Chapter 143
“But…”
“Killian, what made me angriest when you said those things was that you didn’t trust me,” Sophia said.
“It’s not that I didn’t trust you. I just didn’t want you to get hurt…”
“I told you, I don’t want to be blindsided without knowing anything. If you’re honest with me, I can make my judgements.”
“……”
“If you’re honest, His Highness Mikhail will also make his judgment.” Don’t take away our choices.”
Sophia furrowed her brows sincerely, unlike before.
“Are you saying you don’t trust my and His Highness’s judgement?”
“It’s absolutely not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t want the truth to become a heavy burden for others. I know better than anyone how heavy that weight can be.”
“Shouldering everything alone is a really bad habit. You have people around you, so stop trying to sacrifice yourself alone!”
Sophia decided she had to firmly educate Killian’s mindset today. Otherwise, a similar incident might happen again in the future.
“Have you ever thought about how the people left behind would feel if you made the wrong choice and they found out the truth too late?”
“……”
“Imagine if I deliberately said harsh things to you, got tortured alone, and died—would you be okay with that?”
As she spoke, her emotions surged, and tears welled up in her eyes. Sophia hastily wiped her wet eyes with her sleeves.
“That would hurt more. If something happened to you, I… ”
Her voice faltered, and unable to hold back her tears, Sophia buried her face in Killian’s blanket.
Despite everything being over, the scenes from the underground prison flashed through her mind, making her heart pound with fear. Even though Killian was safe, she still felt anxious and scared.
Killian finally realised how shortsighted he had been. He gently patted Sophia’s head as she buried her face in the blanket.
“I’m sorry, Sophia.”
He wasn’t the only one who had suffered while he was being tortured. Thinking about Sophia, who must have been constantly anxious, made his chest ache with guilt. At the same time, he was grateful that there was someone in the world who cared for him this much.
‘…Would it be okay if I just stopped here?’ Killian thought as he stroked Sophia’s head.
If he could live a life pursuing happiness with Sophia, without thinking about avenging his parents…
If he could live just wishing for the small joys of daily life, for harmonious and ordinary days…
Sophia had become more valuable to him than the revenge he had sought for his parents all his life. Any great sense of mission felt worthless compared to a single day with her.
Even though he knew it was impossible, he desired the happiness he shouldn’t chase.
‘…But I’ve already come too far.’
Killian shook off the vain thoughts. The Empress knew that Estelle was an illegitimate child. If he hadn’t pursued this path, Estelle would have lived safely out of the Empress’s sight. He couldn’t leave her selfishly, abandoning her in danger.
By then, Sophia had stopped crying and resolutely lifted her head. She wiped her red eyes with the back of her hand and took a deep breath.
“Come to think of it, I don’t see Butler Garfield,” Sophia said, calming her emotions. She realised that Garfield, who had helped her, was absent.
If Killian had returned, Garfield would have been the first to run out and welcome him. Other servants had fetched the doctor, brought the necessary items for treatment, laid Killian down, and attended to him.
Killian, too, found it strange that Garfield was nowhere to be seen.
‘Could he have completely sided with the Empress?’ he wondered.
Garfield was originally sent by the Empress, so he might have returned to her side.
Then Sophia spoke.
“I need to thank Butler Garfield…”
“Garfield?” Killian asked.
“Yes, before the Orhelin knights searched the Grand Duke’s residence, he helped me clear out all the evidence.”
“What kind of evidence?”
Sophia explained how she and Garfield had organised his secret space. They had to hide potentially important materials from the Orhelian knights.
Killian’s eyes widened in surprise.
“I never thought Garfield knew about that place…”
He had thought no one else knew. Garfield had never shown any sign of knowing. Even the small paper he had placed to detect entry had remained untouched.
‘In hindsight, it’s impossible that it had never been discovered…’
Garfield had been the one to firmly establish the rule of prohibiting entry to the west hallway on the second floor. In urgent times, he always knocked on Killian’s bedroom and study doors and never entered without a response.
