Chapter 9
If One Really Tries, Even a Rascal Can Succeed (2)
Not long after I sent the invitation, I received a reply from the Count’s family. Two beautiful sisters from the Count’s household attended the tea time I hosted at dusk under my name.
I thought I would get a sense of who the next lover might be by seeing their faces, but both fell within that fool’s strike zone, so I couldn’t distinguish between them.
The elder sister had the appearance of a mean beauty, the type who fools would want to be bossed around by, while the younger sister had a naive face and a voluptuous figure that would make that guy drool at the sight of her.
“Greetings, Your Imperial Highness.”
“Thank you for the invitation, Your Highness.”
“Please, make yourselves comfortable.”
With the magnanimous smile befitting a royal, I graciously welcomed the sisters.
I intended to chit-chat a bit and then stroll around the empress’s garden in time for that fool’s wake-up time. But as I casually thought about it, I suddenly realized that these two were around my age.
They both seemed to be in their early twenties, and I was 21 years old when I died.
W-wait! What do people around the same age talk about?
Trying to casually discuss royal matters, I momentarily panicked, deeply contemplating what was popular among people my age 16 years ago.
However, I couldn’t even remember the face of the fool I dated back then, let alone recall what was trendy during that time.
Should I bring up timeless topics that people talk about regardless of the era?
Oh, right! That should work! You can’t go wrong with this!
I can do this! I can have a conversation with friends my age!
“What do you think is the most important factor in conquering the Loruluje Fortress?”
Yes! This is it!
Loruluje Fortress in the Kingdom of Media had never allowed a foreign invasion until I died. It was an impregnable fortress, making it a popular topic of discussion among the people of the Empire, no matter the era.
“The Loruluje Fortress… Your Highness?”
“Your Highness, my specialty is family medicine, though…”
Oh, yes. Approaching it from a non-military perspective is also an excellent topic for discussion.
The elder daughter of the Count’s family suggested poisoning the food within the fortress to incapacitate the soldiers, but she couldn’t answer my question on how she planned to execute the nearly impossible task of poisoning the food supply.
And besides, if one were to use poison, it would be more efficient to put it in the water supply rather than the food.
While the idea was good, the difficulty in implementing it was what made the fortress impregnable.
Next, the younger sister, a history major, raised her hand to speak. According to historical records, she said, there was a case where the fortress was taken by allowing certain people to surrender and then creating internal strife to open the gates.
“But this isn’t wartime. A surrender would be highly unnatural.”
Let’s assume this isn’t wartime. How do you plan to let people inside?
And more importantly, we don’t even know where the gate mechanism is or how it works. How do you intend to solve that problem?
“Well, that is…!”
The Count’s daughters eagerly presented various ideas, and I systematically refuted them, guiding the discussion toward finding the best possible solution we could think of.
Talking with friends my age is so much fun! It’s my first time chatting with girls for over an hour!
“Indeed. The first thing we should have considered is timing. How advantageous our starting position is and how favorable the conditions are. You can’t use poison under international law. That’s the premise.”
“Huff, huff. Your Highness, can’t we play something else?”
“Y-yes! I totally agree with my sister!”
Aww, just when things were getting fun.
But since it was almost time for that fool to wake up, I thought it might be time to wrap up the tea time and move elsewhere.
“Hmm, well…”
“Yes, Your Highness! Please, go ahead!”
“We will follow your every command!”
“Let’s play house!”
“Playing house is the best! I’m really good at it! Even though I’m a family medicine major!”
“Your judgment is flawless, Your Highness! Playing house is the best game in history!”
Why are you crying? Do you like playing house that much?
Wow, I didn’t know playing house was so popular among twenty-year-olds these days.
“Alright, then I’ll be the mom.”
“I’ll be the dad, Your Highness!”
“Then I’ll be the daughter!”
Unlike before, everyone seemed oddly full of energy. Looks like playing house is the hot trend among twenty-year-olds these days.
When I suggested moving the location, the Count’s daughters and the maids started preparing props for the game.
They brought newspapers, plates, and other items to set up in the empress’s garden. We used the maids as the bigger props.
We assigned various roles: the maid Emily was the grandfather clock, others were walls, windows, and doors. As usual, the maids dutifully followed my orders.
Ding-dong.
The younger sister, playing the dad, pressed the “door” maid and made a ding-dong sound with her mouth.
So, your house has a doorbell, huh? As expected from the Count’s family, you live in a nice house.
“Welcome home, Dad!”
Just like how my mom used to do back in the day, I sat knitting with a pipe in my mouth. The elder sister warmly stood up to take the coat from the younger sister, who was playing the dad.
It was at that moment that the younger sister’s gentle expression changed.
“You wretched woman! How dare you not greet your husband when he comes home?!”
“Dad, calm down! Mom’s been like this forever!”
“Argh! Let me go!”
“Eek!”
Whoa, what the heck is going on?
Do you guys get hit at home? That’s not the case, right?
I quickly got up and went to greet “Dad” with a “Welcome home, honey,” but it seemed that the younger sister, playing the dad, was already too upset. She grumbled that no one in this house was worth caring for and went upstairs.
“Mom, can’t we just get a divorce? I can’t live here anymore!”
“Uh, uh, how could I, without any power, feed you?”
“I’ll do odd jobs if I have to!”
Elder sister, you said you were good at acting, and you really are.
I’m scared now. Can we stop playing house?
Stuck playing the mom in this toxic family dynamic that feels like it needs group therapy, I was dying inside, but the elder sister kept the drama going, driving the story toward the parents’ divorce.
As the divorce loomed closer, the husband realized how precious his wife was, regret began, clinging ensued, and then came the dramatic scene where the wife tearfully received flowers for the first time in her life.
Finally, the big divorce.
“I hope you’ll come back whenever you change your mind.”
“We’ll see. Be happy, you.”
What the heck. How does a game of playing house have such a perfect story arc?
Elder sister, I think you should have majored in theater, not family medicine.
“What’s all this commotion?!”
Just as the game reached its emotional conclusion and the maids, who had been acting as props, applauded in admiration, the fool of a man appeared, strolling in.
I knew he’d show up if we made too much noise here. He’s like a scoundrel who shows up wherever young women are chatting.
“My apologies, Your Majesty.”
“Please, forgive us, Your Majesty.”
“Greetings.”
As I gave a brief nod of greeting, the fool stared at me for a while before turning his attention to the Count’s daughters.
“Because of you, I haven’t been able to rest. You’ll pay for this crime.”
“We will follow any order, Your Majesty.”
“We are deeply sorry, Your Majesty.”
You idiot, all you do is play. What do you mean you can’t rest?
As I pretended to gag, the fool glared at me again before wrapping his arms around the two daughters of the Count and heading towards the main palace.
Oh, so that’s how it is. The next lover isn’t one of them but both of them.
“Sigh, he’s worse than a dog.”
Even dogs don’t go around clinging to every woman they see.
What kind of jerk is he, anyway?
This empire better fall soon.
