“Pardon?”
“That’s all. I’ll be off, then. Thank you for your time, Sir Knight.”
As Keron fumbled to stop me, I turned briskly with a flick of my dress. Jenny followed, looking worried, as I headed toward the prayer room.
“My lady, do you really think the Baron will come out if you do this?”
“Mm, he will.”
Heliod is a gentle person. Especially when it comes to me. If I say I’m going to wait for hours, he’ll definitely come running out.
‘…But what if he doesn’t come?’
I’d snapped in frustration, but now a wave of regret hit me—what if I just provoked him instead? Still, if I didn’t do something, I really might not see him until the day before the party.
As I sat in the prayer room with a heavy sigh, I suddenly saw Keron rushing toward me, panic on his face.
“L-Lady Arpen!”
“What is it?”
Don’t tell me he’s here to throw me out of the prayer room now? I frowned slightly, and Keron said,
“The Commander… said he’ll escort you.”
“…What?”
“He’s right over there.”
“Huh…”
Wait, it hasn’t even been a minute since I said I’d wait all day.
Sure enough, when I turned, there he was—Heliod, standing at a distance, his clothes slightly rumpled like he’d dropped everything and run. A helpless laugh escaped me.
“Sir Knight.”
Following Keron’s gesture, I approached. Heliod, looking pale, gazed down at me. His eyes briefly dropped to my neckline before quickly darting back up. His voice was stiff as he spoke.
“Lady Arpen. Why are you in the prayer room?”
“I was going to wait for you.”
Though… I didn’t even get to use that plan before you rushed out here. Then why reject me at the door in the first place?
“I clearly said I wouldn’t be able to see you for a while…”
Seeing the shadow in his eyes, I reached up and lightly touched his face. Heliod flinched and swallowed.
“Please don’t touch me.”
“You look tired, Sir Knight.”
He wasn’t here because I called him, was he?
“Was I bothering you by coming?”
“…”
Heliod didn’t answer. His expression twisted like he was holding something back, then he shook his head.
“No.”
“So, then…”
“Let’s speak inside. There are too many eyes here.”
Ladies who suspected something between us were starting to gather in the corridor connected to the prayer room. I narrowed my eyes and nodded.
“Alright. Let’s go in.”
It had only been two days, but it felt like I hadn’t seen him in ages. Dismissing Jenny, I followed Heliod into the temple’s inner halls, where no one else could follow. He stayed silent, seemingly choosing his words, then glanced at me. With a stiff face, he asked,
“Why did you put your hair up?”
I usually wore it down since I liked the way it fluttered. Feeling awkward, I touched my neck and tried to lighten the mood with a gentle smile.
“Why? Does it not suit me?”
Heliod answered immediately.
“No. It suits you well.”
Avoiding me before, and now suddenly quick with compliments. Still, it made me happy enough that the corners of my mouth twitched upward.
“Really? Is it better up, or down?”
“…That’s…”
Heliod’s blue eyes wavered in confusion. He stole glances at me, blinking rapidly, and when our eyes met, he flinched and turned away. Pressing his hand to his tired eyes, he muttered lowly,
“That’s not an important question.”
“My hairstyle isn’t important?”
“That’s not what I meant…”
He opened his mouth, then closed it again, finally sighing deeply.
“…I prefer it down.”
“Hmm.”
“But it suits you now, too.”
So, it’s just his preference. Heliod likes long hair. I engraved that in my heart and, with no one around, stopped in the secluded temple garden where we’d once shared a secret meeting.
“This place should do, right?”
“…Yes.”
“Sir Knight.”
A breeze brushed the nape of my neck. I tucked away a few ticklish stray hairs and hesitated before asking,
“You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?”
“…”
“Why?”
If I didn’t ask now, I wouldn’t get another chance—except maybe on the day of the party. I looked up at him with a serious expression, and Heliod tensed, swallowing hard. He bit his lip and dropped his head.
“I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t come for an apology. I want to know why.”
“That is…”
“Was the third crisis… too much for you?”
His bound lower half. His testcles swollen like they would burst. The unshed fluid leaking dangerously with every touch, and Heliod, crying every time I did anything. If that experience had made him afraid of physical pleasure, I could understand.
But…
“Or…”
I swallowed and took a deep breath.
“Was it because of me?”
“…What?”
“Did I come on too strong?”
I fumbled, unable to find the words, then blurted it out.
“Did I push myself on you?”
“What do you—”
“You know, asking you to touch me… and put it in…”
Heliod’s face turned scarlet. He looked around in panic, then lowered his voice and whispered,
“Please don’t say such things. You were under the influence of the aphrodisiac. You couldn’t help it.”
“But… you weren’t avoiding me because I overwhelmed you?”
Tears pricked at my eyes. I couldn’t think of any other reason, and it was making me anxious and miserable.
“I thought… that’s why.”
“Not at all!”
Seeing the sudden tears, Heliod flailed, completely at a loss. He fumbled for a handkerchief and gently dabbed my face like he was handling glass.
“It’s not that I was overwhelmed, or disliked you. That’s not the issue.”
“Then what is it?”
“…”
I grabbed his hand and lowered it. My wet, golden eyes met his blue ones. He clenched his jaw, then took a step back.
“I can’t say.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry. It’s my own issue, so…”
“No. Tell me. This is about me.”
When I raised my eyes sharply, Heliod looked at me with furrowed brows. At last, he sighed, gripping the handkerchief tightly, and shook his head with a dark expression.
“I’ll deal with it before the party. Please, just give me time. I can’t face you right now.”
“What’s the problem? What are you hiding?”
