Episode 37
“We’re fortunate to have a spot like this. Except for the servants who clean from time to time, no one visits here. Just hide here for a while, okay?”
Noir, who was eating, raised his head to look at me. Everything I said appeared to register in his pumpkin-colored eyes.
<Are you willing to give him up?>
My hand that was petting Noir’s back came to a halt. The words that Amoide had scoffed returned to me.
“I will protect you at all costs. Do you understand? I’m not going to send you anywhere else.”
<You shouldn’t have uttered those things in the first place if you were going to give up so easily.>
It seemed as if he was talking straight into my ears.
“I will never leave you. I swear.”
Meow.
Noir responded with a lengthy mew.
***
Raymond arrived at the estate a few days later. He came to me immediately after treating Amoide.
“It will heal smoothly if you don’t lift heavy objects or use sudden force.”
Raymond carefully checked my hand after removing the bandage.
“You don’t need the bandage any longer.”
“Already?”
My voice went up a few octaves higher than intended. When I noticed Raymond looking so surprised by my outburst, I faked an uneasy smile.
“No.”
I said, shaking my head.
“I really need to keep it on for a bit longer.”
I clutched the gauze wrapped around my hand, as if it were a lifeline.
“I need to keep the bandage on so that I don’t forget my hand is injured.”
“Ahh, I see.”
Raymond nodded, clearly persuaded by my argument.
“My hand is nothing compared to Amoide’s condition though.”
Raymond’s face clouded over at my statement.
“But hasn’t he been hanging on thanks to your medical expertise, Raymond? So, things will improve, right?”
I inquired hesitantly.
‘Please, please, please say yes.’
With frantic eyes, I implored him. The fact that we didn’t know what was causing Amoide’s sickness was scary.
“What I’m doing isn’t a ‘treatment,’ My Lady.”
Raymond remarked with a self deprecating smile.
“Sorry?”
“I am just treating him symptomatically to make him as comfortable as possible.”
“…”
“We don’t have a fundamental cure. All I can do is try to alleviate the discomfort and avoid any severe scenarios. You’ve worked in a pharmacy, so you’d know what was in the prescription I showed you?”
“Yes?”
For a moment, I felt put on the spot, but soon controlled myself and looked back at him.
“It’s been so long since I worked there that I don’t remember much. I did assist with the preparation of drugs, but the terminology was confusing at times.”
I did my best to explain, but I felt like I was standing on pins and needles.
“All of the medications listed on the prescription are strong analgesics and sedatives. They all aid in the relief of pain and convulsions.”
He removed his spectacles and furrowed his brow.
“However, as with a lot of medicine, their efficacy tends to wane with extended and regular use. As a result, I ended up recommending higher dosages.”
What Raymond stated was virtually identical to what Walter had said.
<It is a medication administered to the terminally ill. The idea is to help people forget about their suffering as much as possible.>
“Without knowing the cause, treatment is impossible.”
As Raymond’s spoke, I felt my heart sink further.
“Is there really no way to find out?”
“It appears that my abilities are still lacking.”
He said while averting his sight.
“That can’t be it. Raymond comes from a family that has produced the duchy’s personal physicians for decades. No one could know Amoide’s disease better than you.”
Because Raymond’s family had kept the position of the Ifrit’s personal physicians for decades, it meant that they could give specialized care based on that history.
“Still, he is young and I will not stop looking for possibilities. I wish you a speedy recovery, My Lady.”
“Thank you, Raymond.”
In my heart, I added the following words.
‘I’m also sorry.’
For having doubts about you regarding the medicine; about what I had done, questioning you who had stayed by Amoide’s side throughout his illness.
“Are you alright, My Lady?”
“Yes? What…”
“Lady Camilla has been worried about you ever since you fainted before.”
“Oh no, it was nothing.”
I responded casually, but I was inwardly astonished.
‘I passed out.’
Despite the fact that I had worked nonstop to feed and care for my siblings, I never lost consciousness or fainted. I had always had a naturally healthy constitution, but I’d say it was because I was under an unusually large amount of stress.
“Lady Camilla is always worried for your well-being. Not only physical maladies, but also mental ones. She takes the comments of others around her seriously.”
“Mental illness?”
So, Camilla was concerned not just with my physical health, but also with my mental health. There has to be something more to this.
… I wasn’t foolish enough to trust all that Raymond had said.
