Episode 36
“There’s no need to apologize. Because it’s true.”
“It’s not true. You’ll definitely recover and return as commander of the knights.”
I hurriedly stated with conviction.
“I’ll make sure of it.”
He just stared at me without saying anything.
…
“Why…? Why are you doing this for me?”
I looked up at him in surprise at his low tone. His blue eyes, tinged with the light of the sunset, were fixed on me.
“…”
“It’s been bothering me a lot. I can’t find a reason why you would do this.”
The sonorous tone to his voice made me want to run away and hide. I felt terrified of his questioning stare, which seemed like it could bore into me.
“So? What was your conclusion?”
I asked, raising my chin in feigned defiance in an attempt to hide my guilt.
“…I really don’t know.”
His eyes narrowed into a squint.
“It’s annoying because I have no idea. Why are you suddenly behaving this way? Unless, you do intend to have a child with me.”
As his face turned stern, I froze. I felt like a deer caught in headlights.
“…”
I can’t give him the answers he seeks. Where would I even begin and how would I explain? If I were to tell him everything from beginning to end, he’s more likely to think I’m insane.
But I am more than aware that my actions considering the circumstances would appear irrational. Even though I know I’m not attempting to have his child, I understand that if that is indeed true, my care for him would be puzzling.
It goes without saying that I need him to trust me before I can save him. But I’m unable to reveal the existence or content of the contract. How can I gain his trust without disclosing my secrets?
I couldn’t think of anything on the spot, no matter how hard I tried.
“I just want you to live a long and healthy life. That’s all there is to it. Please accept my sincerity.”
…It was such a weak excuse that even I would find it difficult to believe, but that’s all I had to fall back on for now.
“Is that really all there is to it?”
As his unwavering, piercing gaze never left me, my mind went blank. I didn’t know what to say.
…
“Um… I think I should head off now.”
He reached out to me as I struggled to stand up. His large but slender fingers tenderly curled around the unbandaged portion of my hand.
“Does it still hurt?”
Once again, it felt like the words were caught in my throat. My heartbeat seemed to stop in my chest, this time for a completely different reason.
‘Does he actually care about this?’
What if he discovered I had embellished this wound a little? How would he react? And what would become of me?
…Let’s not let my imagination run wild. It won’t happen.
“It hurts, that’s why I have a bandage on.”
In reality, the swelling and bruising was much diminished. Because there was no damage to the bones, the bandage wouldn’t be needed for much longer.
“Are you getting the proper treatment?”
“Of course.”
“When do they say you can remove the bandage?”
“Um… I think they said it’s still a while off.”
“You think?”
His brow wrinkled slightly.
“I overheard the doctor talking.”
My white lies were quickly snowballing. Why must he be so attentive to the specifics?
“You’ve reminded me that I should get another check-up. I’ll leave now, so you can rest comfortably.”
I pulled on the hand he’d captured, but his grip did not loosen. I couldn’t seem to draw my hand away, even though he wasn’t particularly resisting.
“Amoide?”
I called his name, perplexed.
Slip.
The strength in his hand suddenly fell away, and my hand slipped out easily.
“…”
I drew the hand that had been held by him towards me and gazed blanky at him. Coming to my senses somewhat, my feet began scurrying away from his stifling blue eyes.
* * *
Thud.
As she walked away, he peeped her flustered figure through the closing doors. Amoide kept staring long after the door had closed, as though his eyes could follow the woman on the other side.
‘She truly wears her heart on her sleeve. Her emotions are virtually always visible on her face.’
Despite the fact that she appears to be completely oblivious to it.
<Were you bored without me?>
There was a twinkle in her eyes when she asked. It was incredible. Why did she use that expression? Why?
At first, he had assumed it was a ruse – she’d cease faking in front of him after a time. But time passed and she didn’t change.
Why is this woman being so conscientious?
Why did she not stop lingering around, despite all the angry and rude outbursts?
Unanswered questions circled in his mind.
<The young mistress went out today.>
He had stared vacantly at the sumptuous display of food on the table during breakfast that morning.
