‘Can I sleep here?’ was not the question, but rather, ‘I’m going to sleep here.’
The child, boldly declaring a statement that wasn’t even a question, looked up blankly at Rutus with innocent eyes.
“……”
“I’m, I’m not leaving.”
The child hugged the doll tucked under his arm even tighter, meeting Rutus’s gaze with a determined expression.
‘Is this… right?’
Ellie squinted her eyes and tilted her head. She had unconsciously added a remark, realizing that the child couldn’t easily fall asleep knowing Rutus was right next door.
[Adi. It’s late; aren’t you going to sleep?]
[I’m… I’m not sleepy.]
[Really? Then should I sing you a lullaby?]
[Hmm….]
[At your age, it’s still fine to sleep with Mommy and Daddy sometimes, but I wonder when you’re going to grow up.]
When she casually let that sentence slip, the child suddenly opened his eyes and asked if his mother had done the same, to which Ellie only nodded.
[So does that mean I can sleep with Daddy?]
[That… might not be the case.]
However, it was already more than six months since the child had slept with Ellie.
…Perhaps the ghost was out of the question.
Before Ellie could even voice that thought, the child sprang up, grabbed the doll, and opened the door.
“……”
That was the current situation.
Rutus hesitated for a moment before speaking.
“I believe we had dinner together earlier.”
“Well, that’s one thing, but this is… this is different.”
“……You shouldn’t just open the door and come in at this hour. It’s disrespectful.”
“But the door wasn’t locked…”
“……”
He probably never expected someone to barge in like that in the dead of night.
The papers strewn haphazardly across the table in front of the couch where Rutus sat, along with the empty coffee cup, were evidence of that.
He must have brought his work from the study into the bedroom because he hadn’t finished it.
Ellie thought this while watching the child who was mumbling with an extremely aggrieved expression as if to express that it was not his fault. With a small sigh, Rutus slowly opened his mouth.
“As you can see, I haven’t finished my work yet… I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can let you sleep with me. If you can’t sleep, I can have a maid keep you company, so play for a little while before going to bed.”
“……But I don’t want to do that.”
The child’s gaze turned to Ellie.
If the child simply needed someone to play with, he could have asked Ellie to read him a story or sing him a lullaby instead of calling for a maid.
How long had the child stood there, staring at Rutus?
While skimming through the papers, Rutus pressed his fingertips against his eyes and then reached for the string that was nearby.
Startled, the little figure, who had been anxiously shuffling his feet, clutched the doll tightly in both hands and shouted.
“I… I can’t sleep because I’m a baby!”
“……”
Rutus looked at the child with an expression that was a mix of disbelief and surprise. Ellie felt the same way.
She clearly remembered how not long ago, the child was questioning Marie about why the pudding was so small, suggesting it was suitable only for babies.
‘…Can you only claim to be a baby when it’s convenient for you?’
In reality, both Ellie and Rutus considered the child to be a baby, but that was a separate issue.
When Rutus didn’t respond, the child, sensing the situation, cautiously opened his mouth.
“I promise I won’t make noise… I can stay quiet until Daddy finishes his work.”
“……”
“I really am very good at that… I promise…”
As the child spoke, his confidence dwindled until, by the end, it was almost inaudible.
Rutus set down the quill he had been holding and sighed.
“Ha….”
“……”
“If you end up saying you’re bored later, that’s not my fault. If you’re sleepy, just go back to bed.”
“……!”
The child nodded eagerly, and Rutus cleared a spot on one corner of the table.
Without him even saying anything, the child already went ahead and sat down, beaming with a smile.
It would be a lie to say that this unreasonable insistence in the middle of the night wasn’t troubling.
However, secretly thinking that it wasn’t such a bad thing, Ellie walked over to stand next to the child.
‘Considering how mature he was at first… this is normal.’
Throwing a tantrum and being stubborn meant that he finally had a place where he could be spoiled.
Children are often more sensitive to others’ feelings than one might think.
If there was no place to be spoiled, they would inevitably become more mature.
-Are you going to wait on the couch?
The child nodded slightly. Though it might seem unnatural to someone watching, he looked more excited, swaying his legs and upper body back and forth.
-It would be uncomfortable to stay here all night; you should go to bed instead.
At Ellie’s question, the child quietly turned to look at Rutus.
That alone was sufficient as a response.
‘…I see.’
Ellie nodded without asking further.
After a little more time passed and dawn approached, perhaps noticing that it was bothering him to leave the child sitting there without something to drink, Rutus had a maid bring some refreshments and snacks for the child.
