Episode 98
Theo subtly assessed Lilian’s reaction as she drew closer. Lilian, with an expression that seemed to indicate understanding yet confusion, just stared at him blankly.
“…You came because you missed me? Me?”
“Yeah. Is that not okay?”
Feeling somewhat awkward, Theo unconsciously clenched and unclenched his empty hand once, then turned his head.
‘…I don’t even know what I’m doing right now.’
Well, today was a holiday, of course. Just the fact that Theo wasn’t wearing his knight’s uniform told the whole story. However, if Theo’s superiors or colleagues found out he had come here to meet a woman and spent time here, it would surely cause a commotion.
‘But, isn’t it a bit odd to call her a woman?’
At Theo’s unintentional resistance, he glanced at Lilian, but when her green eyes met, he retracted that thought. Lilian was indeed a woman. Three years ago, the boundary was somewhat ambiguous, but after three years, the Lilian he encountered again had matured to the point of being almost unfamiliar. Of course, she still seemed young to Theo.
Her noticeably brighter hair color and deepened atmosphere made her stand out, and her calm and cynical demeanor was even more impressive. Lilian had grown so beautifully that she could capture attention even from afar. She was no longer reminiscent of the unruly ten-year-old from the orphanage.
However, to Theo, Lilian was not only his first love but also his most cherished sister and friend before that.
That was also the reason he came today. It was a slightly different feeling from excitement or longing, just a desire to see her face repeatedly.
‘How did I manage not to see her for three years?’
As this puzzlement suddenly arose, Theo found himself unable to shake his thoughts about Lilian. Whenever he tried to come to his senses, he found himself thinking about Lilian again, and when he did come to his senses, he found himself standing in front of Maynard’s door with a lily emblem engraved on it.
Since he had come this far, he stood there waiting a bit longer, and before he knew it, the sun had set.
If Lilian hadn’t come early, would he have come to his senses around midnight? Theo was slightly shocked that the peace he had maintained for the past three years was collapsing so suddenly.
Even though the possibility of things going well with Lilian now was almost nil, it was his own decision to cut off that possibility.
‘But does that mean there are still feelings left for Lilian?’
No, that couldn’t be. Of course, he wanted to see Lilian, and it was still pleasant and comfortable to be with her. But that was because he had lived closely with Lilian for many years, not because he liked Lilian, Theo concluded.
Because they were practically like close siblings from the start, their relationship and emotions had remained ambiguous even to this day.
‘This is just worry.’
It was not an emotion that violated the laws of the Scriptures.
Theo recalled something Cardinal Kaden mentioned not long ago.
―Theodore must have heard that story too. They say these days the heretics are gaining ground.
―Ah, I’ve heard a bit about it.
―They’re truly misguided people. Spreading deliberate misinterpretations and mixing subtle errors to deny the temple’s teachings. The intention of those crowds, clouding the meaning of the Divine’s guidance, is undoubtedly wrong. The only salvation is to identify them and lead them onto the right path.
Kaden muttered with a pitiful tone, tongue licking his lips.
‘Anyway, those who have even a slight contact with heretics are to be investigated. They say they’re so clever at infiltrating that even they themselves unknowingly fall for their words, so be careful not to get into unnecessary trouble, Theodore.’
As soon as Theo heard those words, he thought of Lilian. Strictly speaking, the reading club she attended.
Since attending the reading club, Theo hadn’t seen Lilian. So he couldn’t know if Lilian had gone back to the reading club or learned anything.
‘I think it’s likely that it’s a heretic den…’
And considering Lilian’s personality, she probably wouldn’t have visited such a place just once. Moreover, if heretics infiltrated so cunningly, an unstable Lilian could easily fall for it.
So he was worried.
Because Lilian…
―Take good care of Lilian, Brother Theo.
…Ah, damn.
Theo cursed silently. He remembered something he didn’t want to remember.
Swan was irritating. While Swan might be okay with Lilian, he wasn’t a favorable image for Theo.
How many things had gotten twisted because of that brat? Sometimes, Theo wanted to ask Swan how many messes he’d gotten them into.
‘Why did you ask Lilian to live instead of you?’
If Swan hadn’t made that request, things wouldn’t have gotten so tangled. And unknowingly, he even made himself an accomplice!
Most of all, Theo was concerned that Lilian still couldn’t escape Swan’s shadow.
“Theo, you seem to have gotten stupider in the meantime. You wouldn’t do something like this otherwise.”
“Yeah, I’m doing something stupid.”
He didn’t want to be Lilian’s top priority. He knew his place. He didn’t want to compete with the dead, nor did he want to become the swollen seed wanting to marry the lady of the mansion.
“But I can’t remember when you last laughed.”
“…What?”
“I remember you used to laugh a lot, but when I met you again, I couldn’t remember you laughing.”
Surely, Theo had often seen Lilian laughing. Laughing out loud, smiling. He thought she was someone who laughed a lot. That had been his perception since he couldn’t remember when.
But when he tried to recall, he had never seen Lilian laugh out loud.
It was then that Theo realized. What he remembered was the memories engraved from the time when Swan was alive, now fading into the background.
As he gazed at Lilian’s face without laughter, he raised his hand to her cheek. Perhaps it was because he had been in the carriage until a moment ago, her cheeks were warm. Maybe it was because he had been standing outside for too long that his hand had grown cold. Her cheek, with its fluffy down, was smooth, much more mature than he remembered, and he had been troubled by it in his memories.
With ten years, carrying scars that would never heal.
“When will you grow up, Lilian?”
When will she be able to shed that pain?
When will she be able to come out of Swan’s shadow?
“You seem so small… I can’t help but think of you.”
“…What are you talking about?”
“Did you cry?”
First, Theo tried to change the mood with a bitter smile. Lilian’s face showed bewilderment in response.
Thinking back, he had gotten off here to hide his tears. Who would have thought he would meet Theo here?
“What would you have done if you hadn’t found me? Now you have no one to hug, no one to hold your hand.”
Feeling the confusion that had just been hardened, Lilian turned her face with an expression.
“…I don’t need it.”
“You’re mean. You need it.”
“A person to hug?”
“No, you.”
With that, Theo’s coat enveloped Lilian’s body. It was because Theo had pulled her into a hug.
His embrace smelled of winter. It was very different from the embrace he had longed for. Swan’s embrace could be filled with his two arms, and sometimes his long hair would tickle his cheeks, making it as soft as holding a doll.
However, Theo was much taller, and only his hair touched her cheeks, and their touching upper bodies were firm rather than soft.
Yet, why did it feel similar to the embrace he longed for?
‘I can’t fully trust those words.’
Surely Theo was under the influence of suggestion. Even his desire to see her was most likely not purely his own will. Yet in moments like this, when his heart felt filled with emptiness, Lilian wanted to disobey Victoria’s advice.
‘To tell Theo… about the heretics… would it be okay?’
T/N: I might have used the word ‘Cults’, heretics and cults are synonyms.
