Episode 58
“Leaving me. What you said just now.”
“…Ah.”
Isn’t that too long to wait to say ‘just now’?
“What’s the meaning? Literally. I want you to get better, because if you do, you won’t have to see me bear your kid anymore.”
“…”
“Then my life will be pointless, and I will leave this ducal house on my own.”
He looked down at me with his arms crossed as if to keep talking.
“Other noble families of the same rank were afraid to send their girls to you because you were sick. So, your mother tracked me down. I didn’t even want to look at you at first because I come from a poor family.”
Not just poor, but ruined totally.
So, because her son was sick, your mother asked me to have a child to take your place. In return for paying off our house’s debts and taking in my brothers and sisters. Plus 500,000 ducats.
I chose not to talk about that, though.
He is a man who looks at me like I’m awful. If he found out about a deal that is almost like selling a child for 500,000 ducats, he might kill me right away instead of just being awful.
I didn’t see how sweet it would be to be able to pay off the bill right away, so I made a deal with them. I thought it was pretty risky.
“Well, I’ve been pondering. In the end, everything will be fine if you get better and don’t fall like this anymore. So, if you want to be as healthy as you were before you got sick…”
“Why are you trying so hard to save me that much?”
“Huh?”
At the sudden question, I couldn’t say anything.
“Why are you in such a hurry to help me?”
Why?
…To keep myself from dying.
But I couldn’t just say that, so I had to think of another reason. At least a reason that he could doubt and that would make sense to him.
While Amoide looked at me and waited for an answer, I paused and then started to talk.
“You must live a long, long time. So you can take over the knight order that the Duke of Ifrit is in charge of and marry a beautiful, respectful, and friendly woman who fits the duchess. And have lots of kids…”
I added everything I could think of. As I talked, pictures of his future kept appearing in front of me.
He put on a knight’s outfit that goes with a golden badge. Next to him was a new Duchess who everyone would want. His new wife.
No, I mean the ‘real’ wife. Not like me, who is married with him on paper.
And how many kids the woman will have. Even Camilla’s face, who would be so happy to see those kids.
All of these things would really happen if he got better.
And I was the only one who wasn’t there in that future. We wouldn’t have met if you weren’t sick, so it wouldn’t have happened.
“Then what?”
“…”
All of a sudden, nothing came out. Strangely, I felt like I was being choked. What’s going on here?
“Have a lot of kids, then what?”
He had a slight tilt to his head. He was looking at me, as if to pierce me, and I had stopped talking.
“I… I really don’t know.”
How could I know something like that? I don’t understand why you keep asking such hard questions. I quickly shook my head.
“Well, that’s all. In the end, if you get better, you won’t have to stay married to me.”
So, please stay healthy and live long. Okay? Let’s save each other.
I looked at him with begging eyes and said nothing.
“Do you really want me to believe that?”
“Why don’t you?”
“Will you divorce me after I get well? Why even try? What for? Do you want me to think it’s because you care? What, do you miss your alimony? Is it because you’ve taken all the money you can?”
His mouth curved. Ah, the bad words are back.
His mouth, no, his tongue, was probably the most painful part of his body.
“If you want to, tell me. Exactly what you need. Everything in this house is mine, in case you forgot. Not my mother’s. They are my property and things. I’ll pay you whatever amount of income you want.”
Every word was like a gem.
“Stop being so rude about wanting me to be healthy, getting a new wife, having a baby, and living in peace, you disgusting woman.”
“…What did you say?”
Ah, my ranking was now ruined.
Amoide comes in first, and Amoide comes in second. Amoide is also in 3rd place. Camilla’s ‘useless thing’ could barely poke its head in until about 5th place.
After he cursed at me, he turned around as if he didn’t even want to look at me and walked away slowly.
“You should try being in my place, you jerk!”
“…What?”
He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me again. Then he went back to where he had been going and started walking back toward me.
Oh no.
“Stop right there.”
As I slowly moved away from him, he caught me.
