The wind blew.
Feeling the wind enveloping his body, Kim Hyunsung looked up with startling eyes.
‘…… Why on earth.’
On the rooftop.
He could see the faces of his so-called friends, standing by the wall and peering down at him.
The so-called friends, they were the trashy bunch of people who had been bullying him all this time, the ones often called the school delinquents. Kim Hyunsung had been tormented by them from his first year of high school until the moment he became a senior. Every day was like hell, but he stubbornly endured and continued his studies until the end.
Soon.
He was going to graduate.
Then why on earth.
He was falling from the rooftop.
He couldn’t comprehend why.
Kim Hyunsung wasn’t the type of person who would actively look for trouble. He was dedicated to his studies and his relationships with friends were good. He was also good at sports, and he wasn’t weak enough to be looked down upon by other friends in a fight. That’s why he couldn’t understand it even more. How had he, who had lived so diligently, ended up in such a miserable situation, falling from the rooftop of a building?
One thing was certain.
Crunch.
Thud.
He died.
* * *
To be exact, he wasn’t dead.
When he barely regained consciousness, the voice that reached Kim Hyunsung’s ears spoke of a despairing reality.
“Grandma. It’s already been three months. As someone who’s been helping with the caregiving, I feel a bit apologetic saying this, but I’ve never seen a patient who was diagnosed as a vegetative state wake up even once. So please let go of your hope. You still have another grandson who is alive and well, Grandma.”
“What are you talking about! A grandson who is alive and well! Are you trying to say that this child is already dead?!”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
It was noisy.
From the voice of his grandmother who was sitting next to him and seemed to be arguing with a person, whom he presumed to be a caregiver, Kim Hyunsung realized that he was in a vegetative state. He felt dizzy for a moment. He could remember falling from the rooftop, but to think that someone who never even had minor illnesses had become a vegetative state, it was unbelievable to him.
At first, he denied reality.
He could hear and feel everything.
He believed he would soon regain control of his body and be able to open his eyes, but no matter how much time passed, he couldn’t escape the world of pitch-black darkness. He was definitely not brain dead. He could feel the sensations of being touched, hear the voices in his ears, and could still think in his mind, but nothing else was allowed.
It was unbearable.
It was despairing.
It took a long time for him to accept reality, and during that time, various conversations reached his ears.
“…. Our handsome Hyunsung. It’s time to wake up now. How did it end up like this?”
“Sob, sob, sniff, Hyunsung. Those damn bastards are telling me to give up on you. How could I do that? I raised you after you lost your parents and were abandoned for so many years. This old woman can never give up on you.”
“Please, just once, give me a sign that you’re alive.”
It was his grandmother’s voice.
For Kim Hyunsung, who had lost his parents in an accident at an early age, his grandmother was the only person he could rely on. However, his grandmother now visited his hospital room every day, spending her time mourning for him. She was usually a strong person who didn’t cry much, but hearing her sobbing like that made Kim Hyunsung feel like he was going to go crazy.
That wasn’t all.
Whenever his grandmother wasn’t around, he would hear the voice of a young boy.
“Big Brother. I can’t stand it anymore. The bastards who used to bully you are now bullying me too, and Grandma hurt her back while working at a restaurant to pay for your hospital bills. What do you really want me to do? If this is how it’s going to be, I hope you’d rather just die. If you had just died peacefully, we wouldn’t have been suffering like this.”
“Please wake up. I can’t stand living like this anymore, so please, wake up.”
His only brother.
Kim Hyunjin’s words were shocking.
Even though they attended the same school, he always acted like he didn’t have a younger brother just so he could protect Hyunjin from the people who had been tormenting him. But now, they were even targeting his younger brother. It felt like his mind was completely falling apart. In a situation where it was already difficult to accept the fact that he had become a vegetative state, hearing the voices of his family suffering every day, he only thought about choosing death countless times in his head.
But.
He couldn’t die.
That’s what being in a vegetative state means.
He couldn’t do anything on his own due to his vegetative state, and Kim Hyunsung felt his mind slowly sinking into the abyss just like that.
Time passed.
One day, two days.
One week, two weeks.
And… A year.
Unlike the long days, time passed slowly.
* * *
He felt miserable.
He felt angry.
But he compromised.
As time passed, Kim Hyunsung realized he had to accept reality, but his mind, which had reached the stage of compromise, reverted back to anger. He couldn’t accept it. As time went on, he felt like his mind was being worn down.
What on earth did he do wrong?
During his high school freshman year.
Kim Hyunsung, who thought he did better in school than anyone else, ended up being targeted by a group of bullies because of a single trivial argument. In fact, it was nothing serious. Because of that incident, the school bullies relentlessly tormented Kim Hyunsung to an extent that it was incomprehensible, and it continued all the way until his senior year of high school.
Transferring school was not an option.
In the neighborhood where Kim Hyunsung lived, there weren’t many schools to transfer, and more than anything, moving away was a very burdensome choice, especially since he was living with his grandmother. Therefore, he had no choice but to endure the painful reality. He thought that he just had to hold on for three more years of high school, and returned home every day, trying to hide his bruised body under his clothes.
And the result.
This was his fate.
Just before the finals of high school, Kim Hyunsung was called by the bullies and ended up falling from the rooftop.
He was angry.
Anger boiled like lava.
The target of his anger was clear.
Everyone who had tormented him.
The adults who had turned a blind eye and just watched.
They were the ones who had made him like this.
His mind was wearing down.
