The foreign object was me
01.
“Sigh…”
I let out a sigh that I couldn’t count, lowering my head.
Fleshy fingers, short chubby arms and legs, smooth skin.
In contrast, a skinny belly and messy hair that hadn’t been taken care of.
I couldn’t believe it.
‘Reverted. Reverted to 5 years old…!’
No, maybe I should call it “possessed.”
I looked around with a gloomy face.
Before I left the Temple.
So, seeing the narrow and shabby room I used until I was 8 years old made me even more amazed.
Taking another deep sigh, I immediately got up.
“Ugh!”
I couldn’t believe this situation at all, but I couldn’t just sit idly by.
Grrrr!
As I got up, I heard a rumbling sound from my belly, but I ignored it.
Thud!
I jumped out of the bed and ran towards the desk in one corner of the room.
First, I needed to sort out the situation.
Just yesterday, I had diligently added a new sheet of paper to the character practice notebook, still ignorant of everything.
Then, with hands like maple leaves, I tightly gripped the pencil.
– Why did I come back?
After jotting down a sentence on the paper, a belated cry bursts out.
Because in my previous life…
I died in a pitiful way.
* * *
This place where I possessed.
Erea was a sacred nation.
From nobles to commoners, regardless of social status, they all believed in the goddess.
The grandeur of the temples matched this devotion, and the miracles performed by various saints filled the pages of history.
In such a religious nation, there was an indispensable presence.
The flower of the temple!
The Saints.
The unique trait of Erea’s previous Saints was that they were all from the orphanage run by the temple.
Even if they weren’t Saints, the children from the orphanage often displayed exceptional talents in various areas.
Dance, art, music, swordsmanship, and more…
People used to say that seeing such orphaned children was a “blessing from the divine.”
“Perhaps they were pitied for being abandoned right after birth. It’s like the heavens have granted them at least one talent to make a living.”
But even with such thoughts, it was futile to compare oneself to the goddess.
I was also one of the children who received that blessing.
The power of healing.
Possessing that power, I was mentioned as a candidate for a Saint.
However, the reason it only went as far as “candidate” was that there was another child with the power of healing.
Diana, who was abandoned at the orphanage around the same age and time as me.
Rumors had it that Diana was the illegitimate child of some high noble.
She was easily loved by everyone due to her noble origin, unlike me, who came from commoner parents that I didn’t even know.
“Teacher! Belze hit me again!”
“Belze! Did you knock over the dishes again? If you keep doing this, the headmistress will have no choice but to scold you!”
I, who was treated as a troublemaker who caused accidents every time.
“Ah, our Diana, how can you be so kind and smart?”
“Diana! Let’s play together! Belze, you go away! Be gone!”
And Diana, whom everyone in the orphanage adored like an angel.
Even as orphans, I could keenly feel that not all orphans were the same, all because of that child.
‘But of all things, she even possesses remarkable strength…’
I was compared to Diana in every aspect.
And in every aspect, I fell short.
We could both use healing abilities, but I could only go as far as soothing minor ailments.
Once the special ability I had alongside the healing power disappeared, I became even more insignificant.
My personality was lacking in comparison to hers in this regard as well.
On the other hand, Diana could instantly heal even deep and serious wounds.
Just like the great saints of the past in sacred texts, almost instantaneously.
During this time, the temple, upon hearing about our healing abilities, called us.
“Sisters Belze and Diana possess the sacred power of the goddess.”
“In the future, you must diligently learn and pray in the temple to ensure that this power is widely used for the benefit of all. Do you understand?”
However, it hadn’t been a month since Diana came to live in the temple when she had to leave.
This was because a noble family came forward to sponsor her.
Noble families often sponsored temple orphans with exceptional abilities.
Rarely, this even led to adoption.
The family that took Diana was none other than the Marquis of Barrelotte, who was rumored to have abandoned her at the orphanage.
Perhaps the news of the abandoned child had struck a chord with them now.
Or maybe I couldn’t determine why she, who was touted as a saint candidate, had caught their interest.
Anyway, some kind of deal was made between the Marquis and the temple, and Diana immediately left for the Marquis family.
I was left at the temple.
Regardless of being called a saint candidate, I was an orphan with an unknown origin.
Moreover, there was no family willing to sponsor me, who had weaker abilities than another candidate like Diana.
I was sure of that…
“Belze, it seems there are people who want to sponsor you.”
“Go greet them. They are His Excellency Duke Kallios and the young Duke.”
I still couldn’t forget it.
The handsome Dukewho appeared before me like a miracle, and…
“You must be Belze. Do you remember? I saw you during the volunteer work last year…”
The Duke spoke to me.
But I couldn’t give a proper answer, as my attention was stolen by the young baronet beside him.
I think I said something like that at that time.
“Blink… blink… You’re pretty.”
“This one’s for you, Belze!”
Instead of yelling at me, the person laughed at my words, which I yelled while playfully poking his golden eyes.
And the Duke chuckled at me while looking at me as if I were amusing.
And that child, who looked at me with a bewildered expression…
It felt as vivid as if I could grasp it in my hands.
I later heard the reason why they decided to sponsor me.
It was because I had treated the Duke’s son, who had fallen during volunteer activities.
Unfortunately, not long after that, the son passed away.
He had been suffering from a congenital disease since birth, so it was a predestined event.
To be honest, I didn’t really remember treating the Duke’s son.
So many people had asked me for healing whenever there was an event at the orphanage.
But I couldn’t miss such an opportunity.
“Yes, Your Grace. I did it., I’m good at healing!”
That’s how I gained a new family.
However, contrary to my inflated expectations, I wasn’t all that happy even in the Duke’s household.
“They say Miss Belze messed up this tea party too?”
“Perhaps Young Lady Triana declared that she wouldn’t invite Miss Belze to her gatherings.”
“As expected of someone from commoner origins…”
Sadly, I was not a welcome presence in that house.
I was repeatedly treated like an object of no value in the Duke’s household.
“Did you hear about it? They say Diana managed to miraculously heal Empress’s injuries this time!”
“If this keeps up, isn’t Diana going to become a real saint ?”
“What on earth is Belze doing? Just the money sponsored by the Duke is quite a lot!”
That Diana, Diana…
Wherever I went, Diana was right by my side.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t match the miracles she performed.
Moreover…
“Look over there! It’s Lord Edwin and Diana!”
“Could it be true that they might even get engaged?”
“They went shopping together not too long ago, along with the Crown Prince!”
I couldn’t bear seeing even the most precious people to me being taken away by Diana.
Around the time of my 18th birthday, when I was consumed by jealousy and resentment, someone approached me.
“Wouldn’t you like to stop the engagement of Lady Barelotte and the little Duke and take the position of the saint?”
He was one of the prince’s attendants.
“Marquis Barrelotte is currently conspiring with the Second Prince to rebel. They plan to assassinate the Emperor. This is the evidence.”
The man showed me several letters exchanged between Marquis Barrelotte and the Second Prince, revealing their scheme.
“Put this in Marquis Barrelotte’s house somehow. Then everything will unfold as you wish.”
And the thing he handed me was nothing other than poison.
If I had thought a little more, I might have realized that something was odd about this. But being foolish and naive, I took it and headed straight for Marquis Barrelotte’s residence.
The pretext was to meet my long-time friend Diana.
“Belze! Come on in.”
Naturally, the situation didn’t go as I had hoped.
“Sob… Belze… Why, why would you…”
Diana, who had been treating me kindly, suddenly spewed blood and collapsed.
Carrying the poison given to me by the prince’s attendant, I was promptly arrested as the culprit without realizing what was happening.
Meanwhile, in my room while the master was away, a letter of conspiracy came out, along with the same poison.
The letters containing the names of Marquis Barelotte and the Second Prince had been replaced with those of Duke Kallios and the Crown Prince.
Due to my less-than-favorable reputation among the knights, patrols near my room were infrequent.
The seemingly impenetrable security of the Duke’s mansion was absurdly breached.
The events that followed happened in a flash.
Duke Kallios, who had led the religious war to victory and boasted a legacy of hundreds of years of glory as a founding hero, became a traitor and fell from grace in an instant.
Naturally, I was imprisoned in the palace dungeons on charges of attempted murder.
Until the moment of execution, I kept thinking, over and over again.
“Why do such things keep happening to me?”
No matter how much I thought, it was all too foolish and pathetic.
Aren’t my circumstances exactly like those of a third-rate villain in a novel, not even slightly amusing?
“Crazy…!”
And with my death, I realized it.
This place was indeed right out of a novel.
That had gone through severe trials and ultimately become the protagonist of a story about a woman’s journey to becoming a saint, filled with love.
It was an isekai into the romance novel “Destined to Become a Saint!”
The contents of the novel that I had seen in my life in South Korea echoed in my mind.
Naturally, the protagonist of this novel was Diana.
But that’s not all.
Young Duke Edwin, the Second Prince, the successor to the Pope, and more… All significant male characters were candidates for Diana’s love.
And me. I was…
“A villain, right!”
I truly was a villain.
A commoner-born antagonist who saw Diana as a rival, tormented her, and was thoroughly detested.
“But in the novel, Duke Kallios didn’t fall from grace!”
Of course not. Edwin was one of the male candidates with whom Diana had a deep connection, enough for mutual affection.
Due to this incident, their affection was thwarted.
Up to this point, it matched the novel.
“But why does Edwin get involved and meet a tragic end?!”
The downfall of the Duke and the crisis of Edwin were not in the original work.
In the novel, Duke Kallios was resolutely against Belze, drawing clear boundaries.
In short…
“This is a mess!”
I sent a strong male protagonist off to their demise, disrupting the novel’s progression entirely.
Maybe my return was due to this.
“Because I deviated from the original plot?!”
It was then that I had a sudden realization like a lightning bolt.
Boom!
With a rough knock, someone abruptly opened the door.
“Miss Belze! Have you finished washing up and getting ready?”
It was one of the priestesses who looked after me and Diana.
“You’re still not washed up and what are you doing at the desk! Did you oversleep again?!”
She came over to me with an irritated expression, shouting.
“I didn’t oversleep…”
“You’re just saying that because you came late.”
But seeing the way she widened her eyes, I hurriedly got up.
“Oh, I’m sorry! I mean, yes!”
Before she arrived, I hastily concealed the piece of paper with hastily scribbled writing among a pile of other papers.
And as I rushed into the bathroom, I regretted it immediately.
“You fool! You should’ve just brought it with you!”
Was it because I was in a younger body? Even though vivid memories of my previous life were in my head, I acted like a real child, flustered.
“It’s okay. Since it wasn’t anything important.”
Nevertheless, just in case, I decided to quickly wash my face.
The sink was meant for adults, and to me, it was impossibly high.
Usually, I’d bring a chair to stand on, but I was in a hurry.
“Ugh… Phew! Ugh… Ahh!”
I forcefully splashed water on my face with a soaked washcloth in one hand, rubbing my face hastily.
“Phew…”
After doing that a couple of times, I felt my fatigue fading.
“Indeed, being in a child’s body is uncomfortable…”
Even my arms and legs are short, yet why is my cheek so soft and puffy!
Grumbling to myself, I quickly returned to my room. Thankfully, there were no signs that the priestess had touched the desk.
Still, just to be sure, I took out the hidden paper again and was astonished.
“What, what is this?!”
“Even if the priestess found it, there’s no way she’d recognize it!”
02.
It wasn’t until a long time had passed that I could escape from the shock of realizing my writing skills.
‘Because this is the first time I’m writing after regressing.’
It seems the core inside me is still that of a grown woman; it needs time to adjust.
Moreover, upon reflection, I hadn’t even started writing at this point.
In short, the fact that I’ve written this much is a significant leap for five-year-old Belzeth with her narrow eyes.
I absentmindedly gazed at my soft, plump palms that held no trace of pencil marks.
I became proficient in reading and writing only shortly after formally learning from a nobleman’s tutor.
