Rutus paused in gathering the documents and bent down to pick up the notebook.
Despite their promise to share everything without hiding anything, this was a completely unfamiliar item to him.
“…A diary?”
Ellie wasn’t the type to keep secrets from him. Naturally, his thoughts turned to the most plausible explanation.
From what Rutus knew, Ellie wasn’t someone who would write a diary. Although he had seen her attempt it many times, she had never managed to keep it up for more than three days.
This, too, seemed like one of those abandoned attempts.
<Imperial Year 773, ○○ Month ○○ Day Weather: Clear>
Thinking so, Rutus opened the notebook and found a completely different sight than he expected.
He flipped through several pages.
<Imperial Year 773, ○○ Month ○△ Day Weather: Mostly Cloudy>
<Imperial Year 773, ○△ Month ○○ Day Weather: Rain>
<Imperial Year 774, △△ Month △○ Day Weather: Clear>
As the dates changed, the months passed, and eventually, the years shifted, he realized the diary, which he had thought would only fill a few pages, continued extensively.
It seemed to cover from when Ellie was pregnant until some time after the child was born.
When Rutus realized this fact while skimming through the entries, only one page at the very end remained blank.
‘So this is…’
It didn’t seem like a simple diary.
From the few words that had flashed by as he flipped through the pages quickly, he could infer this much.
However, Rutus decided to open the very first page again. Though he briefly considered that it might be better not to read it, that thought quickly passed.
So, he began to read the contents of the notebook.
<Imperial Year 773, ○○ Month ○○ Day Weather: Clear>
I wasn’t feeling well, so I had a check-up, and it turns out I’m pregnant.
So, there’s a person inside my belly now?
When I asked Marie, she said pregnant women often write these, so I’m trying it out too.
P.S. But honestly, I’m not sure if I’m doing this right.
<Imperial Year 773, ○○ Month ○△ Day Weather: Mostly Cloudy>
I wanted to tell my parents first, but since it concerns both of us, I told Rutus first out of courtesy.
And he cried. It was my first time seeing him cry… Was I always good at making men cry? Not that I’m happy about it.
P.S. Something big happened. He was so happy that he ran around the bedroom and fell.
It sounded serious. Did he throw out his back?
<Imperial Year 773, ○△ Month ○○ Day Weather: Rain>
Something wriggled in my belly. I was so surprised that I asked the physician, and he said it’s fetal movement.
My belly seems to have grown a bit, but it’s still hard to tell.
Ah. I boasted to Rutus, and he clung to me, saying he wanted to feel it too, keeping me up for two hours in the middle of the night.
Rutus doesn’t play around. He won’t let me sleep at night.
Please, I’m begging you, let me sleep.
P.S. After two hours, the baby finally moved. I teased him, saying the baby was just pretending not to be able to do it. Judging by how the baby is already caring for his dad from the womb, it seems like he’s going to be a dutiful son.
…Wait, what about me?
Imperial Year 774, △△ Month △○ Day, Weather: Clear
I gave birth to a person. For some reason, I can no longer use magic, but it seems I can switch to being an alchemist instead, so it’s fine.
It’s still so surprising, so I’ll say it again.
I gave birth to a person.
Amazing.
P.S. I feel like I’ve been writing too carelessly, so I’ll try to write more seriously from now on.
Imperial Year 774, △□ Month △○ Day, Weather: Windy
Today, I made eye contact with the baby for the first time. Overall, the baby seems to resemble Rutus more than me.
Of course, since Rutus and I are the parents, that’s only natural. The baby’s light purple eyes are just like Rutus’s, and it was so fascinating that I kept staring, which made the baby smile. The smile resembles me more.
I didn’t quite understand what maternal love was when the baby was in my belly, but now that I’ve seen his face and made eye contact, I just knew. There’s now one more person I will love with all my heart for the rest of my life.
They say love makes you foolish, and it seems to be true. I think I could even give my life for you.
What kind of love will we have?
P.S. If this is what being foolish means, then it’s not so bad.
Imperial Year 774, △□ Month ○□ Day, Weather: Cloudy
The baby seemed stuffy, so I removed the mittens, but then he grabbed his own hair and cried because it hurt. It seems babies don’t realize that their body parts belong to them.
The baby was so strong that I couldn’t manage alone, so I called Marie. I got scolded for removing the mittens carelessly. Since her mother was a nanny, maybe Marie is good at childcare too?
I feel like my incompetence is causing the baby unnecessary pain.
P.S. I want to be a good mom, but I keep messing up. What should I do?
Imperial Year 774, △□ Month □□ Day, Weather: Clear
I was looking at the baby’s face all night, which was swollen from tears, feeling sorry for it. When I met the baby’s eyes at dawn, and the room was dark, so he could have been startled and cried upon seeing my face, but he smiled right away.
You like me so much even though I’m lacking.
I cried a little because I felt sorry.
Just a little.
P.S. Thank you, and I’m sorry.
Imperial Year 774, □□ Month □□ Day, Weather: Clear
Today, Rutus fed the baby formula, and the baby threw up. It turns out he just laid the baby down after feeding without burping them. I told him he needs to burp the baby, and he squatted down with his big frame, listening attentively, which was quite endearing.