“What did you say?”
The distance got closer fast enough to be scary.
“…What?”
“What you just said.”
I could see his eyebrows twitch.
What I just said? If it has to do with what I just said…
“… jerk?”
I tried to say it as carefully as I could, but his face got even more angry.
No.
He told me to do it.
What, why, why?
With his angry eyes fixed on me, I moved away quietly.
I didn’t feel good about this. A lot.
“No, not that.”
After giving it some thought, I said,
“You should try being in my place…”
Waiting. Right now, he seemed to be holding back a lot.
The slope of his eyebrows was getting more and more sharp.
It looked like his clear blue eyes were full of sparks. I didn’t know it, but I put my hand up to protect my face.
Still, I couldn’t stop the sudden rush of emotions.
Because I’ve been holding back too long.
Walk in my shoes for a mile. Isn’t that a wonderful quote?
You should feel sorry for me at least once.
No matter how blind you are with money, think about how many years you’ve spent eating off the table because you signed a contract too quickly asking for a child.
But I couldn’t fight.
“Get rid of this.”
I wondered what he was saying when I heard his mouth murmuring quietly, but then I noticed that what I was holding was a doll.
I almost smacked him in the face with the doll.
I could see that the face of the doll was almost touching his lips.
“Ah, yes, yes.”
I quickly grabbed hold of the doll. I felt a little bit better when I held the doll.
I ran my hand through the doll’s hair and said,
“How can I get you to believe me?”
I got emotional.
“What do you have to lose? I’m trying to save you anyway.”
“There is no way to fix my illness. If your care could make it better, Raymond would have done it long ago.”
He said this with a cold smile.
“No matter how hard I try, I’m going to die anyway.”
I didn’t understand. Why was he so sure that he would die soon?
“No, that’s weird. You’re so healthy most of the time. You’re just a bit tired. It’s not a sickness that will kill you. If it was, there would have been no reason to use poison.
…There would have been no reason to kill me or anyone else, and there would have been no confusion.
“Poison?”
He frowned as he looked at me.
“Let’s think outside the box about your illness.”
“It seems like you’re to blame for my illness getting worse.”
“Isn’t that wrong?”
I lifted my head and yelled loudly. This made sense and had a clear point of view.
Raymond only said that what I did could stress Amoide, not that it was a direct cause.
If Amoide is right and his main doctor can’t figure out what’s wrong with him, doesn’t that mean the treatment isn’t right?
“Amoide, you were very healthy when I walked with you. Your skin was also in good shape. Jean told me that you said the food tasted good and that you ate well at every meal.”
That was true. Camilla even looked at me differently.
Of course, ‘you of all people?’ was said with a hint of disdain.
But hold on a second.
If Amoide’s fall when he tried to get away from me wasn’t just a random event.
Then.
“…”
“What?”
Amoide asked me when he noticed that I was suddenly quiet.
“Amoide, if you died in this mansion, who would gain the most?”
When I asked Amoide a question, his face changed in a strange way.
“What exactly do you mean by that?”
He gave me a tight look with his eyes. He looked like he didn’t know what I was talking about and had a small frown on his face. But I wasn’t joking. It was about his life, or more accurately, my life.
“I mean it quite literally.”
I spoke and looked at him in a calm way.
“This time, you fell down so quickly that it was strange. Have you got no doubts?”
Someone who would be better off without Amoide.
I was thinking about how rich the Ifrit Ducal Family was.
Even just this house was pretty amazing.
The huge land area, the rights that were passed down from generation to generation, and the many other properties that couldn’t be counted by hand.
The Ifrit family owned so many buildings in the city center that they were full to the brim.
Added to that.
When he goes, what will happen? The special rights that the Ducal House has would be spread out all over the place.
For example, the job of leader of the Sun Knights is currently open…
More than anything else, everyone wanted to be called ‘Duke Ifrit.’
When the straight descendant dies and the heir is no longer alive, the title goes to the next person in line, and then to the next person in line after that.