“Um, I’m truly thankful for her thoughts.”
His demeanor shifted subtly as I responded awkwardly.
‘Should I be thankful?’
I felt an uneasy sensation creep up my back and kept my gaze fixed on Raymond.
“Raymond, do you have anything else to tell me?”
“Lady Camilla had said that you appear to be different than before, My Lady.”
“…How so?”
I was agitated on the inside, but I sat back in my chair and inquired gently.
“First, you appeared unwell for a while, and then after that, you seemed… different from before…”
I hastily altered my seating posture, my heart fluttering.
“Different? I’m not sure I understand?”
“Have you had any recent incidents? Anything that gave you a mental shock, or something along those lines?”
‘Well, that would be an understatement.’
I held my tongue, swallowing instead.
“No, not that I can think of?”
“I should have said earlier, but the Duchess even mentioned sending you to a good place for treatment.”
“Good… place?”
I swiftly straightened up.
“What place are you referring to?”
A nice place, a good place. A place for therapy. Maybe she feared I’d gone insane…
“Don’t tell me you mean a mental hospital?”
“Ah, it’s really not such a bad place. Because it is solely for nobility, the facilities and medical staff are of the highest caliber.”
“But I am not insane!”
I was so agitated that my voice unintentionally came out as a roar, and Raymond flinched at the sudden noise.
I’d seen something similar to this in a melodrama. It followed someone who coveted a fortune and ended up committing a sane person to a mental institution by erroneously designating them mad.
‘I believe it was something like a mother locking up her daughter-in-law.’
Shivers ran down my spine when my thoughts reached this point. Was she really attempting to send me to such a place simply because I seemed a little out of it? I could hear alarm bells ringing in my ears.
“Did Mother really try to suggest sending me there?”
I checked again with Raymond. Even after hearing it, it was difficult to believe, and it was much more awful than I had initially anticipated.
“It could be better to receive professional therapy.”
Raymond spoke in a solemn tone. It was the same voice that a doctor uses when prescribing drugs to a patient.
“Isolating and treating mentally ill patients is critical. Otherwise, one never knows what may occur.”
“For example?”
“Well, one of the patients I treated had frequent hallucinations. He believed his family was attempting to murder him, and he was often seen running about with a knife.”
Even thinking about his story made me feel uneasy. That, however, is not the same as my own situation.
“I am not insane, Raymond.”
“Well then, now that you’re feeling better, there’s no need to worry.”
“…”
He remarked with a smile, but I couldn’t smile along.
‘No need to be concerned because I’m alright now?’
That meant they were prepared to send me there if I ever went insane.
“Wait a moment, Raymond. Isn’t that a dangerous place? If a rational person were to be committed there, I mean.”
“Anyone, Duchess, may go through periods of mental instability. Then… their minds might wander in an unhealthy direction.”
Raymond was looking at me as he spoke. It was a crisp, medically scrutinizing stare fixed on a patient.
“That is a safe place for those patients,” he stated with a somber expression.
“Ah… I’m sorry.”
It’s true that there will be many legitimate patients in the facility. It may not be as sinister as I fear… But then, it could be. I tried to persuade myself, but I kept feeling goosebumps down my spine.
“It’s alright, I understand. It is a place that regular people may find intimidating.”
“…Yes.”
Raymond smiled as he put on his hat, bowed graciously to me, and exited the room.
Thud.
The sound of the door closing seemed louder than normal.
“Oh, my goodness.”
I slumped into my seat with a heavy sigh as soon as Raymond left. My shaking legs betrayed how I was feeling; because they were buried beneath my skirt, Raymond was unlikely to have seen them.
Looking back on it, it seems that Camilla was highly concerned about the two weeks where I half lost my mind. If it’s Camilla, she’ll certainly send me there the next time.
‘Oh, it’s so difficult.’
I recalled again how awful my condition had been.
Now, not only did I have to avoid being hanged, but I also have to avoid being placed in a mental hospital! This truly is too severe; is there really only one outcome in which I don’t either go insane or die!?
I need to weep. I desperately want to weep. But I have to keep my cool. I can’t turn into a lunatic in the eyes of others.
‘I need to get my act together.’
I have to keep my sanity and do what needs to be done, especially during these trying times.
I practically melted into the sofa before springing to my feet.
“I can’t let this opportunity pass.”
It would have been alright if I didn’t find out, but now that I have, I couldn’t just let it go.