“I can’t say.”
“Heliod!”
My voice rose, and nearby birds scattered with a chirp. Heliod’s eyes widened as he stared at me.
“You’re really not going to tell me?”
I pulled him toward me, speaking softly. His composure finally cracked. His eyes darted around—to my eyes, nose, lips—then dropped to my neck. He flinched and shut his eyes tightly. His face flushed as he murmured,
“…I got aroused.”
“What?”
“You… I kept thinking about you.”
I froze.
“You thought about me?”
My voice shook. I repeated his words in my mind, and slowly, my face heated up.
“Thought about me as in…”
“During the crisis… I kept recalling how you were.”
Oh no. Heliod—this man—how much does he plan to shake me?
Feeling lightheaded, I pressed my hand to my forehead and stumbled. Heliod caught me quickly, but stepped back, cheeks burning. He lowered his head to avoid my gaze.
“I’m sorry. That’s why… I couldn’t bring myself to face you. I felt filthy and disgraceful.”
“Tell me in more detail. You got… aroused because of me?”
That crisis involved a lot of contact. Because of the aphrodisiac, Heliod had to touch me and satisfy me, while I clung to him, torturing him since he couldn’t release. The memory was hazy, but I clearly remembered his flushed face, begging me to stop.
I stepped closer and whispered,
“Sir Knight… did you keep thinking about my body?”
His breath grew ragged as he avoided my gaze. He shut his eyes tightly and turned away.
“This is why I avoided you.”
“What?”
“You don’t know how filthy my thoughts have become.”
His voice trembled. He covered his mouth, trying to catch his breath.
“Reject me. Please. I… I had indecent thoughts about you.”
My eyes widened, and I slowly walked up to him. As expected, Heliod’s lashes fluttered as he tried not to cry.
Was he really this tormented?
I cautiously asked,
“What kind of thoughts?”
“…I can’t say.”
“Did you pleasure yourself while thinking of me?”
Heliod’s pale blue eyes widened in shock. He stared at me, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.
“…”
His face flushed dark with shame. Trying to hide the upward twitch of my lips, I forced myself to think sad thoughts and gently brushed his cheek.
“Sir Knight, I’m okay.”
“…You won’t be.”
No, I really am okay.
“If it were someone else, I might’ve tortured them a bit, but since it’s you, it’s fine.”
Heliod’s tearful eyes widened further, and he furrowed his brow, trying to understand what I meant.
“Heliod, it’s fine because it’s you.”
“…Why… why would it be fine?”
Why? Wasn’t the answer obvious?
“Because I like you.”
“…What?”
I avoided his eyes, smiling shyly.
“I like you, Sir Knight.”
A warm spring breeze passed between us. I smoothed the stray hairs tickling my neck and snuck a glance at him, only to find him stiff, staring at me blankly.
“So please, don’t avoid me. It really hurts.”
I thought I’d made myself clear enough through my letters. Even if my initial interest was purely physical, I’d come to find Heliod genuinely attractive. Whether this would turn into something deeper or not… I didn’t want to think about that right now.
‘I like you, Sir Knight. I’ve been thinking about you nonstop for two days. Isn’t that proof enough? So a confession like this… it’s not too much, right? I don’t want you to avoid me. And I’d lose my mind if some other lady approached you. That’s why I have to tell you how I feel—at least a little.’
“That… you mean…”
I awkwardly blushed and cleared my throat. Heliod stumbled back.
“Don’t worry. I’m not expecting an answer.”
Not yet, anyway.
“I understand your position, Sir Knight. I just wanted you to know how I feel.”
“…”
“Don’t feel pressured.”
Got it?
I gave him a gentle smile. Heliod couldn’t respond, just gulped, then quickly fluttered his lashes and lowered his head. His jaw tensed like he was biting back words, and then, with a face as red as a tomato, he gave a small nod. That was enough for me.
“You won’t avoid me anymore, right?”
“…I’m sorry. Until I can get a grip on my own weakness, I’d rather not see you.”
Heliod answered in a hoarse voice. My soft smile stiffened.
“We’re not doing dance practice then?”
“…I apologize.”
“Wait, seriously?”
Still caught in the afterglow of my confession, Heliod suddenly lifted his head.
“I’ve already mastered all the social dances. I won’t make any mistakes.”
“What about the curse?”
“That…”
Heliod hesitated and fell silent. I walked closer, narrowing my eyes, and he quickly looked away.
“You’ll still be my partner, right?”
“Of course. I would never break that promise.”
“Then why…”
Clutching his chest, Heliod exhaled heavily, his face tense. He couldn’t meet my eyes as he replied,
“Please give me some time…”
After hesitating, he added,
“For now… if I see you, I’m overwhelmed by impure desires, and I won’t be able to focus on practice.”
“Hmm…”
So just looking at me is enough to get you excited? I barely stopped myself from glancing downward and nodded weakly.
“Alright. But you have to reply to my letters.”
“Yes, understood.”
“And don’t answer letters from any other ladies.”
“Yes.”
Heliod agreed readily.
I felt relieved… but also a pang in my heart knowing I wouldn’t see him again until the party. I’d just confessed—wasn’t a secret meeting at least in order? A childish frustration bubbled up. I shook my head, trying to think from Heliod’s perspective.
A holy knight. Corruption. Overwhelming desire. Yeah, if I’m around, all he’ll want to do is… well. Honestly, how could I be this attractive?
Then suddenly, a thought struck me, and my eyes lit up.
“Sir Knight.”
I waved him over, eyes sparkling.
“I have a great idea.”
“…What?”
Heliod looked at me with pure dread.