It was a matter of etiquette not to enter without permission, but after nearly ten years together, he would have entered at least once. Garfield’s strict enforcement of this rule had led other servants to follow it strictly as well.
Maybe Killian had avoided the Empress’s detection thanks to Garfield’s protection.
“I owe Garfield a debt.”
“But I don’t think he sees it that way. He seemed to genuinely care for you,” Sophia said.
In a loving relationship, debts didn’t exist. One gave unconditionally to those they cherished.
“……”
Killian fell silent, deep in thought. In retrospect, Garfield had been like a father to him.
Whenever he faced difficulties, Garfield gave him wise advice and actively helped him.
Killian had always been cautious, thinking Garfield was the Empress’s man, so he never fully trusted him. Yet, Garfield had always been devoted to Killian, and deep down, Killian had liked him very much.
Just as he trusted Nicholas, despite knowing there might be Empress’s spies in the military police, he had grown fond of Garfield. Thus, Killian felt sorry for Garfield.
What if he had trusted Garfield more freely and expressed his gratitude more often?
“I need to see Garfield,” Killian said.
“I’ll call him. I never got to thank him properly for what he did that day,” Sophia replied.
She stood up and called for a servant outside. When she asked about Garfield’s whereabouts, the servant replied, “Ah, the butler said he had some business at home and would be away from the Grand Duke’s residence for a few days.”
She thought Garfield had only stepped out briefly, but that wasn’t the case.
“Leaving the residence while His Excellency is away?” Sophia found it strange.
When Killian was absent, Garfield managed the entire household. He made decisions on Killian’s behalf and calmed the anxious household members. Moreover, just yesterday, he had helped Sophia organize all the evidence.
‘Could he have gone somewhere to dispose of the evidence?’ Sophia recalled Garfield mentioning he would take care of the ashes from burning the evidence. Perhaps he had deliberately gone far to avoid other servants discovering it.
“Did he say when he’d be back?”
“He only mentioned it would take a few days. I was surprised he left so suddenly, especially with His Excellency absent. He’ll be the happiest to hear that His Excellency has been released.”
The servant shook his head, adding that Garfield hadn’t looked well in recent days. “He seemed worried because His Excellency was suspected of being the Black Moon.”
Sophia relayed this to Killian.
“If it’s his home… he might have gone to see his daughter.”
As far as Killian knew, Garfield had no place he called home. Servants usually lived and ate at the estate. Some had their families living with them at the Grand Duke’s residence, but most had families living outside. They would go home once a month to spend time with their families and deliver their wages.
Garfield had lost his wife early and had only one daughter. After marrying her off a few years ago, Garfield had stayed at the Grand Duke’s residence, which had become his home. If Garfield referred to his home, it meant visiting his married daughter, something he did once a year as a vacation.
‘He might be worried about his daughter,’ Killian thought.
He knew Garfield owed the Empress a favour for his daughter’s marriage. Now, having destroyed evidence for Killian’s sake, Garfield must have felt threatened.
‘…He might have decided to leave for good.’
Killian could understand if Garfield never returned. However, he regretted not being able to thank the man who had been so kind to him.
‘Maybe I should wait a bit,’ he thought.
If Garfield had fled for safety, finding him immediately wouldn’t help. Waiting until things settle down might be wiser. Besides, Killian’s health wasn’t good enough for the half-day ride to Garfield’s house in the capital. He couldn’t risk making the trip in his condition.
“Garfield probably needs some time to rest.”
Killian decided to understand Garfield’s sudden disappearance.
“You should get some rest too,” Sophia advised.
Her touch on his forehead felt soothing, making his eyelids heavy. He felt her place a damp cloth on his forehead. The coolness spread pleasantly, and he felt more at ease than ever.
Despite the fever and the pain all over his body, Killian wished this moment could last forever.
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TRANSLATOR:
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