
I didn’t have a fever high enough to vomit, but I felt completely drained and spent the whole day lying in bed.
I covered myself with a cozy blanket filled with goose feathers, took medicine, and lay down, and as soon as I did, drowsiness washed over me.
I dozed off briefly, and when I woke up, my whole body was drenched in cold sweat.
I got up, rang the bell, and with the help of a maid, wiped my body with a towel and changed into pajamas.
I ate easily digestible clear soup, took more medicine, and lay down again.
But this time, perhaps due to the nap, or maybe because I went to bed too early, sleep didn’t come easily.
My eyelids were heavy, but I couldn’t fall into slumber.
When I dozed off at times like this, I often had nightmares.
When I wasn’t feeling well, the nightmares I had during a nap felt like sharp fangs sinking into me.
Sharper and more painful than usual.
As I stifled my breath, I could hear the maids whispering in the nearby room.
Listening to their hushed voices, I blinked my eyelids slowly.
“Eve.”
I blinked my eyes open at the voice ringing nearby and turned to the direction of the sound.
Igon was standing close by.
Had the door been opened?
I hadn’t heard anyone coming in.
“You weren’t asleep, were you?”
Igon approached with a bright smile.
He was wearing a shirt with a vest, the buttons of the vest were undone, and a couple of buttons on the shirt were also unbuttoned from the top, so it seemed like he came after work.
There was no sign of fatigue, but if he wasn’t tired, he wouldn’t have come to see me.
His large and rough hand touched my forehead and then pulled away.
“You still have a fever?”
I didn’t know.
I thought the fever had subsided by now.
“Did you ask to leave the window open?”
I glanced past Igon’s shoulder.
I could see the long window was open.
The white, thin curtain fluttered in the evening breeze.
It seemed like one of the children who looked after me opened the window.
It was one of the superstitions here.
The people of the empire believed that catching a cold or running a fever was due to bad air, so they believed that opening the windows would let it out and make the sick person healthy again.
And at the same time, I realized where Igon had come from.
‘I thought it was strange not hearing the sound of the door, but he came in through the window.’
“You came in through the window?”
“It’s less noticeable that way.”
Saying so, he sat down on the corner of my bed.
“Because others are watching. I knew you’ve been particularly sensitive to people’s gazes lately, so I thought to be considerate. It wouldn’t be normal for your brother-in-law to enter your sister’s room at this hour, even if it’s midnight.”
Igon chattered shamelessly and let out a small laugh.
I looked silently at Igon and pondered his words.
‘In the eyes of others…’
I see.
At least Igon also seems to be aware that we might look strange to others.
Igon smiled as he looked at me silently.
“Take it.”
What he brought out was a box.
I took the square thing, decorated with a silk ribbon, in my hand.
“What is this…”
“Open it.”
Before I could ask what it was, Igon cut in with an expectant look.
With half suspicion and half curiosity, I cautiously untied the ribbon and opened the box.
Inside, another wooden box emerged.
As I lifted the lock, the wooden box opened with a click.
Inside the wooden box were dolls carved to the size of just fingernails.
Music played as the small dolls spun around, dancing.
Each doll had a different shape and color of clothes, and even small accessories were delicately depicted.
I examined the patterns and decorations carved on the palm-sized bottom absentmindedly.
It was quaint and very beautiful.
“Do you like it?”
“Yes…”
“What you ordered from the craftsman has arrived.”
Igon probably didn’t have much reason to go see the craftsman himself.
If you had to find one, well.
Perhaps it was when he went to give a brooch to Evelyn.
A faint unease and melancholy swirled in my mind.
“Igon.”
I lifted my head, met the child’s eyes, and called out his name.
The song continued to play, and a faint moonlight was cast by the window.
Igon, with eyes resembling that moonlight, looked down at me and gently brushed my hair falling over my ears.
It was a careful and gentle touch.
“Thank you.”
With a gesture of gratitude, the child placed one hand over his chest and slightly bowed his head.
His silvery-white hair cascaded, covering his face.
Was it because of the fever?
My chest fluttered.
* * *
“Spring cold!”
The princess, whom I met again after a week, exclaimed in a theatrical tone along with her greeting.
According to Stella, she had been like this ever since she watched the play last time.
The princess, completely absorbed in the play, mentioned that she had theater viewing scheduled for this week as well.
She demanded that I must attend this time.
“A spring cold…”
Leaning back in her chair, the princess murmured once again.
She expressed dissatisfaction with her excessive health.
“Why don’t I even catch a common cold? Anemia or…”
It wasn’t a joke; her tone and expression were quite serious.
It seemed to be influenced by the play she had seen before.
At the book club, she mentioned that the play she saw last time was a tragedy where the heroine falls ill and dies.
“It seems inappropriate to discuss it in front of Lady Rodore.”
“Perhaps you fail to understand others’ feelings. Since you don’t think about how Lady Rodore might have struggled, you can say such things.”
When Tielie lightly pointed out the princess’s words, Camilla added sharp words.
The princess widened her eyes, turned back to me, and then lowered her gaze.
“Oh, my mistake. I’m sorry, Rodore.”
She extended her hand and tilted her head sideways.
There was no need for an apology from the princess.
“It’s okay. The well-being of the palace is soon the well-being of the empire.”
“Anyway, you did a good job, Rodore.”
Liliana said as she patted my back.
I smiled back at her, and then I remembered the gift Liliana had sent me.
“Oh, by the way, thank you for the gift. Thanks to the book you sent, I was able to distract myself.”
“It’s nothing. I couldn’t visit you rashly without knowing your condition. Please understand.”
Liliana’s tact was impeccable.
She wasn’t the only one.
Everyone here was like that.
Despite hoping to treat them all equally, with a light-hearted tone and behavior like the princess, even down to the slight gesture of setting down the teacup, Liliana and others were perfect nobles.
Although I sat as a part of the gathering, I felt lacking in some way.
I constantly doubted whether this place was truly where I belonged.