Despite not teaching me properly, those temple people always demanded perfection, just because I was a ‘saint candidate.’
As a result, young me was not only stubborn, but for various reasons beyond just not listening.
Countless moments of comparison with Diana, who had started writing early…
I lifted one of the hands I had been looking at and gently placed it on my head.
“… You’re doing well, Belzeth.”
To the past me who never heard a word of praise no matter how hard she tried.
“Just some praise, I can do it myself.”
Rub, rub.
As if stroking a slightly puffed-up forehead, a sense of accomplishment welled up.
“Heehee.”
‘But, it’s been a while since Diana left for Barrelotte Estate, right?’
I pondered over my memories before realizing my regression.
It’s exactly one week since Diana left as the Marquis of Barrelotte.
The original story really starts three years after, with the appearance of the villainess tormenting the heroine.
So, at the age of 8, when Belze goes to the Duke of Kallios.
‘Darn it. So that means I have to stay in this temple for a whole three years without moving!’
Thunk, thunk!
I slammed the desk with my small fist, feeling frustrated.
“Ouch, ouch.”
Of course, it only hurt my hand a bit, so I quickly stopped.
“Sigh.”
Looking at my already reddened hand, I sighed in distress.
‘Since I’ve regressed, couldn’t I just become an eight-year-old and go straight to being the duke…?!’
‘”Are you listening?!”
This Ereanji Ereanji, the goddess!
I clasped my hands together as if praying, strongly appealing to the existence of the goddess in this novel.
Naturally, there was no response.
“Ugh…”
I sighed and decided to hide the words I had written.
Honestly, the priests probably wouldn’t have recognized them at all, but still, just in case.
Thud!
I tore the paper into small pieces and drank it with water.
“Rip.”
Swish!
At the same time, as if anticipating, the door opened.
“Child! Have you finished washing up?”
“Cough! Uh, cough!”
It was a priestess.
It seemed like she had brought breakfast, as there was a tray in her hand.
After managing to suppress my erupting cough, I replied with great difficulty.
“Yes, yes…”
A ghost-like human being.
Of all times, why now!
The priestesses in the temple who took care of the orphans weren’t particularly kind.
They had their hands full with supervising the temple chores and receiving temple visitors.
Given the mountain of tasks, the children rarely listened well. And someone like me, who had caused many accidents, was especially troublesome.
“Look at this. You’ve stained it again, haven’t you? How many times do I have to tell you that those who serve the gods should always keep things tidy!”
As expected.
The priestess who glared at me with sharp eyes roughly placed the tray on the table.
I winced.
But I shook my head with a slight wobble, denying it.
“Oh, no, I didn’t. I washed it well…”
“Again, backtalking! Is this because you want to be dragged to High Priest Dunkeskey??!”
“Uwaah.”
The priestess lifted me in a flash.
Then, with a strong pressure, she pressed me against her waist and took a step, making sure I couldn’t move.
‘Ugh, my predicament… I should have properly washed up before coming out.’
Not long after realizing my regression, I had forgotten momentarily.
This woman was even worse and more ill-tempered than the other priestesses.
“Eek!”
Reaching the restroom attached to the room, the priestess positioned me upside down over the sink.
Splashhhh!
Without a moment to react, ice-cold water poured over my head like a bucket of ice.
“Ugh! Ugh, ugh! Cold, cold!”
No matter how much I flailed my short arms, I couldn’t escape the torrent of water.
I could only helplessly endure the pouring water.
Fortunately, the water torture disguised as washing up didn’t last long.
The woman grabbed me by the back of my clothes and roughly pushed me into a small room.
“Huuh…”
After enduring the water torture, I felt drained as I emerged.
“This is how you wash up. Do you understand?”
The priestess sneered maliciously as she looked at me, drenched like a soaked rat.
Thud, thud.
‘Is that so?’
Seeing me trembling, the woman clucked her tongue as she held the tray.
“Since you woke up late and time is tight, you need to finish within 10 minutes today.”
Compared to the usual 30-minute breakfast, this time was unbelievably shortened.
‘It’s not that I overslept, it’s because you came late!’
My anger flared up.
Waking up the children who hadn’t yet reached eight years old was the priestesses’ responsibility, but as someone who woke up early to study (or at least try to) I found it very unfair.
“But well…”
After a composed reply, I picked up my spoon.
‘There’s no point rebelling here; I’m the only one who’ll suffer.’
I had already experienced that enough through my past life’s experiences.
‘Sigh. Having to eat this tasteless stuff again…’
I picked up the hard bread that was as tough as a rock and started tearing it with hands resembling ferns.
The food I received here was far worse than what I had in the orphanage.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized Diana’s treatment was completely different.
‘Do they discriminate against us for eating so pitifully?’
With a pout, I dipped the pieces of torn bread into the watery soup. Then, stirring with the spoon, I waited for the bread to soften. Finally, I closed my eyes and swallowed.
Gulp.
“Ugh… I’m eating well!”
Slam!
After laboriously swallowing what felt like a lump, I placed the bowl down.
But before ten minutes had passed, the woman scrutinized my empty bowl with stern eyes.
“… Luckily, it seems the wicked specter that refuses to eat hasn’t shown up today.”
‘Ugh… I feel like I might throw up.’
My stomach churned, possibly from eating too hastily.
But I held it back with all my might.
The priestess glanced disapprovingly before speaking.
“Now, until morning prayer, copy the 6th scripture 10 times. I’ll come to inspect in an hour.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t forget. Diana has completed all her studies and left the temple to become a highly respected noblewoman!”
“…”
“If you dare play around and write nonsense this time too, you’ll truly receive a fearsome punishment!”
The woman who had been pressuring me with assignments suddenly stopped talking.
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
“…”
“Why are you giving me that unpleasant look?”
“Ugh..!”
Thwack!
Out of nowhere, the priestess smacked the back of my head.
A dizzying pain struck my head. I grabbed my nose in response to the unexpected attack and staggered.
“Hmph. I didn’t hit you hard, but you’re overreacting.”
Regaining my balance just in time to not fall off the chair, I grumbled while listening to the priestess.
“Heh. As if I’d tell you.”
This priestess…
Will die in three months.
A blue energy was brimming around her chest.
The color blue indicated an incurable disease.
Moreover, a disease that originated in the lungs was difficult to heal, even with divine power and healing abilities.
Nevertheless, I had once said something to this woman in the past.
“Aunty, you’ll die soon.”
“Instead of saying that to me, why don’t you try going to see a doctor?”
This wretched human being, what’s with her attitude…
But the response I got was:
“What?! This crazy woman…!”
“High Priest! It seems that an evil spirit has taken hold of Sister Belzeth’s body! Well, it’s not like she looked at me and ordered me to die without blinking!”
After that, I was confined to the ‘Chamber of Repentance’ for a week on charges of heresy.
And after the woman actually died, I was practically imprisoned for almost two years.
Then, one morning, I woke up from sleep and realized that I had lost my ability overnight.
Healing Eye (治癒眼).
A special ability of mine that can identify pain and its causes through colors.
Only after this ability was taken from me could I leave the ‘Chamber of Repentance’.
So, this time, I definitely won’t say anything.
“Anyway, your eyes look all swollen. You unlucky brat.”
Fortunately, as she saw me lowering my gaze quietly, the priestess quickly lost interest.
“Cough, cough! But why won’t this damn cough go away?!”
She suddenly erupted into a violent fit of coughing and left the room.
Only after her footsteps completely faded did I finally let out the suppressed groan.
“Ouch, ouch…”
This half-hearted hitting does nothing.
It hurt like hell. Could I be coughing up blood from this?
“I didn’t even talk back, why did you hit me…! Geez, you’re the only aunty here.”
Even experiencing it again, I still couldn’t get used to this kind of treatment. In my past life, every time something like this happened, I would curse and rebel.
“Screw you! Leave me alone!”
“Ah, aaah! Get away! Don’t touch me!”
In the end, the priests, using their hands and feet, always managed to take me to High Priest Dunkeskey.
Dunkeskey was one of the temple’s authority figures, possessing a bizarre aura that made him seem hardly like a clergyman.
Regardless of age or gender, if one committed a sin, he would grab his cudgel. The reasons varied widely: claims of apparitions, possession by Satan, infestations by demons…
And if that wasn’t enough, he’d lock them up in the ‘Chamber of Repentance’ until they begged for forgiveness.
Those who emerged from that place were mostly submissive, making Dunkeskey’s authority quite effective. Because of that, to orphans like me, High Priest Dunkeskey was no different from a devil risen from hell.
I was the child who received the most beatings in the temple.
I was also the one who had been trapped in the ‘Chamber of Repentance’ the longest.
It was because I refused to comply with them.
But no matter how many red marks were drawn on my calves and palms, no matter how many days and nights I was trapped in that dark room, even after losing the ability to use my Healing Eye, I didn’t give in.
On the contrary, with each passing day, my resentment grew stronger.
I would often spit at the priests, throw bowls, and overturn food.
‘I acted like a real demon…’
So if you thought I felt relieved afterward, that wasn’t the case either.
During the day, I would behave like such a troublemaker, but at night, I would flip my blanket and cry silently.
And the next day, the day of enduring this stubbornness, repeated.
The next day.
The day after that.
Persisting stubbornly until it might kill me.
03.
‘…Why did I go so far back then?’
I don’t know.
Why did I resent everyone so much?
Perhaps it was because people everywhere were constantly comparing me to Diana and criticizing me as the “saintly qualities” at every opportunity.
‘So if I had just imitated Diana a little, I could have escaped from this place sooner, you fool!’
But back then, I couldn’t bring myself to do it, no matter what.
So, I didn’t know that the support from the noble family had been continuously delayed.
It was because the Grand Duke, who judged me as worthless, repeatedly rejected their requests.
If there hadn’t been urgent matters that required my abilities as a duchess, I might have lived in this attic until I died.
‘Oh no! This isn’t the time for this!’
Shaken by dreadful thoughts, I quickly went to the desk.
In my past life, I wasn’t familiar with reading, and I rarely passed the scripture exams properly.
Fortunately, I was no longer the shortsighted Belze!
‘Whether it’s Diana or Diablo! Bring them all. I’ll follow along no matter what!’
I sat at the desk and began to scribble fervently.
― The first Saint, Arkia, dedicated her heart to the goddess to prevent the rampage of evil. And thus, she performed the miraculous feat of holy retrogression.
She clearly copied it just as it was written in the scripture.
She clearly wrote it exactly the same way…
‘What’s going on! Why is it like this!’
Picture
At first, I thought maybe the language patch hadn’t been applied, but the second time wasn’t much different. I was extremely frustrated.
‘Do you, do you not like me? Why do you keep doing this! Are you playing dumb!’
I clenched my fist tightly around my hair and felt utterly defeated.
I wonder if it’s because it’s a child’s body after all.
Although there’s no problem reading and understanding difficult words, when it comes to writing, the spellings keep getting messed up.
Picture
Still, looking at what I had written before, it was much better…\
‘This is bad! What should I do?’
The priestess would be here soon.
Considering what I had written with this little body, I couldn’t help but worry about how she might torment me this time.
As I held the paper and was about to burst into tears…
Swish!
Before even an hour had passed, the priestess rushed in.
” Belze!”
“Yes, yes?”
“Hurry, put on these clothes, quickly!”
Instead of checking my homework, she urgently handed me the clothes she had brought.
‘This is….’
Surprisingly, it was a high-quality dress.
For the orphans living in the temple with only white rags, it was a dress they couldn’t even dream of wearing.
But it felt strangely familiar to me.
‘It’s a dress you only wear when meeting nobles, right?’
Seeing me flustered, the priestess urged me once again.
“The esteemed ones have come to see Belze. So, please change quickly. Quickly!”
“Ung, yes…”
As I was pushed by her and grabbed the dress almost involuntarily, my head was filled with question marks.
‘Who on earth would come to see someone like me?’
* * *
The priestess, after helping me change into the dress, promptly led me outside.