<You can eat your meal in peace today because she won’t be here to make a scene.>
Emma was overjoyed. The meal was absolutely quiet, just as she had predicted. There was no one in front of him, talking away, and no nagging voice suggesting he eat this or that.
Before, Selene had been a woman who, since she was so demure, could fade into the wallpaper. She hid whenever he came, and it seemed as though she tried her hardest not to catch his sight, as per his orders, ‘not to loiter in front of him’.
Whenever he got his fever, she would always stand at a safe distance and simply watch.
That day was no exception. She clutched her hands tightly in the midst of the crowd, her emotions welling up so much even as she didn’t approach.
That was the sight that had always been captured in his fever-blurred vision; she constantly kept her distance from him, never going closer or further away.
But nonetheless.
“…”
He looked down at his fingers thoughtfully.
He had grasped her little, white hand nearly to the point of crushing it under the force of his trained grip.
It was not on purpose.
<Amoide, hang in there.>
He recalled her voice clearly, even as the anguish had ripped his body apart.
It was not a nightmare. It wasn’t even a hallucination.
The little and warm hand he automatically clutched, the whispering voice telling him to hang in there. He had put his trust in that hand. He didn’t want to accept it, but it was true.
The first thing he noticed when he opened his eyes was Selene.
<Get lost.>
He assumed that would be the end of it. He assumed she would not approach him again out of fear, perhaps recalling the warning from the first night.
But things had veered off course just a short time ago.
<Would you like to go for a walk with me, Amoide?>
She wandered about, unpleasant and tiring just by being there.
“Why, on earth…” He spat out in a low-pitched slur while clutching his hair.
Something had really got to him since that day. He felt as if something strange was flowing in, unabated through the tiny breach in the strong and hard wall he’d built up.
It was not a pleasant experience.
He noticed Selene staring at him with her hand in his; those huge green eyes that peered at him with concern.
<Why are you doing this to me?>
He wanted to ask himself that question. Himself, not Selene.
* * *
“Why do I have to ask that question of all things?”
I remembered what Amoide had said as I hurried across the lawn.
“No, do you hate it so much when someone is concerned about you? Paranoid.”
I glanced at the tightly wrapped bandage as I strolled back to my room, flailing my arms about in frustration.
“I really shouldn’t have worried.”
He was a bit strange earlier. No, very.
Did he eat something he shouldn’t have? Or…
“It is said that a sudden change in someone can portend their death.”
That can’t be. It will not be. Let us not entertain such terrible notions. It was time to make a concerted effort to shake off and push away negative ideas from my mind.
Meow.
“…”
A familiar cry was heard unexpectedly. When I turned around, I saw a cat sitting in a corner, rubbing its face with its paws.
“Noir!” The black cat purred and brushed its head against my hand.
“Noir, please come here. This place is dangerous.”
I need to relocate Noir to a more secure location since the search for the snakes could be risky for him. But where can I hide him? Where could I conceal Noir in this vast mansion? A place where few people visit; where no one would notice a little creature roaming around.
After much deliberation, one location sprang to mind.
“That’s probably the only place.”
***
“Just hang in there, okay?”
Meow.
“I’ll come to get you after they catch all the snakes.”
Meow.
Noir reacted enthusiastically to everything I said.
“Under the circumstances, I think this is the safest place.”
I took Noir to a pavilion called ‘The Place Where Moonlight Rests.’
It was a small structure with just around seven rooms, with signs of skillful ornamentation here and there. But as nobody lives here and it is rarely used, it has become old and worn.
When I first found this gorgeous building, I was startled to find such a blind spot in the estate’s management. It hadn’t been used in a long time, and because no one lived here, it just got the odd brisk dusting.
It seems to be simply for show when compared with the East Wing, which Camilla ordered to be cleaned every day, and the Main Building, where Amoide lives.
‘It had to have been gorgeous when it was first built.’
The exterior walls were now so heavily covered with ivy that it was difficult to identify what color the original walls were. White dust had formed on the marble on the floor, and many of the ceiling and wall ornaments were faded and cracked.
It was a structure erected for his wife by a duke who was said to have had a particularly passionate love for his wife among the old Ifrit dukes. But now it seemed more like a spot where it would be lucky if ghosts didn’t appear to shake hands with me.