But then, as if in revenge, the baby vomited all over his face, leaving Rutus soaked. It was funny and cute seeing him laugh and say the smell of the formula was cute, so I laughed with him.
P.S. Lately, I seem to be losing a lot of energy.
Imperial Year 774, □◇ Month ◇◇ Day, Weather: Rainy
I heard that for babies, their parents are their entire world. Seeing the baby grow day by day is joyful, but thinking about that made me feel a bit heavy-hearted.
Is it okay for me to be your whole world? I’m not that responsible. It’s embarrassing… I just feel strange.
If I were to die (there are pen marks where this was crossed out).
…I’m scared.
P.S. I’m not very religious, but I find myself praying a lot these days.
I hope I can keep this happiness in my sight for a long time.
I’m so happy that sometimes I’m afraid of what’s next.
It was a maternity notebook.
“……”
Now that he thought about it, he remembered hearing about this. There was a culture among noblewomen in the past where they would write a notebook like this and give it to their children as a gift when they came of age.
The notebook in his hand wasn’t much different from the typical format, although it had some variations.
For a moment, Rutus thought to himself.
‘This…’
Did you want to give this too?
Someday, when the child is all grown up, you would hand him a notebook filled to the brim, the size of a palm, and tell him that we loved him that much. Even though you’ve never properly written a diary, you sought out this culture that was once popular among the old noblewomen and wrote it diligently, with this much anticipation.
…Is that what you wanted to say?
Rutus quietly closed the notebook and lowered his head.
“……”
He didn’t know.
Even though there were no pictures and only words, he could feel the excitement and love that couldn’t be hidden.
But thinking that she couldn’t complete the last remaining page and had to close her eyes leaving it unfinished.
Imagining himself having to give this to the child someday.
“Perhaps… ”
Perhaps it would have been better not to read this.
What was right, he really didn’t know anymore.
He had long since been too exhausted and broken to think about such things.
* * *
After that, how did he spend the day until sunset?
After fleeing Ellie’s study as if running away, Rutus devoted himself to his work, burying himself in paperwork.
In between, he would check to see if the child was sleeping well, and he would be careful not to wake him up.
That was all.
It was when Rutus was about to get up from his seat to prepare for his entry into the palace that his aide opened his mouth to ask him a question.
“But Your Excellency, that… is it blood?”
Rutish absentmindedly rubbed his nose with his finger at the aide’s words, and then let out a short sigh and took out a handkerchief.
There was blood on his finger, as if he had cut himself.
As the aide mentioned, blood had indeed stained his fingers.
“It seems a blood vessel has burst.”
“…Even for a Swordmaster?”
“Am I not also human?”
Actually, the aide’s reaction was reasonable. Under normal circumstances, a Sword Master would not bleed unless they were severely injured by a blade.
After dismissing the aide with a stern order to leave,
Rutus sent away even the maids who had come in next, planning to change his clothes alone. At that moment, the office door opened slightly. The aide’s voice seeped through the gap.
“Your Excellency. May I ask when you last slept?”
“….I thought I told you to leave.”
“If you answer the question, I’ll see you off until you leave for the palace and then take my leave.”
“I don’t need that.”
Despite Rutus’s frown at his steadfast attitude, he eventually recalled and answered.
“About a week ago, it was a rainy day, I think I slept for about an hour.”
“With all due respect, the last time it rained was a fortnight ago.”
“……”
“Do you remember when you last had a proper meal?”
“If you mean meals, I’ve just had one.”
“Please exclude coffee.”
“…A scone, three days ago.”
Satisfied now? Rutus’ voice was tinged with annoyance as it drifted through the half-open door. The aide opened his mouth to speak but then bowed his head.
Having finished preparing to enter the palace, Rutus opened the door fully and spoke to the knight waiting outside.
“While I’m away, move the child to the second-floor bedroom. Double the guard and activate the protective magic scrolls I provided earlier.”
“Yes, understood.”
“I’ll be back in two hours. Have the head maid watch over the child in the meantime. Go on.”
As soon as he finished speaking, the knight carefully picked up the child and headed to the bedroom.
Before turning to leave, Rutus made sure the head maid was looking after the child and that the knights were on guard.
The letter had instructed him to enter the palace discreetly at dawn, so it seemed the right time to go.
“But the butler is nowhere to be seen.”
Rutus paused while putting on his robe and spoke to his aide, feeling something was missing.
“He took a leave of absence last week and hasn’t returned since the day before yesterday.”
“He never took a leave even when encouraged. What happened?”
“His son was seriously injured and needed care. Although treated at the temple, he still has a limp…”
“That’s unfortunate.”
Rutus replied quietly as he descended the stairs, thinking he should adjust the butler’s schedule so that he could have a few more days off.
Reaching the stables, Rutus chose a suitable horse and mounted it.
“Your Excellency, considering your health, it would be better to take a carriage.”
“I was told to enter the palace discreetly, so a horse is better. A carriage is too conspicuous.”
Rutus was about to leave when the commander of the knights approached urgently.
“Your Grace!”
Rutus sighed and spoke.
“I’m busy now. If it’s not urgent, it can wait.”
“Well… there’s a report from the cemetery caretaker that Madam’s grave has been dug up.”
“…What?”
Did I hear that correctly just now?
* * * *
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