121. If Only It Were a Dream

I stumbled back to the terrace. My feet were cold from walking barefoot for so long.

Why are those gravestones here? And why is my gravestone standing there without a name?

I was confused. I had hoped that a walk would help me fall asleep, but instead, the unresolved questions were tightening around me.

I drew the white curtains of the Empress’s palace.

I slowly blinked my eyes. When I drew the curtains, I saw a dark figure that hadn’t been there when I left the palace.

Could there be an assassin in the palace? My hair stood on end, and I couldn’t let go of the curtain.

The faint moonlight gradually revealed the outline of the figure. In the middle of the room, a large man was gasping for breath.

The intruder was Deon.

I could see his white breath illuminated by the moonlight, indicating his irregular breathing. Deon stood there, struggling to catch his breath.

As I stepped inside the terrace, drawing the curtains aside, he flinched and turned around. Then he stiffly turned his body toward me. His face was drenched in sweat.

Could he be sleepwalking? Or maybe he mistook the room?

I didn’t know the layout of the room opposite, but since it was next to the Empress’s palace, it was possible he got confused.

However, his unusual behavior and the night’s atmosphere gave me chills. He wasn’t holding anything, but the current mood was very strange and eerie.

Deon, staring at me standing on the terrace, suddenly strode toward me. And without warning, he grabbed me into a hug.

“Deon, why…”

I was taken aback by his sudden action and tried to push him away, but after placing my hands on his chest, I couldn’t move any further. At this moment, I couldn’t bring myself to be firm with him.

His hands, which were holding me, were trembling slightly. It was a small, shallow tremble, like a sob.

But I steadied myself and pushed him away. Deon, pushed by my touch, still looked at me.

His gaze was empty. It was as if he was staring into a void.

I froze. His eyes seemed to shimmer, not just because of the moonlight.

“Where did you go?”

His lips trembled as he spoke.

Without realizing it, I reached out to his trembling lips. When I touched the corner of his mouth, he flinched.

The emptiness in his eyes slowly regained focus. It was like he was waking up from a long nightmare.

With his now-clear eyes, he looked at me and finally opened his tightly closed mouth.

“Why did you go out? What if someone harmed you in the middle of the night?”

Harmed? Deon didn’t know that I had already been grabbed by my double earlier.

Instead of telling him about her misdeed, I sat down heavily on the bed. The soft bed shook slightly.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Then you should have taken a guard with you. It’s dangerous.”

“Is the palace security so lax? It gives me even less reason to stay.”

He clenched his fists. Then he knelt on one knee in front of my bed, meeting my eye level.

“Was there something bothering you? Why couldn’t you sleep? Did someone come in again?”

His voice was endlessly gentle, as if his earlier behavior had been a mirage.

His unstable behavior was not a mistake. His black hair, damp with sweat, clung to his forehead.

“I saw the painting.”

At my words, he withdrew the hand he had placed on my knee. The tips of his fingers, which had tried to touch me, were as pale as a ghost.

“I am the subject of that painting, aren’t I?”

“…Yes.”

“Why did you paint me?”

He bit his lips so hard they turned white.

“I’ve regretted it ever since you left.”

He took a deep, strained breath.

“I should have painted you back then. I always thought you’d be by my side.”

Deon said this and looked at me. His eyes shimmered clearly, like the light on a lake.

“I also saw the gravestones behind the imperial garden.”

“I moved the ancestral tablets. It didn’t seem respectful to keep the blood Bag in the shadows of the defeated along with the former empress and Azanti, who were confined to the north. And…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence, but I knew what he was going to say.

There was a place for me there. The spot where I would have been buried by now if things had gone as planned.

“It didn’t feel right to leave behind comrades who had shared life and death with me.”

He avoided the term “blood Bag” as if it was a restriction.

“Leonie, I’m glad you came back. And…”

He lowered his large body, bringing his forehead close to mine. His cold skin touched my forehead.

“Now I don’t have to lie by your grave to find sleep. That’s a relief.”

He closed his eyes languidly. The dark circles under his eyes were even more pronounced than the day in the north when he hadn’t fed for a long time.

Only after a long time did he lift his bowed head.

Seeing his trembling eyes, it felt like a thorn was stuck in my throat, making it hard to speak.

“Your Majesty, has this happened before?”

I managed to part my lips and speak to him.

“Have you ever come into my bedroom like this to check on my safety?”