As we walked to High Priest Dunkeskey office, my mind was filled with thoughts.
‘We must have met for the first time when I was 7 in my past life.’
And the following spring.
The year I turned 8, I left the temple and went to live with the duke’s family.
But my current self was only 5 years old.
‘At this time, who could possibly be visiting me?’
Given the unexpected turn of events, I couldn’t figure out whether I should be pleased or not.
It probably wasn’t the Duke.
Because at this time, Duke Kallios would have been…
“Belze, please, I’m begging you, just keep quiet and answer politely. Do you understand?”
As we arrived at the entrance to the head priest’s room, the priestess’s stern voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Just in case you spit in a cup of tea or collapse on the floor…”
“Belze, behave properly.”
“I’m sure you don’t want to spend your life confined to the room of repentance, right?!”
“I promise, really!”
I nodded firmly to the skeptical priestess.
‘Of course. I mean, I don’t know if I can escape from this darn temple any sooner…!’
It was a heartfelt sentiment.
The priestess gave me an uncertain look.
It seemed that the noble who had come to visit held quite a high position. After a short breath, she gently knocked on the door.
Knock, knock.
“Your Grace, may we enter.”
With a gesture to come in, the door gradually opened.
Creak.
Between the widening crack of the door, unexpected faces gradually came into view.
‘Oh dear.’
I froze instantly.
‘Why, why… already?’
I couldn’t comprehend it.
The individuals sitting in the head priest’s room were none other than…
Duke Kallios and his eldest son.
The ones who had come searching for me after I turned 7.
My saviors who I ruined and eventually died because of.
“Child, you should go in and greet them.”
At that moment, the priestess tapped my stiff back as if she couldn’t breathe.
Only then did I manage to gather my senses and hesitantly move inside.
As I got closer to where they were sitting, the weight on my chest grew heavier with every step.
‘Don’t cry, Belze.’
Not crying in front of the people who died because of me.
It was harder than I thought.
‘If I break into tears now, they’ll think I’m a useless brat.’
Duke Kallios, who had come earlier than I expected.
This was an unprecedented opportunity for me.
I stood before them, suppressing the emotions coursing through me with clenched fists, finally facing them.
“Come closer, Belje.”
High Priest Dunkeskey welcomed me.
His face, which always bore a stern expression, seemed unusually kind today.
I bowed with my head lowered.
“Hello, Sir Dung-kay.”
“Ahem.”
High Priest Dunkeskey cleared his throat as if he was slightly displeased with my somewhat awkward pronunciation.
‘Great, it sounded natural.’
Of course, I did that on purpose.
In my past life, High Priest Dunkeskey tried to strangle me when he heard me pronounce “Sir Dung-kay.” until I turned 8.
But even calling him just “Sir Dung-kay.” was too generous for the likes of him.
“Pff.”
At that moment, a soft chuckle could be heard from somewhere.
At the unexpected reaction of a third party, my body stiffened again.
Desperately, I looked at the face of High Priest Dung-kay, whom I hated to see.
I was afraid that if I even slightly turned my gaze in their direction, the dam holding back my emotions would burst without any chance to control it.
“…Okay. Greet them. This person is Duke Kallios. He has come all the way to the temple to meet you.”
The head priest introduced the Duke on my behalf.
Taking a deep breath, I met their gazes.
“Hello, Your Grace.”
Fortunately, my pronunciation wasn’t too off due to the tension.
“I’m Belze. I’m five years old. I’m good at things like memorizing. I can write up to the 5th scripture without looking.”
“You’re quite good at introducing yourself.”
The Duke responded gruffly.
Only now did I realize that beneath his cold exterior, there was a warm gaze in his eyes.
‘Why didn’t I notice that in my past life?’
Back then, I had always seen the Duke as stern and frightening.
So, like a fool, I hesitated for a moment and then immediately shifted my gaze towards his son.
‘…I did well.’
It wasn’t a huge difference, but I felt a surge of happiness.
I had always regretted not behaving a little more eloquently when we first met.
If I hadn’t acted so naive.
Perhaps such a tragedy wouldn’t have unfolded.
“And this is Duke Kallios’ younger son, the heir to the dukedom.”
High Priest Dunkeskey pointed to the young boy sitting beside the Duke.
“…Hello.”
Unlike before, I mumbled with a timid voice, bowing my head slightly.
I did my best to avoid looking in his direction.
Perhaps they thought I was embarrassed by my own appearance, but thankfully, the adults didn’t pay much attention to it.
“Belze, these people have come to see you for none other than…”
Just as the same situation from my past life was about to repeat itself.
“Wait.”
Someone interrupted the head priest’s words abruptly.
And then, slowly.
The sound of footsteps suddenly reaching my ears.
Stop.
The footsteps that had been echoing all along came to a halt right in front of me.
“Hey.”
‘Hey..?’
At the sound coming from above my head, I instinctively looked up.
“Why are you pretending you can’t see?”
“…Yes, yes?”
“You don’t like this?”
The young man standing in front of me flicked my eyes with his finger.
“Don’t you want it?”
The expressionless 9-year-old Edwin.
He looked exactly the same as in my memories.
Black hair that tumbled like the night sky and eyes that sparkled like bright gold.
“Ah.”
Seeing him, I couldn’t hold back any longer and burst into tears.
“Waaah-!”
04.
* * *
“Kruk!”
I forcefully blew my nose into the handkerchief the Duke handed me.
It was embarrassing and awkward, but I couldn’t handle the various bodily fluids flowing down to my chin all by myself.
‘A child’s body is so uncomfortable.’
Writing, as well as emotional control, isn’t easy either.
Various forms of control over my body weren’t as simple as I wished.
‘… I must look like such a fool.’
I endured it well, but why did I have to burst into tears when I met Edwin, of all people? In reality, there was no need to cry. There must have been a more mature way to handle the situation.
‘Come to think of it, why did Edwin say such a thing?’
I was filled with curiosity after the tears had stopped. In my previous life, Edwin had never said such a thing.
‘Don’t you want to have it….’
“Blink, blink… It’s pretty.”
“Belze want to have it!”
Ironically, I was the one who blurted out such a slip of the tongue. As if I remembered our past encounters so vividly…
‘That couldn’t be possible.’
If Edwin remembered the past, he wouldn’t come looking for me like this; he would send an assassin. Or perhaps the priests from the temple.
That would be the way to eliminate the culprit who would bring down the family in the future.
Therefore, Edwin’s words were probably just a coincidence.
‘… He used to be quite proud when he was younger.’
I first met Edwin when he was 11 years old in my past life. Now, I was observing a boy who seemed even more mature than he did back then.
“Have you calmed down now?” the Duke suddenly asked.
I snapped back to reality, holding his handkerchief stained with my nosebleed, and hastily replied, “Y-Yesh, I… I apologize. I made a wishtae…”
“Wishtae? Oh, mistake.”
“Yesh… I’ll warh it and leturn it…”
My pronunciation was already poor for a child, and now I struggled even more.
To make matters worse, my nose got blocked, and silly sounds escaped from me.
“No need for that. It’s how all kids are.”
“Ah!”
“Ill take it back.”
However, the Duke effortlessly retrieved the soiled handkerchief from my hand. He chuckled a little while watching me struggle.
Seeing the Duke’s smile, which I was witnessing for the first time, my face flushed.
“I apologize, Your Grace. Young Master.”
Instead of me, Dunkeskey, the high priest, took control of the situation.
“Unfortunately, it seems Belze is still young and easily surprised. She probably can’t help but be ignorant of the tales about the resolute Duke.”
As he said that, the gaze of the high priest, turning towards me, grew colder.
‘It’s not because of that.’
I pursed my lips and denied Dunkeskey’s words.
The resolute Duke. The Sword Saint of the battlefield. Kallios, known for dropping birds from the sky. There were many words to describe the Duke Kallios.
Throughout generations, it had produced numerous Sword Saints who swept through battlefields, and the current Duke was known as a Sword Saint who shed neither blood nor tears in his youth.
Perhaps that’s why there was a saying that even a crying child would stop upon hearing the name Kallios.
Of course, it wasn’t me at all.
‘And that’s an exaggeration.’
Like rumors circulating in social circles or in the streets, the Duke Kallios wasn’t completely devoid of emotions like blood and tears.
Even though he knew I was practically useless, the fact that he continued to support me until the end said a lot.
Although it was undeniably terrifying to see two aristocrats standing so expressionlessly like this, Dunkeskey, who had taken his eyes off me, tried to persuade the Duke.
Though unjust, I reluctantly agreed. “Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to visit us again sometime.”
“How should I send a kid who cries and clings to my legs in front of a high noble?” Dunkeskey negotiated with the Duke.
In the end, it was all my mistake. Despite knowing that, my heart sank. This was a rare opportunity for me, not just to escape from the temple. It was a chance to atone for all the wrongs I had committed in the past.
As I thought that this opportunity was slipping away from me, tears I had barely suppressed welled up again.
‘…Don’t act like a real child just because you’ve become one. Think calmly.’
I bit down on my lower lip and shook my head fervently.
Though meeting them earlier had undoubtedly been a joyful event, it would have been better to step back this time and not get too greedy. I couldn’t be sure if all my abilities had fully returned at this point.
Going along with them now and then, failing to prove my usefulness properly… It was better not to force it in such circumstances.
‘Anyway, we can meet again in 3 years.’
The fact that I had to part with them like this and wait three years until our reunion felt like a deception to my senses. Even though I understood it logically.
“Huuu…”
My darn child-like body started crying uncontrollably. I wanted to look at them properly now, engraving their images in my mind since I wouldn’t be able to see them for the next three years.
Hair as black as the night sky and clean-cut. Eyes that sparkled like the sun beyond the horizon kept blurring and becoming misty.
“Huuu.”
Seeing my expression, Edwin let out a bemused chuckle as if he found it ridiculous.
“What did I do this time to make you cry again?”
Upon hearing his words, the tears that were halfway out went back in.
“It’s… no…”
Of course, it’s not your fault, Edwin. In the past or the present. Everything is my fault. It was a moment when I wanted to mutter the words I hadn’t been able to convey properly in my previous life without even realizing it.
“Edwin.”
Coincidentally, the Duke scolded his grumbling son politely.
“Tsk.”
Edwin grumbled softly. Thanks to that, I managed to regain my scattered thoughts for a moment. The Duke then turned to the High Priest Dunkeskey.
“We’re fine. It’s natural for a young child to be frightened by unfamiliar people.”
“But, Your Grace, as I mentioned earlier, to say that Belze’s abilities are not very useful…”
“Enough.”
The Duke interrupted the high Priest’s words gently but firmly.
“It’s not something we should discuss in front of the child.”
“Ah, yes. That, that’s right.”
“And now, we know very well that this child is our last hope.”
“That….”
“Even the child we sent away before ultimately failed. If it weren’t for Young Master, we might have overlooked that there was no progress in the treatment.”
The Duke’s eyes, even darker and more ominous than Edwin’s, flashed threateningly. From him, an oppressive air that weighed down on the opponent wafted.
“…”
Perhaps lost for words, the High priest Dunkeskey tightly sealed his lips. It was the first time I had seen such embarrassment so clearly etched on his snake-like face.
‘I suppose he must be embarrassed.’
Watching them, I quietly recalled memories from my past life. The Duke Kallios at this moment was almost indistinguishable from a portrait book.
It was because the Duke’s second son was in a very critical state. Despite using all the resources of the empire and every remedy available, there was little improvement in the Duke’s son’s condition. Eventually, as a last hope, the Duke requested assistance from the temple.
With the substantial donation received, the temple immediately sent Diana, who was at the Marquess estate, to the Duke’s estate. This was possible because Diana hadn’t been officially admitted as Barrelotte Marquess’s adopted daughter until that point. However, even Diana, who possessed powerful healing abilities, couldn’t completely cure the Duke’s son’s mysterious illness.
‘But how did I find out that Diana’s treatment failed already?’
