Episode 39
Lillian opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was Theo’s furrowed golden eyes.
Perhaps because of the close proximity, Lillian felt like she could see herself reflected in them.
A girl with short, confidently cut hair, small and unassuming, much like herself.
And the boy in front of her held her gaze with the same expression, always the same.
“What’s your problem? Now that you’ve become a lady, you don’t want to talk to an orphan like me?”
His words were as twisted as his own self, but his tone conveyed that he couldn’t just leave her alone.
“Well, I guess a noble lady like you might not want to associate with someone like me. But what can you do? The fact that both of us are products of the same orphanage won’t change.”
“…”
“So, why don’t you say something? Even if our statuses are different, we might have something in common as orphanage kids. Honestly, I don’t want to interfere, but… Your complexion is really bad, you know? If you just leave it like that, the other kids will definitely tease you.”
As he spoke, Theo coughed awkwardly from time to time and ruffled his own hair. His face turned a bit red and he couldn’t hide it even in the twilight. Nevertheless, Theo didn’t interrupt his speech or avert his gaze.
Above that, the face of the past overlapped. The face that had searched for herself until her hands turned to ice and had bluntly said she didn’t want to come and look for her. Lillian found herself asking without realizing it.
“Why are you worrying about me so much?”
“…What?”
Theo’s face stiffened, and then sharp words shot out like thorns.
“As you said, I’m now a noble lady, and you’re just an orphan. Isn’t it ridiculous for you to worry about me?”
“Huh, unbelievable. You go out of your way to worry…”
“No need. For your concern. Are you interested in my future? What if I told the Duke to stop sponsoring you? Then we can all sit on the streets together.”
At Theo’s biting words, his face contorted in an instant. Seeing that, somewhere inside, Lillian felt relieved.
Perhaps she had more talent for hurting people than making them happy.
‘He’ll probably get mad.’
Yes, it would be more comfortable to see him get angry.
Kind people were too burdensome. She didn’t know how to repay their kindness.
I’m definitely deceiving them. I’m doing something wrong.
Yet, everyone just treats me well…
‘My heart aches too much.’
I wish I could just scold them. Tell them they’re really terrible, and I don’t even want to see them. Paradoxically, that might alleviate this painful feeling a bit.
Lillian silently awaited Theo’s next response. However, Theo betrayed Lillian’s expectations.
Instead of getting angry, he glared at her for a while and replied.
“Hey, cut it out with the tantrum. Stop saying things you don’t mean.”
“When did I throw a tantrum?”
“What you’re doing right now is throwing a tantrum. Don’t you know when to stop saying things that don’t match your feelings?”
“What?”
“Think about it. You’ve crossed the line now. Will you not feel sorry later for what you’re saying to me?”
Her words were momentarily stuck.
She had no words to respond to Theo’s question, “Will you not feel sorry later for what you’re saying to me?”
Lillian was well aware that she was uttering words she didn’t truly mean.
When Lillian couldn’t bring herself to answer, Theo sighed as if he had expected as much.
“I knew it. You act all nice in front of the adults and can’t even throw a tantrum, but you feel free to lash out at me?”
“I… didn’t plan to throw a tantrum.”
“You probably know how to behave properly. So what’s the problem? You’ve already lashed out, so why not talk about it?”
Theo plopped down beside Lillian, figuratively speaking, as he was no longer looking at her.
“If you’re going to throw a tantrum at me like this, it must mean there’s no one here you can lean on. It seemed like everyone was treating you nicely… Honestly, it’s even harder to expect things from people who treat you well.”
“Yeah.”
“Looking back, I’m living off your grace now, so can’t you just accept my tantrum? After all, I’m your big brother. It’s okay to expect things from me.”
Lillian turned her head to look at Theo with a slightly puzzled expression.
“But didn’t I sound pretty cool just now, honestly?”
“Your lines were terrible.”
“Damn.”
“Theo, what if I mess everything up?”
Lillian knew where her fundamental fear stemmed from.
It was a sense of responsibility.
Responsibility for Swan’s life, which she had taken on. Responsibility for the sins she had committed.
“Now, Theo and the orphanage kids have been added to it.”
If Lillian chose to reveal the truth and find relief, Theo and the kids would be abandoned.
Cedric had decided to sponsor them because of Lillian.
“Can I bear the resentment that will come later if I mess up?”
She was afraid of what Cedric might think.
The adults Lillian knew were always frightening and complicated figures, and even if Cedric seemed like a good adult, the fact that he doubted her wouldn’t change.
“I’m scared that I’ll mess everything up because I made a wrong judgment.”
“Hmm. There’s no way to turn back, is there?”
“Probably not.”
She couldn’t just abandon Swan at this point.
As Lillian nodded her head, Theo seemed to think for a moment before speaking.
“Should I trust you after all? You’re smart, aren’t you?”
It was a calm solution. Lillian felt a surge of annoyance and shouted.
“What kind of foolish talk is that? Are you saying you can’t trust me?”
“Then is there another way?”
But Theo was serious.
“If there’s no way to go back or take a different path, then trusting you is the only way, isn’t it? You must know that too.”
When she heard those words, a voice from the past echoed in Lillian’s mind.
It was the voice she had remembered when she found the pendant in the headmaster’s office.
— You tend to waver easily and not trust yourself even when a slight variable arises. Believe in your initial judgment.
Trust yourself, Lillian.
Swan’s voice, which used to say that, was affectionate, and Theo’s voice in front of her was firm.
— Don’t think about running away. You can overcome this.
When Lillian had to find the pendant in the headmaster’s office in the past, she was alone.
Swan was no longer here, and she had to find her way out alone, so Lillian desperately followed Swan’s voice.
But this time was different.
Now that Theo was here, she wasn’t alone. Lillian wanted to follow his words.
Inside Lillian’s heart, the weakened determination was once again solidified.
“…I understand. I’ll try.”
* * *
Late at night, Cedric was in his study.
Even though the day’s work had been completed, there were still things that needed to be dealt with by his hand.
‘At this rate, managing the orphanage won’t be too difficult.’
Sponsoring the Merryfield Orphanage was not only because of Theo’s request but also because of Lillian.
Lillian would definitely enter society in the future, and her background would surely become a topic of conversation. Nobles tended to scrutinize and discuss lineage and origin, and even if Cedric introduced Lillian as his blood, if she were revealed to be from an orphanage, it would undoubtedly be a problem.
‘If something can’t be concealed and has to be disclosed, it’s better to present it nicely in advance.’
So Cedric planned to turn the Merryfield Orphanage into the Empire’s best orphanage.
With an education environment and welfare that rivaled any boarding school, Merryfield Orphanage would surely gain fame faster than Lillian’s entry into high society. By then, Lillian leaving Merryfield Orphanage would hardly be a flaw.
‘A charitable organization for commoners was needed sooner or later.’
Although the class differences were still present, the social status of commoners had already risen significantly. Due to the reluctance of nobles to engage in difficult work, the proportion of commoners among promising entrepreneurs and scholars had gradually increased. Cedric was most surprised by this fact when he returned to the capital.
‘So creating a sponsorship organization now and nurturing talent will help Lillian when she becomes an adult.’
As long as the children of the orphanage remembered Maynard’s favor.
While Cedric was thinking such thoughts and organizing documents, there was a polite knock on the door, and it was carefully opened.
“Excuse me… Duke. May I come in for a moment?”
The one who revealed themselves was Lillian.
Buy me a cup of noodles 🍜 😋
