The Little Sister in the Devastating Novel Wants to Live

Episode 19

“I’ll say it again, no. That day, I wasn’t trying to die.”

I shook my head in denial.

The Crown Prince, upon hearing my response, nodded as if understanding, then asked again.

“When you say ‘that day,’ does it imply there were other days like that?”

His question was unexpectedly sharp.

I found myself about to speak without thinking, then closed my mouth again.

I didn’t know what to say.

I couldn’t easily come up with an answer.

I could say it was neither true nor false to his question.

Honestly, I just wanted him to drop it.

He touched on something too sensitive, too personal.

Perhaps he harbored resentment toward me as a figure in his life.

Like many others, he might find it amusing that someone from commoner origins like me was integrated into noble society…

As I pondered, I couldn’t bear to meet his eyes any longer and turned my head away.

“…I don’t know what you’re curious about exactly.”

He seemed about to say something to me, smiling as if he were a stranger.

I felt a presence nearby.

“Your Highness.”

A quiet voice came from behind, and the Crown Prince’s expression changed.

The atmosphere, which had just relaxed, quickly became tense again.

A sense of weariness washed over his face.

I glanced behind me to confirm the newcomer.

Although it was only natural that I didn’t recognize him, a man I’d never seen before stood behind Dmitri.

A servant in uniform bowed.

It seemed like it was time for the Crown Prince to leave now.

“Right.”

The Crown Prince stood up slowly.

Finally, I felt a sense of relief.

As he raised his hand, another attendant who had been standing behind Dmitri placed a box on the table and stepped back.

“Take it. You came to receive this.”

Sitting down, I thought I might struggle to drag out the time, but it turned out unexpectedly.

I gently pulled the box placed on the table towards me and gave a small nod.

“…Thank you.”

It’s finally over.

I inwardly sighed with relief.

“Look forward to the next.”

What did he say?

My head lifted involuntarily.

There’s a next time?

“Since the Lady’s visits to the palace are expected to become more frequent. I’ll give you time to answer questions.”

My head spun dizzyingly.

My mouth opened on its own.

“Well then, goodbye.”

The Crown Prince nodded briefly and bid farewell.

Hurriedly rising, I grabbed my skirt and bowed.

With dismay, I watched the Crown Prince’s retreating figure.

* * *

It had been a busy day in many ways.

I was extremely tired, but sleep eluded me.

Sitting in the swaying carriage, I pondered various thoughts and looked down at the two boxes in my lap.

My chest felt tight.

Outside, darkness had already fallen.

The cool evening air seeped into the carriage.

I wrapped my shoulders with my hands.

It was still a bit early for spring to be in full swing.

The carriage traveled along the tree-lined road.

From here, where two large birch trees stood, was the estate of the Duke of Rodore.

The carriage hurried along the path lined with planted trees.

After a while, the sturdy and majestic gates of the Duke’s mansion appeared illuminated by the diligent torches held by the busy servants.

I had returned.

That’s my home.

Although it’s called a home, it’s not a place to rest.

The gate opened, and the carriage entered the Duke’s estate.

I heard the sound of the coachman stopping the horses, and soon the carriage door opened.

“Welcome back, Miss.”

One of the Duke’s stewards opened the door for me.

After seeing his respectful posture and bowing head, I spoke.

“Has the Duke retired for the night?”

“He is still in his study.”

Well, it was still a long time before His Lordship would retire to bed.

“I’d like to see him for a moment. I’ll go upstairs to prepare and come back soon, please inform him.”

“Yes, Miss.”

I hurried upstairs faster than usual to my room.

Since I knew approximately when Igon would retire, there was no need to rush.

There were questions I wanted to ask, inquiries I wanted quick answers to.

Upon reaching my room, I quickly wiped my body with a towel, changed into indoor clothes, and hurriedly left the room again.

Even in my haste, I didn’t forget to bring the black box Uni had given me.

Passing through the quiet corridor, I reached the door of the study and knocked.

Before an introduction could be made, I received a response to come in.

Taking a deep breath, I turned the latch and opened the door, revealing Igon seated at the desk in the study.

“Eve.”

His soft voice called out to me.

Under the illuminated lamp, I saw the handsome face of the man, his smile serene and warm.

He must have been tired from working all day, but there was no sign of fatigue in his face or voice.

“Welcome back. How was your trip?”

Igon stood up and walked towards me around the desk.

Each step he took sent a flutter through my heart.

A sigh escaped me at the comforting familiar scent that accompanied his approach.