Such a thing didn’t happen in my previous life. In the past life, events hadn’t unfolded this way.
With Diana’s healing abilities, it seemed like the Duke’s son was getting better on the surface.
In reality, her healing methods couldn’t be deemed incorrect. But Diana never managed to identify the root cause of the illness.
And the Duke’s son, in the end…
‘Diana was going back and forth between the Duke’s estate and the temple for nearly a year until the Duke’s son passed away.’
I had heard the news of the Duke’s passing when I was around seven years old. Therefore, it was impossible for me to be aware of these events at this time in my life.
It was when I looked at the Duke and Edwin with a confused expression that the Duke suddenly stood up and walked over to me.
He bent down and met my eyes, then spoke in a rather gentle tone.
“You’re called Belze.”
“…”
“An upright and well-behaved child like you.”
“Cough!”
The High Preist Dunkeskey, who was sipping tea, sprayed the tea he was drinking in response to the Duke’s words.
“I, I’m also like that!”
Worried that he might add nonsense, I quickly responded after my cough subsided.
“Plince Joshu?”
“Plince Joshu?”
“Yesh! When we met at the orphaage, butler asked us to call him that.”
Surprise flashed across the Duke’s face.
“It was a year ago, but you remembered that.”
However, not for long. His expression turned slightly clouded.
“You remembered that… Do you recall when Joshua fell and hurt himself, and you healed his wound?”
This time, Edwin asked me.
“Yesh! And he towd me he was in pain.”
I answered without hesitation, but a heavy sense of guilt weighed on my heart.
In reality, in my past life and even now, memories of Joshua were hazy. It had been an accident that happened in the blink of an eye, and just like their words, it had occurred a year ago.
Since then, so many things had happened in my life that I had completely forgotten about a noble young lord who I treated briefly.
‘However, that doesn’t mean I can just pretend I don’t know!’
It was an opportunity that wasn’t given to me in my past life. I couldn’t let it slip away in vain.
“…Yes, Your Grace.”
I opened my mouth while keeping that determination in mind.
“You came becuwse you wanted me to heal Plince Joshu, right?”
In response to my question, the Duke’s eyes widened slightly, then he slowly nodded.
“…Yes.”
“I can’t galantee thaw I can fully heal Plince Joshu.”
It was the truth. Even Diana, the main character of this novel, had failed at it, so what could someone like me achieve?
“…Shtill. I wim try evelything I can.”
I owed them too much in my previous life. If I could repay even a small part of that debt, even if it meant risking my life.
“Yesh. Plewse, if you allow me.”
“…”
“I’ll do my best to serve Plince Joshu!”
I would say it again and again. Over and over again.
05.
How long had it been since they lowered their heads and waited for their permission?
“…”
Suddenly, it struck me how incredibly quiet the room was.
‘As expected, it’s the faliure….’
Considering how I had burst into tears like that the first time we met, it wasn’t surprising.
It was a moment when I clenched my fists tightly with a sulky face.
‘Permission isn’t for us; it’s for you, you fool.’
A rough voice fell on top of my head.
As I raised my head in surprise,
“Edwin Kallios. Don’t you ever watch your mouth?”
“It’s true that we came to ask for a favor from her.”
I could face two pairs of golden eyes shining with warm light.
The duke, who lost his words to respond to his son, turned to me with a short sigh.
“Hey. Would you kindly come with us to the duchy?”
Both in their past lives and now.
They politely asked for my permission.
It was an excessively gracious treatment for a commoner orphan like me.
Ah.
What did I do in my past life to these kind souls?
“Yesh, I will!”
I held back the surging tears and answered with all my might.
* * *
“Belze, come see me for a moment.”
Even though I was leaving for the prestigious Duke’s estate, Dunkeskey couldn’t let me go so easily.
“There’s something I need to discuss with the child… You go ahead to the carriage, Your Grace.”
“What’s the matter?”
Edwin responded sensitively to my insistence.
“I’m trying to give some advice as Belze’s guardian.”
“Do we look like we have the leisure to come all the way here for that?”
The cheeky response from the 9-year-old boy made Dunkeskey’s hand twitch.
It was a reaction that only I, who was close by, could understand.
He managed to control his anger and spoke with a gentle voice.
“Of course not. But this old man is worried about sending Belze alone, so would you please give us a moment?”
“It might be sudden, but the child will need some time to prepare too.”
The Duke defused the situation.
They had already declined Dunkeskey’s offer to accompany us once.
It was best not to further bother the Duke’s nerves.
However, Edwin didn’t hide his lingering dissatisfaction until the end.
“Just follow along, what’s there to prepare? She’s dressed like a beggar….”
“Edwin.”
Thud. With the stern voice of the Duke, the door closed.
‘That’s how it should be.’
I understood Edwin in that moment. I knew better than anyone how unremarkable I must have appeared at this moment. Facing a scruffy commoner orphan would surely be unpleasant. How much more painful would it be to have to save a sibling’s life in such a situation?
“These wretched fellows.”
However, Dunkeskey’s thoughts were different from mine.
“The little brat begs without any shame. Looks just like his old man.”
As soon as the door closed, he candidly revealed his true colors.
“He was always this kind of person.”
I wasn’t particularly surprised, knowing his true nature better than anyone.
The high priest, who had been grumbling for a while, looking in the direction where the Duke had disappeared, finally turned his sharp gaze towards me.
“Pretend to heal just enough and come back.”
“Petend?”
“Yes.”
“What does ‘petend’ mean?”
I asked as if it was the first time I heard the word, widening my eyes. There were advantages to feigning ignorance, even if my body had become more difficult to manage!
Pretending not to understand the foreign word, the steward frowned in apparent irritation.
“Just behave as you normally would.”
“Uh… I’m not suwe what you mean, but…”
“Ugh, so dumb and frustrating! Stop thinking about using your real healing power and just pretend to treat!”
“Why? Belze has healing puwer…”
The old man smacked his chest impatiently, irritated by my strong defense.
“You think you can cure a disease that not even Diana could heal?”
“…”
“Don’t go flaunting your abilities and causing trouble for the temple, just sit quietly and play along!”
I immediately understood why Dunkeskey was making this plea to me separately. From his perspective, it was a dilemma no matter which way you looked at it.
Whether I healed the Duke’s son or not, there were complications.
If I succeeded in healing him, I would have to acknowledge my earlier mistake of sending Diana first and her lack of abilities. If I failed to heal him, they would have to repay a portion of the substantial donation the Duke had given us.
However, from Dunkeskey’s point of view, the latter option seemed more likely and easier to manage. After all, he had already mentioned my lack of ability compared to Diana several times. If the Duke’s son died, they could blame it on my inadequacy and still have Diana as a saint.
The temple would continue to profit from my healing abilities, so naturally, they wouldn’t want to diminish Diana’s value.
‘I guess I’m not worth much, anyway.’
My role in the temple was merely that of an auxiliary battery, a backup in case the primary product had issues. In my past life, I was oblivious to these things.
“But what if…”
After experiencing death and rebirth and seeing through the temple’s intentions, I quietly spoke up.
“If I could heal Prince illness…”
“…”
“I went, but it might not be a big deal…”
“Hmph.”
Dunkeskey chuckled as if my words weren’t amusing at all. Since I hadn’t said a word to the priestess this morning, they still didn’t know that I had the power to heal.
“If that were possible, Diana would have solved it earlier.”
Dunkeskey added with an expression that seemed devoid of any hope or expectation.
“Even if that were the case, there’s no need for you to step in.”
“But…”
“Belze.”
Suddenly, Dunkeskey rose from his seat and approached me. He was on the shorter side for an adult man, but in the body of a child, he felt enormous.
He raised one hand to my shoulder and whispered ominously.
“You don’t want to be trapped in the Chamber of Repentance like Ismael, do you?”
I reflexively tensed up.
Ismael, like me, was a boy from the orphanage, a few years older than me. He had been called to the temple a year earlier than Diana and me due to his abilities, but he had recently become mute, a consequence of being trapped in the Chamber of Repentance.
‘Ismael is said to be possessed by an evil spirit, which caused the Goddess to retract her blessings on his voice.’
“…”
“Belze, you may have the potential to become a saint even more than Diana…”
“…”
“Behave well. That way, the Goddess will bless and support you even more.”
Dunkeskey might have expected me to be scared and obedient after hearing his words. Sadly, I wasn’t frightened at all, as I had heard these words countless times in my previous life.
“Behave well, Belze. How long will you act like such a useless child?”
“That’s the only way to surpass Diana and become a saint.”
The hopes that had felt like poison to me. In my previous life, I hadn’t lived as a wicked villain until my death.
During my early years in this life, I had obediently followed their instructions. But I never managed to improve my situation compared to Diana. Especially after losing my healing abilities, I became increasingly sensitive and stubborn.
‘An evil spirit probably possessed you.’
I stared straight at Dunkeskey’s vile expression, or more precisely, the orange energy that wafted over his forehead. Seeing that even the area around his remaining hair was covered, it was sadly irreversible.
“Do you understand, Belze?”
“…”
“You’re not answering, what are you looking at…”
“In six months, bald head.”
“What?”
06
The startled Dunkeskey stammered, “W-what… did you just say?”
“I didn’t shay anything. I just thought the High Priest looks very good in that head gear!”
“This is not a headgear; it’s a pileolus (a low hemispherical headdress worn by clergy)…”
“But it’s got a strap! The Duke is waiting outside!”
Suddenly, she interrupted him and shouted cheerfully. Whether he remembered their presence or not, fortunately, Dunkeskey nodded with a solemn face.
“Yes, right. Just go. Remember what I said.”
“Yes! Goodbye, Priest Dunkeskey!”
Fearing the permission would be revoked, I quickly bowed my head and rushed out of the room.
‘Whew…’
It was only after I reached the empty corridor that I calmed my pounding heart.
‘That was scary.’
Being threatened by the Chief Priest after having a rough idea of the dark secrets of the temple was entirely different from when I knew nothing about my past life. How on earth did I confront the priests?
‘Humph! I don’t want to listen to bald Dunkeskey’s words!’
After babbling recklessly, the price I paid was quite high. I was more infuriated by becoming truly bald, as cursed by my own curse half a year after the priestess who slandered me in my past life died.
‘I should be careful with my words.’
I had spat it out a little while ago in anger, but in this life, I must never be caught cursing again.
Once again, I made a resolution and eventually skipped through the corridor. As I escaped from the back door of the temple, a splendid, luxurious carriage with the Kalios emblem engraved on it came into view.
‘Haven’t they left yet?’
The conversation with the slanderous priestess had been quite long, so honestly, I thought he would have left first. Just as I was about to run straight to him…
“Uh…”
I stopped in my tracks. Someone was leaning awkwardly against the carriage.
“Edwin…?”
Could it be that he was waiting for me? He saw me and immediately straightened up and stared at me intently.
‘Why didn’t they go ahead? The temple carriage?’
I naturally assumed he would follow me, riding in the wretched carriage provided by the temple… But as I was looking around in confusion to find the temple carriage, I heard an irritated voice from up front.
“Hurry up, will you?”
Only then did I finally move my hesitant steps. Thud. As I stood in front of Edwin, his chest came into view.
At the age of nine, young Edwin still had a head taller than me, and the same went for eleven-year-old Edwin and twenty-two-year-old Edwin.
The harsh noon backlighting cast Edwin’s silhouette in a deep black. Like his unchanging height, his face remained somber. It was probably for the best. If our eyes had met unexpectedly, I might have burst into tears again.
“What were you talking about?”
Edwin, whose face was not visible, grumbled in a rough voice. I didn’t know why, but even in our previous lives, he wasn’t particularly fond of people associated with the temple. Yet, considering how close he came to being engaged to Diana, the Saint, he must have genuinely loved her.
‘I messed everything up, but…’
I forced a bitter laugh to hide my melancholic heart.
“Just…”
“…”
“Just advising to serve the goddess devoutly.”