To be more specific, a plate that had already been finished, with only cookie crumbs left on it, and a mug with a little honey that hadn’t completely dissolved yet settled at the bottom.
The child, who was still savoring the sweetness lingering on his tongue, moved the doll from his chest to his knees.
After fiddling with the doll for a while, he finally spoke.
“Daddy…”
The sudden sound broke the silence, causing Rutus to pause and respond.
“……Even though I can’t play with you…”
“That’s not it…”
“……”
“It’s about the gifts, the rabbit and the room; I really like both of them. Thank you.”
“I already heard that through the servant. Didn’t you mention it during meal time as well?”
“Yeah, I know… I just wanted to say it again.”
This was already the third time.
TL/N: 
The fingertips gently touching the doll were surprisingly cautious for a child. As Rutus glanced at the child, he parted his lips to speak.
“Anyway….”
“….”
“Neither of them belonged to me. If you want to express your gratitude….”
“….”
“…Ah.”
As Rutus’s voice trailed off, a chilling silence settled between them.
Although there was nothing explicitly defined between the child and Rutus, there was a topic that they consciously avoided discussing.
That topic was Ellie herself.
It was evident that Rutus was deliberately refraining from bringing it up.
However, the child was too preoccupied with being with his father to bring it up. Perhaps he instinctively sensed that it wasn’t something to discuss.
‘This is something I wouldn’t know unless I asked.’
But Ellie had never asked the child such questions either.
The reason was…
‘…There’s no good in talking about it anyway.’
When a person loses someone dear, they say there are two types: those who rise above the pain and recall memories with fondness, and those who cannot overcome it and collapse under its weight.
Marie belonged to the former category. Whenever she had time, she would smile and share stories from her (Ellie) past with the child, engaging in conversation to fill the void of longing.
And Rutus was…
“….”
Rutus was clearly of the latter.
Since the child returned to the main house, he was slowly becoming somewhat human again, but…
It wasn’t enough. He could answer the child’s curious questions, but it was clear that this would eventually wear him down.
It would take time, maybe someday far in the future, but for now, it was too much—a sentiment Ellie agreed with.
“….”
“Uh…”
Since past midnight, Rutus had seemed particularly downcast.
Just then, as Rutus chewed the inside of his cheek at the words that slipped out unbidden, the child glanced at him and opened his mouth while hugging the doll tightly in his arms, with rosy cheeks. At the same time, he swung his legs, which which were dangling under the couch.
“I know. The room… Mommy decorated it for me. The person who brought me there told me earlier.”
“….”
“And the rabbit too… it was something Mommy gave you when you were little, right?”
“….”
“….”
“…Yeah. That was right.”
At the child’s words, Rutus noticed the papers in his grasp crumpling.
Ellie, feeling flustered, hesitated on whether to stop the child, but suddenly froze at the question that popped into her mind.
Did the servant mention anything about the rabbit doll earlier?
-….
I think he just said it was a gift. Ellie’s brows furrowed.
Considering that I’ve never spoken about this anywhere, and Rutus isn’t the type to go out of his way to tell such details to a servant either.
‘…Something feels off.”
But that question remained unanswered.
It was because the child’s voice came out again.
“I was happy because it felt like Mommy gave me a gift
.”
“….”
“But Daddy, I heard you worked hard fixing it…”
“…”
“The rabbit… was something precious to Daddy too, but since you gave it to me…”
It’s not easy to willingly give away something that you cherish to others. Even if it’s just a room and a doll, the moment it gains significance, it no longer remains ‘just’ that.
Ellie understood well how much value that could hold. Although she no longer had it, she once had something like that.
Thus, even if one were to give something to their child, the resolve to part with it and risk it being damaged couldn’t be taken lightly.
“…I’ll cherish it. It’s a special gift, not just because I like it, but….”
“….”
“It means that you love me enough to give me something you cherish.”
“…Yeah.”
The conversation trailed off, words falling away into silence.
Eventually, unable to fight off his heavy eyelids any longer, the child began to nod off.
As Rutus gazed quietly at the sleeping child, did a brief response escape his lips?
“Actually…”
Actually, Mommy and Daddy loving me was what made me the happiest… At that moment, the legs that had been swinging under the couch came to a complete stop.
The child, half-asleep, uttered those words and then completely dozed off.
As if truly happy, just as he had said, with a faint smile lingering on his flushed cheeks.
“……”
-……
The love that seemed blindly unconditional felt terribly suffocating.
It was a night filled with countless thoughts, leaving it in disarray.
* * * *
If you want to support the Translator, Translator’s Ko-Fi:
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