“You must be tired. It’s kind of you to come and greet me… If you’re in your room, I’ll come to you.”

“I’m not that tired.”

“That’s good to hear.”

The corners of his eyes crinkled into a fresh smile.

I was captivated by the shadow cast by his long eyelashes.

How can a person be so beautiful?

As Igon’s cold fingertips tidied my disheveled hair, he lightly touched my forehead.

“What’s that?”

He pointed to the small box I was holding with his chin.

Suddenly, my mind cleared.

“…It’s from Lady Eunice, from Count Duran.”

I was stuck, unable to speak.

I bit my lip and swallowed dryly.

Igon silently watched me struggle.

“She told me to pass it on.”

I handed him the box.

Igon tilted his head as he received the small box.

“What’s this?”

A golden ornament.

I knew what was inside before opening it, but I didn’t say anything.

Igon opened the box and checked its contents.

After inspecting the ornament, he raised an eyebrow as if understanding.

Then he placed the box on the desk.

“I said it’s a token of gratitude.”

“I see.”

As if it was nothing special, Igon nodded and shrugged his shoulders.

“…Did you give something… a gift to Lady Eunice?”

“It’s nothing.”

Igon’s lips curved up slightly at my hesitant question.

“Curious?”

I was tongue-tied.

Curious, concerned all along.

I wanted to ask why they were exchanging such things, if something had happened between them.

There were many other things I wanted to ask as well.

But not a single word came out of my mouth.

The heavy words didn’t come up my throat.

Perhaps Igon wouldn’t kill me.

He wouldn’t leave me.

I didn’t know how much, but Igon cared for me.

He knew he was on my side.

Maybe not now, but at this moment, I would be more precious to him than Eunice.

Surely that would be the case.

But despite all that, I couldn’t show Igon the same naturalness I showed the Crown Prince.

In a world where I had no one on my side and where the wounds inflicted by trusting people were too deep.

Believing Igon was completely on my side was too much, too great, and…

As I stood there with my mouth shut, Igon sighed and ran his hand through my hair.

A sigh that seemed to say ‘how pitiful’.

“Are you anxious?

…He was overly affectionate.

Lifting my head, I met his light gray eyes.

The moonlight coming through the window made his pupils sparkle.

“If you have questions, ask. You have the right to.”

All I have is Igon.

If Eunice is shaken by that, I should come up with a plan too.

For that, confirming the facts clearly is the most important.

I clenched my lips to spit out the words I had to say.

“I’m curious.”

“Good, well done.”

He praised me with a bright smile.

I was pleased.

Then, my body jerked.

Suddenly, without time to be surprised, Igon wrapped one arm around me and headed for the terrace.

Even though I wasn’t as light as a paper doll, his one arm felt secure.

Maybe it’s because we’ve been hugging each other every day.

Being in his arms was comforting.

He opened the window and sat me down on the railing.

When I huddled my shoulders against the chilly air, Igon draped his coat over me.

“Feeling stifled?”

I shifted my gaze from the coat to Igon.

“Not cold?”

“…No.”

“Even if there might be someone listening in, here is the outside, with all sides open. Let’s drop the formalities.”

I didn’t respond.

There’s still time.

There are walls and outside, and there are people listening in.

“A token of gratitude is nothing special. I broke a brooch at the reception, so I ordered the same one and sent it.”

“You… broke a brooch?”

“Yeah, it was a mistake. The noisy Duran’s, it was quite expensive. It shattered into pieces.”

I looked into his eyes at his muttering.

A mistake?

Igon making a mistake?

I suppressed a bitter laugh that almost came out.

If the word “mistake” comes out of your mouth, Igon, that would be a lie.

I met his smiling eyes.

I wanted to ask.

I wanted to tell him to speak properly.

I wanted to say that even though I don’t know what’s on your mind, this has something to do with my life.

But, today ends here.

I couldn’t endure anymore.

I turned my head to where the wind was blowing.

The trees in the garden were swaying in the wind.

“…You must have felt sorry.”

Igon doesn’t miss even my murmurs like this.

“Yeah, very.”

Platinum hair fluttered in the night wind.

The moonlit hair sparkled.

Will you cover me with your coat?

You feel stifled and pitiful.

Worried and annoyed.

Before, I was just afraid of Igon himself, but now I’m afraid of myself for caring too much about Igon.

I’m anxious.

I’m afraid that my feelings for you will grow stronger here.

“Don’t worry.”

His lips brushed against my ear.

“I’ll do my best for you.”

Is this your best?

I recalled Igon’s words.