His question about whether someone else had entered my room kept bothering me. It seemed like Deon had barged into my bedroom like this more than once. It was just a gut feeling, but still.

“Many times.”

His voice was immersed in darkness.

“I witnessed you almost dying because of me.”

His voice softly resonated through the room.

“Were you having a nightmare?”

He chuckled. Then, he left an ambiguous statement.

“I wish it were just a dream.”

* * *

I made preparations to head to Edan’s mansion without delay. As soon as morning came, I packed my things and retrieved the Mochia bird from the greenhouse.

The bird belonged to the imperial family and naturally became part of the palace’s property. However, Deon allowed me to take the bird without any objections.

When I opened the cage that Edan had prepared, the bird entered it willingly, perching itself on the stand inside. It then looked at me with innocent eyes and chirped melodiously.

As the bird chirped, the gardeners and maids managing the imperial garden all turned to look at me. Despite the small chirp, everyone in the garden directed their attention towards me.

Surprised by their reactions, I grabbed the birdcage tighter. The eyes that had been startled soon turned into ones filled with melancholy, as if they were watching a trainer perform a trick.

“It’s because they’ve never seen it so calm before. It’s been very unruly and wouldn’t eat properly, even troubling the palace trainers,” Suren reassured me, sensing my embarrassment at the attention.

This small bird had become notoriously infamous in the palace. It was so difficult to manage that everyone had struggled with it. Their curious eyes made me feel slightly self-conscious.

In the end, the only thing that hadn’t changed over time was my bird.

Now, all I had to do was get myself out. I had no belongings left in the palace anyway.

Just as I was about to get into the waiting carriage, a man came running up to me, out of breath. He thrust a box he was carrying under his arm toward me.

I stepped back down from the carriage.

“What is this?”

Catching his breath, he replied, “His Majesty asked me to deliver this to you.”

A gift upon my departure?

It was suspicious. When I hesitated to take the box, the servant added, “He said he hopes this will be a means to bring you back to the palace. He requested that you keep his last promise.”

“What’s inside?”

“I don’t know. I was only instructed to deliver the box.”

I accepted the box he handed me. It was small enough to hold with one hand.

However, despite its size, the wooden box was heavy. When I gently shook it, there was no sound of anything moving inside.

I looked at him skeptically, but the servant said nothing more.

Having no other choice, I climbed into the carriage with the box. The carriage slowly started moving at the signal.

It took less than five minutes to reach Edan’s mansion. I could safely inspect the box there with Edan by my side. If necessary, Edan would split the box open with a knife.

However, alongside the fear of what might be inside, a bit of curiosity began to creep in.

A tool to bring me back to the palace?

Handcuffs, ropes, shackles. The names of these ominous items flashed through my mind one by one. I wondered what he could have put in the box to bind me.

I carefully opened the box he had sent.

With a soft click, the lid opened slowly.

The box was deeper than I had expected. It could contain something standing upright.

Specifically, an ornate item crafted to stand tall.

“This crazy man…”

Inside the box was something completely different from what I had imagined.

Perhaps the most valuable, symbolic item in the entire empire.

Inside was a crown, shining brilliantly.

I couldn’t bring myself to take it out, staring blankly at the crown. It wasn’t a fake. The large, colorful gems embedded in it were undoubtedly real.

Giving this to me as I was leaving the palace. What if I smuggled it out? Was he out of his mind?

Just thinking about the high-ranking nobles’ reactions when they found out I had the crown made my head ache.

At the bottom of the box was a small postcard.

I placed the box on the table, reached between the crown, and took out the piece of paper. The postcard had a brief message written on it.

“I hope you’ll keep your promise to crown me.”

I finally understood why Deon had agreed to send me back to Edan’s mansion on the condition of keeping a promise.

Yes, I had indeed said something like this before. On the day we arrived in the capital, riding together, I had promised to crown him. Though I hadn’t understood the significance of a crown back then.

Why did I remember the first part so clearly but not the latter? I had rashly agreed to keep the promise, unknowingly accepting another absurd one.

In the empire, it was said that the crown was given by the emperor’s mentor or spouse. If I placed the crown on his head, it would undoubtedly cause a stir.

And it would make it difficult for me to leave the empire. Where could a woman who crowned the emperor possibly go? Surely, every noble would be watching.

Deon had handed me the leash to bind himself. And he had placed another leash on me under the guise of a promise.