“Surprising. I thought they might ask for more money.”
At the age of nine, an age that could still be considered young, Edwin spoke with a coldness that could send shivers down your spine.
“Indeed… Some things never change.”
I realized once again as I rolled my eyes at his inherent disposition.
“But, you.”
“Yes?”
“Do you know what sincerity is?”
‘…What do you take me for?’
I clenched my fist tightly, but as I am now, I was just a five-year-old commoner orphan who couldn’t even read. I couldn’t act as clever and kind as Diana, but for the sake of our new relationship, it was better to play the part of a cheerful child my age.
‘That’s right. This life was given to us dramatically. Let’s live it to the fullest!’
Completely opposite to my past self.
“No! Hehe.”
I laughed foolishly, and Edwin stepped aside with an expression that said, ‘Well, if you say so.’
“…Shall we ride together?”
It was a suggestion to share the same carriage. I was shamelessly opportunistic and never missed an opportunity like this.
“Yesh!”
I answered enthusiastically and, with the help of the guard who appeared out of nowhere, I climbed into the carriage without a sound.
“Hellow, Your Glace!”
I greeted the duke who was looking at documents inside the carriage. He glanced at me briefly but didn’t reply. That was fine, though. Just being there together was enough.
* * *
The carriage arrived at the Duke’s residence in no time.
As I stepped down from the carriage, I looked around at the grand mansion with sparkling eyes.
‘I’ve really come back.’
Truth be told, until this morning, I had wondered if all of this might be a dream. I had already died and fallen into a horrifying nightmare in hell.
I thought that when I woke up from the dream where everything had returned to normal, I would be facing the punishment of the Duke’s residence reduced to ashes, leaving nothing but charred remains.
‘Ouch…’
However, no matter how hard I pinched my cheek, seeing something so vivid, and witnessing the unscathed appearance of the mansion without being consumed by flames, made it painfully clear that it wasn’t a dream.
‘…Even if I’ve come back, I didn’t expect to be here so soon.’
It was then.
Tap.
“Pinch yourself harder. Do you think the dream will shatter if you do?”
Someone brushed past me as I stood dazed in front of the carriage. It was Edwin.
“If you’re just going to keep dozing off there, tell Dunkeskey to give you a lift again.”
“Oh, no! Pleawse give me a lift too!”
I naturally panicked and hurriedly followed him.
* * *
Joshua’s room was exactly as I remembered it. The room closest to the central staircase on the first floor.
To be prepared for emergencies, all of the Duke’s movements revolved around that room. When I had first come to the Duke’s residence, the room had been sealed for a long time. However, the Duke wasted no time in guiding me to Joshua’s room.
I didn’t feel resentful. It meant that the situation was far from ideal.
“Josh.”
The room was filled with the acrid smell of medicine. In the room, a boy much smaller than my peers lay on a large bed like a doll. His leg stuck out from the blanket, tightly wrapped in thick bandages, and his silver hair flowed over the pillow.
The Duke’s son resembled his late mother, who was petite. I knew this from the portraits of the two hanging in the main hall on the second floor, from my previous life.
‘…I feel strange.’
Seeing the child I had only seen in paintings in person was both fascinating and strangely heart-wrenching. The bandages wrapped around Joshua’s leg didn’t look like they had been there for long.
However, ‘The corner is already soaked with blood,’ which meant that there was no hemostasis.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, then opened them deliberately. That’s when I saw an orange energy inside Joshua’s body, similar to the mark on the slanderous priestess.
Orange was the color of an unexplained chronic illness.
‘Left chest, one year.’
As I expected, the cause of Joshua’s suffering was not the condition of his leg.
Furthermore.
“…?!”
That orange energy was also present in Edwin’s chest, albeit in a small amount.
‘Why, why is it in Edwin too…?’
My heart sank. In my previous life, I had met him after losing my healing abilities, and I had no idea there was anything wrong with his body.
With eyes filled with confusion, I alternated my gaze between Joshua and Edwin. “Have you come, Your Lordship?” Several physicians and maids who were near the bed rushed forward and greeted me.
Then, a mixture of curiosity and displeasure in their eyes was directed towards me. Only then did I regain my composure.
Since I had anticipated this, I wasn’t as disheartened as I was at first. ‘An orphan with an unknown background daring to come and treat a noble young master. It’s uncomfortable and distasteful.’
Furthermore, I knew that the situation had been made known bit by bit, revealing my abilities to be far superior to Diana’s. However, that didn’t mean I would be treated as negligently as I had been in my previous life.
The only ones who could ignore me were the Duke and Edwin, who had brought me here at a high price. “What are you looking at? Stop staring.”
It was then.
“Duke.”
A middle-aged woman who was closest to Joshua stood up and approached.
“Did you bring that child here against all reason?”
Her expression was venomous, and her sharp gaze was directed at me.
‘Mrs. Caston.’
She was a petite lady who had been brought into the Caston family and served as Joshua’s nurse since birth. She was also a prominent figure who had greatly disliked me in my previous life.
“Yes.”
“I heard rumors that this child’s abilities were not very impressive compared to the one who came before. How did you bring her to Young Master…?”
“That’s enough.”
The Duke firmly cut off Mrs. Caston’s complaints.
“Don’t jump to conclusions without even trying.”
“I… I apologize.”
She widened her eyes for a moment, then slowly withdrew, her lips tightly pressed together. After the death of the Duchess, she had gained the Duke’s trust by taking care of Joshua, and she easily dominated the Duke’s residence. It was only natural that I, young and foolish, had been helpless against her when she created an atmosphere of rejection toward me.
‘Is it still not time for that?’
I wondered while closely observing the atmosphere between the Duke and Mrs. Caston.
The Duke then turned his attention to the physicians in white gowns.
“How is Joshua’s condition?”
“There have been no significant changes.”
“…Father?”
Did he sense his presence? Just then, Joshua opened his eyes. Blue irises, resembling the sky, were revealed between his eyelids.
“Joshua Kalios.”
Edwin’s younger brother and the Duke’s youngest son. His chronic illness was the inability of wounds to stop bleeding.
Consequently, unlike the healthy and robust Edwin, he had been constantly threatened by the specter of death since childhood. This applied to even the smallest household items, and to a greater extent, the lives in the Caston estate.
The endearing and frail vulnerability of Joshua Kalios, the Duke’s youngest son, made him an easy target for someone.
“Yes, Josh. Did you sleep well?”
The Duke forced a smile and gently caressed Joshua’s forehead.
“See who came to our house today.”
With a subtle gesture, he called me over, and I approached slowly. Joshua’s gaze turned towards me.
“You…”
As if reminiscing, the Duke furrowed his brow for a moment before breaking into a faint smile.
“My personal maidservant, right?”
“Huh? Personal maidservant?”
The Duke’s puzzled eyes were fixed on me.
“Shister, will shister really be my maidswrvant now?”
It was that moment when a forgotten memory flashed through my mind—the first meeting with this arrogant little boy who referred to himself as a prince.
07
* * *
Every year, a grand event was held at the temple orphanage to commemorate the Goddess’s birthday.
‘In words, it’s called volunteer work.’
Nobles from all walks of life gathered to seek ‘the blessing of the Goddess’ and to devise ways to fulfill their personal ambitions through these children.
Can it really be called volunteer work?
A year ago, on that day, I was still darting around in remote areas, avoiding the crowds of people who came seeking treatment.
I happened to come across a young nobleman who looked like he had lost his way. Pretending not to notice, I turned away. I couldn’t afford to attract attention, especially since I was hiding.
“Wait, just a moment! Hey…!”
But the tiny thing was surprisingly fast. It rushed up to me and grabbed hold of my clothing before I could escape.
Looking bewildered at me, the young nobleman confidently shouted.
“You! Be my maidsewvant!”
“Whwt awe you talking about, kid?”
“I’m not a kid! I’m Priwnce Joshua Kalios!”
The request to become a maidservant was absurd, but it was the word “prince” that really caught me off guard. Diana was already attracting a great deal of attention from the nobles, and her presence had distorted the judgment of many due to the constant flattery she received.
“Get lost.”
I forcefully pushed the kid’s arm away, but he didn’t give up and stuck to me like glue.
“Where are you going? You should be my maidsewvant!”
“Seriously? Why should I be your maidservant? Who are you?”
“Well… Well… I’m Pwince!”
“I’m a chwild too, you know?”
“You’re bigger than me, so you’re the older sister! In our house, older sisters are maidsewvants!”
It was just the words of an ignorant child, but at that moment, I couldn’t understand why those words were so unbearable and infuriating.
“Sister sister. Take me to Father and Brother… okay?”
“I shaid I down’t want to!”
“Ouch!”
I pushed Joshua forcefully as he clung to me, and naturally, he tumbled over. It wasn’t intentional, but the spot where he fell happened to be on a wide road paved with stones. A few drops of blood quickly formed on his delicate knees.
“Hing, blood! Bloowd’s coming out of Josh…”
“Who twold you to cling like that?”
Until that moment, I had been glaring at the kid with determination. I was a bit scared because of the blood, but honestly, I felt a sense of relief.
Why would someone grab a perfectly fine person and insist on making them their maidservant? That’s why I couldn’t help but resent and envy Joshua, who could act so confidently.
He was a complete stranger, but I envied him to the point of madness. He had a home to return to, parents, and the privilege to command others as a noble.
“Oh, Mom… Waaah!”
However, even though I was so audacious and stubborn, I never expected the bratty kid to start crying uncontrollably in an instant.
Making a noble child cry was a major disaster. I panicked and quickly covered Joshua’s mouth with my hands.
“Shh! Shh!”
“Wuw!”
“Don’t cry. I’ll heaml you light away.”
“Uh… okay?”
“If you down’t cry, I’ll be your maidsewvant. Deal?”
With that promise, I swiftly treated his wound. Then, with a tinge of apology, I attempted to remove the orange aura that flickered on his left chest.
“Eugh…!”
No matter how much healing power I applied, the orange aura wouldn’t disappear. At that time, I didn’t yet understand that orange signified a chronic illness. As I puzzled over the tiny orange aura that remained, a voice calling for the young master rang out.
“Young Master Joshua!”
Just in time, the real maidservant’s voice echoed. I pointed to my now clean knees and signaled that I was done.
“Lwok! It’s all clewan now!”
“Wow! It’s reawly clewan!”
“I kewpt my plomise. So you can’t tell anyowne about this today. Got it?”
“Yeah, maidsewvant big sister!”
With a bright smile, Joshua made the promise to me. Of course, it was a lie. I wouldn’t find out until three years later that as soon as he returned, he told my story to his family. I had lied to Joshua as well. I had promised to heal him swiftly but ended up fleeing when the maidservant arrived.
‘Even so, it’s not too late.’
In this life, Joshua was still alive, and to the best of my knowledge, my healing powers were still effective on his chronic illness, even if they had diminished to a tiny extent.
“I’m not here as a maidsewvant,Plince.”
I denied Joshua’s words, breaking free from the distant memory. In response, he raised an eyebrow.
“Why… Why did you come to our houwse?”
“I wanted to hep.”
“Hep…? That’s right! You know more goood things than the last time, don’t you?”
“…”
“Yeah, youre even more incwdible than befole, light, big shister?”
Joshua cheered, clapping his hands together.
“Can I, um, towch your body, Plince?”
It was a question directed at the Duke, but he readily agreed, allowing me to touch Joshua, despite the watchful gazes of those around us. I confidently walked closer to the bed, ignoring the eyes of those who were observing me.
When I reached Joshua’s bedside, I gently placed my hand on the orange aura that flickered above his left chest, and Joshua let out a small laugh.
“It tiwkles!”
“Hey! You shouldn’t touch there as if it’s an park. What are you doing?”
At that moment, one of the doctors who had been watching me suddenly exclaimed. He was Gordon, the Duke’s personal physician.