Kim Hyunsung, who had often been praised for respecting adults and being kind, found his mind gradually consumed by anger and evil, unable to think of anything but negative thoughts. What if. What if he were really given the chance to turn back time, how would he live his life? If he had known it would end up like this, he would have run away. And if he couldn’t run away, he would have rather killed them first.
One year.
Two years.
Three years.
Time passed like light.
His younger brother stopped visiting him, and the sound of the caregiver laughing and talking could be heard as his grandmother collapsed.
In the meantime, the sound of the TV, which was turned on loudly as if they weren’t concerned about the patients’ condition, drilled into his ears.
[Top star A is involved in a scandal….]
[Congressman Kim Panho….]
[Shocking revelation. The true nature of the forces that led to school violence has been revealed. They are….]
It was the only remaining joy in his life.
Hearing the news of the world.
When he heard one of the stories, Kim Hyunsung thought to himself.
‘If by some miracle, I could wake up or go back to those days, I will definitely destroy every single one of those who made me like this.’
He was consumed by rage.
The good-hearted boy was no longer there.
But the miracle did not happen.
It was only natural that it would not happen.
Kim Hyunsung reminisced about the past countless times in his head.
He regretted what happened back then so much that he planned in detail from beginning to end how he would act if he went back to that day. It was nothing more than a delusion. A vain dream that could never come true. Even knowing that fact, for someone who had to live as a vegetative person, he felt like he would go crazy if he didn’t do that.
His grandmother was an incredible person.
Even ten years later, until she passed away, she never gave up on Kim Hyunsung, holding on to him in his vegetative state until the very end.
And the day he heard that his grandmother had passed away.
Kim Hyunsung’s mind completely collapsed.
To be exact, he let go of the little bit of sanity he had barely been holding on to.
Now.
He couldn’t live without going crazy.
* * *
How much time had passed?
Now, the concept of time has become blurry to him.
From the moment his consciousness awakened until it faded back into darkness, Kim Hyunsung relentlessly beat up the people who had brought him into this state in his head. He didn’t care about the blood splattering on his face or the voices begging him to spare them. No matter how much they cried in pain, it was nothing compared to what he had endured as a vegetative state. Compared to his grandmother who suffered for 10 years before passing away, they must have been living a contentful life.
While he lived like a dog.
Rather, he now wished someone would end his life so he wouldn’t have to prolong it any further.
Then one day.
Kim Hyunsung had a strange dream.
He met someone there and had a conversation.
He was satisfied.
Even though it was only a dream, the fact that he could have such a conversation made Kim Hyunsung smile.
And when he regained his consciousness again.
Kim Hyunsung faced a reality that he absolutely could not believe.
* * *
Chirp, chirp.
He heard the chirping of birds.
When he lifted his head and looked out the window, what appeared in his vision was a tree. Then, when he turned his gaze forward, there was a chalkboard in use. It was something so familiar. For anyone who had received basic education in South Korea, this scene was something they would inevitably encounter countless times throughout their life.
“…… What is this?”
“Hahahahahaha.”
“Stop right there, you crazy bastard.”
The surroundings were noisy.
When he glanced to the side, two male students in high school uniforms were shouting and chasing each other. Because of them, the classroom was in chaos. In the midst of chairs tipping over and desks being overturned, the girls sitting in their seats screamed for them to stop, but the boys paid no attention at all.
It was at that moment he noticed.
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
His heart was pounding wildly.
As if he could hear the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears, Kim Hyunsung couldn’t trust the information his senses were giving him.
‘…… I really came back to the past?’
Yesterday.
Kim Hyunsung had a dream.
He thought it was just a delusion.
The words he had been talking about in his dream were things that could never be achieved, and in fact, he had had countless dreams that fulfilled such delusions. Kim Hyunsung pinched his cheek without realizing it. There was a slight pain, but it wasn’t enough to make him accept reality, so he took the sharp pencil in front of him and stabbed it into his thigh.
Stab.
It hurt.
As he lifted the sharp pencil, his pupil shook at the blood dripping from the tip.
The pain from his thigh was nothing compared to the blood, which seemed to be confirming the reality, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of it.
‘I really came back.’
Regression.
It was certain.
The pain in his thigh.
The surrounding scenery.
It couldn’t be explained with any other words.
The moment he thought his long-desired wish had come true, he heard a sound that shattered the peaceful reality.
Bang!
“This fucking bastard!”
A loud voice.
And the sound of something falling on the ground.
The boys, who hadn’t stopped the chase even when the girls shouted at them to stop, glanced at the situation at the back of the classroom and then quietly fled into the hallway. However, they didn’t completely disappear. Like the students gathering after hearing the commotion, they too, peered into the hallway with curious eyes, wondering what interesting event was unfolding.
“What the hell are you saying, you damn bastard? Now you want us to handle it on our own? You fucking piece of trash, if I wanted to handle it by myself, would I have asked you in the first place?”
Smack, smack, smack.
It was the sound of violence.
It was familiar.
Groans filled with pain, curses that seemed to shake the classroom.
Smack, smack, smack, smack.
Kim Hyunsung’s heart raced as if it would explode.
This situation.
It was too familiar.
First year of high school.
The starting point where he began to suffer from the violence.
That’s right.
The moment he had desperately wished for, to exist as Kim Hyunsung, a first-year high school student, had appeared in front of him.
T/N: Picked up a new novel! As someone in the education industry and from a country where school violence is almost close to zero, I can’t fathom how some parents and even teachers can turn a blind eye to the children’s suffering. This novel has a concept that shook me to the core, so despite having a lot on my plate, I couldn’t stop myself from translating it. Updates may be slower, I apologize beforehand for that.
Happy reading ❤️❤️
