Chapter 90
***
But I wasn’t okay.
“Ugh.”
Even after returning to my room, the vomiting didn’t stop completely.
Once, twice, thrice.
It was like a tide, ebbing and flowing, the festival of retching began.
“Oh my.”
Rona was surprised and brought a basin, holding it under me.
I held onto it for a while, but still, nothing came out.
“If you ate something wrong, you’d vomit it out…”
“I didn’t eat anything.”
“Even at the tea party?”
“What would I eat there?”
As I recalled the events from earlier, my teeth clenched involuntarily.
No matter how many fancy desserts were laid out, I had no appetite for anything there.
“How could this happen?”
The person I almost married, Amoide, and the presence of other tea party attendees—it could all be brushed off.
After all, Camilla wasn’t someone who could hurt me.
Just enduring occasional insults from her was enough.
I could let it go with one ear.
But that person…
“He’s your son.”
Camilla practically announced Amoide’s dismissal from the Knight Commander position in front of everyone she gathered.
No matter how much he suffered from an unknown illness, he was still her only child.
But to do something so hurtful to that son.
And to go to the emperor himself to request the dismissal from such an esteemed position—it was something I couldn’t understand.
“Is he okay?”
Everything else didn’t matter.
It was all irrelevant.
Camilla’s deliberate jabs at me or Veronica’s oblivious remarks—they were all fine.
But when I thought about the emotions he must be feeling, my stomach kept churning.
How devastated he must have been to lay down the highest honor as a knight, something he had wielded a sword for since childhood, something he had thought he would do for a lifetime.
How heartbreaking it must have been to find out.
“Ugh.”
Driven mad by these thoughts, I exhausted all my remaining strength in another wave of vomiting.
***
“Today, I’ve developed a new menu.”
Jang entered with a tray of food, his face filled with ambition.
The sparkling silverware contained dishes of the newly developed menu.
“Lately, it seems both the master and the mistress have lost their appetite, so I prepared a special dish.”
“Well done, Jang.”
I murmured weakly, leaning against the cushion.
“It seems like you’ve become half a person without seeing your face for a while.”
Jang said with a worried expression.
“It’s not so bad to lose some weight.”
I managed a weak smile.
As he said, for the past few days, both Amoide and I had become extremely sensitive, barely eating or sleeping.
It had been quite some time since I had seen his face.
I lingered in front of his door several times before reluctantly turning back.
Would my comforting words make any difference if I went in?
No, there would be no change.
What right did I have to console him?
What qualification did I have?
Even if I had no qualifications to congratulate, I needed qualifications to comfort.
I lacked the right.
I promised to make him healthy again, to help him return to his position as the Commander, but in the end, I achieved nothing.
I was the one who only offered false promises to him.
So, I had no right to comfort him.
However, that didn’t mean my concern for him disappeared.
As I couldn’t see him, my emotions fluctuated wildly.
The news that he wasn’t even eating properly felt like the sky was falling.
“Even though the couple is separated, they understand each other.”
Jang said as he confidently lifted the lid of the dish containing the new menu, his expression akin to a magician pulling a dove out of an empty hat.
“I’ve prepared a dish made with rainbow trout. I blended exotic spices to give it an even more fragrant taste.”
“….”
Suddenly, a strong smell overwhelmed me, causing my expression to sour.
Seeing my reaction, Jang, who was excitedly explaining the dish, faltered at the end of his sentence.
“Madam, is something wrong with it?”
Jang asked with a shocked expression, as he always used to receive applause whenever he brought a new dish.
But there was nothing I could do.
“Rona, what’s that smell?”
“What?”
Seeing me glaring at the plate of food while holding my nose and mouth shut, Rona was also taken aback.
“Rainbow trout… Is it spoiled?”
“I’ll open the window! Jang, close the lid!”
Rona exclaimed in panic, and Jang hurriedly closed the lid.
“Ugh.”
But it was already too late.
As the vomiting started again, I felt a terror as if my stomach was about to burst.
“Are you okay? What is this?”
Jang was bewildered, not knowing what to do.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s my mistake…”
After a while, when I calmed down and got up, Jang apologized frantically.
“It’s not because of Jang’s cooking, so don’t worry too much.”
I waved a handkerchief that had been covering my nose and mouth to reassure him.
“Is it because it’s spoiled?”
Jang scrutinized my reaction with widened eyes, resembling a cautious calf.
It was surprising how a person as big as a calf could be so delicate.
“Jang, even if Noir sneaks and eats fish occasionally, even if it smells bad, he doesn’t vomit. I just thought it was spoiled.”
I murmured weakly, leaning against the cushion.
“But it’s been like this lately.”
“Madam, how long has this been going on?”
Jang’s voice suddenly became so serious that it felt suffocating.
“Um, about a week?”
Come to think of it, even before the tea party, I often experienced dizziness or nausea.
As I counted the days, the nausea surged again, and I pounded my chest. I pressed my temples firmly.
“Ah, my stomach doesn’t feel good.”
Feeling both nauseous and dizzy at the same time felt maddening.
“Again?”
Rona quickly approached and tapped my back.
“Would you like some water?”
Rona promptly handed me a glass of water.
“Should I call the doctor? Your physician…”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll feel better if I rest for a bit.”
I waved my hand.
I didn’t want to bother Raymond with unnecessary examinations. He was already busy taking care of Amoide’s health. Although the symptoms didn’t seem to improve, and it felt like they were getting worse, it wasn’t severe enough to warrant calling Raymond.
Besides, if I called Raymond, both Camilla and Amoide would find out about this at the same time.
It’s better to just be a little sick. It’ll pass eventually.
I constantly repeated this like a mantra.
“Um, Duchess.”
Jang called me with a subtle voice.
“Yes?”
Both Rona and I looked up to see him.
“What’s wrong?”
Jang’s face looked serious.
“I think I know what it might be.”
“What is it?”
Ah sheeeet