However, I think it was understandable that a kid who never got an education and whose self-esteem was shattered couldn’t help but cling to her fiancé, unable to move on.
Even though inside I was saying ‘I’m sorry’, ‘I’m so sorry’, ‘I can’t change what already happened’, ‘I wish I could hit my younger self on the head’, ‘You were a kid, and so was I… but, damn, was I such a red flag,’ over and over again.
It was normally hard for anyone to be objective about themselves but, maybe, it was easier for me now because I’ve been reincarnated with the adult memories from my previous life, and already know everything about Titania’s situation from the book.
Just until yesterday, I was feeling sorry for myself. I felt like everyone should take my side.
“But from what you’ve just said, it seems that…”
The Duke’s lashes fluttered slowly. His pale golden eyes peered at me with a deceptive smile that hid a complex array of emotions.
“…Well, it seems that the princess I’ve seen so far is indeed a deceiving image.”
No matter which way you looked at it, he seemed to think something like…
‘I thought you were an idiot who couldn’t think, so how did you manage to stab me in the back with my family secret?’
“I wonder if there’s anyone who might have tried to change the princess’s mind…?”
This was obvious, too, ‘I doubt she found out on her own. Who was the one really pulling the strings?’ I could almost see the words written on his face in a 70 font size.
I shrugged and replied.
“You can try to go to the tallest yew tree in the garden near the Rose Palace’s second-floor balcony and give it some water.”
“…What?”
“I’m just saying that after having my head smashed into a tree, I’m thinking a bit differently.”
Lord Raymon could not hide his embarrassment as I admitted that my near-death experience made me come to my senses. Yes, that was exactly the kind of behavior that Princess Titania would never have if she were in her right mind…
And even if Lord Raymon were to come now and pry into Titania’s Rose Palace servants to seek information, there would be nothing to be gained.
What was wrong with becoming different after almost dying, after all?
If I had one person who was ‘truly’ close to me, I wouldn’t have been able to hide my abnormalities. A nanny who cared for me as if I were her own. A close maid or lady-in-waiting. Or even a friend…
But Titania had no one, and so the only hand I could play was a little trading on the whims, interests, and future knowledge about this ‘nominal fiancé’, whether it was to try to prevent my future destruction or to get him to break up with me and cast me out.
“…The Princess said she wanted a ‘deal’.”
As if he thought I wasn’t going to tell him the truth straight up, Raymon gave up, loosening his shoulders and casting a searching glance toward me.
“You say it’s a ‘gift’ for me, and then you talk about a ‘deal.’ It doesn’t seem to make sense.”
His gaze was piercing. I smiled wryly and replied.
“That’s the way it is, life is all about give and take, and of course, if I give you something, you’ll have to give me something in return, Lord Raymon.”
“That’s hardly fair, since you’ve already told me of <Gloriana’s Insignia> location.”
“It’s a matter of faith, and trusting that my fiancé, from the respectable House Castraine, will not coldly accept a heartfelt gift from his foolish fiancée before turning a blind eye.”
“How many people would ever dare to call the Princess a ‘foolish fiancée’?”
If you asked because you didn’t know, almost the entire country…
The corner of my mouth trembled. No, not now, I mean, at least I used to have basic manners in front of my fiancée, right?
But no matter how much I thought about it, I felt like he was trying to screw me over.
Raymon slowly reached for his own teacup. He didn’t drink, but he fiddled with the handle, letting the tea splash around, and opened his lips.
“…If I may, Your Highness, you seem to have taken an interest in the Duchy of Castraine. What do you want in return for ‘secretly’ handing over what my House needs?”
His eyes, which held a storm of thoughts, were watching me intently as if they were ready to devour me.
I had pondered over this moment so much.
What could I possibly ask from my fiancé, someone who didn’t trust me and whom I would most likely face as an enemy in the future? Something insignificant to him, but desperately necessary to me. Something that, if I asked for it, would pose no threat to him and would not make me a clear enemy.
“The Rose Palace staff is so lacking, no one is taking responsibility for the injuries and illnesses of its master.”
Even if it was a simple accident and not poison, it nearly killed an Imperial. The least they could do was secure the place where I fell, but no one cared. After all, I woke up alive and well.
Why on earth did young Titania Sol Kate Hamastion suddenly fall from the second-floor balcony of the Rose Palace and end up on the brink of death? No one was curious.
But the reason was simple.
She wanted to get the attention of her mother, who didn’t care about her. To at least see her face. If she had gone to her for a simple reason, she would have been turned away.
So if she fell from a height of two stories and got hurt enough, maybe… she’d pay attention. She might take pity on her, worry about her.
Her mother never cared for her when she was a child, even though she was a sickly child. But when her brothers, the first and second princes, were sick, the Empress and First Queen would turn the whole palace upside down.
A maid passing by once said, ‘No matter how much trouble they make, parents are weak when their children are sick. No parent is stronger than their child,’ and that was all young Titania could think about.
But if they found out that she was faking it, she would be despised even more.
Therefore.
It was the Imperial Palace, and it was only on the second floor, so she was sure wouldn’t die…
With that in mind, she stood on the terrace for a while, terrified. She looked down from the second floor with trepidation. She was scared and devastated, but she couldn’t leave, couldn’t confide in anyone. Too scared of being told, ‘Your mother hates you so much that she wouldn’t care even if you fell from here and got hurt.’
As she froze, unable to take a step, a passing maid abruptly opened the door without warning.
Titania, startled by the surprise appearance, fell from the balcony. She was a coward, and maybe at the last moment, she would have given up. She was afraid she would end up with a scar on her face or lose her life. She might have convinced herself to give up.
Instead of a second-floor balcony, she might have ended up throwing herself to the ground from the low stairs leading up to the first floor, creating shallow cuts on her limbs.
But Titania did end up falling from the balcony.
One of the rude servants, who had no manners for their master, had flung open the closed door of the master’s room without knocking. They were responsible for what happened to her. It may have been unintentional, but it was still murder.
The young, scared, afraid, and greedy Titania inside me died for good the moment my old life’s memories awakened.
Titania wanted to be loved.
But I know that will never be possible.
“I need a loyal escort knight and a maid.”
Thus I spoke, in front of my wary fiancé, flinging my empty teacup on the floor.
Clink, clink, clink. My face was reflected in the shattered shards of the teacup. I was smiling like a broken, shattered piece of glass.
“Ones that can kill or save people.”
* * *
“Has the Princess really gone mad?”
They were on their way back from their private meeting with the Princess. Raymon was silenced by Cassian’s incredulous reaction. As soon as he heard the details of the deal, Cassian clutched at his hair in anguish. And He had every right to feel that way.
For the moment, though, Raymon’s mind was still haunted by the image of the young woman he’d just been talking to.
“She fell from the second floor… And hit a tree? Is that tree some kind of legendary world tree or something? Does it change people like that? With… No… Oh my…”
‘The Rose Palace staff is so lacking, no one is taking responsibility for the injuries and illnesses of its master.’
The palace was quiet, even though the princess had only just awakened from her near-death experience. No maids were there to discourage her from being alone with her fiancé, telling her it would be too much for her to bear when her wounds had not yet healed.
He knew Titania didn’t like it when subordinates interrupted her meetings with her fiancé, but…
A piercing green glare that reprimanded her servants. Lips curled into a tight smile.
‘I need a loyal escort knight and a maid.’
Princess Titania had no escort knight.
She was a princess who rarely left the palace in the first place — no, she couldn’t leave the palace. No one wanted her to make her formal debut in society, make connections, and grow into a powerful figure.