“What? Well, I…”
I felt perplexed. How should I handle this situation? To explain Joshua’s condition, I would inevitably have to mention my healing ability, but in this life, I had decided to hide it as much as possible. Moreover, even without revealing the healing aura, explaining the cause of death was a challenge.
Joshua’s chronic illness was primarily the inability for blood to stop flowing from wounds. So, in the previous life, he most likely died from blood loss due to the constant open wounds.
However, the actual cause of his death had been cardiac arrest. In this life as well as the previous one, everyone had probably focused on healing Joshua’s wounds to make him feel better, but it was not a fundamental solution.
Every time a wound occurred, his heart had to work excessively to supply the lacking blood, which resulted in the weakening of his heart.
The orange aura that flickered above his left chest was evidence of this.
When I directly observed it with my healing aura, my conviction grew stronger.
Joshua’s heart must have gradually weakened due to his chronic illness. However, no one had been aware of this fact, and he had tragically passed away without anyone realizing it.
“Hey! Why aren’t you saying anything?”
Gordon reprimanded me as I hesitated, but I couldn’t reveal the truth. So, I stammered with an uncertain voice.
“Um, it’s just… I had a fewling, so…”
“What? Trying to do something to Prince Joshua’s body without even knowing what’s going on?”
“Gordon, let’s just observe for now.”
But then, once again, the Duke stepped in to protect me.
“Now may not be the time to try anything,” Edwin agreed. “But we can’t just stand by and watch Joshua slowly die.”
Gordon fell silent, and Edwin continued, “We have to do something. Father is right.”
However, at that moment, another voice was raised.
“Enough, Gordon. You’ve made your point.”
It was the Duke who silenced Gordon.
“…”
“Are you disparaging the actions of my father and I, who went to pick up that child early in the morning, saying it was in vain?”
Although the words seemed to be addressed to Gordon, the Duke’s gaze encompassed everyone in the room. Most of those present, including Lady Caston, had been shooting disapproving looks at me.
“I apologize, Your Grace. Young Duke.”
In response to Edwin’s icy voice, the elderly physician finally lowered his head and stepped back.
‘Just now… Edwin seemed so grown-up.’
My memories from before the regression were clearer than those of my childhood. Adult Edwin had always been rational and composed. He may not have liked me very much, but he didn’t despise me like others did.
‘He’s full of himself, but he’s fair…’
My heart ached. He had only spoken the truth from his perspective, yet it felt like he had somehow offered me a small consolation.
“Stop daydreaming!”
Edwin’s innocent question about when I would treat Joshua broke the tense atmosphere in the room.
“Um, I’ll do it right now!”
Suddenly, I snapped out of my reverie. Despite my pretense, I had mustered the courage to speak up against the Duke and Edwin’s earlier words.
Once again, I placed my hand on the left side of Joshua’s chest, and he burst into laughter.
“It tickles!”
Ignoring his cheerful voice, I closed my eyes and focused. I could feel my hand gradually warming as I channeled the intangible energy that flowed within me.
I drew upon all the ethereal power within me, and eventually, a thin strand of light emerged from the palm of my hand. It was the healing light infused with mana.
Even though the mana coursing through my body felt as vast as the sea, I could only manifest a single strand of healing light. It was frustrating.
‘In my past life, I could never heal properly because of this.’
As I struggled to push more power through the tiny needle hole, I inwardly called out.
“Ellelle… No, Erea, please! Just a little more!”
In response to my frustration due to my limited abilities, Diana always spoke with embarrassment.
“Belze, don’t be impatient. Pray earnestly to the goddess. Perhaps your lack of faith is why your healing abilities are insufficient compared to mine.”
Yes, perhaps that was true. Throughout my previous life, I had resented the gods. I questioned why I was born an orphan, why I was given the same abilities as Diana, why she excelled in every way, and why she was superior to me.
Why? Why?
However, this time was different.
‘You’ve reversed everything, haven’t you? You’ve regressed everything so it can flow according to fate.’
It was a dramatically given opportunity, and this time, I had full confidence. Why? Because I remembered the contents of the book from my life in South Korea.
‘I’ll try to make it just like the original… If you have any conscience left, please allow me to heal Joshua.’
I sincerely begged the goddess.
‘Oh, honestly, favoring only Diana was more than enough in my past life!’
That moment came.
I felt a burning sensation in my palm, as if it were scorching, and simultaneously, the thin strand of light that had been flowing out explosively burst forth.
“Aaaaah!”
08
“Ugh!”
“What in the…!”
People screamed and covered their faces. There was a blinding light and a sudden, raging wind that made it impossible to keep their eyes open.
However, I forced my eyes open and carefully observed. It was because of the blinding light and the sudden, violent gust of wind that people couldn’t open their eyes properly.
But I opened my eyes and watched closely. I saw the immense amount of light emanating from my hand seeping into Joshua’s chest, and the orange energy that was pulsating as if it was about to devour his heart gradually diminishing.
It was as if the limits that had been holding me back had been released. The power that I couldn’t have even dreamed of in my past life burst forth as if breaking through a dam.
“Whooooo…”
After a while, the blinding light that had been erupting from my hand finally subsided, and the wind died down. Then…
“…Huh?”
Joshua, who had been squinting his eyes, suddenly blinked and looked around. Then, he exclaimed,
“My leg don’t hult anymowe!”
It wasn’t like jumping off a bed.
“Joshua!”
“Young master!”
Naturally, everyone in the room, including the Duke, looked astonished. The doctors who had been waiting rushed over and began unwrapping the bandages on Joshua’s legs.
And then…
“What…?”
“The wound is still there?!”
As they said, Joshua’s knees still had the scrapes from his fall. People looked at me with puzzled expressions.
“When that light burst out, I thought it was something incredible…”
“But, at least the bleeding stopped!”
With the young doctor’s exclamation, some of the tension eased on their faces.
“Step aside for a moment!”
“…”
“You there! Aren’t you the one who came from the temple? You couldn’t even heal this little injury?!”
Lady Caston, who had rushed over to Joshua, glared at me irritably.
“When Lady Diana last healed him, he didn’t recover this much…”
As to whether the physician was really a physician or not, Gordon seemed to be analyzing the difference between Diana and me.
“…Hey, are you okay?”
For some reason, Edwin asked me, giving my shoulder a light tap.
‘Me?’
I was perfectly fine.
In fact, it was more embarrassing that I couldn’t heal the wound perfectly at once.
“I’m fine. I’ll heal the wound right away…”
I tried to smile brightly and took a step back to finish treating Joshua’s leg.
Drip, drip, a viscous substance suddenly poured down from my nose as if it were water. It was as red and intense as my irises.
“Huh…”
I stared at it in a daze, and then my vision went dark.
“… Belze!”
Suddenly, amidst the fading consciousness, the last scene I saw was Edwin rushing towards me with an urgent expression.
* * *
“Ugh…”
Would I return unharmed from the fire as the Duke?
I wandered through a dream, uncertain whether it was a nightmare or a memory from a past life, and then I woke up suddenly.
‘Th-this place…’
A familiar ceiling greeted me. A cloud-like soft bed and a tall canopy. The cozy room, filled with elegant but compact furnishings, closely resembled the one I had used until I died.
“Gasp!”
I jumped up from the bed and hastily looked down at my hands. I saw tiny and adorable hands, like those of a five-year-old. However, even with that, it was hard to grasp the reality. Was reverting to a five-year-old just a dream, and was my real life dying in a prison cell?
I raised both hands and pinched my soft and chubby cheeks.
“Ouch…”
Feeling pain like a child, it didn’t seem like a dream. Just then…
“As soon as you wake up, you do the same thing.”
“Eek!”
Suddenly, a voice rang out, and I realized much more effectively that this was not a dream than by pinching my cheek.
“Edwin…?”
“Should I pinch you instead?”
Thump.
Edwin, who had been sitting by the bed, closed the book he was reading and got up. As he reached out his hand as if he really intended to pinch me, I tightly closed my eyes.
“Euaaah! No, don’t!”
However, as time passed, there was no pain in my cheeks. Instead, there was a strange sound.
“…You little one, you have a strange habit.”
His long and slender index finger, much longer than my own, poked my chubby cheek like a rice cake.
“…?!”
I was greatly surprised by Edwin’s sudden touch. We were not the type to play around like this. Moreover, this was the first time we had met in this life.
‘Doesn’t he like my cheeks…?’
Confused by his actions, Edwin poked my cheek a few more times as if testing a dough. Helpless, I blushed deeply and finally lowered my face. In a voice as small as a mouse, I mumbled, “I’m not a kid, you know…”
Of course, that was obvious. Even if my body was like this, my mental age was still older than his.
“Such a baby.”
However, Edwin sniffed as if he didn’t find it amusing at all. He withdrew his hand that had been poking my cheek without a trace of regret.
I had felt embarrassed just a while ago, but strangely, I felt a peculiar sense of disappointment as he moved away.
“B-but, Sir Edwin!”
I quickly shook off the strange feeling and asked, “Why am I here?”
“Don’t you remember?”
“W-what do you mean…?”
“You healed Joshua and then suddenly started dripping blood from your nose and fainted.”
“Fainted…?”
“Yeah. It’s been a whole day.”
I turned pale as I listened to his words.
‘That’s right. Joshua!’
I had clearly tried to cleanly heal the wound on Joshua’s leg but ended up collapsing. I had exerted too much power on his heart, the root of the illness. And now, a whole day had passed…
My chest sank suddenly. The Duke and Edwin had come to the temple and brought me here solely for Joshua’s treatment. However, if it appeared that I couldn’t even heal as well as Diana, then it was undeniable that my abilities were lacking, just as the rumors suggested.
“The wound is still there?!”
“Hey! Are you telling me that someone from the temple couldn’t even heal this one thing?!”
The words of the servants that I had heard just before collapsing came back to me, and my mind went blank.
‘If I seem useless, they won’t seek me out next time…’
Then, just like in my previous life, Joshua would die again. The Duke of Calios would go through a long period of decline.
‘What about me…’
Lost in contemplation, I suddenly jumped up from my seat.
“Belze!”
And I leaped out from under the bed.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
Edwin called me in confusion, but I didn’t hear him.
In an instant, I reached the door and flung it open.
Then, I ran through the corridor.
Having lived there for nearly ten years, I could navigate the mansion blindfolded. I rushed down the grand staircase.
Straight into Joshua’s room on the first floor.
“Whoa, ugh!”
Fortunately, the attending doctors and maids must have stepped out as the room was silent.
I soon understood why.
The room’s owner was lying on the bed, sleeping soundly with an angelic expression.
Compared to when I had first seen him, he looked much more at ease.
And the orange aura had definitely diminished, even if only slightly.
‘I’m relieved…’
As expected, my healing power had worked.
“Sorry, I promised to wake him up… but I’m late.”
Even though Joshua was deeply asleep and couldn’t respond, I approached the bed with a smiling, almost teary-eyed expression.
During this time, the bandages on Joshua’s knee had visibly decreased in thickness. Moreover, there were no traces of blood anywhere.
I sighed with relief and gently closed my eyes.
The wound on Joshua’s knee wasn’t large, but I honestly lacked confidence in my current condition.
‘I used too much power earlier…’
I couldn’t know exactly, but it was a bit different from my previous life.
In the past, even if I could sense the mana flowing through my body, I couldn’t seem to release it as if something were blocking it.
But now, if I wanted to, I could pull it out like water flowing freely.
‘Is this… the power of prayer that Diana mentioned?’
It was amazing and bewildering. But before I could rejoice in it, my mana had been completely depleted.
I forcefully gathered the faint threads of mana that were barely perceivable.
‘Humans can do anything if they put their minds to it.’
Memories of my life in South Korea came to mind. The nights I stayed up studying relentlessly for the college entrance exams, the moments when I worked three part-time jobs to make ends meet.
Remembering that intense and challenging life, I gathered a small, faint ball of light in the palm of my hand.
‘This should be enough.’
Sizzle… In a short time, I had used up too much energy, and my vision became dizzy, and a ringing sound filled my ears. It seemed like my nose was about to bleed as the inside of my nostrils tingled.
But I gritted my teeth and expelled my weak feelings. Just as I was about to place the ball of light, which was now shining brightly, on Joshua’s leg…
Ta-dak!
“What are you doing?!”
Someone grabbed my hand roughly. When did they manage to get here? Edwin stared at me with a stern face.
“Uh…”
I blinked like an idiot in response to his expression.
“You’re bleeding from your nose again.”
Edwin let go of my hand, covering his face as he spoke.
Drip…
Only then could I feel the sticky sensation dripping from under my nose.
“W-Why is this…?”
I was puzzled as I wiped my nose with the hem of my dress. It was a common occurrence to wipe my nose whenever I had a runny nose before realizing my regression.
But seeing the bright red stains on my white dress made me panic. Was it because the memories from before my death were still vivid?
I lowered my face, my expression pale, and looked at the bloodstained cuff.
“Blood, it’s… flowing…”
“Ha… You’re something else.”
Edwin couldn’t help but laugh at my momentary confusion. He rummaged through his pockets and handed me something.
“Here.”
It was a light yellow handkerchief. Quite a contrast to the noble young man with his stern expression, the color of a chick.
Seeing it, I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, and my pounding heart gradually calmed down.
‘I shouldn’t act like a fool. Why do I keep behaving like a useless child…!’
I was so embarrassed about how I had been flailing around while dealing with my runny nose and blood that I couldn’t lift my head.
I accepted the light yellow handkerchief that Edwin had handed me with my head bowed.
By the time I held the handkerchief to my nose, the handful of mana I had gathered had completely disappeared without a trace.
I tried to gather it again, but now there was absolutely no energy left, and I couldn’t feel anything. Feeling a bit disappointed, I fiddled with my hand, and Edwin opened his eyes wide.
“Didn’t you hear what I said earlier? You fainted while your nose was bleeding.”
“I d-did, but…”
“…?”
“I w-was just trying to h-help Joshu…”
Even to my own ears, the stuttering, childish sound that came out was laughable. But with a flushed face, I asserted once again that I could heal Joshua.
“Just rest for a bit. You can do it soon.”
“I just rested a moment ago.”
“That was not resting; it was sleeping.”
However, for some reason, Edwin’s expression grew fiercer as I spoke.
‘Could it be that I’m not good enough?’
My confidence waned.
‘Well, Diana probably healed the wound perfectly…’
The color of the disease coursing through Joshua’s chest could only be seen by me. Therefore, no matter how much I explained that its size had decreased and that his condition had improved, they wouldn’t believe it.
Even though I had experienced this several times before, back in my past life, before losing the ability to heal. My heart became gloomy.
Just when my heavy head was about to slump lower because of my swollen cheeks.
“Edwin is right.”
An unfamiliar voice suddenly interjected.
“Leave Joshua’s treatment at that.”
09
“Ah! Duke…?!”
As I lifted my head, the Duke was standing on one side of the reception room, getting up from the sofa.
Next to him was Gordon, the Duke’s personal physician.
‘When on earth did they get here?!’
I was astonished by their sudden appearance. Since I hadn’t sensed anyone coming in after Edwin, it meant they had been here from the beginning.
That also meant they witnessed all of my embarrassing actions just now.
‘Darn it…!’
I was immediately filled with regret. Not only had I failed to heal, but I also had been crying uncontrollably, making myself appear even more pitiful than Diana.
Tears, which I had managed to stifle with Edwin’s handkerchief, now flowed freely.
“I-I’m so sorry!”
I blurted out without thinking. But a cold rejection followed.
“Enough.” ”
Hu, huuh….”
I tried to hold back, really, I did. But I couldn’t help it. My sobs welled up in response to the Duke’s stern demeanor.
In that fleeting moment, I envisioned what would happen next.
What if I returned to the temple without having treated Joshua? He would inevitably die as planned, without me having identified the cause of his illness.
In the end, I would be left behind in the temple without the sponsorship of the Duke, having failed to prove my worth. Maybe that would be better.
After all, if I weren’t there, the Duke’s downfall might not occur.
However, from time to time, I vividly remembered them, the Duke who would sit in his study and drink when the anniversary came, and Edwin, who would leave for training and not return all night.
Ensuring they didn’t experience such misery twice was the least I could do. But if I couldn’t even do that…
‘Then why did I come back?’
Was it just to play the role of the villainess tormenting the heroine out of inferiority, as in the original story?
To live as a fool once again, only to die in misery once more? This time, hot tears fell down my round cheeks. Edwin looked at me in surprise.
“Hey, why are you crying…?” ”
I-I couldn’t, couldn’t heal him in one go…?”
“……”
“I guess I’m more useless than Diana… Is that what you’re saying? Ugh.”
The Duke, with an uncertain expression, closed his mouth. I sniffled and stammered.
“I can do it too… It’s not that I can’t. You might not believe it, but… I was healing somewhere else first.”
“……”
“I can heal wounds like that as well.”
So please, believe me.
I tearfully said that I could heal multiple times. As I focused and clenched my hand, fortunately, this time the small balls of light, like ping pong balls, gathered easily.
Edwin frowned when I showed him.
“No, it’s not like that…”
“Oh, you must have misunderstood what I was saying.”
That’s when the Duke, who had been standing a little away, suddenly approached and stood in front of me.
“Bellze.”
Without hesitation, the Duke kneeled and met my eyes, taking my outstretched hand and gently folding it.
Because of that, the energy I had gathered with great effort dissipated in an instant.
At that moment, I looked somewhat forlornly at my fist, which was less than half the size of the Duke’s hand.
“…Stop the treatment. Joshua’s condition has improved considerably thanks to your healing power.”
The Duke relaxed his expression and said to me. I trembled in surprise.
It was a gentle voice I had never heard before, not in my past life or when I dealt with Joshua earlier.
“Puhh!”
Similarly, Gordon, who was pouring tea behind the Duke, let out a full sigh.
Improved… Did he just say that?’
The Duke never used such an irritating tone. Always, -했다 (did), -하라 (do) and other imperative forms.
There were only two forms…
‘Could it be… I’m really going to die?’
Why would he suddenly use a tone of persuasion, speaking differently than he usually does?
The only time he uses a tone like this is when he’s trying to convince someone before killing them.
Kugugung! I heard a sound as if a wall was collapsing somewhere. In a trembling voice, I asked for confirmation.
“Im… im-improvement? I-I’m good at healing…”
“Yes, improvement.”
“……”
“Oh, maybe you’re too young to know the word ‘improvement’ yet.”
“……”
“Joshua’s condition has improved, so you don’t need to exert yourself any further. And as for the wound on his knee…”
The Duke, who had been speaking in a calm voice, suddenly turned around with an embarrassed expression.
Gordon, who had been holding a teacup while standing, snapped to attention at that look and said, “Ahem! Since the bleeding has stopped, you can leave the wound on your knee as it is.”
“……”
“Relying solely on your energy will actually lower your self-healing ability.”
“So that’s it,” the Duke added with a shrug of his shoulders. He probably looked at Gordon to supplement his explanation.
‘…That makes sense.’
I nodded my head with a bewildered face. Healing based on energy wasn’t a cure-all. Just like modern medicine couldn’t solve everything.
Anything in excess could lead to resistance and side effects.
‘So… when you said ‘improvement,’ you meant Joshua improved?’
I tried to recall the Duke’s words, forcibly turning my uncooperative head. Upon reconsideration, I couldn’t believe how I had misinterpreted his words so nonsensically.
But the Duke’s attitude was equally shocking. He, known for his stiffness even in front of the Emperor, was now kneeling in front of a mere commoner child.
With trembling eyes, I alternated my gaze between the Duke and Gordon, and eventually shifted my gaze to the bed.
Despite the commotion, Joshua was still deeply asleep.
“B-But…”
“……”
“He still hasn’t woken up…”
“He was jumping around like a colt all day yesterday, so it’s natural.”
The answer to my question came from somewhere other than the Duke and Gordon.
“While you were passed out, he was leaping around like a foal and collapsed when the sun came up.”
Edwin said bluntly.
“Ah…”
A belated sense of relief washed over me. I had been worried about how to prove that my healing abilities could help Joshua’s illness.
To have the person himself show it was a stroke of luck. But still…
‘Did I keep insisting even when it was unnecessary?’
I glanced at Edwin, who hadn’t smoothed out his furrowed brow.
However, his gaze toward me didn’t hold any irritation. Rather, it was more like…
‘It’s the same look he had when he saw me in a similar situation in my past life, when I went to play at the pond with the noble children and got ostracized and fell into the water…’
Annoying and troublesome, yet impossible to turn away from.
“It’s been a long time since Young Master has been so lively.”
“Now that you mention it, it was the same back then.”
That was it. In response to a suddenly heard voice, I snapped out of a brief reverie.
“On the day he returned from the orphanage courtyard, saying that a sister had healed his injured knee, he spent the whole day running around, just like today.”
“……”
“I never thought there would be another reason…”
The Duke looked at me with slightly sentimental eyes. I had never expected to deduce that myself. While we remained silent for a moment, his lips twitching, another large hand was placed on top of my small clenched fist, which rested on the Duke’s hand.
“Thank you, Belze.”
“…”
“Back then, and now.”
“…”
“Thanks to you, our home is lively again after a long time.”
The Duke, who enclosed my hand with both of his, expressed his gratitude to me. In his upright and serious gaze, my breath momentarily caught.
“You’re about to come of age too, Belze.”
Why did that moment remind me of what the Duke had said to me when I returned after making a ruckus with Diana’s followers and a gang of girls? On that day, the Duke hadn’t scolded me. He had just reminded me, with the same upright and serious look as now, that I was past the age to play like a child.
At that time, I had been trembling in fear all day, afraid that I would be expelled from the Duke’s mansion once I came of age. But such a thing never happened. Instead…
“As a gift for your upcoming 18th birthday, your father was preparing for your formal enrollment into the Duke’s mansion.”
“Ah, no…”
I shook my head in fear.
‘Please, don’t say such things.’
I wanted to deny the Duke’s words. Someone like me had no right to hear such words. All of this was nothing more than an effort to alleviate my guilt.
As fleeting memories of the past and the Duke’s voice overlapped before my eyes, I became unbearably tormented.
“I-I can’t… I…”
Unconsciously, I tilted my head and took a few hesitant steps backward. But it seemed that the Duke thought I was going to fall because of my unsteady movements. He firmly held my hand to keep me from stumbling.
“Tsk. I told them to give nice clothes, and you ended up getting dirty so quickly.”
Due to his comment, the Duke’s gaze fell on the dirty sleeve of my dress.
“D-Did you say ‘wear nice clothes’?”
I had still been wearing the dress given to me at the temple, so I was greatly surprised when I looked down. I was wearing an incredibly luxurious dress that was unlike anything I had ever seen before, even compared to the one given to me at the temple. I recognized the material at a glance, as it was the same as what I had worn obsessively in my past life.
‘I… I got this expensive dress dirty?!’
More accurately, it was my runny nose! It was worse than regular nasal mucus.
“I’m s-sorry…”
I apologized, lost in thought. However, it seemed like my voice was too faint, and no one heard my words.
“Is this the only dress for the girl?”
Edwin sighed and asked the Duke.
“Andersen said he bought a lot earlier. Andersen!”
“As you wish, Your Grace.”
Andersen was the head butler. The Duke immediately gave him orders when he suddenly appeared like magic.
“Bring a few children’s dresses that Anderson said he bought earlier.”
“What color would you prefer?”
“I think white, just like the one from the temple, would be best.”
“Why are you bothering with those people?”
Edwin interjected abruptly into the conversation between the Duke and the head butler.
“They’re making a fortune and giving them shabby clothes…”
“Well, don’t be so harsh. Haven’t you seen the state of the temple’s finances recently? It seems they’re going through some difficulties.”
“Besides, she might spill more nosebleeds, so shades of red would be better.”
“That’s a good point.”
“Then I will select appropriate ones.”
Just like when he appeared, the head butler disappeared like the wind.
“Uh, um…?”
I could only watch their conversation from a distance, unable to follow their unique discussion.
‘What on earth…? What kind of conversation is this?!’
10
Taking advantage of the opportunity while I was asleep, I was greatly embarrassed by the fact that they had bought several sets of clothes for me.
Furthermore, their speculations about the temple’s financial situation were completely wrong.
It was no secret that the drawers of the desk in Dungaesky’s room were filled with gold coins!
‘…Perhaps the Duke and Edwin don’t know about this? Should I tell them?’
Concerns about the mansion or the temple were truly futile. While I pondered whether I should give them a hint, a trickle of sticky water seeped again under my nose.
“Sniff!”
Reflexively inhaling through my nose, I was about to wipe it away with my sleeve when Edwin’s voice suddenly shouted, “Handkerchief!”
“Yesh!”
I woke up abruptly and wiped my nose with the chick-colored handkerchief I had been clutching.
Thankfully, the bleeding wasn’t as heavy as before. It seemed to be stopping soon. However, the Duke had a displeased expression as he clicked his tongue.
“Tsk, didn’t you say there wouldn’t be any more nosebleeds, Gordon?”
“How could I have known that this young lady would use her strength again as soon as she woke up?”
Gordon replied nonchalantly and walked towards me.
“Please step aside for a moment.”
Boldly pushing aside the Duke and taking his place, he soon retrieved tools from his coat pocket.
There were medical supplies commonly found in hospitals, such as a stethoscope, a stick, and scissors.
Ah, give it a try.”
“Uh, okay…”
“Open your nostrils as wide as you can and open your eyes wide.”
“Um, alright…”
Although I didn’t know what he was doing, I followed Gordon’s instructions diligently.
Despite his eccentric personality, Gordon was the finest physician of his time. Even though he ended up with a bad outcome from drinking to drown his guilt for not being able to cure Joshua…
In my previous life, Gordon was one of the people who didn’t like me until the end. Moreover, I was a princess (the dreaded pot) in my own right, so we often clashed when we met.
‘Come to think of it, if Joshua survives, this pot won’t become an alcoholic, right?’
While staring at him with a strange look due to the newfound fact, Gordon, who had been looking into my nostrils and throat with a stick, stepped back with a grim expression and said,
“You’re quite ugly. You can close your mouth and nose now.”
“Ugh…”
He withdrew the stick from my throat and nostrils and, with a gloomy expression, said,
“It’s just a depletion of energy within a short period of time. It’s something that happens when you overexert yourself.”
“Then make her a tonic to boost her energy.”
“She have the ability to heal wounds almost instantly. What kind of medicine are you talking about? She should be able to heal herself.”
Once again, Gordon openly defied the Duke’s order, and it was clear that he was not pleased with me.
Herbs and remedies in this world were extremely rare and expensive. It would be a waste to prescribe them to a common orphan.
I understood this because I had experienced it in my previous life. But I couldn’t bear it.
“I can’t do it…”
“…?”
“You can’t heal your own body with your vitality. Even the children in the orphanage know that.”
There was a moment of silence in the room after my response. It was common knowledge, the very basics, learned during education about vitality in Erea, a sacred country. However, Gordon, the eccentric skeptic, didn’t consider it common knowledge.
Of course, I knew that fact. Naturally, I had to tease him a little.
“That’s right. It’s basic common sense that you learn when you’re young.”
“…”
“You’re quite smart.”
The Duke openly scoffed at my words to Gordon.
“Medicine.”
“…Yes.”
“I’m requesting Relius Leaf. It’s good for energy recovery…”
“How do you know about that?! Oh, never mind.”
I was well aware of what was inside Gordon’s treasure chest.
‘If I’m going to continue treating Joshua, I need to take care of my own body from now on. Alright, I’ll start with the grandfathers collection.’
And so, our satisfactory compromise ended for the three of us. And then,
“…By the way, may I ask how you found out about the problem with Young Master’s heart?”
Finally, the inevitable question came. Fortunately, I bought some time to come up with an excuse due to my fainting from energy depletion.
I confidently shouted out what I had prepared in advance.
“I learned it from the hewin’ books! Hewin’ abilities make it natuw’al to read medicaw-wewated books!” <I learned it from the healing books! Healing abilities make it natural to read medical-related books.>
Come to think of it, in my previous life, Diana often carried such books with her. Of course, I wasn’t diligent in studying and accumulating knowledge.
“The heart is wespawnsible for pumpin’ blood thwoughout the body. But if pwince Joshublood didn’t stop for a long time…”
<The heart is responsible for pumping blood throughout the body. But if prince Joshublood didn’t stop for a long time…>
“…”
“I think we should consiwer checking elsewhewe too.”
<I think we should consider checking elsewhere too.>
After I finished speaking, a cold silence hung in the room. Had they been shocked by the fact that I had only focused on Joshua’s wounds and hemostasis, neglecting to think about anything else?
Suddenly, Edwin opened his eyes slightly and asked,
“You…”
“…”
“Do you know how to read?”
Ah, that’s what shocked them? I clenched my teeth and answered,
“A li-little…”
“Already?”
Edwin hesitated for a moment but didn’t let go of his puzzled expression.
‘Why! I could be a genius!’
It seemed almost unbelievable that a common orphan like me, a 5-year-old, could already be reading medical books.
Part of me was worried about being caught in a lie, so I felt a bit irritated.
‘Do I look that stupid? I’ve even tried studying for college entrance exams…!’
Of course, I never actually got into a university.
“…It seems like checking the heart with just medicine wasn’t enough.”
Thankfully, Gordon’s inspiration brought the attention back to him in time. I blinked my big eyes and asked,
“…. You knew?”
“I considered that there might be a possibility.”
Why didn’t they take action earlier if they knew? The question was immediately answered by his next words.
“But since Young Master Josh is still young, we thought that the first priority was to find a way to maximize his self-recovery as quickly as possible.” ”
Ah…”
I nodded in agreement. That was also a reasonable explanation. At this age, a child’s heart is very robust and doesn’t easily tire out.
It’s like an energizer bunny that can play all day without a problem, so we thought he could endure it to some extent.
Gordon’s mistake was not realizing that this disease wasn’t just a matter of self-recovery.
I turned my gaze away from him and looked at Edwin, or more precisely, at the tiny orange speck on the left side of his chest.
‘He only found out that it’s a hereditary disease after Joshua died and urgently brought me here.’ I
n my previous life, we met only after I lost my healing power, so I couldn’t understand the reason then. Even in the original work, it wasn’t mentioned.
Why did they spend a fortune to bring me and attach me to Edwin when I had no special abilities?
I remembered that someone in the Duke’s family remembered that my healing power had an effect on Joshua’s hereditary disease.
I understood the reason for their sudden support in the past. However, there were still lingering questions.
‘But why is Edwin’s heart the same?’
Has everything returned to its original state with the regression?
Then what about me?
“I apologize for the discourtesy, Your Grace.”
While lost in thought for a moment, Gordon nodded with a pained expression and lowered his head to the Duke.
“It’s not too late to do something now.”
The Duke patted his shoulder a couple of times in response to the call.
“BelZe.”
I answered quietly to the voice calling me.
“Yes, Your Grwce.”
“I’m truly sorry for making you bleed from your nose, but… Can we continue to entrust Joshua to you in the future?”
Finally, the words I had been longing to hear from the Duke fell. I don’t know how scared I was of being chased away before I could even start.
If it were me from the past, my heart might have twisted at the Duke’s words, out of envy for the beloved Joshua. It wasn’t just Joshua.
I envied and resented all the children who were loved by their parents. But now I understand. Sometimes, even if I die and wake up, there are things that are not meant for me.
“…Yes!”
I choked back the tears that were starting to well up and shouted resolutely.
“If you twest him to me, I will do my bestest to heal Young Mastew Joshua with all my abilities!”<If you entrust him to me, I will do my best to heal Young Master Joshua with all my abilities!>
Joshua, Edwin, and the Duke. I will protect them all in this life.
The Duke nodded in satisfaction at my response.
“Very well. Then, starting tomorrow, you will work with Gordon…”
“But there is one problem.”
That’s when it happened. Gordon suddenly stepped in between and addressed the Duke,
“I’m not sure if this child can withstand it while treating Young Master Joshua.”
“What do you mean?”
“When she fainted earlier, I checked and couldn’t find a pulse.”
“A pulse…?”
“Yes. Heartbeat, to be precise.”
Gordon’s words made me stiffen.
‘It hasn’t returned to its original state…?’
If Edwin’s heart had returned to normal, then my heart should have too.
However, Gordon’s statement was completely unexpected.
“In other words, I can’t hear the sound of a heartbeat from this child. Typically, children born with weak hearts tend to be like this.”
“…Weak heart?”
“Yes. Ordering this child to treat Young Master Joshua in this condition is no different from asking for an exchange of their hearts.”
“…”
“Leaving that aside, it seems like using her healing power consumes a lot of energy… Can she really continue to endure?”
“No, no! I’m not weaky- at all!”<No, no! I’m not weak at all!>
In my bewilderment, I didn’t care that the adults were having a conversation and blurted out indignantly,
“Don’t lie. You can easily verify that by asking the orphanage you belong to.”
Orphanage children undergo health check-ups when they are admitted to prevent the spread of infectious diseases.
So, it wouldn’t be difficult to find my records, as he claimed… But that wasn’t important.
Gordon’s inspiration was completely mistaken.
‘I don’t have a weak heart; I don’t have a heart at all!’
But I couldn’t say that, so I vehemently denied it.
“Belze, is suuuuper healthy! Babies pulse is super hard to find!!” <Belze, is super healthy! Babies pulse is super hard to find!>
“…”
“It’s in the books, in the healing books!”
I silently screamed inside while trying to sound casual on the outside.
‘The day has come when I call myself a baby…!’
It felt cringeworthy and embarrassing to the point of wanting to die.
“Well…”
However, it effectively silenced Gordon’s mouth. A common orphan like me, who had only been roughly examined for any major issues.
Unless they conducted a thorough examination, there would be no way to be certain.
“You can ask tempow or the orphanage! They’ll say no baby as healthy as me, pwomise!”
<You can ask the temple or the orphanage! They’ll say no baby is as healthy as me, promise!,,>
I seized the opportunity while Gordon hesitated. Then, I quickly changed the topic.
“You, you should get checked first, Edi—no, Young Master! Quickly!”
“Me?”
When a spark suddenly flew to him, Edwin pointed at himself with a bewildered expression.
“Yes. Even our wittle bwother, Young Master Joshua, is sicky, so you nevew know, sir…”
<Yes. Even our younger brother, Young Master Joshua, is sick, so you never know, sir…>
“I’m perfectly fine. I get checked every year, and there’s never been any issue.”
“Your Grace, Young Master Joshua! Everyone, everyone!”
I pretended not to hear and stared intently at Gordon’s inspiration.
I had said enough to convey the suspicion of a hereditary disease.
“…Just in case, it might be a good idea for Your Grace and His Grace the Duke to have a detailed heart examination as well.”
Fortunately, my skillful change of topic was well-received. Perhaps Edwin disliked medical check-ups, but he replied with a sour tone,
“We do that every year.”
“This year hasn’t started yet.”
“I’m perfectly healthy.”
“Your Grace, didn’t you skip the examination last year?”
As I eavesdropped on their conversation, I thought carefully.
Hearing that they had annual check-ups indicated that Edwin hadn’t shown signs of a disease with a poor prognosis. It aligned with my previous life.
In fact, even in my previous life, Edwin never showed any symptoms similar to Joshua’s and was quite healthy.
Moreover, the small orange lump in his chest was rarely a problem.
However, I was still confused. If Edwin’s body had returned to its original state with the regression…
‘Then where on earth is my heart?’
